Author Topic: wife, husband, marriage, and the elephant  (Read 1930 times)

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Offline meganmichelle

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wife, husband, marriage, and the elephant
« on: May 06, 2015, 07:53:07 pm »
I'm not transitioning at the moment because I love my wife, my kids and that out weighs my needs. and I have renounced my inner gender (Female) and present to her as male. I know though that my wife in her heart of hearts knows I'm female inside and she knows I'm in denial for her. so now...my wife is occasionally showing me articles about gay men/women and told me that I'd love her lesbian aunt and showed me her facebook page. After her telling me about her, I had to immediately send her aunt a friend request :D. and she accepted. My wife showing me her aunts page to me was super exciting because 1) her Aunt seemed really really like someone I would really get along with 2) my wife was showing me a lesbian couple, and quite frankly even though I present to my wife as male, I see her and I as lesbians. AND I really really want her and I to be seen like that. Is that weird? here I am, in the closet, not transitioning, but I see myself as a lesbian. and want to be out like that too.

so... I won't transition outwardly, but inside, thats who I am. a very cool open minded lesbian woman :D. and I'm proud of it.

life is so funny.
"Under every scar there's a battle I've lost
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  I can't stop now I know who I am"
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Offline JoanneB

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Re: wife, husband, marriage, and the elephant
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2015, 08:41:07 pm »
I place my gender identity at about 25% of the totality of what makes me, me. Like you I need to present male for now. My wife knows otherwise, knows where my try joy lies, not to thrilled about the bumps on my chest.

I think "Inward" acceptance is of great import. I fought the feeling for decades that I was truly a female. Much to the detriment of my emotional health. Today I find joy in knowing that I am. I can be female without having to wear a skirt or have hair down to my shoulders.
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Offline KelliL

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Re: wife, husband, marriage, and the elephant
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2015, 09:42:01 pm »
You guys sound a lot like me.  Love to talk more.  I have a wife who is not bisexual.  We love each other very much, but if I transition, it may not meet her needs.  It scares the crap out of me.

Kelli
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Offline katrinaw

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Re: wife, husband, marriage, and the elephant
« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2015, 10:07:43 pm »
Hey Megan, i have done exactly this in my mind, also mainly because I know the reaction to coming out to her, and have understood exactly where she stands from so many years of comments about such stories... She definitely won't relate to bi- sexuality, and to date I have never gone there, or infidelity in any way either.

Good luck with your approach and direction, in my case the family has been my big "wont come out" yet reason...

L Katy  :-*
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Journey recommenced Sept 2015  :eusa_clap:... planning FT 2016  :eusa_pray:

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Live life, embrace life and love life xxx

Offline sam1234

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Re: wife, husband, marriage, and the elephant
« Reply #4 on: May 06, 2015, 10:40:01 pm »
It takes a good deal of inner strength to present one way at home and another outside of the home. I can understand the reaction of the wives because essentially, it puts them in a lesbian relationship. They have actually been in one technically for a long time since inside you are ladies, but there is probably a difference in their mind.

Being in a good marriage and having to risk the loss of that person has to be stressful. The sense you have of being women is strong though, and hopefully will help you get through the rough spots. I hope things turn out well for you.

sam1234

Offline Bunter

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Re: wife, husband, marriage, and the elephant
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2015, 03:06:13 pm »
Google crossdreamer, guydykes - there's lots more who feel like lesbians.

Online AnonyMs

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Re: wife, husband, marriage, and the elephant
« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2015, 04:44:56 pm »
I'm partially transitioning at the moment. Its the only way I can stay sane. I'm presenting male and on HRT. I'll go as far as I can with that and hope it enough. BA is probably off limits as its too obvious. My wife seems to be relatively ok if I present male, and I'm relatively ok with the rest. Its hardly ideal, but better than divorce. I'm finding the tension between the two sides a bit difficult to handle though.

I've tried not to transition at all and that's been a disaster.

Offline Stochastic

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Re: wife, husband, marriage, and the elephant
« Reply #7 on: May 16, 2015, 10:01:52 pm »
I see her and I as lesbians. AND I really really want her and I to be seen like that. Is that weird? here I am, in the closet, not transitioning, but I see myself as a lesbian. and want to be out like that too.

so... I won't transition outwardly, but inside, thats who I am. a very cool open minded lesbian woman :D. and I'm proud of it.

If it is weird, then you are not alone. There are at least two of us in this world :laugh:. I am similar to others here in that I am on HRT but still present as male. There are physical and emotional changes that keep me from faking any male type intimacy. It is simply not wired in me anymore. My wife is 100 percent straight, and there was definitely an adjustment. When there is a true connection between people, intimacy will find a way in. That said, she does not like the lesbian label because it does not represent her, so I do not bring it up in any context with her. Snuggling up close to her puts a big smile on my face and is better than any experience as a male.

kellyferguson

Re: wife, husband, marriage, and the elephant
« Reply #8 on: June 07, 2015, 02:25:58 am »
I've been on HRT for six months with my wife (of 26 years) acknowledging I'm a better person and our relationship is the strongest it has ever been. Yet she is not ready to be with a woman. I have told her that if she and my daughters (17 and 20) weren't in my life, I would live as a woman. But I'd rather have them and wear guy clothes than to lose them.

That said, I fear that I will ultimately have a very ambiguous appearance and that will be worse for everyone. My body is responding strongly to the hormones. The anxiety is gone. But there is still this struggle over identity.  In the end we decide to just live day by day - although it can be difficult.


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Offline lanah101

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Re: wife, husband, marriage, and the elephant
« Reply #9 on: June 08, 2015, 12:19:51 am »
I feel you on the not transitioning.  The same reasons plus a career that couldn't survive it are the reasons I am not transitioning.  At times the anxiety level sucks, but most of the time I can keep her bottled away.  Online is the only way I am able to let her out. *sigh*

Offline Jake25

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Re: wife, husband, marriage, and the elephant
« Reply #10 on: June 08, 2015, 01:51:41 am »
I'm not transitioning at the moment because I love my wife, my kids and that out weighs my needs. and I have renounced my inner gender (Female) and present to her as male. I know though that my wife in her heart of hearts knows I'm female inside and she knows I'm in denial for her. so now...my wife is occasionally showing me articles about gay men/women and told me that I'd love her lesbian aunt and showed me her facebook page. After her telling me about her, I had to immediately send her aunt a friend request :D. and she accepted. My wife showing me her aunts page to me was super exciting because 1) her Aunt seemed really really like someone I would really get along with 2) my wife was showing me a lesbian couple, and quite frankly even though I present to my wife as male, I see her and I as lesbians. AND I really really want her and I to be seen like that. Is that weird? here I am, in the closet, not transitioning, but I see myself as a lesbian. and want to be out like that too.


so... I won't transition outwardly, but inside, thats who I am. a very cool open minded lesbian woman :D. and I'm proud of it.

life is so funny.

No it's not weird to be trans and lesbian. I'm happy you have such a great relationship with your wife. You should really cherish that she accepts it.

I'm also a homo romantic trans man.