Author Topic: Is it worth it to come out as an androgyne?  (Read 1092 times)

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Offline transparentgingersnap

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Is it worth it to come out as an androgyne?
« on: May 31, 2015, 10:57:45 pm »
I know most people won't take me seriously.  The last thing I want is to seem like I'm looking for attention.  The goal of coming out would be for people to see me as I am, but if they will not believe me, then am I really accomplishing anything?  And if I ask for people to use they/them pronouns, I will either have to be annoying about it or they will forget.  I don't want to be annoying about it because that will draw unnecessary attention and, I'm sure, just endless grammar debates. 

So, that on the table, is it worth it to come out?

Offline Lady Smith

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Re: Is it worth it to come out as an androgyne?
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2015, 11:26:32 pm »
If that is what you are then the short answer is 'Yes'.  I was born on the intersex spectrum, was messed with to turn me into a boy and some years ago after being on HRT for four years I had an orchi done.  For a long time I presented as female, then came to realise what I was really meaning by 'female' was 'not male'.  Over the past month or so I've been embracing my in between state and living as an androgynous person.  I dress mostly unisex and wear lipstick or jewelry or not as I please and I don't care what anyone thinks.
My name is Anne and in some European countries that is a unisex name so I'm happy with it and see no need to make any changes.  'Hen' has just become an official gender neutral pronoun in Sweden and I see that as being a sign that gradually the old binary gender ID system is beginning to change into something for the better.

Remember the reason for coming out and being YOU is so you can be comfortable inside your own skin.  Trying to mold yourself into something other people will 'believe' is only going to end in tears.  I used to tell my kids when they were growing up that, 'Labels are for jam jars'.  So be what you know yourself to be because the only person you can be is yourself.

Offline suzifrommd

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Re: Is it worth it to come out as an androgyne?
« Reply #2 on: June 01, 2015, 06:55:58 am »
I found it frustrating, as have other non-binary people I know IRL. Most of the way people gender other people is from looks. So simply knowing that we're non-binary doesn't change the way they see or treat us.

Gendering largely happens on the subconscious level, so someone knowing that you're non-binary doesn't usually change the way they gender you.

I think most people will "believe" you, in that they don't think you're lying. But that doesn't mean their model of the world as a binary gendered world will change.

Does that make sense?
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?

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Re: Is it worth it to come out as an androgyne?
« Reply #3 on: June 01, 2015, 07:12:23 am »
It was confusing, to put it mildly. Even those who were accepting my transition as such, seemed not to be able to grasp the concept even remotely, and eventually I got tired from explaining. So, now I dont really go too much deep into description, but let people gender me the way they want - which somehow tends to be mostly female. I dont wear makeup, I prefer gender neutral comfortable clothes which look good on me and dont give a crap about conventional female dressing style.

Offline transparentgingersnap

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Re: Is it worth it to come out as an androgyne?
« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2015, 05:03:51 pm »
I suppose I will then, just slowly, one-two people at a time with different phrasing depending on who it is and hope for the best.  Thanks for the input, everyone  :)  Fingers crossed for progress

Offline Kendall

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Re: Is it worth it to come out as an androgyne?
« Reply #5 on: June 09, 2015, 12:40:24 am »
depends on the person, the support system, the situation, and such. For some, coming out is not worth it. For others, yes. I guess weigh the pros and cons. And ask, "if everything falls apart, will I be ok." And if things get bad, call the support phone numbers.