Author Topic: Here I go again :-(  (Read 18599 times)

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Offline jentay1367

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #60 on: March 19, 2017, 06:53:59 pm »
Make sure to impress on them that this is the best thing that's ever happened to you.  Don't present it as a negative thing in any way.  So many transgender people make the mistake of conveying a sense of wrongness about their authentic gender identity.  You see it all the time right here on this site.  People always saying, "No one would ever want to be trans."  That gives people the wrong impression.  That something is wrong with us.  There is nothing wrong with us. We are born this way.  It's a happy day when we can finally come out and live life as our authentic self.

That is some of the most helpful and awesome and constructive advice I've seen here or anywhere else for that matter!! Nice advice, Jane!

Offline Maybebaby56

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #61 on: March 19, 2017, 08:04:11 pm »
Make sure to impress on them that this is the best thing that's ever happened to you.  Don't present it as a negative thing in any way.  So many transgender people make the mistake of conveying a sense of wrongness about their authentic gender identity.  You see it all the time right here on this site.  People always saying, "No one would ever want to be trans."  That gives people the wrong impression.  That something is wrong with us.  There is nothing wrong with us. We are born this way.  It's a happy day when we can finally come out and live life as our authentic self.

Hi Jane,

I don't mean to hijack this thread but you make an important point.

You are right; we are what we are, and we shouldn't have to bear some sense of shame about it.

I was going to say people are born with cleft palates and other birth defects, too, and it doesn't make it a desirable feature.  I can't imagine a cis-gender person saying, "Gosh, I wish I were transgender!" But one could just as easily argue that being born transgender is not a defect at all, just a rare expression of the natural range of the human sexual and gender continuum.

I think I prefer the latter interpretation. :)

With kindness,

Terri


"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives" - Annie Dillard

Offline Laurie

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #62 on: March 19, 2017, 08:50:37 pm »
Make sure to impress on them that this is the best thing that's ever happened to you.  Don't present it as a negative thing in any way.  So many transgender people make the mistake of conveying a sense of wrongness about their authentic gender identity.  You see it all the time right here on this site.  People always saying, "No one would ever want to be trans."  That gives people the wrong impression.  That something is wrong with us.  There is nothing wrong with us. We are born this way.  It's a happy day when we can finally come out and live life as our authentic self.

  Hi Jane, Like the new avatar btw

  Good point you make, but I am not sure I can classify it as "the best thing that's ever happened to me"  after all the trouble it has caused throughout my life. Granted that discovering that it is the reason why I am the way I am may be just that. Now I can work to accept who I am and finally move in the right direction to stop fighting it.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette
“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,
 
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol




Offline HappyMoni

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #63 on: March 19, 2017, 08:51:15 pm »
Make sure to impress on them that this is the best thing that's ever happened to you.  Don't present it as a negative thing in any way.  So many transgender people make the mistake of conveying a sense of wrongness about their authentic gender identity.  You see it all the time right here on this site.  People always saying, "No one would ever want to be trans."  That gives people the wrong impression.  That something is wrong with us.  There is nothing wrong with us. We are born this way.  It's a happy day when we can finally come out and live life as our authentic self.

I agree with the sentiment that there is nothing wrong with being trans. Yes, awesome! I do think you should think about giving a bit of your history though. Once they hear, "I am trans." they will probably not hear much of what is said after. For an example, I told everyone from the get go that something that everyone else never had to think about was difficult for me my whole life. (Not mentioning gender right away) I told people how painful hiding had been. I told them I could not bare to continue as things had been. Furthermore I said I was very afraid of losing people over this, but I had to be true to who I really am. It was then that I stated that what I was talking about was gender identity. Now I would think it might be good to say how much better life is, coming to terms with being a trans woman. Set the dichotomy in my opinion, the old way was painful, the new way is full of hope. Telling about the pain of hiding makes people understand this is no whim, fashion statement, or spur of the moment decision. It makes it less likely they will think, "Oh, this will just go away." Most people react to a loved one in pain by wanting to help. If you introduce it like you bought a new car, well...
Anyway just a few thoughts! I seemed to be good at coming out. Having surgeries, not so much! Good luck!
Moni
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) 
 FFS in late June 2016. (Ugh!)
I have dismantled the old me. I am building the new me, one lego at a time.
   

