Author Topic: Post-op and transition complete (almost)  (Read 7001 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Inarasarah

  • ****
  • Posts: 306
  • Reputation: +3/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #20 on: January 20, 2017, 05:45:19 pm »
It sometimes shocks me when, on occasion, the feeling of being my former self rises up.

This fades in time, I know that many years after transition, feels kept coming up. but I think the longer we live as ourselves the more our lives reflect who we are rather than who we were.

As I might have mentioned before, my voice is the only remnant of what I was like before.  Even though I trained and worked on it, I still hear the former me when I speak.  Hopefully everything will change in in 3 weeks...

Offline Sophia Sage

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 924
  • Reputation: +24/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #21 on: January 20, 2017, 10:00:07 pm »
I'm learning that there are aspects of my personality that are intrinsic to my core identity.  Much of who I used to be, who I pretended to be, was but a thin veneer which barely covered my true self.  Transition for me was a shedding of, no, a tearing away the male facade, but in the process I stripped away parts of me that were real in a zealous attempt to seek validation from the people in my life.  Now, having achieved what appears to be acceptance from the world at large, I feel free to restore my whole self, not worry about what people may think; not feel that I have to measure up to what others expect of me; to stop pretending to be less masculine or more feminine than I actually am.  I see this as the final stage of transitioning which is probably similar to what cisgender women struggle with as well.  Gender is a spectrum.  I suspect that all people trans and cis need to discover where they fall within that spectrum.

Yes, after transition there's a period of integration to accomplish.  We are so used to pretending to be someone else through so much of our lives, there's still this element of performativity of being ourselves, mediated by our perceptions of social acceptance, which I think everyone has to deal with to some extent (social forces are very powerful, after all).  Now suddenly everyone is gendering us correctly, one's womanhood becomes "known," and sometimes I think other people see it better than we do ourselves. 

So we let the guard down.  Do something "transgressive" -- and realize that every woman is transgressive in some way, shape, or form, some more than others, of course, but this is by and large true.  Every woman I know has some masculine traits.  And, I suspect, every man has some feminine traits, though many men refuse to show those traits to anyone, except, perhaps, a lover. 

But I'm not sure I'd call this a "spectrum" -- because when it comes to gender, it's still defined by the two poles, that duality, and everyone has a clear idea of what lies at one end and what lies at the other.  A stone-cold dyke is still identifiably a woman, even if she's more butch than most men on the planet.  She's still a she, and everyone knows it (or will know it pretty soon).  In other words, gender isn't the role, it isn't a set of traits, it isn't a performance... it's an assignment.  What we do within that assignment will look like a spectrum, but the assignment itself really isn't a spectrum at all.

(And sure, there are those who don't technically belong at either end, but this percentage is very small, and it's not like anyone has a clear idea of what the in-between or outside points "look" like, other than being "other.")

So after time passes and the new assignment sinks in, then what? 

When I had my SRS/GCS back in 2004, I could not have imagined feeling the way I feel today.  And even though it has only been 13 years of being “me”, I truly feel like I have always been this way, and maybe I have been deep inside and that inside me is all that is left.

This is something I've noticed as well... a subtle adjustment of my memories. 

It's funny, after everyone stopped clocking me, the only person left to clock me was myself.  For the first couple years after the surgeries, immersing myself into simply living a woman's life, there was always a "second" voice in my head, reminding me of my past, of the transition "narrative" as something that defined me.  But I just ignored it.  I kept living, kept living, with new friends and new work and a new lover, and all around me I'm getting gendered female, female, female, and of course the cis assumption is that one has always been this way.

Maybe they're right. 

So of course when the opportunities came to tell stories from my past, I stuck to the cis assumption -- my stories were stories of when I was a little girl, or becoming a young woman.  Well, lo and behold, the memories invoked with those stories started to change.  Or, maybe, they were the right memories all along, and only "covered up" like our souls had been covered up by the falsity of the flesh, and it's only been a matter of peeling away the layers to reveal the truth within.

Anyways, the point of all this is that the "second" voice eventually went away.  Disappeared into the aether.  And I think that marks a point where transsexing is really happening, where we start to discover not just how to "be ourselves" but how to fully participate in the... essence... of womanhood.  Where we really grok it, and we become it, and it becomes us. 

