Author Topic: On being Liz  (Read 50225 times)

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Offline Laurie

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #580 on: July 24, 2018, 05:50:50 pm »
  6 km is still a decent walk.

 No you aren't really repeating yourself it is just the venue has changed.

Laurie
April 13, 2019 switched to estradiol valerate
December 20, 2018    Referral sent to OHSU Dr Dugi  for vaginoplasty consult
December 10, 2018    Second Letter VA Psychiatric Practical nurse
November 15, 2018    First letter from VA therapist
May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone




Online LizK

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #581 on: July 25, 2018, 06:47:22 pm »
Good morning to everyone. I did my 6 ks again this morning and will be aiming at 8ks to finish off the week.


I was chatting with a girlfriend the other day and she was asking me about my prep for surgery. The discussion came round to who knows that I am having it and next thing I know she asks me this...


"Did you tell your Mum and Dad about your having surgery"

My initial gut reaction was to say "NO! and I won't" but it got me thinking...and thinking

But is that actually true? What is their reaction going to be if they find out?(chances are good that they will) Bad is the answer to that question. Its going to be made into being about me not trusting them enough to tell them, which to be fair is true. They got really bent out of shape after I got really sick in 2000* and made me promise to tell them should I be having any major surgery in the future or if I had gotten as sick as I did again.

I will be in Melbourne for three weeks and the chances that I don't slip up and have to explain why I am in Melbourne are slim to none. When I went to have a consult with Andy I let slip accidentally on Facebook about heading to Melbourne. I was asked the question at that time and I fobbed them off with saying I was in Melbourne for a different reason. :)

 I have to realistic...the chances are fairly high that I will slip up in that first 24-48 hrs after surgery when I am on my own and at my most vulnerable....to be honest I feel the last thing I need to be concerned about at that time is them.

As you can tell I am a bit confused  ;) Part of me wants to tell them so it removes any chance of their being an issue having it out in the open and the other says no way they don't need to know its none of their business.

Thoughts anyone?


Take care

Liz

Edit added clarification :after I got really sick in 2000*
« Last Edit: July 25, 2018, 08:01:00 pm by ElizabethK »
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

Offline Alaskan Danielle

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #582 on: July 25, 2018, 07:43:33 pm »
@ElizabethK
Dear Liz:
First, congratulations on getting out there and doing your 6 ks and soon to be 8ks.  It is not only good for you but you will feel better about yourself.

Regarding your Mom and Dad.... as you have most like read on the forums, announcing your transtion details and upcoming surgery  to our parents and to a spouse can be the most difficult gauntlets to get through that most transitioners will ever face.

When you finally do let your parents know the true reason that you will be in Melbourne it will be like a ONE TON weight has been lifted off of your shoulders, I know this from personal experience.  The fact that you have been full time for almost a year and a half I am thinking that telling them about your planned surgery is certainly the next step for you.... if you do take that step, it will be a very freeing experience for you and take a lot off of you mind.    I could argue that they are your parents and they really should know that you are going to have a medical procedure done.... not necessarily ALL of the details but enough that they will be supporting you during this time... and most parents will want to do that.

My free advice is worth just what you paid for it....  I offer it only as my opinion, that is all.
Hugs and wishing you well with whatever you decide.
Danielle

- - - - - - - - -

Good morning to everyone. I did my 6 ks again this morning and will be aiming at 8ks to finish off the week.


I was chatting with a girlfriend the other day and she was asking me about my prep for surgery. The discussion came round to who knows that I am having it and next thing I know she asks me this...


"Did you tell your Mum and Dad about your having surgery"

My initial gut reaction was to say "NO! and I won't" but it got me thinking...and thinking

But is that actually true? What is their reaction going to be if they find out?(chances are good that they will) Bad is the answer to that question. Its going to be made into being about me not trusting them enough to tell them, which to be fair is true. They got really bent out of shape and made me promise to tell them should I be having any major surgery in the future or if I had gotten as sick as I did again.

I will be in Melbourne for three weeks and the chances that I don't slip up and have to explain why I am in Melbourne are slim to none. When I went to have a consult with Andy I let slip accidentally on Facebook about heading to Melbourne. I was asked the question at that time and I fobbed them off with saying I was in Melbourne for a different reason. :)

 I have to realistic...the chances are fairly high that I will slip up in that first 24-48 hrs after surgery when I am on my own and at my most vulnerable....to be honest I feel the last thing I need to be concerned about at that time is them.

As you can tell I am a bit confused  ;) Part of me wants to tell them so it removes any chance of their being an issue having it out in the open and the other says no way they don't need to know its none of their business.

Thoughts anyone?


Take care

Liz


Offline Jessica

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #583 on: July 25, 2018, 09:58:09 pm »
Hi Liz, congrats on your successes in exercise and weight loss land.

