Author Topic: Something I wrote in my Blog  (Read 1025 times)

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Something I wrote in my Blog
« on: July 13, 2007, 11:09:33 pm »
Heyas all, this is my first post.

And I hope a good one. =)

Here's something I posted to MySpace a few days ago for my friends/family to read reguarding my transition, going full time, etc.

Please realize that while everyone, including scientists, can agree I'm a 'transexual' or that I belong to a group labeled 'transgender' my views are my views and do not represent the views of 'my people.'

So tomorrow begins the big push in some ways. The big push is my word for 'getting over, ignoring, or otherwise not caring about dressing en la femme and living as a female 24/7.'

Now, the reason I'm doing this is two fold:
1. I need to do it in order to get on HRT, obtain validation to undergo SRS, etc.
2. It truly will make me happy.

But living as a female 24/7? Hah, even today, with me clean shaven, makeup, a skirt and baby tee, I pass as much as a female as..well, Condie Rice. (muwahahah!)

And how exactly does one go from living as a male 24/7 to a female 24/7? I've seen women's beds, other than the fact they're usually made or have prettier colors and patterns, I don't think men sleep much more differently than woman. So what am I when I sleep? Or what are you?


Good question. I doubt there's an answer. I've asked a lot of people what gender is, and besides some fashion tips and sterotypes, there's not much to go on worth noting.

Obviously, you can tell a man is a man by having a penis. And a woman is a woman because she doesn't have a penis. (Which is funny, 'cause the penis is just a deformed clitorous.. ;)

But does reproductive parts really make a difference in a world where men sleep with men, women sleep with women, farmers do sheep, and water sports isn't just polo anymore?

Truth be told, gender and sexual identity, if not already abundantly clear, are two completely seperate things.

And anyone who tells you different has never seen a "butch dyke" or..umm..queen? What do you gay men call a really prissy gay guy? Besides annoying? (Sorry! Just my opinion!)

But Alexis, you're going through all this for sex "re-assignment" surgery!

This is undeniably true. My end goal will be to at some point, end up with something different between my legs than what I have now.

But contrary to popular disbelief I have met men and women who have vaginas and penises, respectively. Some transfolk don't do everything. They all have different reasons. So, lets untangle sex and gender once and for all.

I happen to follow a much more "typical" tale of being <transgender>, but not all do.

And I'm done being angry, or feeling victimized by some cosmic force in the sky with a long white beard sitting on a thrown.

I've had sex with men and women, with one particular sexual (un)productive organ (yeah, I'm sterile--TMI?) and thought different things about the experiences. Truth be known, I'll prolly dilly dally with another chick even after I have the surgery. Would that make me a lesbian? Or bisexual? Or a straight man trapped in a transwoman's body?

Who cares.

SO, some of you ask questions. This is always good. I'm never angry at questions. So, you may of course, ask away.

Some of you think I'll never be a woman, that I'll always be a man. I half agree with you. I wasn't born into a girl's life, and I'll never be able to bare children (I can't even make a woman bare'em either, though.) and I don't bleed and blah blah blah. But some women are born that way, too.

However, all things aside, I am me. I am an Alexis. A lxxy. I can only be who I am. And who that is to you, is up to you. I prefer for you to think of me as female, because I'm more comfortable in the female gender role your culture puts people with my personality traits, likes, dislikes, etc, in.

And thats the short end of it.

But if you're going to go willy nilly and never want to see that in me, well, I can't force you to be polite and intelligent. You can lead a horse to water, but derned if its easier to shoot it if it don't drink it.

In the end, I'll never quite be female, and I'll never quite be male. Atleast, not in our cultural terms. However, I can, and will, with time, master the art of the female gender role. I already have most of the innate qualities. Obviously, there are some rules and regulations to it that I don't have quite down pat, but thats what the real life test is there to do. Also, if you are a girl friend of mine, and want to get me in on that secret behind-the-door initiation process, I'd really be appreciative. ;)

But lets not kid ourselves. Gender's a farce. Why bother being binary? Its good for computers, but last time I checked I don't have "Intel Inside" branded on my butt.

With love,