Offline Laurie

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #64 on: March 19, 2017, 09:38:33 pm »
Thank all of you, Jane, JenTay, Terri and you too Moni,

  I see you all are ganging up on me, standing united behind Jane. lol  Well I like what see (and all of you) have to say, as I expressed above, I am not sure about it being "the best thing". I have mixed feelings there. Really mixed feelings.
  I know I do not need to relate to anyone here all the fear, shame, embarrassment and guilt living with this desire to look and indeed be a member of the opposite sex. It's affect every aspect of my life from when I was a small boy to me now as a older person. The difference is that now I have a name for it, now I have a reason for the misery in my life. Now I have a hope of being happy.  It would be a hard sell that it's the best thing that has happened to me. Especially when I feel  the birth of my daughter and all my grand children are the winners of that title in my life.

  I will likely begin with telling them I love them, that what I have to say may be difficult for then to accept, and that if they need me to at anytime I will get back in my pickup and leave be it to give them time to think about what I say or because the do not want me there any longer. That I also hope it doesn't come to that.
  Then I think I will start with my crossdressing when she was little. I am pretty sure that see was aware that I indulged then and am pretty sure she had seen me several times though I tried to keep it from her. We have never talked about it. Denial being a great tool. Then I'll find out if she ever told my son in law about my dressing. It is possible she did and equally possible that it is news to him.   That should break the ice and set the ground work for bringing them up to date.
    I should be permitted to have my say without much drama as they are a family that believe in open discussion and explanation of what and why they do things even to explaining things to the kids. They discuss everything with the kids that is going to affect them. Everything ! Even some things about my life I'd rather have had buried.  That is also of concern to me because the grand kids will be brought up to date on Papa too once I have this talk with my daughter and her husband Scott.

  Those are my thoughts. What do you thinks of them?

  Hugs,
    Jeanette                   
“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,
 
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol




Offline Jane Emily

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #65 on: March 19, 2017, 11:33:59 pm »
It would be a hard sell that it's the best thing that has happened to me. Especially when I feel  the birth of my daughter and all my grand children are the winners of that title in my life.


Jeanette, please forgive my indulgence in hyperbole.  Obviously your children are the best thing that ever happened to you.  All I can say is stay positive and be sure to let them know that this is good news.

Assigned Male at Birth - 1958
Came out, started living full time - Thanksgiving 2015
Started HRT - 5-27-2016

Estrogen HRT = the surprising arrival of a rainbow within my body.

Offline jentay1367

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #66 on: March 19, 2017, 11:58:47 pm »
Remember Jeanette, Nobody can own this if you won't. Words have power. Speak from your heart, not from the male driven ego you're working so hard to abandon. Don't let your Id sabotage you. If your babies don't believe you're sincere or suspect your unsure, they'll be disinclined to see that you're making the right decision for yourself. You need to sell "Jeanette" and you need to close the deal.

Offline Laurie

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #67 on: March 20, 2017, 12:54:49 am »
I'm sorry Jane and Jen,

  Yes my daughter and grand kids are some of the best of my life. Of course they are.

 But so is becoming me. I want this, and I feel it is right for me. I am in such a turmoil at the moment over what to say to her. I took a break from the computer to watch a couple of old Highway to Heaven episodes.  The first had to do with a grown son jealous of and embarrassed by his father's work as a dress wearing comedian that kept him away from home a lot. The end of which had them confronting the issues and coming to terms with them. The usual tear jerk part.
  Just what I need right now a story of a crossdressing father creating a problem for a child, right?.  Just shoot me now.