Good morning to everyone. I did my 6 ks again this morning and will be aiming at 8ks to finish off the week.


I was chatting with a girlfriend the other day and she was asking me about my prep for surgery. The discussion came round to who knows that I am having it and next thing I know she asks me this...


"Did you tell your Mum and Dad about your having surgery"

My initial gut reaction was to say "NO! and I won't" but it got me thinking...and thinking

But is that actually true? What is their reaction going to be if they find out?(chances are good that they will) Bad is the answer to that question. Its going to be made into being about me not trusting them enough to tell them, which to be fair is true. They got really bent out of shape after I got really sick in 2000* and made me promise to tell them should I be having any major surgery in the future or if I had gotten as sick as I did again.

I will be in Melbourne for three weeks and the chances that I don't slip up and have to explain why I am in Melbourne are slim to none. When I went to have a consult with Andy I let slip accidentally on Facebook about heading to Melbourne. I was asked the question at that time and I fobbed them off with saying I was in Melbourne for a different reason. :)

 I have to realistic...the chances are fairly high that I will slip up in that first 24-48 hrs after surgery when I am on my own and at my most vulnerable....to be honest I feel the last thing I need to be concerned about at that time is them.

As you can tell I am a bit confused  ;) Part of me wants to tell them so it removes any chance of their being an issue having it out in the open and the other says no way they don't need to know its none of their business.

Thoughts anyone?


Take care

Liz

Edit added clarification :after I got really sick in 2000*

You already know your parents will find out, you already think you know how they will react.
What the unknown is why you hesitate telling them.  Will that knowledge get any better for them as time goes by?
I think laying your cards on the table to family is part of the deal when we transition.  Win lose or draw, in the end all is known.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."



Online LizK

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #584 on: July 26, 2018, 07:06:49 pm »
@Alaskan Danielle @Jessica

Thank you ladies for your thoughts on this. I guess looking from the outside the answer is fairly obvious. Yes I should tell them. If I don't tell them then it sets up for more issues. If I do tell them the I have to be prepared for a negative reaction.

I am tired of it and I am not going to spend 3 weeks in Melbourne trying to hide where I am. I am going to tell them and let the cards fall where they may. I will not be getting into any discussion with either of them about the surgery or my reasons. I will probably tell them closer to the time maybe the a week or two before unless a situation arises beforehand which presents me with the opportunity to tell them.


I will let you know how it goes


Liz

Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

Offline Laurie

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #585 on: July 26, 2018, 11:40:53 pm »
@Alaskan Danielle @Jessica

Thank you ladies for your thoughts on this. I guess looking from the outside the answer is fairly obvious. Yes I should tell them. If I don't tell them then it sets up for more issues. If I do tell them the I have to be prepared for a negative reaction.

I am tired of it and I am not going to spend 3 weeks in Melbourne trying to hide where I am. I am going to tell them and let the cards fall where they may. I will not be getting into any discussion with either of them about the surgery or my reasons. I will probably tell them closer to the time maybe the a week or two before unless a situation arises beforehand which presents me with the opportunity to tell them.


I will let you know how it goes


Liz

  Hi Girlfriend,

  Well I am glad your decision is to tell your parents. You are absolutely right, if they find out after the fact there will be all hell breaking looce. And unfortunately it may anyway. I think if it does it will cause you some personal issues but Liz, I think you are better prepared to handle it than you  had been in the past. You can tell and deal with the fallout I am sure. Besides I and always here for you if you need help. Anytime.

Hugs,
  Laurie
April 13, 2019 switched to estradiol valerate
December 20, 2018    Referral sent to OHSU Dr Dugi  for vaginoplasty consult
December 10, 2018    Second Letter VA Psychiatric Practical nurse
November 15, 2018    First letter from VA therapist
May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone




Online LizK

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #586 on: July 27, 2018, 12:48:22 am »
  Hi Girlfriend,

  Well I am glad your decision is to tell your parents. You are absolutely right, if they find out after the fact there will be all hell breaking looce. And unfortunately it may anyway. I think if it does it will cause you some personal issues but Liz, I think you are better prepared to handle it than you  had been in the past. You can tell and deal with the fallout I am sure. Besides I and always here for you if you need help. Anytime.

Hugs,
  Laurie


Hi Laurie

If I am to go from previous reactions then I know for sure I am going to have a problem which is why I am trying to justify to myself not to tell them anything. At this point in my journey where much of it seems to have been a constant battle with them for a shred of proper acceptance I am fed up and tired of it all. I will tell them and I will deal with the fallout that will occur. Whether the fallout is directed straight at me or something I get to "feel" first, time will tell but either way I will deal with it and move on.


