Author Topic: Thinking out loud  (Read 28104 times)

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Offline Dena

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #160 on: October 14, 2017, 10:38:45 am »
If you feel you are gender fluid then something like 20% male, 80% female with social or body (appearance) dysphoria might best describe you(adjust the numbers as needed). I often see this with the FTMs however as their transition progresses and they  discover how comfortable they are in the new role, the percentages shift to favor the new role.

It's not important to have a label that describes you however sometimes it's needed when you are attempting to get your thoughts across to your therapist in terms that they understand.

In addition, I have seen others on the site much like you who put a high priority on FFS and a low or no priority on bottom surgery. It just shows how variety there is in the transgender family.
Rebirth Date 1982 - PMs are welcome - Use dena@susans.org if your unable to PM - Skype and FaceTime available - My Transition
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Offline Drexy/Drex

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #161 on: October 15, 2017, 06:30:33 am »
Yes that makes sense  and is very accurate  I will implement  this to help my therapist
and myself in our conversations thank you 😊 
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Offline Drexy/Drex

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #162 on: October 16, 2017, 09:38:00 am »
Sometimes  it's the little  things that are so nice... arriving  for ipl hr  and then trying to smooth my  kilt under me before I sat and being awkward and a woman already waiting.. said " not used to skirts?  " no I said what's the correct way.. she just laughed  and said there is  none 😊
or going to pick to pick up my Goth boots after repairs  and I asked if I could get some xtra snap buttons on my kilt /skirt the woman at the counter  tells me how to avoid that I thank her she beams at me and says "  I Iove a wrap around  skirt.
even though Ive.only Just begun females are so generous  and understanding   and inclusive and the Hrt allows
me to really empathise  with them.. truly it is gold
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Online LizK

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #163 on: October 17, 2017, 02:21:26 am »

even though Ive.only Just begun females are so generous  and understanding   and inclusive and the Hrt allows
me to really empathise  with them.. truly it is gold

They are the sweet moments of Transition that are difficult to describe but very validating and extremely pleasurable...as my journey continues these thing happen far more frequently....keep on enjoying then I know I do.
HRT since 17 May 2016, Fulltime from 8 March 2017, GCS Scheduled November 28 2018, Transition Begun 25 September 2015 

65D20H15M BWCA? ;D

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be – Lao Tzu

 

Offline Drexy/Drex

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #164 on: October 18, 2017, 07:39:21 am »
Yes it  really is 😊
I remember  all those months ago how you urged me not to be  scared  as it was a new way of looking at life.... well you weren't  kidding  ! it's wonderful 
and to think I had the Hrt sitting in the fridge all that time 😂
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Offline Drexy/Drex

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #165 on: October 19, 2017, 10:04:17 pm »
Mmm almost got sprung again... sitting at the back of the bus, guy behind says how you feeling Markie? I said whys that?  Him.. your looking a little  pale then he laughs and says foundation?  so I played dumb and said what's foundation  ? another guy sitting  across starts laughing  and said foundations  of a house 😂
So now my new game is to get away with makeup well sort of make up
I just blend some beige sunscreen /moisturiser  with some. white zinc cream over some pore filler
then a touch of translucent finishing powder.. some setting spray
it's working pretty darn good and is great practice not to mention sun protection in this blazing landscape
Arriving  back in camp  a female colleague with her bf sees  me and exclaims have I had a facial?
no I say then she says you have the most beautiful  skin.... I was thinking about it the other day
that really caught me off guard as I had no makeup on at all... later looking in the mirror I noticed the skin pores are a lot. smaller and my skin has taken on a different  hue
I'm pleased she noticed as I means I'm making headway
I have noticed in the malls people looking at me... I'm used to that as when I was bodybuilding  I tended to stand out but now they are looking  at some other attribute maybe it's the skull earings but definitely  getting a different  vibe these days I like it 😊
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Offline Drexy/Drex

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #166 on: October 20, 2017, 07:19:17 am »
I often see this with the FTMs however as their transition progresses and they  discover how comfortable they are in the new role, the percentages shift to favor the new role


Yes I agree with this, I just have to get around the body dysphoria and a whole bunch of other staff but I find myself unconciously adopting certain  seated positions which are feminine but at the same time it feels completely  natural 
The people  I live and work with are using my masculine  Nick name less and less 
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Offline Laurie

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #167 on: October 20, 2017, 08:21:06 am »
It's called progress Markie. You are making progress towards your new life little by little you are getting there. All it take is one step at a time.