  The next episode I gave up on after restarting it twice and not having any idea what it was about due to all the old thoughts in my head. Thoughts like how I didn't like Christmas because I could never get the things I wanted and had to watch my sisters open the gift I wanted instead of me. How doing boy things and failing at them because I really was interested in them. Other boys my age played with army men, or airplanes or collected baseball cards. I didn't. I wanted to visit the girl across the street and play. omg all these old almost completely forgotten little things going around and around in my head to the point of distraction.  i gave up on the TV and came back to the computer.
   I saw that my thread had responses from the two of you, read them and cried. Don't ask me why I am crying I don't know. I know it isn't really what you two said, it's probably more that you cared enough to say them. The tears are just running down my face unbidden. I believe I could be having an emotional meltdown. Is this that stress I recently told the psychiatrist I have never believed in?

  Thank you both for being there.

 Jeanette
“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,
 
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol




Offline jentay1367

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #68 on: March 20, 2017, 01:03:21 am »
It's all going to be okay, honey. Make that your mantra. Keep telling yourself that and constantly visualize their total acceptance.  ......you'll see it when you believe it. Sleep tight.

Offline Laurie

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #69 on: March 20, 2017, 01:06:09 am »
It's all going to be okay, honey. Make that your mantra. Keep telling yourself that and constantly visualize their total acceptance.  ......you'll see it when you believe it. Sleep tight.

  I hope so Jen, I really do.  Have a good night.
“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,
 
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol




Offline theqnoumenon

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #70 on: March 20, 2017, 02:23:34 pm »
Hi Jeanette,
Think about the liberation of telling your family this, the freedom you'll gain to talk with them with no fear and not pretending something you're not comfortable with. Tell them what you really are, what are your feelings and how you see yourself.
I know I'm new here and I don't have too much experience in social situations, but I've read you helping so many people and I'm pretty sure you will make it, and everything is going to be okay!

I hope the best,
Q.

Offline HappyMoni

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #71 on: March 20, 2017, 06:54:45 pm »
Jeanette,
   Hi! I wanted to say that I know how difficult this is for you. I prepped my two sons much as you have prepped your daughter. Of course I was a wreck before I actually spoke to them. The nerves were pretty bad. I'm sure you are feeling this. The shame, denial, and guilt was telling me that I could conceivably be being selfish by telling them. Then my logic would kick in and I would realize that continuing without telling was impossible. Logic told me that I would be there for any issue they had. This is what families should do. Also, I did not ask to be dealing with this situation, but this is my thing to own. It did not make it any easier, all this logic, but I felt that I knew my kids, and I thought they would try to understand. I promised myself that I would  do everything I  could to help them if it was hard for them. With this, I went to battle, one that must be fought as much as I was scared. Scared? No terrified! I can't tell you how many times I wrote out what I would say. It was enough that when I spoke, my thoughts came out okay. You know, I think they were as scared as I was. I was changing the way they would view me for now on, but it was  okay because that image was not wholly true after all. In my case, my sons were very accepting. In fact my son later joked that they thought it was gonna be really bad like I was gonna change my political views or something. I am sure you will respect the  feelings of your family. Please keep in mind that all of the past shame aside, you deserve respect too. You deserve for them to be there for you. I hope they will. Will be thinking of you.
Moni
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) 
 FFS in late June 2016. (Ugh!)
I have dismantled the old me. I am building the new me, one lego at a time.
   

Offline Laurie

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #72 on: March 20, 2017, 07:51:18 pm »
Thank you Q and Moni your responses do help.

