Author Topic: Sick of being Pre T  (Read 1712 times)

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Offline Noah

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Sick of being Pre T
« on: September 13, 2015, 06:57:10 am »
Anyone else just sick of having to wait, and being stuck pre T
people keep telling its only 12 months you have to wait or in 18 months you will be happy'
I just tired, of not being able to live the life i want or not being able to do things with out feeling dysphoric

its hard, no one i know can relate.
argh just frustrated

Offline RaptorChops

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Re: Sick of being Pre T
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2015, 11:22:07 am »
it really is frustrating and I know you're going to hate hearing this but, patience young grasshopper. You're going to be dealing with a lot of waiting and in time you'll become more patient.

I had to wait to see a gender therapist, then I had to go to some sessions before being given a recommendation for T. I was waiting to have my first appointment with my Endo. After my first appointment I wasn't put on T until about 2 months later. I had to wait to go to a consultation for top surgery. After my consultation I had to schedule and wait about 6 months to go for my surgery. You'll be waiting a little more when you start getting all your birth info changed over on your bank accounts, birth certificate, drivers license, and social security. The info changing though really isn't difficult and doesn't take that long.

So unfortunately we have to deal with the waiting game. The only thing I can suggest is maybe start working out at home (I personally hate the gym), read up on how to get the figure you want, read recipes and cook for yourself (that always makes me feel good). Buy yourself a new wardrobe if you have the money. Draw, read, play video games are some other options.

Keep yourself educated on your transition and read about the effects of hormones on the body. But maybe you already do or have done all of this. Just stay busy my friend!
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I dunno.

Offline FTMax

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Re: Sick of being Pre T
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2015, 11:30:44 am »
It sucked having to wait a month (after several years of waiting to decide that I was indeed ready).

But I will say that it's been worth the wait.
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Re: Sick of being Pre T
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2015, 02:21:38 pm »
Yep, definitely not alone!

RaptorChops has some good advice, I'd do well to listen to that as well... I do feel frustrated with the wait since I probably had gender dysphoria all my life and never realized it until this year. It's not like it'll kill me to wait a little bit longer, the time will probably come in handy to process the mental and social changes.

But I can relate.

Offline Martine A.

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Re: Sick of being Pre T
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2015, 02:25:21 pm »
It is the same for girls. An incredible artificial tremendous waste of our time.  I am wondering when will some voice that matters shout that the system is just wrong.

You hear it from a soul that won't likely see therapy in next 2 years, although I started the process and all.
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Offline Muscle Matt

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Re: Sick of being Pre T
« Reply #5 on: September 13, 2015, 10:38:38 pm »
It sucked having to wait a month (after several years of waiting to decide that I was indeed ready).

But I will say that it's been worth the wait.

A month? Really? Why even come on here and say anything when some of us are stuck in a position where we don't have the luxury of just waiting a month? Not trying to be rude, but come on.

I called and made an appointment at a doctor's office in APRIL. Since I'm a new patient, they didn't schedule me until July. And of course, July comes around, and the doctor has to cancel on me, and they then reschedule me for August. The doctor's office I chose used to be an informed consent clinic, back when that had any meaning. So I'm expecting to go in, have my bloodwork done, sign some papers, and then a month later I can get T. NOPE. She says I can't be seen again for another two months, and even though she barely talked to me, doesn't believe I'm informed enough to make this decision on my own. So I'm not allowed to get it until I go through therapy. The earliest I could get on T MIGHT be October. If she still says I'm somehow not ready, then it won't be until December, or even later.

If this was 2 years ago (when I was first going to go to this clinic for T before I backed out) and informed consent was still how this place operated, I would have been on T for months already. Literally the only reason I chose this place is because I figured it would be the fastest way to get on T. If they in any way, shape or form would have told me that I might be denied it by a doctor I barely spoke to, I would have spent my time on the waiting list at least trying to find a Dr. that would prescribe it.

On top of the terrible stress this has given me, I CANNOT bind, so I can't even start living life as a fem-looking male in the meantime. No one's going to believe my name is Matt no matter how many times people call me that because I have very obviously female boobs. I have a feeling me not being completely out in my daily life is one of the reasons the doctor denied me. Can't live as a male without male hormones, yet can't get male hormones unless I'm living as male.