 Hugs,
   Laurie

Online LizK

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #168 on: October 21, 2017, 12:51:14 am »
Mmm almost got sprung again... sitting at the back of the bus, guy behind says how you feeling Markie? I said whys that?  Him.. your looking a little  pale then he laughs and says foundation?  so I played dumb and said what's foundation  ? another guy sitting  across starts laughing  and said foundations  of a house 😂
So now my new game is to get away with makeup well sort of make up
I just blend some beige sunscreen /moisturiser  with some. white zinc cream over some pore filler
then a touch of translucent finishing powder.. some setting spray
it's working pretty darn good and is great practice not to mention sun protection in this blazing landscape


I really enjoyed reading that, foundation...house foundations...sure it was. Have you tried BB cream which already has sunblock in it and comes in varying shades, it is also moisturiser...It goes on nicely and if you get the right blend it will be even harder to pick. I have really enjoyed the changes in my skin and how much better it feels and looks...

Damage from our fierce sun can be difficult to repair as we get older and prevention is always better than the cure

So how far are you going to push along with the makeup...what about a lip balm....cherry red maybe!! LOL
HRT since 17 May 2016, Fulltime from 8 March 2017, GCS Scheduled November 28 2018, Transition Begun 25 September 2015 

65D20H15M BWCA? ;D

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be – Lao Tzu

 

Offline Drexy/Drex

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #169 on: October 21, 2017, 09:10:02 am »
Haha  yes I'd   love cherry red  ,  or black 😈
Swisse bb yes I have and I still have some though I need the lighter tint, ive  been using invisible  zinc which is a
similar product... Oh yes I wish I had slip, slopped,slap all those years ago..damm it's hot up here 42c today
and out labouring,  whew time to sleep
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Online LizK

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #170 on: October 21, 2017, 08:46:42 pm »
I have seen you before with black and you really do rock that goth look
HRT since 17 May 2016, Fulltime from 8 March 2017, GCS Scheduled November 28 2018, Transition Begun 25 September 2015 

65D20H15M BWCA? ;D

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be – Lao Tzu

 

Offline Drexy/Drex

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #171 on: October 23, 2017, 03:14:33 am »
Thank you Liz  :D
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Offline Drexy/Drex

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #172 on: October 29, 2017, 08:26:15 am »
Tonight at the wetmess one of my work mates brought some food ( the food at the dry mess is crap) and shared it ...so when i went to buy more drinks at the bar i bought him a couple ....so i sit down at the table and pass him a couple of beers and he then points at the ones in front of him and says ...i've  already got enough ...."you crazy b---h"😆
It was a Freudian slip,.....it startled me as a few months ago to utter such a thing to me would have meant ...the equivalant of signing your death certificate....but instead i pretended i had not heard it and im pretty sure he didnt realise what he said , actually i was very pleased ....my doc said they would female name me after 6mths
This is a different situation asnwe work togther for weeks on end im the middle of nowhere
Well this is weird i noticed  my gait is different im walking  and i've put more size on my inner thighs  which may be why i am walking different
Boobs are growing ...one side more than the other ...and sore as well
Incidentally the guy who cussed me was earlier remaking on how my skin was so white ...he didnt seem to be able understand it and was also asking me if i had a girl etc .....
Wow the social dynamics are soooo interesting....now if i can get my ffs done it should get ...really interesting😊
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Offline Drexy/Drex

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #173 on: November 01, 2017, 07:06:02 am »
Strike 2 ! In melbourne getting some tatts done and the tattooist
Asked my age then his assistant 'gf said ....i have really nice Skin refering to my face ....so things are happening 😊
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Offline Drexy/Drex

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #174 on: November 18, 2017, 12:49:13 am »




Ive had a couple of girls remark that i look different ...
What i've really noticed is that my eyelashs have grown heaps and now that progestrone has been added
they  are much darker
noticed a  bit more mass around the thighs and hips ...and top wise well its sore
Oh and bottom lip is getting 😉 plumper

Couldn't resist the oil tanl lol
« Last Edit: November 18, 2017, 02:12:20 am by markie »
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Online LizK

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #175 on: November 18, 2017, 12:52:19 am »
<img src="https://vgy.me/sj7qyd.jpg">

<img src="https://vgy.me/FMBQZU.jpg">

Ive had a couple of girls remark that i look different ....i can see i'm looking a bit pasty 😅

I can see there is a difference in your skin tone and you definitely look lighter in the face...don't know if Pasty is the right word you look leaner?

