Author Topic: Microdosing HRT for gender fluid dysphoria  (Read 641 times)

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Offline kms3121968

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Re: Microdosing HRT for gender fluid dysphoria
« Reply #20 on: June 17, 2019, 10:39:18 am »
So a few of you have said you're interested in learning more about my experience with bicalutamide.  Happy to share.  First, this isn't something I did on my own or based on internet research.  This was a recommendation from a board certified endocrinologist who specializes in gender affirmation.  I spent a while telling her about my gender dysphoria and the fact that, if I could, I would gladly jump into a magic machine to fully transform me into a woman.  The thing is that I have spent 51 years as a male and have a male body that I know won't ever truly be biologically female (which hurts so badly in a place that's too deep to name).  Also, I have benefitted from male privilege and have a life I love with a very financially rewarding career and loving wife and two college-aged kids as well as a close group of friends that I don't want to lose.

So, I asked my physician about what I could do to "feminize" a little without it being a fully noticeable transition and that could also help with my dysphoria.  She didn't hesitate and recommended bicalutamide.  I started taking 1/2 of the smallest pill once a week and then went to once every three days.  I started to get a lot of breast pain and noticed some breast growth but nothing like with estradiol (which I also had started a few weeks later but then stopped as I realized I didn't want all the fat redistribution and more fulsome physical changes).

I have since moved to 1/2 a pill every 5 days and that seems to be the magic number.  My face has softened, my skin has smoothed out and I just feel more feminine.  People keep asking if I've lost weight and say I look younger and they have no idea why!  I also have seen my blood pressure drop and feel a lot more me.  I noticed when I was taking it 1/2 pill per 3 days that I did get a little more fatigue but 1/2 every 5 days seems to be the right balance.

In truth, I still don't know whether at some point I'll seek to actually transition but this seems to be working. 

Xoxo

Offline RandyL

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Re: Microdosing HRT for gender fluid dysphoria
« Reply #21 on: June 17, 2019, 01:50:23 pm »
Thanks kms! That's very helpful and positive information.
Randy

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Offline Lightbody

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Re: Microdosing HRT for gender fluid dysphoria
« Reply #22 on: June 17, 2019, 02:28:21 pm »
Thanks KMS. Super helpful and just the type of idea I've been looking for. It's definitely something I want to explore and talk with my doctor about. Glad you've found the magic spot for you.

What is it about bicalutamide that makes it work for you in terms of the dysphoria and how long did it take to start noticing the physical changes? Are the changes continuing to progess?

I also really appreciate you telling a bit about yourself. Your situation sounds very similar to mine, from age, privilege, wife, kids, and career right on down to the deep longing to be female. Only for me that longing lifts periodically and I love being male. I'd love to continue to compare notes with you. Glad you joined the community. 

Offline kms3121968

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Re: Microdosing HRT for gender fluid dysphoria
« Reply #23 on: June 18, 2019, 11:09:25 am »
Would love to compare notes and I would be lying if I said I didn’t also sometimes really enjoy being male.

 As far as physical changes, it took several weeks for me to start seeing a softening of the skin and probably a month and a half before I felt breast tenderness and some slightly enlargement. Just so you know, I also had within the last six months a double mastectomy so that my breasts would not grow. Since I had also been taking for a short time estradiol they had enlarged to a B cup and I realized I did not want to have that kind of physical presentation while primarily living as male. I guess that speaks volumes about my gender fluidity as even though I feel desperately female inside I don’t want to present as such with breasts that would make it harder for me to feel ok in this male body.

 Another side benefit that was unexpected of the bike a little mine is the fact that my blood pressure has come down nicely and as of today is 101/63.

Offline Janes Groove

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Re: Microdosing HRT for gender fluid dysphoria
« Reply #24 on: June 18, 2019, 11:01:29 pm »
People have different sensitivity levels to estrogen.  Some people can take enuf estrogen to choke a horse and feel no effects whatsoever.  While others can take a microdose and it works like a high transition dose.
I personally fall on the latter end of the spectrum.  Last time I got my levels checked about month ago, I was taking an extremely low dose and my E was still too high (without any blockers).  Over a period of 3 years E alone has essentially castrated me (saved me some money not needing an orchi).  After a year and a half my doc is still trying to get me down to a normal female range.  I have another level check in a couple months.  If she reduces it any further it will be almost nothing.


Offline Lightbody

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Re: Microdosing HRT for gender fluid dysphoria
« Reply #25 on: June 19, 2019, 12:35:43 am »
People have different sensitivity levels to estrogen.  Some people can take enuf estrogen to choke a horse and feel no effects whatsoever.  While others can take a microdose and it works like a high transition dose.

Yep. I've heard of others with similar experiences. This is exactly what I've been pondering. The female side of me says let's go for it and just see, and if physical changes happen all the better. The male side of me says hold yer horses. Since I plan on sticking with a male presentation for career and social reasons noticeable changes like prominent breast growth will make life more challenging. Plus, I'm fond of being able to get an erection. My wife and I don't want to lose that. So the nonbinary part of me says be smart, do your homework, start small, go slow, and adjust.

The question is what to try. Right now my leading candidates are microdose estrogen and the new contender bicalutamide (thanks KMS). When I balance out the competing perspectives (boobs and hips finally! vs get used to loose fitting shirts and Viagra) I think the best path is to really understand the most likely effects of each and then pick the one that minimizes the dysphoria with the least/slowest physical changes. If I select a path with a longer period before noticeable changes I'll have more time to adjust from there

My dysphoria comes and goes, but overall it's bad enough now that I'm tired of fighting it. So I know I'm going to try something. Ultimately, I'll just need to talk with my doc at my appointment next month, make the final choice, see how it works and adjust accordingly.

Meanwhile, I love all this advice from everyone (please keep it coming). It's so helpful to gather people's perspectives and experiences. Thanks!

Offline RandyL

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Re: Microdosing HRT for gender fluid dysphoria
« Reply #26 on: June 19, 2019, 09:35:07 am »
Yes Lightbody, and please be sure to keep us in the loop as you go. Actual experiences are so valuable for so many of us. Randy

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