Thankyou Laurie I know you are there for me if I need you.  ;) (Hug)

Take care

Liz
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

Offline Nicole70

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #587 on: July 27, 2018, 02:19:33 am »
Dear Liz,

I hope they find it in themselves to accept you, I think you are doing the right thing telling them before, and waiting until just before, perhaps it’s just the way I am but I always worry someone might put a spanner in the works, at least telling them late leaves little room for problems.

How many days and hours is it now? Even I’m getting excited for you, keep up the excellent work on your diet and exercise.

Hugs

Nicole

Online LizK

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #588 on: July 27, 2018, 07:18:19 pm »
@nicole

Hi Nicole

Thank you for the vote of confidence. I am such a woos when it comes to these things.  :)

I managed another 8ks this morning...didn't much feel like it and nearly quit at the 4 km mark but didn't because there is only 122days 19hrs 13 minutes BWCA?

Take care

Liz
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

Offline Drexy/Drex

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #589 on: July 28, 2018, 09:50:12 pm »
If it was me  I wouldn't  tell anyone  I didn't  want to..... but then again I don't talk to my parents  (such a relief  as parents have such a strong  psychological hold over  their children)
Well done on pushing  through  to 8kms again....persistence  is the key you have a very worthwhile goal..!!

Resistance is futile go with the flow

Don't be afraid to fail
Be afraid not to try

Online LizK

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #590 on: July 29, 2018, 06:57:10 pm »
Monday Morning Update

Another 8ks this morning and weigh in....I lost 400 grams so am now 96.6 total loss to date is 10kg I really wanted to hit below 96 today. I was so frustrated by the small weight loss but this is not just about weight loss but also getting fit. It is so frustrating to walk 45ks in a week and lose only 400grams (1pound), it is my worst result since early June. It was a bit of a slap in the face to have a look at what I am eating...I know from past experience that it doesn't take much in the way of "bad" food to blow your weight loss out of the water no matter how much exercise you do. I didn't think I had been that bad but when I think back on it now, I can see a number of times where I ate something I should not. I just need to be a bit more careful. I have just measured myself and I have lost 2cm from my waist measurement...so its not all bad. I will nail 96 ks this week by next weigh in I will be in the 95s at least. Not quite ready for the goal achievement celebration... will have to put the streamers and balloons away for another week.

did I mention it was only 121 days 21 hrs 7 mintues BWCA? to go...


Take care

Liz

Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

Offline Drexy/Drex

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #591 on: July 29, 2018, 09:24:42 pm »
It's still  good... 10kg that's like 20 pounds!!  Discipline  and persistence  will win the race😉 wow if I could  lose 10kg  id  be happy....
Have you picked out a nice little number for the end result
Resistance is futile go with the flow

Don't be afraid to fail
Be afraid not to try

Online LizK

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #592 on: July 29, 2018, 10:18:21 pm »
Thanks Drexy You are right it is still a good effort...but just step out of the way please I just need to …

…..moving the goal posts...
…..(sound of truck backing up)….

I just got online and checked my BMI thinking if Dr Ives wants it at 30 or below and 96 is my target then I have to be close. Whilst doing this I came across a copy of my care plan from the Dr's and on it was my height 174cm and weight 103kg and BMI calculation....wait what....It said I was 174cm tall...that's not right I am 179...aren't I, that's what I told Dr Ives...I checked and no I am 174cm tall which means the actual target weight should be 90kgs as that gives me a BMI just under 30 which I am certain he was talking about and I can hardly hold him to 96kgs if I told him the wrong height. I was aiming at 90kgs as my real first goal and second being a BMI of 25 which is 80KGs but it looks like the 90kgs is my real goal now...ok well 6kgs to go....no problem there goes my buffer...


Liz
« Last Edit: July 30, 2018, 04:23:54 am by ElizabethK »
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

Offline Kendra

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #593 on: July 29, 2018, 10:47:29 pm »
Liz you are such an inspiration for all of us.  Keep at it!  You have already made amazing achievements. 
Assigned male at birth 1963.  Decided I wanted to be a girl in 1971.  Laser 2014-16, electrolysis 2015-17, HRT 7/2017, GCS 1/2018, VFS 3/2018, FFS 5/2018, Labiaplasty & BA 7/2018. 

Offline Cindy

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #594 on: July 30, 2018, 01:54:15 am »
Thanks Drexy You are right it is still a good effort...but just step out of the way please I just need to …

…..move the goal posts...
…..(sound of truck backing up)….

I just got online and checked my BMI thinking if Dr Ives wants it at 30 or below and 96 is my target then I have to be close. Whilst doing this I came across a copy of my care plan from the Dr's and on it was my height 174cm and weight 103kg and BMI calculation....wait what....It said I was 174cm tall...that's not right I am 179...aren't I, that's what I told Dr Ives...I checked and no I am 174cm tall which means the actual target weight should be 90kgs as that gives me a BMI just under 30 which I am certain he was talking about and I can hardly hold him to 96kgs if I told him the wrong height. I was aiming at 90kgs as my real first goal and second being a BMI of 25 which is 80KGs but it looks like the 90kgs is my real goal now...ok well 6kgs to go....no problem there goes my buffer...