I got you email  ;)
HRT since 17 May 2016, Fulltime from 8 March 2017, GCS Scheduled November 28 2018, Transition Begun 25 September 2015 

65D20H15M BWCA? ;D

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be – Lao Tzu

 

Offline Drexy/Drex

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #176 on: November 18, 2017, 01:24:00 am »
No worries Liz yes i might change that add some more details too 😊
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Offline Drexy/Drex

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #177 on: December 30, 2017, 11:34:47 pm »
Well been slack....as the project was coming to an end i started to experence the first transphobic occurences my superintendant one morning when i greeted him said under his breath ...pink eyes ! then later at  the wetmess when one of my supervisors sat down at our  table he made every effort to avoid eye contact and conversation ...it was as if i wasnt there...funny thing is the girls all love me still but its gone from wanting to touch me and blush to inclusion conspirtable looks etc and its not that im acting different either or changed the way i dress apart from all the bling i wear now
But the strangest occurrence was sitting at the bar and i was telling my mate about the rubbish mate send me on messenger which i delete  anyway before im shocked  i told him of one of the trick ones thats starts off innocous but then morphs into something totally mindblowing..so we were.comparing notes and i mentioned how i got one that morphed into a big bearded  guy showing off a pair of impressive Moobs
Any way deathmachine fixes me with his steely gaze and proceeds to tell me a story of how a guy in civil construction  decided to transition and how his wife was totally supportive...he kept repeating how the guy was in civil construction , like he was emphasizing the word civil repeatly  i think he was hinting that he knew but was cool about it
So what else ...well im missing my crew ...feel like a ghost again in  the real world
Made it to mexico for ffs was a hellish flight 15 hrs straight to dallas noticed the racial tension....its so alien to me
We are more a less color blind in oz
I felt a bit like Typhoid Mary in that i felt a bit off color when i got on the plane and was getting sicker
Blech....not.nice still i got to watch  every episode of "fargo "! Damm fine artististic american art
Um what.else
The sinus thing  has  still  got its claws into me ie infection might have to see a doctor i dont want complications  , anyway  ive  seen nothing of this place so far just been in my hotel room watching fargo ...people are nice enough  but its not a real touristy spot for gringos....since i had my eye tattoos  finished,
 my eyes are a lot bluer it startles a lot of people here lol, becaause not am i  only taller but the eyes ....anyway i like them , first bar i went to this nice fella tried to pick me up ...haha these latin types are pretty  smoooth ....but i i just kept him drinking until  he was overflowing.....men aren't  my thing ... could change i guess  but i doubt it anyway he was quite brave considering my hard look ...lol even my work mates would comment on what an angry looking person i look.....poor me i,m so misunderstood lol it should be cheap here for me here but our ausssie dollar  has declined down to 65 cents from 75 usa cents ....this  ffs is going to cost me a packet  i just hope he can pull it off ...you know turn a sows ear into a silk purse , i hope he can give me a handsome woman look


<language please!>
« Last Edit: December 31, 2017, 02:03:19 pm by markie »
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Online Allison S

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #178 on: December 31, 2017, 03:42:31 am »
You're in Mexico for surgery already?! I feel like I was just commenting on your andro post - that's great! Good luck!

