Author Topic: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread  (Read 179643 times)

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Offline Renee.D

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Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
« Reply #1200 on: November 27, 2018, 12:30:17 pm »
What is a schizophrenic's favorite Christmas song?

Do You Hear What I Hear
She believed she could so she did!




Offline MaryT

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Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
« Reply #1201 on: February 15, 2019, 04:24:29 pm »
These jokes were popular in my high school during the early 1970s. 

A terrorist was ordered to blow up a bus.  He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe.

A three eyed, one-legged alien with no arms was waiting at the bus stop.  The bus driver gave him the once over and said
"Aye aye aye, you look 'armless, hop on!"

This joke I first heard from an acting headmaster who regarded himself as a cool dude:
 
The sky god Thor got drunk and spent the night with a mortal human tart.  When he awoke and saw who was next to him, he was ashamed for demeaning himself and was prepared to stand on his dignity.  The tart awoke too.
"Good morning, Hunky Wunky", she said.
"Hunky Wunky?" thundered the sky god.  "I am mighty Thor!"
"Tho am I" she replied, "but letth do it again."

 

Offline MaryT

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Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
« Reply #1202 on: May 28, 2019, 03:42:40 pm »
This is another joke from the "cool" acting headmaster mentioned in the previous post.  I was reminded of it by a post that I read a little while ago, so I hope that it doesn't offend anyone.

Masochist: "Beat me!  Beat me!"
Sadist:      "Oh, no!"

Offline Lady Sarah

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Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
« Reply #1203 on: June 11, 2019, 11:10:16 pm »
I sent my hubby to get milk, eggs, and a few other things from the store. When he got home, I asked "where are the groceries?"

His response: "On the door, they had a sign. It said NO FOOD OR DRINK INSIDE, so I just came home."
started HRT: July 13, 1991
orchi: December 23, 1994
trach shave: November, 1998
married: August 16, 2015
Back surgery: October 20, 2016


I don't have wrinkles. I have wise cracks.

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
« Reply #1204 on: June 14, 2019, 02:42:41 pm »
My insurance company thinks that teeth are special luxury bones

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"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

"Freedom comes at a high price. But I have paid that price, and I am free." -- Muhammad Ali

"Have a gentle manner ❤️" -- Chrissy Ryan
"Working on it" -- Battle Goddess

"When going through hell, best keep moving." -- Old & KIA

“Darling,” She said, “it doesn’t matter. You have only one choice. You can walk farther along the path or not. It is a narrow path. You may be scared about lifting your foot up to take your next step. It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to step very far. It’s up to you.
"But all you get to do is choose. Your anxieties, your fears, your courage, your happiness, your rage: go ahead and feel them all you want. They don’t matter. What matters is what you choose.
“I can promise you a long and fascinating road. I’ll give you tools along the way. I’ll be with you every step.
“Now make your choice.” --  my beloved Battle Goddess

Offline Battle Goddess

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Re: The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread
« Reply #1205 on: April 14, 2021, 07:03:19 pm »
When I was 16 and lived in Munich for a summer, pretty much everyone drove Mercedes. I asked my host father why, seeing as BMW was based in Munich, it was a Bavarian brand, Bavarians like to support Bavarian institutions, etc.

He said, "They're both good cars. It just has to do with how well they come through accidents. In a crash, a BMW breaks.

"But a Mercedes bends!"
"It's not really a choice. Because we're not choosing to transition...we're choosing to be happy." -- SarahC

"Freedom comes at a high price. But I have paid that price, and I am free." -- Muhammad Ali

"Have a gentle manner ❤️" -- Chrissy Ryan
"Working on it" -- Battle Goddess

"When going through hell, best keep moving." -- Old & KIA

“Darling,” She said, “it doesn’t matter. You have only one choice. You can walk farther along the path or not. It is a narrow path. You may be scared about lifting your foot up to take your next step. It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to step very far. It’s up to you.
"But all you get to do is choose. Your anxieties, your fears, your courage, your happiness, your rage: go ahead and feel them all you want. They don’t matter. What matters is what you choose.
“I can promise you a long and fascinating road. I’ll give you tools along the way. I’ll be with you every step.
“Now make your choice.” --  my beloved Battle Goddess

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