Poll

Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel? (you can pick 2)

Awesome! Family, friends, party, cake!
Meh, just another day
Depressed if it's one that has a 5 or a 0 in it (30, 35, 40, etc). Otherwise, don't care too much
Depressed by every birthday; I hate getting older
Grateful to be celebrating one
Depressed, but for reasons other than age, getting older, etc.
I want to murder the person who invented the calendar! And condemn them to the fieriest pits of hell
Other (I'll post)

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Offline Nero

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Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« on: April 12, 2014, 10:22:55 am »
When I turned 12, I told my mom not to acknowledge my birthday. No cake, no gifts, I didn't want it happen. I think part of it was a trans thing. I was terrified of growing up into something I didn't feel and wanted nothing to do with. Then later, I suppose it took on the kind of significance it often does for women. I don't know if it's female programming or the internal biological clock. Or both. Women have always had to be more concerned with their age than men. Just because of the baby part. The window for settling down and having babies is shorter for them. Even though I didn't want babies, is this still part of it for me? Something in my body or brain?

Then there seems to be added component to age (and of course birthdays) for trans people. I always felt like I was waiting for when I could begin my life. I didn't know about transition in my early life. So each birthday was more painful than next as it dawned on me. This was not a dress rehearsal. This was my life going before my eyes and my being unable to live it. At least not as me.

Then after transition, it can just feel like we lost a lot of time. No matter what age we transition. Missed out on a lot of mile markers. We can feel behind our cis peers. And it can also feel short. Our time as ourselves. Or at least shorter than it should have been. So I often feel cheated by time somehow. And then another element is that every birthday that rolls around and I haven't achieved what I want to achieve. I feel like a failure as well. So birthdays make me feel old, limited, and like a loser every time.

I'm not sure where this all comes in, if other trans people feel this or not. But it all adds up to rage against time and myself.



Nero was the Forum Admin here at Susan's Place for several years up to the time of his death.

Offline Skyler

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2014, 10:42:48 am »
Don't like it -_-
« Last Edit: May 07, 2014, 06:08:34 pm by Skyler Lusk »

Offline Heather

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2014, 10:56:24 am »
I was alright with birthdays until I turned 18 and at 22 is when I started thinking hey these birthdays are happening way too fast. It's just funny you spend your youth wishing you was older and when you get older you start wishing you was younger.  :-\

Jill F

Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2014, 11:22:01 am »
It's fine.  I am what I am and there's nothing I can do about it.  That being said, I'm turning 45 soon and I'm having a big party.  I've never done that before.  I didn't used to be a celebrator, but I sure as hell am now.

Who here wants to come by on Sat. May 3 for a party and cake?  No, I'm serious!  The more transfolk the better.

I live in Los Angeles...

Offline Lady_Oracle

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2014, 02:51:31 pm »
Excited for it! even though I haven't made any official plans yet.

Jill I would so go to your bday party if I lived in California
 

Offline immortal gypsy

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2014, 05:47:37 pm »
When I wasn't transitioning at all I detested my birthday and hid under my bed and cursed everyone for inventing them.  That being said I was born on black Friday (this child is full of woe). So I've also ignored the age milestones (18th, 21st, 30th) and celebrate we party when when it falls around on that date again.
Do not fear those who have nothing left to lose, fear those who are prepared to lose it all

Si vis bellum, parra pacem

Offline Carrie Liz

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2014, 05:50:19 pm »
Once I passed 25, the age at which you're allowed to rent a car, I officially decided that I didn't want to get older anymore, because there was nothing else to look forward to.

Unfortunately, 3 years later, it's still happening... Damn it... :P

Jill F

Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #7 on: April 12, 2014, 06:02:55 pm »
Better a year older than the alternative to that.

piglet smith

Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #8 on: April 12, 2014, 06:08:16 pm »
My 51st birthday was last month, I was off that day, so I turned off my phone and ignored it. I'm not too bad about my age, but I do feel like I should be doing better than I am at my age and still deal with a lot of depression and self esteem issues.

Online EmmaD

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #9 on: April 12, 2014, 06:32:53 pm »
Just had mine. 

I am in the decade where every birthday has a 5 in it and one even doubles up! Another 7 to go with a 5 in it then "oh, goody, this one has a 6 at the start!!!!".  Memo to self - hang around to see if its any different.

Thankfully my birthday gets little acknowledgement although they appeared with cake at work.  Maybe they should just do the cake and forget the singing bit!