Step into the life dreamed of... and that life steps into you. 

What you look forward to has already come, but you do not recognize it.

Offline Georgette

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 122
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #22 on: January 31, 2017, 12:30:40 am »
Being Post-Op for some 39 1/3 years.  Post HRT since around 1985, doctors didn't do any hormone checking in those days.  My OB/GYN couldn't see a need to continue, as I was like a Post-menopausal woman.

At 66 I am now in old age.  Besides all the usual old age problems. 

After my partner died in 2014, I have now decided to check out any Trans related physical problems.

I have had two mammograms, Medicare pays for them.  I had a Bone Density Test.  Had the complete Heart stress testing done.  Had a PSA as a precaution.  Had my doctor draw blood for Hormone levels.  Got a recommendation for an Endo.

Not sure what else to have tested.

As for facial hair.  It was gone back in 1976.  But as some older Post menopausal women, like my mother had in her 60s, I have some heavier chin facial hair.  Had an Electrologist take a 1/2 hour a couple of times getting rid of them.

As an aside for those with slightly larger Breasts, I am a 46 D cup size.  When 35 years younger and 100 pounds lighter I was a 38 D.  For a woman with my size and weight that is small-ish.  But age and weight with gravity, I join the older cis woman in my age group with low hanging fruit.  Not sure what effect BA, for ones that have it, will have as you age.

So I guess I am going thru the final transition.
AMAB - NOV 13 1950
HRT - Start 1975 / End 1985
Moved in with SO ( Also a MtF ) - 1976 / She didn't believe in same sex marriage
Name Change - NOV 30 1976
FT - Formal letter from work - APR 12 1977
SRS - SEP 13 1977
SO died - OCT 03 2014  38 years not a bad run


Emileeeee

Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #23 on: February 11, 2017, 11:50:17 am »
I love this thread. I'm only about a month post op, but I can relate to a lot of what's in this thread. The hair too! It's driving me insane!

Offline audreytn

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 156
  • Reputation: +2/-0
  • Gender: Female
    • Colorado Transgender Information Center
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #24 on: March 22, 2017, 04:05:08 pm »
8 days post-op and a quick switcheroo into an underwire from that ugly surgical compression bra....

quite possibly the worst thing you can do for breast implants that soon after BA.

you should wear a surgical bra for the first week or two, then you should switch over to a loose fitting cloth sports bra for 6 months. 

You want the breasts to settle naturally and move in towards each other so you have a nice cleavage line.  underwire bras prevent that with implants.
Info for transgender individuals residing in Colorado.
http://cotransgenderinfo.blogspot.com

Offline Steph Eigen

  • *
  • Posts: 347
  • Reputation: +6/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Many questions, too few answers...
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #25 on: March 22, 2017, 05:55:01 pm »
For those who are out many years from the initial phase of transition and surgeries, having lived and benefited  for years or even decades by congruent gender, how does it feel to have life evolve into older age?  The emphasis on secondary sexual characteristics must wane, the eye must turn more inward to some extent.

In the heat of the moment at younger age, tortured by dysphoria, I wonder if we lose larger perspective on the internal milieu that comes in  the longer term life as a woman.

Steph

Offline Aeirs

  • Neighbor
  • ***
  • Posts: 67
  • Reputation: +2/-0
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #26 on: March 23, 2017, 01:42:15 am »
I just can't wait to be able to be where you ladies are at where I could say I have a vagina LOL

Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk


Offline Dena

  • (S) Global Moderator
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 12,488
  • Reputation: +96/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #27 on: March 23, 2017, 09:44:31 pm »
For those who are out many years from the initial phase of transition and surgeries, having lived and benefited  for years or even decades by congruent gender, how does it feel to have life evolve into older age?  The emphasis on secondary sexual characteristics must wane, the eye must turn more inward to some extent.

In the heat of the moment at younger age, tortured by dysphoria, I wonder if we lose larger perspective on the internal milieu that comes in  the longer term life as a woman.

Steph
This is a really different question that I don't think I have ever been asked. For me it was about dealing with the discomfort I had in life. It wasn't sexual as I am still a virgin and it wasn't about being attractive as I never really considered myself to be attractive. Surgery eliminated the testosterone, the depression and the dysphoria in a few hours. From then on, it as been about enjoying life and doing different things that I never planed on doing previous. Before surgery there was school, work and distractions. After surgery, I have traveled in the United States, meet many people and had discussions with them and take more enjoyment out of living day to day. It's just living a normal life like everybody else without having my gender intruding in my thoughts.