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Offline Drexy/Drex

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Re: Thinking out loud
« Reply #179 on: December 31, 2017, 11:52:03 am »
Thanks Alison im going to need every bit 
Oh apologys for my langauge ..... i cant remember  posting most of the last one ..... i was feeling kinda stressed out , so i did what hal suggests to dave bowman in 2001 ..... ie : take a stress pill lie down and think things over .....cept i took 2 stress pills went to the bar  and had a couple of double gin and tonics while i proceeded to start and complete  the previous post ......then flaked out and work up 2 hrs later sitting at the bar .....hence all the typos and etc my fingers are to big for those mobile ph keyboards , so i,ll recap somewhat
I felt like typhoid mary  as i had got onto the plane (jumbo airbus )  feeling abit ill and then it started into the flu ànd sure as not 8 hrs in other people started having symptoms too😥
That i was illish didnt prevent one stewardess from trying to pick up ...half my age too and good looking , maybe its my new "dune spice melange blue eye tattoos" or  maybe it might have been my moobs as she did glance down ....i just wish i hadnt had the flu , anyway we chatted about various things and the full thigh sleeve tattoo she was gradually  getting done  she asked how long i was going to be stopped over in dallas and i fibbed saying not long as i could detect she wanted me and her to go out there somewhere ,
i love that series fargo ....hope they continue it might be a while,to the next season though  as the stories are well thought out and intricate
not a thing you can bash out on demand
Flight was hellish  cooped up for 15 hrs straight with a developing flu  if you get the choice go  by  boeing dream liner ..... it's  exactly  that
 ....airbus 380 is just that a bus
Though plenty of room art rear of aircraft to gather and talk although we were told over the intercom  that usa law forbade  gatherings of more than 3 people in one place ....but aussies didnt seem to worry about that hehe
got to Dallas and was impressed  by how efficient  professional and polite  the security people were ....cant say the same for other parts of the airport
by that time i hadn't  sleep a wink for over 24hrs so i availed my self of one of those micro suit things paid $75 for and hour and ahalf sleep about 40 minutes  had a couple of drinks ,
then went through the doors of the terminal  stood out side for 5 minutes ( it was freezing ) and thought wow im in America  i,m actually  in usa then i went back in and waited for the second leg,of the journey on that one there was one of us seated in the same row  seemed somewhat subjued wasn't  really sure until she asked the mexican lady next to me how to do her imigration form ....i think she was spanish
she did check me out when she thought i was not looking ....but i,m always looking even when i,m not , anyway i thought she made a fine woman amazing  how some girls just need hormones ....but ithink it makes a hell of a difference  if you start out young ....but then again in my case back when i first had feelings they would have thrown  me in the mental hospital (graylands ... a fitting name ) and i did know 3 associates who ended up in that place......nothing good came of it
anyway got to guadalajara  to my prebooked hotel nice enough place but too noisy i stayed there just long enough toget through the worst of the flu then moved to another hotel .....bit far from the touristy spots ....but uber is cheap the locals are friendly but i really should have learned spanish or at least some .....because english is barely spoken here ....thank god for google translate
Coming here esthetically  was always my first choice but the distance and cost  put it second i had planned on going somewhere else closer , but after mentioning how butch i was i got talked out of it which worked for about a week then Dysphoria kicked in hard
and i also remembered how long i had desired ffs even before hrt and how i had planned to use the end of this project and the time in between before the next one  to take  my long service leave ( which means i cant work for wages for six weeks ) and had in  fact already set the wheels in motion  for my long service leave and declined the offer to stay on this one and turn the lights out and then get sent to another temp fill in job,  so i thought  like hell .... i'm 54 and a contract worker so i cant afford to take this sort of time off in the middle of the next project not to mention the recovery time which for me will be longer due to the nature of my work
so i recontacted .....no answer waited 8 hrs then realised i was being stoned walled ..... i just dont get it ,
anyway i'm annoyed  as the surgeon  i  had contacted passed my details on to a  medical tourism type third party .
So anyway i thought what the heck what the hell i,d made the money for ffs by gambling  my lifes savings on crypto currency  which paid off ànd which is financing this adventure  of mine so i went back to my first choice and luckily  there was a date in jan so i booked
i had planned to get full crowns done here in mexico before ffs so i had left earlier for oz unfortunately  the flu messd up those plans
so i only have enough time to get some repairs done i think  , however after mexico i think i will spend some time in thailand on a tropical beach or a mountain  hideaway until  i am able to get dental done i,ve got until late march early april til the next project kicks off .....
Why didnt i just go to thailand ? first ? which is so close and comparable cost wise .... well i wanted my ffs to be done by a cacausian surgeon i'm not prejudiced  but i feel that in my case i wanted needed the input of similar concepts of beauty asthetics etc
i mean its okay for those girls who already have the femme look to go to thailand  with the surgeons there it is a simple matter for them to be enhanced  but i need a an aggressive but artistic surgeon  and Dr  Cardenas is exsactly that and if anyone can salvage me it will be him , also latin people are romantic ,passionate  people as it shows in their architecture  and food and art, and i love the concept of the Dr's wife doing the Rhinoplasty 
 I also looked  at belgium which was a very good comprehensive  package  but it was just way to expensive , as our australia dollar is worth something like 65 us cents and even less euros
As for waiting till i had been on hrt longer yes that is a good idea for the younger ones who have more life in front of them ... i have maybe ten good years in front of me then its all over red rover  like the saying goes "walk a mile in someones boots before you judge them"
hah when i got this new hotel room i ordered a kingsize bed ..... i, m getting one when i get home .....be enough room for me and my 2 cats then so they wont have push me out of bed 😆
well theres more to ponder but after my mix of stress pills and drinks i had my first decent sleep so i  might brave brekkie
sleep did well though gave my body a bit of room to heal
Gawd i hope i dont end up like the manthing in an iron mask ....i do believe im getting nervous

« Last Edit: December 31, 2017, 02:20:17 pm by markie »
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