General Discussions > Gender Studies

Why is passing so important to us?

<< < (32/33) > >>

rmaddy:
I wonder to what extent.  Self-love/self-acceptance alleviates it completely.

Mariah:
I know from personal experience that this isn't true. We would like to think or feel that it is, however it isn't. I can certainly how one can b believe that is the magic cure to dysphoria but it isn't. Hugs
Mariah

--- Quote from: Sophia Sage on January 29, 2018, 06:41:50 am ---You do this to elicit female gendering.  Proper gendering alleviates your dysphoria.

--- End quote ---

Sophia Sage:

--- Quote from: rmaddy on January 29, 2018, 12:13:32 pm ---I wonder to what extent.  Self-love/self-acceptance alleviates it completely.
--- End quote ---

Accepting and loving the fact that I'm female through-and-through made a huge difference in my happiness, absolutely!  It's just that it's made me even happier that everyone else recognizes that I'm female, too. :)

So no, self-acceptance did not completely alleviate my dysphoria.  That was only the beginning.  And even that depended on finally realizing who I actually am, something each of us can only determine for ourselves.

It really depends on what actually triggers dysphoria in the first place.  Not everyone reports the same experience.  Some transitioners get dysphoric only with respect to certain aspects of their bodies, others get dysphoria with respect to their social identity, and many face it on all fronts.  I don't think we get to choose.  Just like we don't really get to choose our inner truth; rather, it is something for each of us to discover.

The thing is, emotional responses happen subconsciously.  And we don't have direct access to our subconscious processes.  We can't just change our emotions by will alone; we can only address how to deal with emotions as they surface, and even then there's a lot of stuff the body will do automatically, before one is even consciously aware of the emotion. 

How to proceed, then, depends on self-conception and lived experience, including feedback from our subconscious processes.  And that's always going to differ from person to person.  Each of us can only really know what "works" through trial and error, not to mention a lot of self-reflection.  I know women who rue their public transitions, and those who rued non-disclosure; I know people happy on both paths; I know people who changed their minds about this, in both directions.  I suspect one's emotional response to various kinds of gendering depends on one's self-conception as well as one's sensitivity to other people, none of which we actually control.

What we can control, to some extent, is whether we put ourselves in whatever position it takes to maximize our happiness. 

Mind you, early on in transition the ritual of coming out was crucial to my happiness.  This had the effect of changing how people related to me, specifically with regard to the gendering (including a whole slew of social expectations) I'd receive.  It was effective, because at the time my embodiment wasn't particularly good at eliciting female gendering, hence why I'd been misgendered all my life.  Eventually, though, I got to the point where my embodiment was so good at eliciting female gendering that I soon learned that the "acceptance" of "indulged" gendering that I'd previously requested wasn't the same. 

The truth is that I'm not an island.  I respond, automatically and subconsciously, to other people.  I'm happiest when my inner truth is reflected by everyone else.  I'm lucky that I could actually come to know this, first hand. 

Sophia Sage:

--- Quote from: Mariah on January 29, 2018, 12:46:45 pm ---I know from personal experience that this isn't true. We would like to think or feel that it is, however it isn't. I can certainly how one can b believe that is the magic cure to dysphoria but it isn't.
--- End quote ---

Michelle said that her gendered presentation will "relieve a certain amount of anxiety and dysphoria related to social non acceptance."  That sounds like she's trying to elicit female gendering from other people, and that being accepted as female relieves at least some of her dysphoria.

You, Mariah, may obviously have a different experience.  What triggers (or triggered) your dysphoria? 

Michelle_P:

--- Quote from: Sophia Sage on January 29, 2018, 06:41:50 am ---You do this to elicit female gendering.  Proper gendering alleviates your dysphoria.

--- End quote ---

This turns out not to be the case, and is  part of why I generally use “I” statements when dealing with experience. “You” statements are often judgmental or proscriptive.

Feminine presentation serves me both to elicit female gendering by others, and to affirm my internal femininity, through engaging in presentation and related rituals deemed feminine by this culture.

Being gendered correctly does relieve one aspect of my social dysphoria. Prior to gender confirmation surgery (GCS), certain aspects of this actually raised my social anxiety at times, particularly at points where I feared detection as a trans person.  Some social groups, in some environments, react violently to pre-op transsexual women. Gwen Arujio comes to mind as one example of this.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page

Go to full version