Author Topic: What made you unhappy today? 7.0  (Read 92254 times)

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Offline Devlyn

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1700 on: November 25, 2018, 05:02:32 am »
I went to my first black tie dinner last night with a load of barristers and students who want to be barristers. I spent most of the day getting ready, my hair blown dry, nails done etc.

I'm having a great time, and this woman comes over to say that she wondered if she could do some work experience with me. I say of course, we start chatting and she's saying a few weird things almost like in code. About a minute in she comes out and says "I mean you were born a boy weren't you". I was devastated. I thought I was passing 100% these days and suddenly I'm having reassess how I view myself. Maybe the lack of issues from people is that people who I meet are cool with me being trans, rather than as I thought it which was people who I meet not realising that I am trans.

I asked her what it was about me that made her realise, and she basically was like "well, you can just tell" I tried to push her as I wanted to know if there was anything that I could do about it "oh no, theres nothing you can do about it, that'd be like me becoming Chinese, it cant be changed. You're trans, be happy how you are"

Now putting aside the absolute rudeness of her even saying it (which all my friends are fixating on, but thats not what bothers me), I'm now just so self critical. I've posted below my photos of last night. I think maybe my hair being pinned back was a mistake as I always wear in down and the whole thing made me realise that FFS is more needed than I maybe thought. I mean I knew that I wanted it, but this has really set me back emotionally and confidence wise no end.



Sorry that happened, but if your happiness depends upon how others perceive you, your happiness is always going to be in their hands.

Lots of people know I'm transgender, but they use my name and gender me properly, I can't really ask for more.

If she wouldn't tell you, you have no insight to her thoughts. Maybe it's your walk. Maybe it's your speech patterns. Maybe there was beard shadow. It doesn't matter, if you're going to fold up over not passing in someone else's eyes, it's going to be a rough ride for you.

Hugs, Devlyn

Offline Dietlind

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1701 on: November 25, 2018, 08:22:36 am »
I don't see a real need for FFS in your pictures.  The only semi male attribute I can see is your nose, it is a little large for the average female.   Female noses tend to be turned up a little at the front, and you can see the nostrils a little, while yours is turned down.
In those pictures i can't see if you have an Adams Apple, because this is another slight attribute that might give you away.
I had a discussions about this with friends(female), asking what would give me away as being trans.  I was born without a visible Adams Apple and with a more female looking nose, my face is that of an average female, but I am still identified as a trans woman.  The major thing for it that was mentioned is how I walk, and how I move my body in general.  There is a clear difference between male and female body movements (a learned behavior), and i think that might be it what gives many of us away.  We might look very much like a woman, but move like a man  Even I, who was always more  girlish than most guys, seem still to move like a man.
Being relativ tall, I have the tendency to hang a little down/look down with my upper torso.  This seems to be typically male, and gives me away!
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Online ChrissyRyan

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1702 on: November 25, 2018, 09:57:52 am »
I don't see a real need for FFS in your pictures.  The only semi male attribute I can see is your nose, it is a little large for the average female.   Female noses tend to be turned up a little at the front, and you can see the nostrils a little, while yours is turned down.
In those pictures i can't see if you have an Adams Apple, because this is another slight attribute that might give you away.
I had a discussions about this with friends(female), asking what would give me away as being trans.  I was born without a visible Adams Apple and with a more female looking nose, my face is that of an average female, but I am still identified as a trans woman.  The major thing for it that was mentioned is how I walk, and how I move my body in general.  There is a clear difference between male and female body movements (a learned behavior), and i think that might be it what gives many of us away.  We might look very much like a woman, but move like a man  Even I, who was always more  girlish than most guys, seem still to move like a man.
Being relativ tall, I have the tendency to hang a little down/look down with my upper torso.  This seems to be typically male, and gives me away!


Dietlind,

Yes, we need to walk the walk!

My walk has improved and I apparently have started to “subconciously perhaps?” fall into it sometimes when presenting as male.  Once recently I was asked why I was walking “funny, sorta like a girl, did you fall on your hip or something?” 

I told him there was no fall but that I was making very conscious efforts to improve my posture, as that better posture brings about many benefits.  That in itself was not a lie but it was not the complete story, it was not the only reason for walking that way.  But clearly, I wasn’t in touch with my surroundings at that moment as I was walking in that more female like way at the time!

So I then tried to still walk upright with shoulders back but I placed my feet ahead of me in a more male movement pattern.

When walking as a female, and I look ahead in a reflection or look to the sides sometimes as you may pass by glass walls, I can see a slight hip movement as I walk.  For sure, nowhere as much as a ciswoman, plus she has more hips and her pelvic tilt too.  I wish I could see me from the back view as I walk.  I try for sure to not exaggerate any swagger of the hips, to just walk “naturally,” with shorter steps but at a tad faster pace.

I am more concerned about my voice.  I am working on it.  But the walk and mannerisms too.

Chrissy
Kindness, honesty, and sincerity are worthy traits.  Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.

