Author Topic: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?  (Read 6213 times)

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Offline debisl

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Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #20 on: November 23, 2007, 08:50:25 am »
Julie if you want to date straight guys you will have to resort to being stealth, and plan on not getting too involved. Most guys will always get to the conversation of sex before too long. Most will want to kiss and touch to some extent. Be perpared for this as it is a certain. You can only put them off for so long.

If on the other hand you want to be seen with a guy and want to have a little fun then you should find a nice bi guy that dosen't care and let whatever happens happen.

I have dated both. If you want to PM me we can talk about guys and their expectations.

Deb

Berliegh

Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #21 on: November 23, 2007, 09:19:29 am »
Julie if you want to date straight guys you will have to resort to being stealth, and plan on not getting too involved. Most guys will always get to the conversation of sex before too long. Most will want to kiss and touch to some extent. Be perpared for this as it is a certain. You can only put them off for so long.

If on the other hand you want to be seen with a guy and want to have a little fun then you should find a nice bi guy that dosen't care and let whatever happens happen.

I have dated both. If you want to PM me we can talk about guys and their expectations.

Deb

W B Debs and you given good advice.....

melissa90299

Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #22 on: November 23, 2007, 09:43:41 am »
I am stealth but when it comes to dating, I would rather be as honest as possible about my past as theres the chance that the relationship can develop into something serious and long term. A relationship based on lies is not a good thing for anyone.

Dating  someone without revealing everything about your past is not lying. Does he tell you all his innermost secrets before the first date or during the first few dates? I doubt it.

Enigma

Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #23 on: November 23, 2007, 09:49:36 am »
I am stealth but when it comes to dating, I would rather be as honest as possible about my past as theres the chance that the relationship can develop into something serious and long term. A relationship based on lies is not a good thing for anyone.

Dating  someone without revealing everything about your past is not lying. Does he tell you all his innermost secrets before the first date or during the first few dates? I doubt it.

I couldn't agree more.  I don't know why we have this compulsion to disclose in our relationships.  Cisgendered folks never do...

Offline Julie Marie

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Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #24 on: November 23, 2007, 01:28:47 pm »
Julie, I am not sure that non-disclosure pre-op is wise. Not worth the trouble, unless it is a very casual date. Have you tried dating "stealth" yet?

No Melissa, I haven't dated yet nor would I consider it before GRS.  I want to be complete before I enter the dating scene.  I have however been in social situations with men who knew I was trans (it was at a club I have frequented since my "crossdresser days").  While I really haven't been insulted, there's at least two friends I took there who have by inquiries regarding what's between their legs.  The last time was a few weeks ago and both of us agreed we just don't belong there.  It's a gay club and we're not gay men.

Anyway, those experiences tell me that if I want to be treated the same as any other woman I have to be stealth.  Of course my personal experience has been with gay men who know I'm trans so that's not exactly the best barometer to use in making the stealth/open decision.  If a relationship became serious I'd obviously have to divulge something.  How else can I explain my kids and their genetic mother?  Also it becomes tricky avoiding talk about my male past.  So something would have to be done.  I guess it will be a bridge I'll have to figure out how I want to cross it, but that will have to wait until I get there.

Julie
When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself.

melissa90299

Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #25 on: November 23, 2007, 02:05:55 pm »
I am stealth but when it comes to dating, I would rather be as honest as possible about my past as theres the chance that the relationship can develop into something serious and long term. A relationship based on lies is not a good thing for anyone.

Dating  someone without revealing everything about your past is not lying. Does he tell you all his innermost secrets before the first date or during the first few dates? I doubt it.

I couldn't agree more.  I don't know why we have this compulsion to disclose in our relationships.  Cisgendered folks never do...

This is all fueled by the myth created by the media that we are "deceiving" men into having sex with us as if we are only imitation or artificial women.


celibi87

Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #26 on: November 23, 2007, 02:24:20 pm »
I am stealth but when it comes to dating, I would rather be as honest as possible about my past as theres the chance that the relationship can develop into something serious and long term. A relationship based on lies is not a good thing for anyone.

Dating  someone without revealing everything about your past is not lying. Does he tell you all his innermost secrets before the first date or during the first few dates? I doubt it.

I couldn't agree more.  I don't know why we have this compulsion to disclose in our relationships.  Cisgendered folks never do...

This is all fueled by the myth created by the media that we are "deceiving" men into having sex with us as if we are only imitation or artificial women.


Just like the myth that all transsexuals must be gay. Its all a common misconception from the masses that dont understand us.

tinkerbell

Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #27 on: November 23, 2007, 06:35:12 pm »
Being open or stealth is an entirely personal decision without any obligations.  It is up to each of us to decide whether being stealth works or not.  Who are we to tell someone else here how they should handle their personal lives?  Personally, I'd find it very offensive if someone tried to do that with me regardless of ethics, morals and whatever.

