Community Conversation > Transgender talk

It's not multiple choice!

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elleane:
What do you do when:

* you don't know whether you're mentally/psychologically male or female or both
* you don't know  what it means to be 'male' or 'female' - what does that mean? is it a socio-cultural notion, is it physical/biological?
* you didn't know from the age of 3 you were 'born in the wrong body'
* you did find crossdressing a turn-on in the past - in fact you still do sometimes.  but at the same time you can't
help feeling that it's 'right'.
* you've spent so long living in one gender that it's hard to think how life could be in transition
* you're acutely aware of the pressures to conform to a gender stereotype once and if you make a decision re: transition (or not)
 ("OK so I know I'm a (wo)man - so that must mean that I should look like this and act like that...but hang on - actually I don't want to act like that...")
* you feel like a fake - but you're not sure what 'genuine' might be - if indeed genuine exists at all
* you feel you need to live up to a particular image (gender & personality) for friends and family - and admittedly it does feel satisfying when you are respected in that role.
* you constantly question your motivations for anything you do or feel - a complete lack of self-trust on your 'feelings' about gender
* you ask yourselves all these questions but regardless of how you look at it, 'search yourself', - no answers are forthcoming.
* you are completely frustrated by all of this and it's driving you insane and has landed you in hospital in the past.

* you just don't see yourself ever fitting the dictionary definitions of 'gender type/condition' (it's not multiple choice, is it?....is it?!)

 ???

Terri-Gene:
elleane, from your post you don't sound much different from a great many tG peoples.  You can only go by what feels "right" to you.  All the negative feelings in a full transsexual are due to the environment around them teaching that such things are wrong and that they have responsibilities and commitments that must be met and to transition is not only immoral, but selfish in regards to family and friends who must also deal with it and thier relationship to the TG and other people in regards to it.

It is perfectly normal and also because of invironment and interest due not necessarily consider themselves of the opposite sex from early age, after all, cross sex behavior may be considered "cute" at very early ages, but there is always a consistant negativity about it which increases througout life, which tends to make one avoid such thoughts and actions, but the feelings increase with age, thats why so many come out around middle age, when they become more prone to examine thier own interests.

Confusion about these issues and the desire to do what is right in regards to your family and friends is Noble and honerable, but if one has true GID, it can be extreamly dangerous to ones self if not treated, so yes, a therapyst is a necessity to help sort if out if the confusion is taking any personal toll on your life, activities and general peace of mind.

At the stage you discribe, any good, reputable therapyst can help you to focus and look realistically at your feelings, most therapyst, regardless of familiarity with TG or TS are perfectly qualified and able to determine a gender disorder and refer you to a more experienced person in this field.  If you can easily find a specialist in Gender disorders, use them, but if you can't, or need to use insurance which doesn't recognize TG or TS problems specifically, then do not let all the advice from others about absolutly needing a specialsit slow you down from getting help.  After all, Gender disorders are generally a combination of many conditions aside from Gender Dysphoria, the most prominant being depression and low self esteem, as society tells you that you are crazy or perverted, which natureally makes you resistant to admitting such a condition even to yourself.

The longer you wait to deal with the problem, the harder it is to address, even if you fully accept yourself for what you are because of the responsibilities you have and fear of lossing jobs and respect of others.  While some manage to come through and keep all they had at the beginning, many or most end up losing virtually all they had or can ever expect to aquire again.  To go on you have to realize that from the beginning and achieving your Gender goals must be most important to your goals in life or you will not be able to go into transition, or if you do, complete it.  It is one of those things that you must within yourself be fully convinced of and actually need in order to live to make it through If you are truely TS.  If you are one of the derivitives of TG you may find it possible to find a middle ground that is satisphying to you without actually coming out to anyone, quite unlike a true TS person.  If you decide that there is no actual need to come completly out to all and any and actually live in the female role, you can not hide your condition from any one at all for any reason or fear of possible losses, but if you are TG, you may hide this fact from any and all except those that that have a RIGHT to know by virtue of thier association with you, such as a wife or someone you live with.  Witholding this information will make things extreamly complicated if discovered, and in a live-in relationship, that is all to possible and they will believe you have Lied to them even if was by ommisision and will complicate the relationship.  It is true that to tell may possibly mean the end of the relationship, but if not told, it will only be harder to save the relationship when and if they discover it down the road,  and they generally will one way or another.

Find the best therapyst you can and just work on your feelings about yourself and those feelings and deal with whatever the therapyst can properly address to get more in touch with yourself before making any decisions about what you are, or what you need to do about it and if they therapyst determines you do have any kind of gender dysorder, then do what you can about a specialist who understands how Gender Dysphoria relates to almost every other aspect of your life.

Good luck and consider that you are perfectly free to create threads her to describe your feelings and talk them out with others here.  Information that is given to you may be solid gold, or worthless depending on the actual condition and experience of the source, but it is all useful for giving you things to think about and clarify your own thoughts about yourself.

Good luck and consider every thing you do and say carefully, thoughtfully, cautiously and truthfully.

Terri

Leigh:

--- Quote ---* you just don't see yourself ever fitting the dictionary definitions of 'gender type/condition' (it's not multiple choice, is it?....is it?!)
--- End quote ---

Just because almost everything you see in the movies, television and documentaries show the sterotypical transitioner:  June Cleaver in the dress and apron does not mean that is the norm.    How many women spend their day in a dress unless it is work related?

Its June or the unsavory image cast out by the jerry springers that people expect to see.  If a person is neither then why conform to those images.  Make your own destiny by being who you are.

Women come in more flavors than Baskin Robbins.

Leigh

DawnL:

--- Quote from: Leigh on December 06, 2005, 06:58:51 pm ---Women come in more flavors than Baskin Robbins.

--- End quote ---

Amen!

Dawn

Sophie:
I agree with many of the points you made...


--- Quote from: elleane on December 06, 2005, 12:25:30 pm ---* you don't know whether you're mentally/psychologically male or female or both
* you don't know  what it means to be 'male' or 'female' - what does that mean? is it a socio-cultural notion, is it physical/biological?
* you didn't know from the age of 3 you were 'born in the wrong body'
* you feel like a fake - but you're not sure what 'genuine' might be - if indeed genuine exists at all
* you feel you need to live up to a particular image (gender & personality) for friends and family - and admittedly it does feel satisfying when you are respected in that role.
* you constantly question your motivations for anything you do or feel - a complete lack of self-trust on your 'feelings' about gender
* you ask yourselves all these questions but regardless of how you look at it, 'search yourself', - no answers are forthcoming.

--- End quote ---

Yeah, we both need to see therapists.

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