My first actual appointment with a therapist is tomorrow, but halfway during my intake appointment, my therapist just stopped to tell me she has no idea why that doctor thinks I'm not ready. I wish she could just be the one prescribing me T.

Offline Pizzaparty78

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Re: Sick of being Pre T
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2015, 11:24:50 pm »
Yeah, I feel like the entire process is a waiting game. It sucks. A lot. I feel you man, I was hoping to start T soon after getting a letter from my therapist, but my endo thinks its better to use puberty blockers first, for potentially a year or so, and then go on T. Considering my age, I guess it makes sense to go on them for several months until I'm 16, but seriously? That's 4 months away, I'm pretty much done with puberty (Puberty started for me like 6 years ago). I feel the same as you, we just want to live our lives without being so dysphoric. We all feel it. I'm tired of being that weird kid who "hasnt hit puberty yet" in all of my classes. No one else gets it, but hey, thanks for making this thread because at least I know all of us can relate.
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Offline RaptorChops

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Re: Sick of being Pre T
« Reply #7 on: September 14, 2015, 08:52:18 am »
When I was in my early 20's and started seeing more and more trans people I questioned myself so many times. There were times I would cry and wish I was a guy. I was on medications for depression and anxiety, I hated being around people and I hated being in public. I didn't want to live my life like that anymore and contemplated suicide a lot of times. My best friend started his transition months before me and that eased me into telling my family. After telling my family they were fully supportive of my decision, I went and saw my GT.

Being on T has helped me a lot. I stopped taking my depression and anxiety meds. I've been able to go out more on my own to do simple tasks that I couldn't do before (I was absolutely fearful of even going through a drive-thru). I am able to to interact better with customers at my job. This hasn't fully cleared my anxiety and depression but it has definitely helped me cope with it better. You're going to be waiting for the effects to start making you look more masculine too. You're going to be stuck in this prepubescent boy stage for about a year or so. You're going to get misgendered a lot.

That was probably the hardest part of the waiting for me. I wanted to look male but I still felt like I looked like a girl. I'm 30 years old now and my changes are getting a lot more noticeable. I pass 100% of the time and never get the second look. My 2 years is not until October 16th ;) (I thought it was in July haha).
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Offline Fids

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Re: Sick of being Pre T
« Reply #8 on: September 15, 2015, 12:50:51 pm »
Wait, isn't that "wait a year" thing obsolete in today's processing of trans people getting their hormones? I hate waiting, I myself have been waiting for around 6 months now because I needed to find a therapist who specialized in Gender Dysphoria, etc.

My doc's appointment (complete with hormone recommendation letter) is next month - it was supposed to be this month, but I couldn't find the place and ended up missing the appointment by about 5 minutes outside of the time of cancellation. Typical me, tbh. I have been without my anxiety and depression meds since I have to ration them now, and the dysphoria is flaring up, making the wait all that much more "enjoyable." *eyeroll*

Rescheduling docs appointments is a pain because of the tendency to not have openings for months at a time, but you should NOT be made to wait a full year for hormones (unless that just happens to be how long you've been waiting).

Most therapists nowadays should judge on a case-by-case basis, and trust that you can make the decision to transition whenever and however you want; I think there's an acronym for this system of treatment but I can't remember what it is called. I was advised by other members of this forum when I first mentioned pursuing a therapist to find someone who uses this system, because it indicates another level of respect for trans people and assumes that they know going into it that this is really what they want to do.

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Offline FTMax

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Re: Sick of being Pre T
« Reply #9 on: September 15, 2015, 01:41:51 pm »
Wait, isn't that "wait a year" thing obsolete in today's processing of trans people getting their hormones?

It depends where you live, what your options are, what other experiences you have, and how you're paying.

In countries like the UK or Sweden, the entire process is free BUT you have to go through their process which can mean a long wait time due to the number of doctors available and the demand for the service. In the UK you can transition faster if you're willing to pay out of pocket.

In the US, if you're able to find a doctor that follows informed consent, you could be starting in under a month potentially. But they're not as prevalent as WPATH providers who want a therapist referral. And therapists should be getting to know you before they make that referral. Minors will have to wait longer or have parental approval. People with other mental health issues may have to wait longer depending on if their condition is potentially affecting their dysphoria. It's up to the therapist making the recommendation.
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Offline Prof Glitterbuks

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Re: Sick of being Pre T
« Reply #10 on: September 17, 2015, 07:28:40 am »
The endless waiting game is definitely still a reality for a LOT of trans people.

