Author Topic: MaletoFemale and going through a Gender Queer transition ?  (Read 1288 times)

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Offline MtFGenderQueer

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MaletoFemale and going through a Gender Queer transition ?
« on: December 26, 2015, 07:28:25 pm »
Hello.

I'm a trans woman,almost 20 years old.
After hesitating for a long time what to do I came to a solution .

I identify fully as a woman but I'm not strong enough at this moment in time to go through a full transition . Cross dressing however is not easing the dysphoria anymore either . I need to have a form of treatment and not only talk therapy but medical intervention .

I read about gender queer individuals going on hormone replacement therapy . This sounds like an acceptable first step to me . A gender queer transition with hormones . I want the changes from male to female to be gradual enough . I have autism and going to fast would be a disaster for me . Therefore a gender queer transition with hormone therapy sounds ideal to me . I want however to live my life as a female and not as a male but I want everything to be gradual enough . An agressive and fast transition on full dose hormone replacement therapy would mean that I would not be able to get used to changes . My breasts , facial changes , fat redistribution ,... I want it all to be a process rather than a race . I am scared to wake up in a new body 123 to say so . I want it to go slower than a normal transition from male to female .

If I could push a button that would transform me into a fully fletched female instantly I wouldn't push it . It would go to fast for me . With my autism I would never get used to the changes if it would go to quickly . That's why I wouldn't push. If I could choose to be born female from the start , would I push ? I don't know . I'm not sure .

All I know is that being a trans woman is my biggest desire . Not just out of sexual motivation , although it plays a minor role , but rather out of social anger and dysphoria as well as physical dysphoria .
I don't want to live a girly girly life . I will probably be a tomboy . But I am very unhappy to be gendered male . I rather want to be female . And there is treatment for it so why not take it . I don't know if I want people to remind me as a woman , I rather want them to remind me for my character rather than my gender and I certainly don't want them to remind me as male . But not as female either I guess . One thing I'm a million percent sure of is that I want to have a female body,am jealous on pretty girls and I would be happy to have long girly shoulder length hair , female nails , my own pair of breasts , my own full feminin hips , my own hour glass figure and curves , a rather feminin face and my own voluminous butt . That makes me happy . Thinking about myself as a " poster " girl for lingerie ,... makes me happy to. I know so surely that I want to have a female body . That cross dressing doesn't ease the dysphoria enough cause my primar motivations aren't sexual enough . They are rather gender identity related . I always associate with female characters in books , movies ,... I project myself as a girl in my head . But I still want to be able to recognise something about my natural self on my body as a girl . That's why I want changes to be gradual enough . So that I can get used to every change. Also the thought of hormonally feeling the changes sounds so appealing to me . The idea that medication can stop my testosterone and have my body running on estrogen . In social life I always identify with the girls . Although I have some competitive and testosterone driven characteristics but girls can have those as well . I don't identify as gender queer mentally . I completely identify as female . It's just that I want my transition to go on the speed of a gender queer transition but with as end result a female body with small sensible breasts ,...

I made an appointment with a gender psychiatrist . She will help me out .
I would love to hear your thoughts about hormone therapy in my case and wether you think it's suitable for me .

PS : I also have genital dysphoria but will not go through GRS for the coming decade at least because for now that surgery is to intense for me .
I've felt transsexual feelings for 5 consistent years now and realise that signs of it go back since the age of 4 but dysphoria is present since at least 3 years with a remarkable increase since three to four months .

Offline Ms Grace

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Re: MaletoFemale and going through a Gender Queer transition ?
« Reply #1 on: December 26, 2015, 07:37:07 pm »
Hi!

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

We can't really tell you if HRT/hormones would be the best thing for you or not. That is up to you and your therapist and prescribing doctor. Generally it is possible to prescribe a low dosage that has slow and minimal changes but it is no guarantee, some ladies end up with DDs even on a low dose. Keep in mind that even on the standard dosages that may be prescribed the changes usually take up to 18-24 months to become visible to most people. In most cases they'll just think you look a bit younger.

Please check out the following links for site rules, helpful tips and other info...


Cheers

Grace
Grace
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Transition 1.0 (Julie): HRT 1989-91
Self-denial: 1991-2013
Transition 2.0 (Grace): HRT June 24 2013
Full-time: March 24, 2014 :D

Offline Dena

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Re: MaletoFemale and going through a Gender Queer transition ?
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2015, 08:00:51 pm »
Welcome to Susan's Place. Another approach for you to take would be low dose hormones and as you become comfortable you add womans jeans or pants or a woman's blouse. Letting you hair grown out and going through a Pixie cut to the final cut. You can alter your appearance to a feminine at the rate you are comfortable. In my case, I have been on hormones for 30 years and still have a somewhat boyish figure with my clothes on. For the first 3 years of hormones I could pass in boy mode without any extra effort. You may or may not develop a full feminine figure and only time will tell what you will look like and how fast it will happen.
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Offline Mariah

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Re: MaletoFemale and going through a Gender Queer transition ?
« Reply #3 on: December 26, 2015, 08:31:03 pm »
Welcome back to Susan's. Definitely something you need to talk over with your doctor's and a therapist. It's very possible that it could be, but we are not qualified to be able to tell you. I look forward to seeing you around the forums again. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah
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I am also spouse of genderfluid person.