Offline Dietlind

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1703 on: November 25, 2018, 10:36:35 am »

Dietlind,

I am more concerned about my voice.  I am working on it.  But the walk and mannerisms too.

Chrissy
The pitch of my voice seems not to be a problem.  Because no Adams Apple gives me a smaller voice box and a more female pitch (around 180 hz average and 245 peak).  But my speaking pattern is still very male, because I lower my voice at the end of sentences (females are increasing pitch at the end).

If I watch it, I can pass as female (older females tend to have lower voices anyway), but I always slip into that deep note at the end if I don't pay attention.
For me the give away's are my still rather short hair (I have a wig, but I hate to wear it), the way I move and the speaking pattern.

I think the walking can be a little controlled with higher heels on the shoes, because they do not allow for those long male strides. Some here report that they got a certain amount of pelvic tilt by taking estrogen.  This might help to walk more like females because it brings the hip bones into a different position.  So we can hope for that one.
 But for the rest of my movements, I have no idea what to do about them, because nobody can put a finger on the things I do wrong with my moves.  It is just wrong and not feminine!  Many years of training to act like a tough male are hard to untrain!
When you are dead, you don't know that you are dead; the same applies when you are stupid!



Offline V M

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1704 on: December 03, 2018, 04:04:18 pm »
Nothing that I care enough to to talk about
The main things to remember in life are Love, Kindness, Understanding and Respect - Always make forward progress

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Offline Allison S

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1705 on: December 03, 2018, 07:02:00 pm »
Nothing that I care enough to to talk about
Ditto

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Offline GingerVicki

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1706 on: December 03, 2018, 07:05:05 pm »
My new running shoes have not shipped yet! It makes me angry.

Offline Lisa89125

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1707 on: December 03, 2018, 10:38:41 pm »
Having a gift that is 100 miles away and waiting impatiently for it to come.

Lisa
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Offline V M

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1708 on: December 04, 2018, 07:20:21 pm »
PC mouse issues, it's like navigating with a malfunctioned rudder  :P
The main things to remember in life are Love, Kindness, Understanding and Respect - Always make forward progress

Superficial fanny kissing friends are a dime a dozen, a TRUE FRIEND however is PRICELESS

 
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Offline Dietlind

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1709 on: December 04, 2018, 07:49:02 pm »
Having no estrogen until some time next week (I hope)
When you are dead, you don't know that you are dead; the same applies when you are stupid!



Offline Dena

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1710 on: December 04, 2018, 08:14:42 pm »
PC mouse issues, it's like navigating with a malfunctioned rudder  :P
Only a guess but if you have a ball mouse, have you opened it up and cleaned it. If it's optical, sometimes the optics need to be cleaned up. I have had more than one mouse misbehave and cleaning them out made them work like new.
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Offline V M

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1711 on: December 07, 2018, 07:13:41 pm »
Hurray!!! Mouse issue solved  :icon_joy:
The main things to remember in life are Love, Kindness, Understanding and Respect - Always make forward progress

Superficial fanny kissing friends are a dime a dozen, a TRUE FRIEND however is PRICELESS

 
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Offline Dietlind

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1712 on: December 07, 2018, 08:47:54 pm »
The husband of one of my supporting girl friends died last night.  I drove her today to all kind of legal places to get everything under control.  She was not able to drive by herself today. 

It is my turn to help out now!
When you are dead, you don't know that you are dead; the same applies when you are stupid!



Offline Alaskan Danielle

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1713 on: December 07, 2018, 11:38:29 pm »
I am very unhappy to find out that a long time member,  Laurie,  has deleted her profile today....
I am very sad and depressed that such a good friend and caring and contributing member has left us.
Danielle   *sad face* :(  :icon_cry2:
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Online Steph2.0

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1714 on: December 08, 2018, 02:53:52 am »
I am very unhappy to find out that a long time member,  Laurie,  has deleted her profile today....
I am very sad and depressed that such a good friend and caring and contributing member has left us.
Danielle   *sad face* :(  :icon_cry2:

The good natured banter between Laurie and @HappyMoni is what attracted me to Susan’s in the first place. All the other sources of information were so grim, with so much sniping and infighting, and I found the lighter atmosphere here so refreshing. I realized that as hard as what we’re doing is, we’re still allowed to have a little fun.

Whatever happened to prompt her and other friends to leave makes me worry that those days may be coming to an end. This is a very very sad thing to contemplate. We all need a place where everyone is respected and can loosen up, and Susan’s has been my refuge. Let’s hope that whatever it is that’s caused the loss of our friends will pass. Our home here won’t be the same without some of our friends, but maybe the tone will still be welcoming. Fingers crossed.

Hugs for everyone, especially you, Danielle.

Stephanie


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Offline LizK

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1715 on: December 08, 2018, 02:57:45 am »
The whole situation makes me feel sadder than I can really say.



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Online ChrissyRyan

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Re: What made you unhappy today? 7.0
« Reply #1716 on: December 08, 2018, 05:11:44 am »
I will miss Laurie. 

Chrissy
Kindness, honesty, and sincerity are worthy traits.  Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.

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