Author Topic: Hips dysphoria?  (Read 1251 times)

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Offline Jack-the-banana

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Hips dysphoria?
« on: May 13, 2016, 11:29:54 am »
So I've been feeling depressed for a while, for multiple reasons, but the main one is my hips. I'm almost 15, so still going through puberty, and I've only recently started noticing that my hips are ''open''. I don't really know how to explain it, but I just feel that my hip bones are way too open and it bothers me a lot. It's not even how they look, it's just how they feel whenever I move, and even when I'm not moving, I can still feel the bones inside. I've never really felt like this before about them, and I think it might be because they've only just started to grow, and I'm really afraid that they'll keep growing and will eventually become even more ''open''. I just feel vulnerable and weird. It makes me feel like shit because I know that I can't do anything about it. Does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone here know how to make these feelings stop?

Offline Alexthecat

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Re: Hips dysphoria?
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2016, 11:58:59 am »
Get on puberty blockers and they won't get any bigger.


Offline FTMax

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Re: Hips dysphoria?
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2016, 12:29:10 pm »
When you say open, what do you mean?

I had a curvier bottom half for most of my life. I lost a lot of weight and gained several inches through my shoulders and that has fixed it.
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Offline Arch

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Re: Hips dysphoria?
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2016, 03:17:43 pm »
Gotta echo Alex--can you get on hormone blockers?

A lot of us see a more balanced physique after we have been on T for a while (and some of us work out to achieve more upper body bulk to balance out the bottom half). You can always have a certain amount of residual fat siphoned out, but bones are obviously different and depend on the genetic lottery: You never know what you are going to get. Blockers should prevent any further growth and might alleviate your anxiety--at least your anxiety about this particular thing.

We also tend to obsess over the physical characteristics that we hate the most. I'm embarrassed about my small hands more than anything else, so of course I think about them a lot. Do other people notice? Not as far as I can tell.
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Offline Jack-the-banana

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Re: Hips dysphoria?
« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2016, 10:13:54 am »
Gotta echo Alex--can you get on hormone blockers?

A lot of us see a more balanced physique after we have been on T for a while (and some of us work out to achieve more upper body bulk to balance out the bottom half). You can always have a certain amount of residual fat siphoned out, but bones are obviously different and depend on the genetic lottery: You never know what you are going to get. Blockers should prevent any further growth and might alleviate your anxiety--at least your anxiety about this particular thing.

We also tend to obsess over the physical characteristics that we hate the most. I'm embarrassed about my small hands more than anything else, so of course I think about them a lot. Do other people notice? Not as far as I can tell.

Well, I don't know how I could possibly get any hormone blockers. My parents are absolutely not okay with me being trans, they constantly try to tell me that gender dysphoria doesn't exist (my mom's an evangelical christian and she's completely insane about religion, she told me that she would stop talking to me if I ever transitioned). I get therapy for my anxiety disorder, and my psychologist tried to get my dad to bring me to a special clinic for trans teens, and he refused. How could I get any hormone blockers without my parents knowing? Where I live, you can start making medical decisions when you're 14, so I could probably take them without telling my parents, but where should I go? Do I absolutely have to go that gender dysphoria clinic or can I just buy them somewhere?

Offline Arch

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Re: Hips dysphoria?
« Reply #5 on: May 21, 2016, 06:03:31 pm »
Where I live, you can start making medical decisions when you're 14, so I could probably take them without telling my parents, but where should I go? Do I absolutely have to go that gender dysphoria clinic or can I just buy them somewhere?

I am so sorry about your predicament. I never had to contend with obstructive parents, so I can only imagine the desperation and frustration you must be feeling.

If I were in your shoes, I would find out exactly what freedom minors DO have to make medical decisions. A lot of that information should be available somewhere online, but various entities might help you to figure this out as well--therapist, family doctor, local LGBT center, or the clinic you mentioned. I suppose you would also need to worry about disclosure issues. You might be able to start blockers before you reach adulthood, but would the health care professional be obligated to notify your parents? It's something to think about.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds as if you are not in the US. In the US, a group called TransYouth Family Allies (which has a nice site) has information that may be US-specific. However, you might be able to ask them to point you in the right direction, perhaps to sister organizations in other countries. You might even find such resources listed on the site.

Even if you cannot take action right this minute, you can find out exactly when you can act, determine what you can do when, and just make a plan. For some people, knowing what they are up against and starting to make plans can ease dysphoria.

ETA: I should also point out that we have a youth board here; you can post queries relating to procedures in your country. Your fellow trans men on Susan's might already have the information you need.

ETA once more: Parents often do come around, but it takes time. I know that Catholics and evangelical Christians are not equivalent, but one of my acquaintances has Catholic parents who shunned him for only a few years. It must have been a long, hard journey for him, but he has a happy ending now. Just hang in there, and know that the people on this site will support you.
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Midnightstar

Re: Hips dysphoria?
« Reply #6 on: May 21, 2016, 08:12:32 pm »
So I've been feeling depressed for a while, for multiple reasons, but the main one is my hips. I'm almost 15, so still going through puberty, and I've only recently started noticing that my hips are ''open''. I don't really know how to explain it, but I just feel that my hip bones are way too open and it bothers me a lot. It's not even how they look, it's just how they feel whenever I move, and even when I'm not moving, I can still feel the bones inside. I've never really felt like this before about them, and I think it might be because they've only just started to grow, and I'm really afraid that they'll keep growing and will eventually become even more ''open''. I just feel vulnerable and weird. It makes me feel like shit because I know that I can't do anything about it. Does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone here know how to make these feelings stop?

Yes, iv'e had the same dislike i hate my hips and the way they curve i would say give baggier pants a shot and see if that helps you. I'm not sure if it will but iv'e thought about trying that idea myself. Besides that i don't have any good tips but i can say i completely understand that feeling.
 

Offline FtMitch

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Re: Hips dysphoria?
« Reply #7 on: May 22, 2016, 11:35:51 am »
On the bright side, even if you can't get on hormone blockers your hips may not be as big a problem as you think.  I was a total pear shape--all hips no top--before T.  6 months on T with just a little working out and my shoulders blew up.  They increased diameter by several inches, balancing out my large hips so they now look pretty make.  Sure, they are still a little larger than most skinny guys' hips, but not enough to cause me the huge dysphoria they did before thanks to my shoulders.  So don't feel like there is no hope.  Even if you feel like your hips are large right now, when you hit adulthood and get on T, there is a VERY good chance that T will balance them out.

Also, I'm sorry about your folks.  Those kind of people give evangelical Christians a terrible name.  My parents are both Southern Baptist evangelicals (my dad used to be an assistant pastor!) but they would die before ever rejecting me in any way.  Mostly because they love me, but also because they consider that un-Christlike.  I guess I should count my blessings that I ended up in what is apparently one of the few evangelical homes that is cool with trans people and gets angry when fellow Christians judge other people.

Edit: oh and btw, if you are otherwise skinny I would not give baggy pants a try.  I am tall and thin with big hips and baggy jeans make them look bigger.  I wear skinny jeans and it makes them look smaller.  I would try both styles before choosing what to wear.  Baggy pants work for some body shapes to hide hips, but for other body shapes they emphasize hips.  Sorry, the fashion stylist (my job) in me couldn't resist commenting on this as its a common misconception that bigger clothes hide your shape when really they only work for a certain type of shape (usually one that is larger all over).
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