Community Conversation > Non-Transitioning and Detransitioning

I'm not playing for your team.

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Ever notice how males and females seem to team up together? Just hang out in mixed company long enough and watch all the females start to band together and talk amongst themselves while the males drift off and do their own thing. Ever been pulled into one group with a sense of displacement and dread that you'll have to put on an act or appear totally awkward (or appear awkward regardless of trying to put on an act)? And have you ever wanted to just say, "Hey, I'm not playing for your team"?

It happens more often than I'd like. But aside from telling everyone my sordid story of gender wackiness there's not a whole lot I can do in those situations. I will say though, that the older I get, the less tolerance I have for these little gender games. The last occurrence of this it seemed to be a typical situation where a couple women were going on and on about how men do this or men do that. Somehow I got roped into their conversation by default - because they thought I was one of them. But what I did was disagree with them. And then I got funny looks and became the outcast. And that was almost as good as coming right out and saying I wasn't on their team.

Doesn't even really matter if you don't look the part 100% (which I really don't), you're on their team just because they think you're one of them and you're part of some big sisterhood of the traveling pants or something and you'll be able to all relate together. It's a little different with the men, because if you're even a bit "femme" you're an outcast to the males, unless of course you really fake it. Maybe try to learn a sports stat or two or talk about the last imaginary chick you boned.

And the older I get the less appealing I find the weird division that happens and the behavior that is all wrapped up with gender and socializing. And I feel like because of my situation, I'm not actually cut out to play with either team, but to just sit on the sidelines as a spectator, or to just walk down the middle of the field thumbing my nose at either side.

Jessica Merriman:
Life sure seems like Junior High School all over again, doesn't it? Sounds to me your level of maturity is where it should be. I suppose this silliness in the world goes back a few thousand years where tribal social engineering started. What the world needs is a few more of us stirring the pot!  ;D

I do notice the sexes split up in some places, but I am just usually over with the guys. I am really only with the girls if one or more of them are my friends.

Robin Mack:
*hug*  I know the feeling.  Part of my need to transition comes from feeling cut off from "my team"... I used to be on the outside too, deluding myself that I was really male, trying so hard (too hard) to fit in when things didn't make sense...

It seems to me that the happiest times in my pre-transition life were when I got together with a group of "outcasts".  Somehow there is a sense of unity among the oppressed that can overcome societal boundaries.  Seeking people with a higher sense of purpose (philanthropic organizations, other charities) can help.  Susan's helps.  When people share a purpose that is greater than themselves sometimes those divisions are washed away.

Perhaps that is what is lacking in modern urban life; a unifying sense of purpose.  We're so fragmented these days, and so many people are in this life only for themselves and their clique.


@Jessica Merriman Yes, funny how some of those school yard type of things follow us all throughout life!

@LearnedHand I am usually with the guys as well. Where I have issues is with women who don't really know me well or at all.

@Robin Mack I would say that in general people with shared interests or experiences do tend to hang out together. I think it's just the stereotypes and the acting that goesmalong with e gender stuff that still bothers me a little. And thanks for the hug :)


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