Author Topic: Why is passing so important to us?  (Read 8739 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline Dena

  • (S) Global Moderator
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 13,436
  • Reputation: +98/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Why is passing so important to us?
« Reply #60 on: June 15, 2015, 10:45:36 pm »
For me passing means eliminating my medical history as the first subject of a conversation even if it isn't mentioned. For me the goal of becoming a female was be treated no different than a woman would be in normal society. I don't have to be beautiful to accomplish this as many CIS women aren't.
I am proud of the battle I fought to get where I am today and I am comfortable discussing it, but I would like to understand the real world of being female better because I did such a terrible job of being a male. I love the company of this board and I will remain here as long as possible but there is another world out there that also has something to offer and I would like to learn all about it as well. Strange as it may seem, pre surgical I wasn't able to explore the world. Post surgical I had a roommate that tended to block this desire. The grieving period also prevented me from wanting more but in the last few months my grieving has ended and I have discovered a world that I should get to know. For me this is going to be a bit more complex than putting on an outfit and going out. In some ways my image is 30 years out of date and it's going to take some work but I am willing to do it. In many ways I am much like those of you who are newly minted and for the first time are exploring the world in your new role.
Rebirth Date 1982 - PMs are welcome - Use only if you are unable to PM
If you are helped by this site, consider leaving a tip in the jar at the bottom of the page or become a subscriber


Re: Why is passing so important to us?
« Reply #61 on: June 15, 2015, 10:59:28 pm »
Ahh, one of those threads that makes me feel like an outsider amongst the trans community..

Why? Because once I reached the point of true self acceptance, my worries about passing went away.. I know I don't pass 100%, but I also don't care. I shop for women's clothes. I use the women's bathrooms. Almost all of my friends are women. All my sexual partners are women, and yes, even they see me as a woman. I live my life as the woman I know myself to be. And I have almost zero issues doing any of it.

In comparison to many here, I've had fairly sub-standard results from hormones. C'est la vie. I don't get stink-eye in the ladies.. Lesbians don't run away screaming. So, on some level, I must pass - but I'd argue it's as much my attitude and confidence in myself as it is my looks.

Online AquaWhatever

  • Neighbor
  • ***
  • Posts: 56
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Male
Re: Why is passing so important to us?
« Reply #62 on: December 31, 2017, 06:11:41 pm »
For me passing isn't I guess as some would say "deceiving" the outside to see a man who was a born a woman.
It's more of "Hey, I'm a masculine man, and I will dress and look as such because that's who I am".
Same goes if your a fem female or fem guy or whatever you may be.
I do not want to be mistaken as a woman because I am not one.
Biologically yes, that's as far as it goes.

I'm not ashamed of being trans, but it's not as much part of my make-up as it is to some people.
You don't see cis people introducing themselves as cis men/women so why should I introduce myself as trans?
I'm a man with a deformity and I take harmones and (for now) bind to fix it.

Offline Allison S

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 513
  • Reputation: +4/-0
Re: Why is passing so important to us?
« Reply #63 on: December 31, 2017, 07:23:22 pm »
I plan on telling the least amount of people about my transition. It's not that I'm ashamed. Actually the opposite. I've lived an incredible life 27 years as a male. My 28th year (yes I outed myself I'm a 1990 baby) will be the best yet.

My family, close friends and current coworkers will know. But that's about it. I want the male me to live on with the people that I've come across.

I sound crazy, maybe I am, but I feel like my "male identity" served a purpose. I lived and done what I've needed to do. This is a birth and there's no sadness but joy.

Who can say they've lived 2 lives? Not very many people. My family will always be around to remind me of my past. But where I get to choose, I will always live in the present and Allison is here to stay.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Offline Charlie Nicki

  • Finally finding myself
  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,071
  • Reputation: +7/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Why is passing so important to us?
« Reply #64 on: January 01, 2018, 03:48:27 pm »
To me passing means being closer to having a normal life. I can only hope I pass somehow, but I highly doubt so.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Offline AnnMarie2017

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 27
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Why is passing so important to us?
« Reply #65 on: January 02, 2018, 01:29:10 am »
I have a theory about this, actually. I don't want to come off sounding glib, because I know many girls have a terrible time with the fact that they don't pass. Since I got here via euphoria rather than dysphoria, I haven't had to struggle as they have. I'm not speaking from personal experience.

I think transitioning is about authenticity, and I think many girls assume -- mistakenly -- that they have to look cis to be authentic. I don't think this is a conscious decision; I think it's just assumed. But, imho, authenticity is about self-expression, based on self-acceptance. All human beings have a basic need to express who they are, and when you're trans that means expressing as the gender you weren't assigned at birth. It's easy to see how seeing the wrong gender in the mirror would be a problem. And compounding this are all the image problems that cis girls have, too; so, it's like we get a double-whammy.

I suspect the key to overcoming this particular source of dysphoria is to find a way around this basic misconception -- that being authentic is a matter of how cis you look, rather than simply expressing yourself as who you are.

Personally, I find a happy trans woman to be very attractive, whether she passes or not.

EDIT: I focused, above, on the self-expression aspect; but the self-acceptance is also necessary -- and maybe this is what really intensifies the problem. Because there is a natural inclination to rely on how others perceive and think of us to guide how we think of ourselves.

Offline SonadoraXVX

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 272
  • Reputation: +6/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • In the here and now
Re: Why is passing so important to us?
« Reply #66 on: January 02, 2018, 02:07:03 am »
For me?
Its for social acceptance, which entitles me to increased acceptance and security and the other reason is for inner peace, erasing my prior gender physically(what I see reflected in the mirror), while encompassing some mental aspects of it.
To know thyself is to be blessed, but to know others is to prevent supreme headaches
Sun Tzu said it best, "To know thyself is half the battle won, but to know yourself and the enemy, is to win 100% of the battles".