Offline Ms Grace

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #10 on: April 12, 2014, 08:01:34 pm »
Meh, just another day really. I've never gone out of my way to celebrate my birthday but friends, colleagues and family will and I'm always happy to go along with that...I love them and they are happy for me to have been in their lives another year. :) The big 5-0 is only two years away...think I'll actually do something to celebrate this one.
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Offline HoneyBunny

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2014, 02:16:08 am »
I feel sad when my 23rd birth day came around. I did not want to age past 21, but nope I turned 23 a few weeks ago. Maybe if I have done more things in my life i would not mind getting older, but considering i am a virgin and never been on a date I feel sad. 
We're born naked, and the rest is drag.
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Offline Ms Grace

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #12 on: April 13, 2014, 02:17:35 am »
Totally off topic, but OMG I love your avatar, Honey Bunny!!!  ;D
Grace
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Offline Adam (birkin)

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #13 on: April 13, 2014, 03:15:30 am »
Funny this pops up, I am 25 today.

On one hand, it's a reminder to be grateful that I am alive. Starting at age 15 I entered I very severe depression which lasted 3 years. I had many nights where I prayed silently to God to take my life, because I just hurt so much...all the time. I wondered if I'd crack and commit suicide, but I was religious so I just waited for God to bring me home. I never thought I'd live to see 18, much less 25. But here I am.

But then I feel sad, because I realize that although I have a new gratefulness for my life, I don't act like it. I don't always take good care of myself the way I should. I'm not always the best man I can be. And I certainly don't enjoy life to the fullest.

I saw this article a few days ago though, and it made me think:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/philosophy-stirred-not-shaken/201404/would-you-choose-the-same-life-eternity

On my 15th, 16th, or 17th birthday I would have said "No, I'd never live this life again, it hurts too much." But on this one, I say, yes, I would, even through the moments that are difficult. 


Offline TheQuestion

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #14 on: April 13, 2014, 03:22:10 am »
I didn't really hate my birthday until recently.  I just turned 26 and am in a strange spot.  I missed peak results for hrt by not too long; right now I'm still probably in a good position to get good-great results, but as time goes on, the impact of hrt will lessen.  I feel like time is forcing my hand in making a decision...

Offline Cindy

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #15 on: April 13, 2014, 03:28:21 am »
Last year, a year after going FT, I took a '1 year old today' cake into work to share.

First birthday I have celebrated in adult life :laugh:

Offline Lady_Oracle

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #16 on: April 13, 2014, 03:46:08 am »
I feel sad when my 23rd birth day came around. I did not want to age past 21, but nope I turned 23 a few weeks ago. Maybe if I have done more things in my life i would not mind getting older, but considering i am a virgin and never been on a date I feel sad.

I'm in the same situation. Still a virgin as well and I'm turning 24 soon. Hugs!! it'll happen for us one day  :D

Offline big kim

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #17 on: April 13, 2014, 04:41:55 am »
I disliked birthdays even as a kid.My Mum would invite other kids round and I hated crowds and being near other people.The only one I came near to enjoying was my 17th when I was legally old enough to ride my motorbike.I never tell anyone when it's my birthday,only my Dad and sister,nephews and nieces know when it is.

Offline crowcrow223

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #18 on: April 13, 2014, 06:12:15 am »
On one hand, it's a reminder to be grateful that I am alive. Starting at age 15 I entered I very severe depression which lasted 3 years. I had many nights where I prayed silently to God to take my life, because I just hurt so much...all the time. I wondered if I'd crack and commit suicide, but I was religious so I just waited for God to bring me home. I never thought I'd live to see 18, much less 25. But here I am.

But then I feel sad, because I realize that although I have a new gratefulness for my life, I don't act like it. I don't always take good care of myself the way I should. I'm not always the best man I can be. And I certainly don't enjoy life to the fullest.


Happy birthday!

I feel the same to be honest... Hopefully one day we'll enjoy our life, I await this day.

Offline sad panda

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Re: Your birthday is coming up - how does that make you feel?
« Reply #19 on: April 13, 2014, 09:15:37 am »
Yeah... every birthday to me is just +1 to how much older I am than I feel and how much that gap has widened and felt like lost time. Emotionally I am still that 12 year old. I usually just have to pretend that aging is impossible for me.... :c

Tags: birthday Age aging time