Even something as simple as working the web site tonight, it's not about me finding an answer for myself, it's about helping somebody else find their answer. I look around and see so many people taking their first step, moving to full time and in many cases moving on to surgery. It feels good knowing that some day their journey will end and they to can join me in just living life.
Rebirth Date 1982 - PMs are welcome - If you are helped by this site, consider leaving a tip in the jar at the bottom of the page or become a subscriber.
Use dena@susans.org only if you are unable to PM

Offline gv2002

  • Neighbor
  • ***
  • *
  • Posts: 68
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #28 on: March 24, 2017, 10:55:12 am »
I'm very proud of you transition! Wish I would of done something 40 years ago. Life's been a living hell!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Offline johnny.amador.39

  • Visitor
  • *
  • Posts: 1
  • Reputation: +0/-0
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #29 on: March 24, 2017, 05:26:30 pm »
Thank you for sharing.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Online HappyMoni

  • *
  • Posts: 1,658
  • Reputation: +24/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Smiles for the house, it's on me!
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #30 on: March 24, 2017, 05:44:51 pm »
For those who are out many years from the initial phase of transition and surgeries, having lived and benefited  for years or even decades by congruent gender, how does it feel to have life evolve into older age?  The emphasis on secondary sexual characteristics must wane, the eye must turn more inward to some extent.

In the heat of the moment at younger age, tortured by dysphoria, I wonder if we lose larger perspective on the internal milieu that comes in  the longer term life as a woman.

Steph

I have lived life for many years, in the male form. I know I can life live as a woman hopefully for many years. I am not worried about living an every day life. I am excited to live life without what seems like a mosquito (dysphoria) buzzing and irritating me all the time. Maybe it is just a matter of emphasis. The important things in life don't change no matter what the gender expression. The self image, well, that does adjust. I am probably not able to answer the question as you asked it, since I am fairly new in my transition. My belief is that given longer time, I would be more at peace with my place in the world.
Monica
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) 
FFS in late June 2016. (Ugh!)                  Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally)
GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!)
Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17   Nasal surgery-Thankgiving 2017
   


Offline Clara Kay

  • *
  • Posts: 306
  • Reputation: +9/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #31 on: April 13, 2017, 08:57:11 pm »
I'm 3 months further along since I last commented on this thread.  I've been living "stealth" away from my permanent residence for the past 6 months.  When I say stealth, I simply mean that I don't volunteer information about my medical past to people I meet.  My partner is a cis woman so people in our condo complex who we've come to know quite well assume that we are a couple of ladies who've decided to shack up together, lol.  I'm always gendered female without hesitation, so I assume people are interacting with me as a woman, albeit a possible lesbian.  No one seems uncomfortable in our presence.  I'm in a very conservative state (Arizona) which ironically makes living stealth easier because people here are not sensitized to the presence of trans people.  Remnants of my former masculine body are overshadowed by my feminine appearance. 

Jenny Boylan once said that near the end of her transition, her first thoughts on waking in the morning were no longer about gender.  I made that a milestone to mark the end of my own transition.  I guess I'm there.  I tell other girls to get used to the idea that at some point the sense of being transgender becomes less and less of a preoccupation.  The once male persona fades, and so does that infamous second puberty that turned me into a "teenage girl" for a good part of two years.  The thrill of having escaped my male body and being able to live authentically has settled into a quiet contentment that I'm starting to take for granted.  Sometimes when I recall those heady days of my early transition, I feel a sense of loss now being just an "ordinary" woman.  On the other hand, it's nice to get back to pursuing interests that are not related to transition.

I've also forgotten much of what gender dysphoria was all about.  And from time to time I find myself wondering why transitioning was so important.  Fortunately, I kept a long-winded daily transition journal which I can go back and read to refresh my memory.  It's easy to lose track of where I came from -- the fears, the anguish, the indecision, the doubts, the pain, the ...   My lord, what a harrowing journey!  It's a testament to the intensity of our transgender/transsexual identities that we are willing to undertake this incredibly odyssey.