Liz

You sure that you are 174cm? You are taller than me and I'm 174.

Online LizK

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #595 on: July 30, 2018, 04:26:54 am »
You sure that you are 174cm? You are taller than me and I'm 174.

I had a look at the measurements I had taken back in 2015 when I first decided I needed to transition and they confirmed 174...you made me go check it again  ;D LOL but yes I am 174.....its my big personality makes me appear taller  ;) ;)
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

Online LizK

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #596 on: July 30, 2018, 04:27:52 am »
Liz you are such an inspiration for all of us.  Keep at it!  You have already made amazing achievements.

Thankyou Kendra you always know how to make a girl feel good about herself, Thankyou I really needed that today  :)
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

Online LizK

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #597 on: July 30, 2018, 11:56:53 pm »
Saw my Dr again today she wanted to see how I was going with my weight loss for surgery and when I spoke to her about BMI I told her what I thought I had made a mistake with Dr Ives...she seemed to think Dr Ives target had nothing to do with BMI but was more about being 10% lighter than I was. She seemed to think this was more likely why he picked 96 but at the end of the day its not my goal anyway. We discussed where I should end up and she does not want me below 80 (despite ideal BMI weight of 55-75kg) and would prefer I keep mid 80's. She was incredibly positive and we discussed how we would go about revaluating the medications I am currently on. I want rid of the metformin and the blood pressure tabs...she also suggested cholesterol but that is hereditary so will have to see how that pans out.

She was really pleased with my weight loss and told me that she thought I was making astounding progress. We are going to test my HBA1C at the end of the month and if that comes in at a lower amount than 6.6 (which it should)then we will begin to reduce my metformin...if the next one after that remains low then it will be gone altogether. Its been a long time since I went to the Dr's and got positive news....makes a very nice change


Busy week coming up seeing Cindy tomorrow along with another friend for coffee, Thursday is quiet Friday is "oil change and grease" at the pain management clinic along with prep for the implantation of my new pump. Saturday I have speech therapy for the first time is quite awhile and this is to assess me for voice surgery. She indicated last time I saw her that I really need to lift my pitch average by 40hrtz to sound consistently female and even then it would be around the 210 -220 MHz  average which means I have to get as high as 240 or more and I don't know that my voice was made to do it...anyway hopefully will have a better idea on Saturday...

More Then


Liz

PS: 120Dys 16Hrs 7Min BWCA?  ;D
 
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

Offline Jessica

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #598 on: July 31, 2018, 12:23:23 am »
@ElizabethK

Saw my Dr again today she wanted to see how I was going with my weight loss for surgery and when I spoke to her about BMI I told her what I thought I had made a mistake with Dr Ives...she seemed to think Dr Ives target had nothing to do with BMI but was more about being 10% lighter than I was. She seemed to think this was more likely why he picked 96 but at the end of the day its not my goal anyway. We discussed where I should end up and she does not want me below 80 (despite ideal BMI weight of 55-75kg) and would prefer I keep mid 80's. She was incredibly positive and we discussed how we would go about revaluating the medications I am currently on. I want rid of the metformin and the blood pressure tabs...she also suggested cholesterol but that is hereditary so will have to see how that pans out.

She was really pleased with my weight loss and told me that she thought I was making astounding progress. We are going to test my HBA1C at the end of the month and if that comes in at a lower amount than 6.6 (which it should)then we will begin to reduce my metformin...if the next one after that remains low then it will be gone altogether. Its been a long time since I went to the Dr's and got positive news....makes a very nice change


Busy week coming up seeing Cindy tomorrow along with another friend for coffee, Thursday is quiet Friday is "oil change and grease" at the pain management clinic along with prep for the implantation of my new pump. Saturday I have speech therapy for the first time is quite awhile and this is to assess me for voice surgery. She indicated last time I saw her that I really need to lift my pitch average by 40hrtz to sound consistently female and even then it would be around the 210 -220 MHz  average which means I have to get as high as 240 or more and I don't know that my voice was made to do it...anyway hopefully will have a better idea on Saturday...

More Then


Liz

PS: 120Dys 16Hrs 7Min BWCA?  ;D

Wonderful news Elizabeth!  Weight is down, meds adjusted, your doc is giving you warm fuzzies and you’re going to see Cindy tomorrow.  Could you do myself and everyone here a favor and give her a warm hug from us.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."



Online LizK

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Re: On being Liz
« Reply #599 on: July 31, 2018, 12:50:34 am »
Absolutely with pleasure
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

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