Where I live (in Denmark) you should expect to wait at the very least 2 and a half years. usually quite a while longer. There is only one treatment center, both physical and psychological, and you have to jump through a truckload of flaming hoops plus they won't offer hormones or surgery to anyone under the age of 21.

You have to be 18 to be seen for what they call psychotherapy (it's really just years of "testing" to see if you are "really" trans)

The process is down right transphobic in some respects and the center has long since admitted that their main goal is to discourage as many as possible from transitioning.
During the wait they even send you to basically useless cocktease consultations with a surgeon to see if it will scare you off and demand full physicals (doctor has to "check" your genitals) for the sole purpose of making sure you are willing to go through these humiliating processes. If you don't you are rejected as "unsure" and therefore not "genuine".

Even if you do comply and go through all their mountains of paperwork and monthly therapy sessions (these last till way past GRS btw) only about 20% of ftm and 3% of mtf are ever referred for hormone therapy and surgery (GRS needs a second referral after that).

I have been lucky enough to make it through and my therapist has been very supportive of me transitioning, for BS reasons the therapists don't actually get to decide who to refer and who to reject.
I am finally at the point where I will be seeing the endo in copenhagen in a week for a "preliminary exam" and have been put on the waiting list for surgery.

Trust me when I say that I completely understand the frustration, sitting around and waiting when you are SO sure can be hellish but I don't think I've ever felt as accomplished as I did when my therapist called to congratulate me on my referral. It felt GREAT and I'm still riding that wave four months later.

Point is, it IS worth it.
It is worth every second you put into it and when you do get on T that will be something you accomplished through your own blood, sweat and tears.
All good things are worth waiting for and when you start to get close to your goal it really does feel like time flew by.

Offline freemason

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Re: Sick of being Pre T
« Reply #11 on: September 18, 2015, 10:09:56 pm »
yo i've been waiting for at least 3 years to start testosterone and im just barely leaving square one thanks to a lack of parental support! it hurts more than anything in the world but you just gotta bite the bullet and do your best to wait. find distractions, hang out with friends, immerse yourself in hobbies, etc.

it's all about finding a way to combat the waiting.

Offline Takoto

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Re: Sick of being Pre T
« Reply #12 on: September 19, 2015, 11:16:02 am »
I can understand, it's an awful pain.

I've been out for 5 years now, almost 6. My referral to a gender identity clinic was sent out four years ago, and I still haven't got an appointment because they "lost my referral" twice.

Now, I'm sick of waiting for them, and have gone directly to an endocrinologist, I pretty much had to beg, explain that I've been living in-role for 5 years, been waiting for an appointment for 4. I'm still not on hormones, I was meant to start them a few days ago, but my local mental health team took ages to send over my old, old evaluation to my endocrinologist...

So now I have to wait another few months probably.

It feels like an uphill struggle to even start. I ranted to my girlfriend last night, I feel like every day I spent pre-T I feel like it's a day wasted because I'm too anxious to go outside and live as who I am... orz
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Offline Austin Rodgers

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Re: Sick of being Pre T
« Reply #13 on: September 19, 2015, 11:41:40 am »
Man I know exactly what you mean I live in a small, backwards town in Alabama and I couldn't imagine telling anyone about what I'm going through. I told my parents about all this a year ago. I'm 17 till January, which means I still have to do what they want. I'm a senior in high school, trying to get everything prepared for college in a few months. All my parents can say is just wait till you're out of college, which is literally 4+ more years! It sucks because they don't understand our pain that we deal with everyday. I don't think anyone can truly understand unless they've walked in our shoes for a day.

Good luck dude, we can make it! It'll definitely be worth the wait :)
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Re: Sick of being Pre T
« Reply #14 on: September 30, 2015, 10:59:29 am »
I understand you. The waiting game isn't fun at all. I have to be a adult first, so I doesn't need my parents with me. I doesn't want them meddle. It would take 3 years for me, before I'm a adult; 18 years old. Not enough with that. In Norway we have to go to the gender specialist in ca. two years. The team is strict and isn't so liberal as the US. Then the treatment can start. The op-waiting is long too. A medical transistion in Norway would take 5 - 7 years.

(Fact: 80% get a 'No' by the hospital and doesn't get treatment at all. Only 20% get hrt and surgery)

Tags: Waiting life pre-t