  I've been okay today because I've done what I excel at. I've procrastinated. I've tried not to think about it, I went for a walk and listened to my audio book. I'll read and commented on all the new posts up until this one which I saved for last. When I look again there will be more trickling in as I write this.  I haven't allowed myself to think about it. I know where that will take me so I keep bust with other things.
  Soon I will need to get things ready for tomorrow. I will gather all my meds and pack a backpack with a change of clothes and put my toiletries in a zip lock bag or two. I'll put some coffee grounds in another baggie and put it with my individual cup coffee maker and put it in my pickup. I'll bring out my laptop and plug it in to charge it and make sure it is updated and ready for use. In short I'll get everything I need ready for at least an overnight trip even though I've already warned her I may not be staying. That will be up to them.    Tomorrow I'll finish getting everything ready, eat a quick breakfast, and  hit the road.
   First stop, meet with my therapist for the second time, yes I have that on the burner too. An hour or so with him and probably a bit of a pep talk to send me on my way and it's back on the road for the 2 1/2 - 3 hour drive up to my daughter's place. That 2 1/2 hour drive is going to seem a lot longer and yet not long enough I'm afraid. I'll have to be careful during it. Heaven knows I don't want to  get a ticket for distracted driving or worse on the way.
  When I get there I will probably see if we can get right to it. I so hate elephants in the room. What happens beyond that I don't have a clue, a lot of fears but not a single clue. I guess I'll find out because this is going to happen, It has to happen. I'll hope and pray for the best but will accept what ever happens.

    dang it, eyes are leaking again

 Jeanette
 
“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,
 
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol




Online KathyLauren

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #73 on: March 20, 2017, 07:56:55 pm »
You can do this, Jeanette!
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-03-09 Boobs growing; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time

I'm moving on my way, letting go the rope
Casting off dull certainty and reaching for that brightly shining hope.

Offline HappyMoni

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #74 on: March 20, 2017, 08:00:11 pm »
There will be a lot of folks on this site sending you good vibes tomorrow. I think you are right not to arrange the furniture for them before you talk. lol
Moni
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) 
 FFS in late June 2016. (Ugh!)
I have dismantled the old me. I am building the new me, one lego at a time.
   

Offline Laurie

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #75 on: March 20, 2017, 08:04:49 pm »
You can do this, Jeanette!

 Thanks Kathy,

   Yes I can and tomorrow I will. For better or worse I have already set the stage and I have to tell my daughter and son in law something. It may as well be the truth about what is going on with me.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette
“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,
 
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol




Offline jentay1367

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #76 on: March 20, 2017, 08:27:29 pm »
Pretty excited for you Jeanette! Surrounding you and yours with pure white light. Go get em' girl! ;)
 

Offline Laurie

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #77 on: March 20, 2017, 08:38:18 pm »
Thanks Jen,

  You know I will need every bit of those good vibes come tomorrow. I'm still doing okay tonight. I'm keeping too busy to think about it much. I know I will later though.  I still haven't got my speech figured out. I tend to wing it a lot but It might serve me well to jot down a rough outline of what I want to say. Oh bother!  let's see.... Hi I'm Jeanette and I am a trans-woman...   No, that won't do....
  Sleeping is likely going to be a challenge.

   Hugs,
    Jeanette.
“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,
 
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol




Offline Jane Emily

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #78 on: March 20, 2017, 11:59:37 pm »
Also sending good thoughts. Hope all goes well tomorrow.
Assigned Male at Birth - 1958
Came out, started living full time - Thanksgiving 2015
Started HRT - 5-27-2016

Estrogen HRT = the surprising arrival of a rainbow within my body.

Offline ElizabethK

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Re: Here I go again :-(
« Reply #79 on: March 21, 2017, 12:23:08 am »
Hi Jeanette

You really have got an exciting day ahead for all sorts of reasons. I really hope this goes well for you. You have given a large portion of your life over to looking out for everyone else and fulfilling commitments. I absolutely understand this, its now time for you...for your part in life...they are not losing you but gaining all of you. I can attest to one thing when your head is not so full of dysphoria, guilt and self hate there is room for other stuff...like a full range of emotions.

Enjoy the drive, sing some songs, have some fun so you are happy and as upbeat as you can be when you arrive. If you see and express this as a positive thing then the chances are, they might see it the same way

Hugs
Liz
“Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner”
Tao Te Ching


Transition Begun 25/09/2015
Fulltime from 8/03/17


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