Offline ElizabethK

  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 3,753
  • Reputation: +22/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Trying out a few looks
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #32 on: April 14, 2017, 05:51:53 am »
I made that a milestone to mark the end of my own transition.  I guess I'm there.  I tell other girls to get used to the idea that at some point the sense of being transgender becomes less and less of a preoccupation.  .........................

..................  Sometimes when I recall those heady days of my early transition, I feel a sense of loss now being just an "ordinary" woman.  On the other hand, it's nice to get back to pursuing interests that are not related to transition.

I've also forgotten much of what gender dysphoria was all about.  ....

Someone asked me what was in my future as I saw it and what you have described is exactly where I want to get...I am so glad you got there because it gives me hope that I will one dayu get to where you are and be able to "normalise" my life again.

Liz
"You have the right to live an authentic life!"Alex Jolly

Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016
Fulltime from 8 March 2017

Offline Sophia Sage

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 924
  • Reputation: +24/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #33 on: April 18, 2017, 09:55:50 am »
I'm 3 months further along since I last commented on this thread.  I've been living "stealth" away from my permanent residence for the past 6 months.  When I say stealth, I simply mean that I don't volunteer information about my medical past to people I meet.

I would call this "practicing non-disclosure," though some might say it's "just living a woman's life."

There's no hiding involved, just being yourself. 


Quote
Sometimes when I recall those heady days of my early transition, I feel a sense of loss now being just an "ordinary" woman.  On the other hand, it's nice to get back to pursuing interests that are not related to transition.

I've also forgotten much of what gender dysphoria was all about.  And from time to time I find myself wondering why transitioning was so important.  Fortunately, I kept a long-winded daily transition journal which I can go back and read to refresh my memory.  It's easy to lose track of where I came from -- the fears, the anguish, the indecision, the doubts, the pain, the ...   My lord, what a harrowing journey!  It's a testament to the intensity of our transgender/transsexual identities that we are willing to undertake this incredibly odyssey.

Every day is a bonus day now.

There's no need to "be special" if you've always wanted female gendering and now you're getting it.

Now the transsexing begins.  Spend time with other people who don't know your story, away from the context of your partner.  Make friends.  Develop these relationships, because it's in this crucible that the rest of your female enculturation will take place.
What you look forward to has already come, but you do not recognize it.

Online HappyMoni

  • *
  • Posts: 1,658
  • Reputation: +24/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Smiles for the house, it's on me!
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #34 on: April 18, 2017, 09:37:14 pm »
Sophia,
   Hi, could you expand on that last paragraph a bit, please. Thanks!
Moni
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) 
FFS in late June 2016. (Ugh!)                  Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally)
GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!)
Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17   Nasal surgery-Thankgiving 2017
   


Offline Sophia Sage

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 924
  • Reputation: +24/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #35 on: April 20, 2017, 01:05:24 pm »
Now the transsexing begins.  Spend time with other people who don't know your story, away from the context of your partner.  Make friends.  Develop these relationships, because it's in this crucible that the rest of your female enculturation will take place.

Sophia,
   Hi, could you expand on that last paragraph a bit, please. Thanks!
Moni

While our partners can be incredibly supportive... simply by virtue of having established a pattern of relating to us with different social expectations prior to transition, such patterns are usually subconsciously manifested afterwards.  So you're not going to be learning what's really expected of you as any other woman in such contexts.  Just the presence of a partner can change how other people perceive us and interact with us, let alone a partner in the know.  Now, sure, sometimes that partner is impeccable and can actually help a situation, but even so, you're still only getting experiences within a narrow context, and not really a fully lesbian context either -- as with any enculturation, it takes a long time for sub-cultural norms and knowledge and social expectations to become fully ingrained. 

So get out into the world, without a trans narrative, develop relationships (be it personal friendships or professional working relationships) and adapt.  I think it takes a good couple years at least for everything to really sink in. 

And, of course, gender norms vary from place to place.  What's expected of me in the rural south is not the same as in a cosmopolitan city up north, and the Midwest is likewise different from the coasts, and the U.S is different from, say, Italy... or Africa.  So this isn't stuff that can be gleaned from reading books and hearing stories, it's something that has to be directly experienced over time. 
What you look forward to has already come, but you do not recognize it.

