Community Conversation > Significant Others talk

"Stress living with a TS living in secret."

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Shelley:
Hi Shari,


--- Quote ---I don't post much because I don't feel like I have anything to contribute.
--- End quote ---

I have to disagree with you there. The experience of what you and Melissa are going through is often only told from the perspective of the TG individual and too infrequently from that of the SO. As many of us have SO's your input is quite valuable to us.

As to misintepretation that is always a risk with the written word which is not supported with body language or the immediacy of the repsonses of face to face communication but I think we by and large survive that without to many bruises.

I would hope that you as an equal member at Susan's would feel part of us as we value your membership.

Shelley

Leah:
Ditto Shelly.

This is very mush the case. I wish I had known all Peggiann was feeling before I had actually came out to her. It might not have taken me as long had that been the case. Seeing things through her eyes helps me be more open with what I'm experiencing now. I don't want her feeling any more burden for what this journey will bring.

Shari, you go ahead and tell it how you feel nothing can ever be wrong with honesty of feelings. Sharing is important for everyone.

Leah

sharidove:
I can't talk about it. I was raised not to talk about anything negative. I can only share the good things that happen to me. I was taught that people don't like people that talk about their problems and complain. So I don't. I wouldn't be able to talk to a therapist either. I'll go to family counseling for my children but not for me. I have to be strong and take care of my self and figure things out on my own. I wouldn't be able to function if I really thought about all of this. I just try to keep my mind occupied. I went back to school so I can get a good paying job to support myself and my kids. Just in case Melissa gets fired, which she will if she goes on hormones. Her dad absolutely will fire her as soon as breasts show up. I begged her to wait until I'm done with school so we won't lose the house and become homeless. Her response to that was a threat of suicide again and cutting out the testicles so she could stop testosterone production. She calmed down by the next day and finally agreed to wait. My mom is being supportive of me by paying for my schooling this quarter since financial aid won't be available until next quarter. I don't have time to think about the future. I have to focus on school now.

Terri-Gene:

--- Quote ---I have to be strong and take care of my self and figure things out on my own
--- End quote ---

 sharidove, watch it how far you get into that vein of thinking.  I molded myself into that frame of mind and it lasted 3 decades and I thought I was handling things fine, until the cracks started to appear in the dam.  I have damn good insurance though and my psychs noticed there was a lot I wasn't talking about but they could see and began working with me on some things that are almost as old as I am.  I'm better now because of that work and I'm functioning a lot better as a person because of it.  Your life, but don't spend it all before your done living.


--- Quote ---cutting out the testicles so she could stop testosterone production
--- End quote ---

No way for anyone else to know where she is truely at in the bottom of it but her, but I'd like to say to her that if she is an all the way mentality, then removing the testicles will likely do little if anything toward providing relief.  I can say this because I was orchied to be able to reduce estrogen dosage and remove spiro after a stroke from estrogen use.  I really had never really given such a thing much thought but since it had to be done to use estrogen again, what argument?

It didn't help anything at all toward making me feel any better about myself though.  Nothing.  Even today I feel no better then I did before the orchie.  Why?  Because the problem is still there, right where it was when I was born.  you have to remember, it's all or nothing and removing a part just isn't what I want and I doubt what she wants either.  All it would do is cause a problem, a vast problem in any do it yourself production.

She has to come to understand that while all want it quick it just doesn't work that way for everybody and you just have to take the bruises for a while till all the duckies are in a proper line.  Continue to talk and understand each other that nothing is finished yet, things just need to get organised and in order to continue properly.

Terri

Peggiann:
Shari,

You are right to go back to school and get a degree in something that will help you all in the long run.What have you chosen to study?

Please understand that Melissa is at a point that she has already start these steps and yes waiting would be great for the better of timing it sounds. Yet at the same time waiting is what she has done pushing it back to the far recesses all these years...Such a dilema.

AS for you not wanting to talk about it, hun you can with me... I and you and other SO's need to talk to help each other through and be able to cope and help others to cope. If you don't release somewhere you are putting your own health in jepordy. With Melissa suicideal you have to do what ever you must to see that your mental and bodily health is kept safe. I know I don't need to say this but Your Children Need You Too.

Your acceptance of Melissa shows how much you love and care for her. It show you want what's best for her and yourself but if you are not willing to let what you need to do happen to in sharing the good and the bad or positive and negitive then I can only feel you are headed for trouble. It will bring on more problems. Open communications is your answer to many issues that will arise.

Ther are other jobs out ther if her father fires her. I understand your worries for the house and taking care of kids and all. But Melissa has to get a different job or be looking for one if this is a real possibility of being fired. It would be better to find it before being fired when there are not issues that her father could make rifts in new job referals.

I agree with Terri It a matter of getting the ducks in a row first. also that Melissa needs to be patient and realize the quick fix she threatens is not really what she wants in the long run. I also may be wrong when I say this next statement but must be said. You can not let someone that is suisiceal rule you by threats. Melissa has to be accountible for what she does to herself and what the reult will do to those she loves... You and the Kids.

Please do come and Chat with me at 6:00 p.m. your time.

Smiles,
Peggiann


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