Author Topic: I am scared to date being Trans!  (Read 1254 times)

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Offline Babygirl96

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I am scared to date being Trans!
« on: December 23, 2016, 09:31:29 pm »
ok so i been working at my new job for 7 months. Since i had been working there i have noticed that one of the youngest co worker (my age (19-20) haven't spoken to me... ever! (Btw everyone knows that I am trans and are ok with it! lol a friend spilled my T) Anyways before i found out this week (that the young co worker liked me)......way before i was hired (maybe like a month or so before i was hired (another co worker who became a good friend of mine) her and the guy who likes me use to talk. He asked her out and she rejected him because she says he was "too immature. " Now i am all about girl code and I did become good friends with her and she says she do not like him anymore (even tho i know it's b.s lol ) he has never spoken to me (but i'm thinking it's because he likes me) Question is what do i do!? And what if me and him do talk and become something serious? What if he wants to introduce me to his family and they do not accept me? What if people give him a hard time because he is dating me!? i cannot carry his children neither (i know in the far future lol) I push guys away because of my trans insecurities :( help and thank u!!!!!!

Offline V M

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Re: I am scared to date being Trans!
« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2016, 09:33:36 pm »
Hi Babygirl  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Offline Ms Grace

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Re: I am scared to date being Trans!
« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2016, 10:44:16 pm »
Hi, welcome to Susan's!

Question is what do i do!? And what if me and him do talk and become something serious? What if he wants to introduce me to his family and they do not accept me? What if people give him a hard time because he is dating me!? i cannot carry his children neither (i know in the far future lol) I push guys away because of my trans insecurities :( help and thank u!!!!!!

You will find that, as with life, transition is full of "what ifs?"...it's fair enough to be aware of our actions having certain potential outcomes but the thing is you won't know until you know. What if they do? What if they don't? What if, what if? If you want something, like really want it, then shoot for it but be prepared to ride out whatever comes of it. Nothing, something, everything. Be prepared for pain and/or glory. Don't let "what ifs" hold you back and chain your life to fear.

I once went to apply for a job at a well known graphics agency, it was just going to be a walk in, no phone call no letter...just ring the door bell and go in. I got to the door and was about to press the bell when all of a sudden all my nerve abandoned me. I must have stood there at the door, practically frozen in fear and doubt, debating the reasons why I shouldn't press the ringer. What if they said no? What if they laughed at me? What if what if? In the end I decided the "worst" thing would be that they'd say "no" and that would be that but at least I would know and at least I would have tried and overcome the fear that was holding me back. So I rang the buzzer, went upstairs, spoke to the editor and left with a commission for 6 or 8 pages of well paid work. As I result of that I ended up with more commissions then part-time work, then full-time work and became the editor myself several years later.

I know that example had nothing to do with being trans and nothing to do with relationships, but the fear I felt before pressing that buzzer was palpable. It wasn't the first or last time I had run the "what if" scenario through my head... about transition, about relationships, about everything. In the past "what if" kept me from living my life, afraid that the judgement of others could or would destroy me. Fortunately these days I've managed to (mostly) overcome it...it didn't happen overnight, it happened one step at a time... each time I squashed a "what if". :)

In your case you seem to have pre-imagined a total relationship that involves his family, children/non-children and everything. That is getting way, way, waaaay ahead of the ball game. First things first... get the ball rolling and take it one step at a time.

Your first step... just say "hi" to him. :D
Grace
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Transition 1.0 (Julie): HRT 1989-91
Self-denial: 1991-2013
Transition 2.0 (Grace): HRT June 24 2013
Full-time: March 24, 2014 :D

Offline bluepaint

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I am scared to date being Trans!
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2016, 08:28:13 am »
Its great that you that have an admirer and potential boyfriend! He sounds like the shy type lol and since you say everyone knows , so there no issue there about disclosing yourself as trans, he may just might be trying to find to courage to approach you since you know he likes you already! If your friend thinks he too immature and wont go out with him then I guess that leave it up to you (regardless of what she thinks of him) to decide if you like him enough to want to date him but it sounds like you've made that decision!
Go with it hun and try not to worry about the other things before you get there, dont let those insecurities (all though understandable) ruin a potentially good relationship with him and possibly love ( if it gets to that point) We are all deserving of being loved and who knows really where this will bring you? Life is full of many surprises! I still keep hope in my heart that even an old girl like myself (at 53) may someday find that special someone! Blessings! Julie


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Offline catherine2003

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Re: I am scared to date being Trans!
« Reply #4 on: December 27, 2016, 10:03:11 am »
CONGRATS ON YOUR OPENINGS §

But just to mention, the "friend" who spilled teh news apparently without your consent, is he/she really a friend ? outing people is something not nice at all, it is very personal, and dangerous to do so. And not empty of consequences in the future.

But if you can adapt to this configuration, again, go ! of course any human adventure is scary ...

Have a happy new year
 



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