Offline Clara Kay

  • *
  • Posts: 306
  • Reputation: +9/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #36 on: April 20, 2017, 02:36:02 pm »

So get out into the world, without a trans narrative, develop relationships (be it personal friendships or professional working relationships) and adapt.  I think it takes a good couple years at least for everything to really sink in. 


I agree wholeheartedly, Sophia.  For me, the ultimate goal is to be a woman without the 'trans' adjective attached.   It's a process that I call socialization, or social integration, and the last stage of my transition.  It's often the most difficult phase to accomplish. 

BTW, don't you just hate seeing 'transwoman' in print, instead of 'trans woman'?   >:(

Offline Sophia Sage

  • Family
  • *****
  • Posts: 924
  • Reputation: +24/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #37 on: April 20, 2017, 10:28:44 pm »
I agree wholeheartedly, Sophia.  For me, the ultimate goal is to be a woman without the 'trans' adjective attached.   It's a process that I call socialization, or social integration, and the last stage of my transition.  It's often the most difficult phase to accomplish. 

Yeah, and it just takes time.  Time to pick up all the subconscious cues, and time to shed the ones we never should have picked up in the first place.  I still, nearly twenty years later, on occasion discover some habit or tic of mine that needs correction. 

However, transsexing encompasses more than socialization, even though it hinges on socialization.  After so much time in non-disclosure contexts, just living my life, I've found that my very memories have changed.  Which isn't just immensely helpful when it comes to those times when I have to tell stories from my past... it kind of goes down to the core of my being. 

It's said that the very last person to stop clocking you will be yourself.  I think there's much truth to that.

"There was never a gate."


Quote
BTW, don't you just hate seeing 'transwoman' in print, instead of 'trans woman'?   >:(

Huh.

I didn't even realize that was a thing that was happening in our language.
What you look forward to has already come, but you do not recognize it.

Online HappyMoni

  • *
  • Posts: 1,658
  • Reputation: +24/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Smiles for the house, it's on me!
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #38 on: April 20, 2017, 10:30:27 pm »
While our partners can be incredibly supportive... simply by virtue of having established a pattern of relating to us with different social expectations prior to transition, such patterns are usually subconsciously manifested afterwards.  So you're not going to be learning what's really expected of you as any other woman in such contexts.  Just the presence of a partner can change how other people perceive us and interact with us, let alone a partner in the know.  Now, sure, sometimes that partner is impeccable and can actually help a situation, but even so, you're still only getting experiences within a narrow context, and not really a fully lesbian context either -- as with any enculturation, it takes a long time for sub-cultural norms and knowledge and social expectations to become fully ingrained. 

So get out into the world, without a trans narrative, develop relationships (be it personal friendships or professional working relationships) and adapt.  I think it takes a good couple years at least for everything to really sink in. 

And, of course, gender norms vary from place to place.  What's expected of me in the rural south is not the same as in a cosmopolitan city up north, and the Midwest is likewise different from the coasts, and the U.S is different from, say, Italy... or Africa.  So this isn't stuff that can be gleaned from reading books and hearing stories, it's something that has to be directly experienced over time.
I am so caught up in transition related situations right now. It is what I must do with GCS surgery staring me in the face. I love to read the wisdom of you ladies, Sophia and Clara to name a few. It refocuses my attention to the big picture. I have every intention of moving on with my thought processes when I am able to. Never underestimate the value of sharing your thoughts. It is reassuring when I am not at that place yet  and the information you give will help to get there. Thank you so much!
Moni
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) 
FFS in late June 2016. (Ugh!)                  Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally)
GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!)
Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17   Nasal surgery-Thankgiving 2017
   


Offline Clara Kay

  • *
  • Posts: 306
  • Reputation: +9/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Post-op and transition complete (almost)
« Reply #39 on: April 21, 2017, 10:32:57 am »

However, transsexing encompasses more than socialization...

I think I like your term 'transsexing'.  I like words to have meaning, and transsexing does remove the ambiguity of 'transitioning'.  It's why I prefer 'transsexual' to 'transgender' when describing myself when necessary.  I'd like to find a word that captures the state of being comfortable with one's sex whether as it was assigned at birth or reassigned later in life.  Many of us do achieve the same sex/gender congruence that cisgender people experience.

Tags: