Author Topic: Would ftm date cis gender guys or mtf that won't transition  (Read 2765 times)

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bridget

Would ftm date cis gender guys or mtf that won't transition
« on: December 08, 2015, 05:02:02 pm »
I'm mtf that will never transition and basically live out life as a cis guy. I have lost interest in dating cisgirls. Wondering what percent of ftm guys would date cisguys or nontransitioning mtfs. Have you ever? How did intimacy work?

November Fox

Re: Would ftm date cis gender guys or mtf that won't transition
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2015, 05:53:30 pm »
I have no idea about percentages, but I believe that there´s plenty of transmen who´d date a cisguy. I would, if they were a great person, and a match for me. Doesn´t really matter whether they were cis or mtf and not choosing to transition.

But my only experience with dating men is from back when I wasn´t out yet. Or had even thought about transition, so I can´t really help you there.

Offline Bimmer Guy

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Re: Would ftm date cis gender guys or mtf that won't transition
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2015, 06:28:41 pm »
I'm mtf that will never transition and basically live out life as a cis guy. I have lost interest in dating cisgirls. Wondering what percent of ftm guys would date cisguys or nontransitioning mtfs. Have you ever? How did intimacy work?

If you see the FTM as a man, then I don't think you will have any problem. You made the comment that you are not interested in cis women anymore. I think it is important that you don't have the expectation that a FTM would want vaginal sex. Some do, some don't.  There is someone for everyone. Just make sure when you are looking that you clarify what you seek sexually. Then you can be sure you will find a complimentary partner.
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Offline Derpy

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Re: Would ftm date cis gender guys or mtf that won't transition
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2015, 11:07:31 pm »
I am currently engaged to a cis gender guy, so I guess that's my answer ;p I'm pre transition and I will transition as soon as possible and he knows that and accept it :)

Offline FTMDiaries

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Re: Would ftm date cis gender guys or mtf that won't transition
« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2015, 05:43:19 am »
If you see the FTM as a man, then I don't think you will have any problem. You made the comment that you are not interested in cis women anymore. I think it is important that you don't have the expectation that a FTM would want vaginal sex. Some do, some don't.  There is someone for everyone. Just make sure when you are looking that you clarify what you seek sexually. Then you can be sure you will find a complimentary partner.

^ This.

There's a worrying undertone - and I trust the OP didn't intend it - that as she's apparently having no luck with cis girls she'd consider going for a trans guy instead. That makes it sound as if we're an alternative type of girl.

This may come as a surprise, but most trans men (certainly after being on T for some time) are indistinguishable from cis men. We don't look, sound or smell like women. We certainly don't behave like them, and we definitely don't want to be perceived as them. The sort of person who is usually attracted to women would not be interested in us. If you saw me walking down the street, you'd think I'm just another guy like any other. And that's because I am; I just took a slightly more complicated route to get there.

If you're interested in dating guys - cis or trans - why not do so? But remember that trans men are men, and the people who date us are people who are sexually attracted to men. There's a very small minority of people who specifically seek out trans men to date but they are either a) chasers or b) other trans people who are attracted to men but feel uncomfortable with cis men.

So in answer to your question: no, I would not date a trans woman whether she's transitioning or not. I'm not attracted to women physically, sexually, emotionally or mentally. So even if a trans woman does not medically transition and instead presents as male, I would not want to be in a relationship with her specifically because she's a woman, no matter what she looks like.

Would I date cis guys? Well, of course I do - I'm gay! I'm attracted to men physically, sexually, emotionally and mentally.  And because I'm a man, the men who are attracted to me are gay too. Some of them are interested in trying out my 'man cave', as I call it - but not all trans guys have front holes. Not all trans guys are comfortable with using them sexually. Many of us have male genitalia that is pretty much indistinguishable from the sort you're born with. Straight men are not interested in hairy, beardy dudes like me.

To summarise:
People who date cis or trans women do so because they're attracted to women.
People who date cis or trans men do so because they're attracted to men.

The last thing any trans man needs is to be dating someone who perceives him as being a woman, or who objectifies him because of his original plumbing.

WorkingOnThomas

Re: Would ftm date cis gender guys or mtf that won't transition
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2015, 09:00:22 am »
I don't know, actually. I would date (and do date) cis guys, but on the understanding that whatever I've got going on below for now, I'm still a man. Would I date a trans girl? Yes, and I am doing so. Would I date a trans girl who was trying to live her life as a cis male? It depends, I guess, on why. If she had a job where she had to present as cis male or something like that, I could understand, and I'd be supportive. But if she were simply trying to squash herself out of existence - no, I couldn't watch someone do that to themselves.

Offline FtMitch

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Re: Would ftm date cis gender guys or mtf that won't transition
« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2015, 09:32:42 am »
There's a difference between dating a non medically transitioning mtf and dating a cis male.  Unlikely to the first, yes to the second.  I am not huge on women to begin with, and when I am attracted to women they are very feminine in their looks.  I prefer men, though, and so wouldn't want to seriously date someone who identifies as female.  In other words, you're kind of asking two different things.
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Offline FTMax

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Re: Would ftm date cis gender guys or mtf that won't transition
« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2015, 09:52:24 am »
Agree with Bimmer Guy. If women are what you like, you'd be better off dating another MTF. By the end of my transition, I will be indistinguishable from a cisguy. So if you're into women, I'm not your type.

To answer your question, I would not date either of those. Having dated other transfolks in the past, I know that it is extremely difficult for me to deal with my own dysphoria and someone else's. My worry in dating a non-transitioner would be that they are not doing anything to alleviate or manage their dysphoria. It would be a constant thing, and that's not something I want to expose myself to.

I also get a lot of dysphoria from seeing male genitalia. So for my own mental wellbeing, I wouldn't be open to dating those two groups you mentioned.
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November Fox

Re: Would ftm date cis gender guys or mtf that won't transition
« Reply #8 on: December 10, 2015, 03:17:56 am »
If you see the FTM as a man, then I don't think you will have any problem. You made the comment that you are not interested in cis women anymore. I think it is important that you don't have the expectation that a FTM would want vaginal sex. Some do, some don't.  There is someone for everyone. Just make sure when you are looking that you clarify what you seek sexually. Then you can be sure you will find a complimentary partner.

I hadn´t even considered the OP not regarding the transmen as what they are - men.  ;D
Which changes the whole question, for me. I would date someone who considered me as male, but I wouldn´t be into it if I (to them) were a different girl or if my (to me, superflouos) genitals were still in the picture.

My worry in dating a non-transitioner would be that they are not doing anything to alleviate or manage their dysphoria. It would be a constant thing, and that's not something I want to expose myself to.

This went through my mind too, although I initially assumed that the OP did not want to transition because they were more or less comfortable in their body (which I shouldn´t have assumed straight away).

Offline Kylo

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Re: Would ftm date cis gender guys or mtf that won't transition
« Reply #9 on: December 10, 2015, 04:52:39 am »
I don't think I would be dating someone who was interested in me for my girl parts. For one thing I want them removed, for another it's kind of important to be seen and respected for who we are on the inside.

I am most definitely not comfortable in my body; if the OP assumes transmen are as comfortable as they are with their bits methinks they'll have problems somewhere along the line in dating.
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Re: Would ftm date cis gender guys or mtf that won't transition
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2015, 10:36:49 am »
I would, then again I consider myself pansexual. As long as who I'm dating sees me/relates to me as a man and we get along and have chemistry, I'm fine with however they want to present.