Author Topic: Friends and relatives can change their minds on acceptance  (Read 1538 times)

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Offline Raell

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Friends and relatives can change their minds on acceptance
« on: January 02, 2017, 05:08:26 am »
At least that's what happened to me.

I have been happily sharing my thoughts with a close relative for years, thinking we were both on the same page, both liberal, etc.

Then today, when I mentioned a past problem dealing with transmale issues, she suddenly went off on me.

She began screaming that there are only men and women, and that I was just blaming some personality trait on being "trans" but that it wasn't true..everyone is on the gender spectrum and transgender people are whining about society not accepting their particular gender mix.

Then she began saying that I was trying to get an operation to turn me into a male (I'm not..I'm non-binary and only dress androgynously) just because of my personality problems, and that's all that being transgender is.

She then went on to rage that I'm just some loser living in isolation on some island because of personality problems, something about being born under a bad star sign, or something.
I was taken aback and tried to explain that I live on a peninsula in a city, and that trans people are born that way, but she cut me off, saying, "Yeah, yeah, so you've TOLD me!"

This tirade was so unexpected, and so violent, I quickly said I had to go, and hung up.

But it did occur to me, that just because someone seems to accept you, it doesn't mean they actually do, or that they won't change their minds later on. But it doesn't really matter. I will continue to be myself and live as I do, so if people have a problem with it, then it's their problem.
« Last Edit: January 02, 2017, 07:59:18 pm by Raell »

Offline Katelyn

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Re: Friends and relatives can change their minds on acceptance
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2017, 02:24:38 pm »
One reason I don't trust my mom even if she sounds accepting...

Some people struggle with tolerance, because on one hand they may be caring and want to be thoughtful, and on the other, they have very definite and hard edged concepts about gender for instance and trying to change that may irritate their mind and cause a backlash.  The mind has guards for accepting or rejecting information, which is why people reject most ideas if it doesn't conform to their preexisting beliefs, and people who are successful at influencing other people know ways how to get through those barriers.

Remember also that people just don't have one mind, they may have several.  The concept about the shoulder angel and the shoulder devil, or the heart vs the mind, or even just noticing the part of yourself that criticizes and judges things automatically.  The mind(s) might have an internal conflict and this might be seen on the outside if you have someone that tries to be tolerant or accepting, but has one of their minds bothering them and finally succumbs to that mind, lashing out unexpectedly one day.

Offline Veronica A

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Re: Friends and relatives can change their minds on acceptance
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2017, 03:01:40 pm »

But it did occur to me, that just because someone seems to accept you, it doesn't mean they actually do, or that they won't change their minds later on. But it doesn't really matter. I will continue to be myself and live as I do, so if people have a problem with it, then it's their problem.

So Very Very True. Even tho i have a family member who never raised her voice.. she makes plans with me and never ever meets her plans.. always busy. I have come to accept that this is so and do my own thing.. i guess it made me strong enough and sum up enough courage to shop on my own and thats exactly what i did. and do to this day, I have no problem walking into the shops now and shopping for me?
Started HRT - 27/08/2017


Offline Stevie

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Re: Friends and relatives can change their minds on acceptance
« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2017, 09:42:25 pm »
  Its hard too know how people feel about you, but sometimes they let you know accidentally. The following is an excerpt from a FB conversation from a few days ago between two people I have known since childhood, they mentioned me by name so I was able to see it. One of them sent me a very supportive email when they found out I was transitioning a few years ago.

Ron: Maybe Steve will show up

Greg: You mean Steph
To bad I'm not in the US. I would have sent Steph a fruitcake for Christmas! Lol

Ron: Lmbo
 We should get all the old Cabrillo friends together in March. That would be a blast?

Greg: Sounds like fun

Ron :If Steve goes to the concert you could have the first dance
I'll hold the mistletoe over you

 Greg: Steph is hot do you think he is the pitcher or the catcher?

Offline Raell

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Re: Friends and relatives can change their minds on acceptance
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2017, 09:56:57 pm »
To me, that actually sounds friendly, sort of like guy-talk banter.

I've found that men in particular seem curious as to how people of other orientations/identities have sex. I've never heard women discuss it, but maybe because most cis women I know are disinterested in sex, except as a means of seduction, to land or keep a boyfriend/husband.

Men have ONE job-sperm donors to women to propagate their offspring. Afterward, taking care of those women to make sure their progeny survive.
That is why they are so obsessed with sex; it's their evolutionary reason for existence.

Women typically have multiple jobs, and sex is only a small part; they have to survive a long pregnancy, they are in charge of maintaining the home, usually, preparing the food, running the finances, raising the kids, getting everyone to their appointments, usually holding down a job, listening to and comforting the husband, kids, etc.

Offline Stevie

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Re: Friends and relatives can change their minds on acceptance
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2017, 10:05:53 pm »
To me, that actually sounds friendly, sort of like guy-talk banter.

 I don't see it that way being the subject of the "banter".

Offline Trystlynn

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Re: Friends and relatives can change their minds on acceptance
« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2017, 10:13:31 pm »
Raell,

Without getting into the wrong arena here, I have bttled this with my spiritual beliefs for a long time. Being Wiccan and having to go through "friends" who said they didnt judge anyone to later find out that they are all about appearances and had no qualms turning face on their dear friend behind their back.
Maybe your situation was that of them just having a "bad day"...we dont know what triggered it, but in the end, being "different" isnt justification for that type of attitude. Maybe they will come around and apologize for their behaviour. If not, then I have a suspicion that they werent ever really who they presented as to begin with.

Love, Trystlynn

Offline Raell

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Re: Friends and relatives can change their minds on acceptance
« Reply #7 on: January 02, 2017, 10:28:42 pm »
That's true..I had already forgotten the strong influence female hormones can have on someone, especially someone with PMS.

I used to become so irritable during PMS, that I'd sometimes break up with whomever I'd been dating, amazed I'd not noticed what a loser he was before.

This person has many gay and trans friends, and hangs with that crowd, so I was taken aback. At least I know to be less confiding to relatives in the future.

I'd briefly "come out" in an email to my family three years ago, but the term "partial transmale" could have sounded just as fake to them as it did her.

I came out because I'm not good at suppressing gender identity, and I knew my behavior had been raising eyebrows all along..I don't exactly pursue interests typical of women.