In my case, my boyfriend knows about my past because he is also TS; If my situation were different, I wouldn't tell anything to anyone on my first date.  Nevertheless, If I were to see that the relationship were going somewhere and had the potential to become long-term (as in marriage or engagement), then I would tell him.

tink :icon_chick:

katia

Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #28 on: November 23, 2007, 10:44:34 pm »
Being open or stealth is an entirely personal decision without any obligations.  It is up to each of us to decide whether being stealth works or not.  Who are we to tell someone else here how they should handle their personal lives?  Personally, I'd find it very offensive if someone tried to do that with me regardless of ethics, morals and whatever.

In my case, my boyfriend knows about my past because he is also TS; If my situation were different, I wouldn't tell anything to anyone on my first date.  Nevertheless, If I were to see that the relationship were going somewhere and had the potential to become long-term (as in marriage or engagement), then I would tell him.

tink :icon_chick:

are you upset? ;) hope not!  nothing worse than an angry faerie! >:D

melissa90299

Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #29 on: November 23, 2007, 11:10:35 pm »
I make it a point to date only progressive and open minded men (and women for that matter) This latest guy (yup, another one!) is very open-minded and I am sure wouldn't have a problem. OTOH he is not looking for a monogamous relationship. If you explore how man feel about other issues, you can generally figure out how they will react to disclosure.

Offline Christo

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Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #30 on: November 24, 2007, 01:04:48 am »
Being open or stealth is an entirely personal decision without any obligations.  It is up to each of us to decide whether being stealth works or not.  Who are we to tell someone else here how they should handle their personal lives?  Personally, I'd find it very offensive if someone tried to do that with me regardless of ethics, morals and whatever.

In my case, my boyfriend knows about my past because he is also TS; If my situation were different, I wouldn't tell anything to anyone on my first date.  Nevertheless, If I were to see that the relationship were going somewhere and had the potential to become long-term (as in marriage or engagement), then I would tell him.

tink :icon_chick:

are you upset? ;) hope not!  nothing worse than an angry faerie! >:D

no she aint.  she's just saying what's on her mind ;)

katia

Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #31 on: November 24, 2007, 02:11:55 am »
Being open or stealth is an entirely personal decision without any obligations.  It is up to each of us to decide whether being stealth works or not.  Who are we to tell someone else here how they should handle their personal lives?  Personally, I'd find it very offensive if someone tried to do that with me regardless of ethics, morals and whatever.

In my case, my boyfriend knows about my past because he is also TS; If my situation were different, I wouldn't tell anything to anyone on my first date.  Nevertheless, If I were to see that the relationship were going somewhere and had the potential to become long-term (as in marriage or engagement), then I would tell him.

tink :icon_chick:

are you upset? ;) hope not!  nothing worse than an angry faerie! >:D

no she aint.  she's just saying what's on her mind ;)

huh?  how would you know how she feels, unless you are her ftm ts boyfriend.  now that would explain a lot >:D   its time to speak up! :laugh: we already know >:D

tinkerbell

Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #32 on: November 24, 2007, 03:06:20 pm »

huh?  how would you know how she feels, unless you are her ftm ts boyfriend.  now that would explain a lot >:D   its time to speak up! :laugh: we already know >:D

You are contradicting yourself Katia, if you already know, why should Chris speak up (as you put it)?  Also there are things (and I am sure you know that) that are part of people's personal lives; hence they are private.  This is the internet for heaven's sakes; you don't expect that I share everything about my personal life here, do you?  :P

tink :icon_chick:

katia

Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #33 on: November 24, 2007, 10:59:25 pm »

huh?  how would you know how she feels, unless you are her ftm ts boyfriend.  now that would explain a lot >:D   its time to speak up! :laugh: we already know >:D

You are contradicting yourself Katia, if you already know, why should Chris speak up (as you put it)?  Also there are things (and I am sure you know that) that are part of people's personal lives; hence they are private.  This is the internet for heaven's sakes; you don't expect that I share everything about my personal life here, do you?  :P

tink :icon_chick:

curiosity is human nature tink.  i think it's cute though.  honestly! :)

tinkerbell

Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #34 on: November 25, 2007, 04:20:55 pm »

huh?  how would you know how she feels, unless you are her ftm ts boyfriend.  now that would explain a lot >:D   its time to speak up! :laugh: we already know >:D

You are contradicting yourself Katia, if you already know, why should Chris speak up (as you put it)?  Also there are things (and I am sure you know that) that are part of people's personal lives; hence they are private.  This is the internet for heaven's sakes; you don't expect that I share everything about my personal life here, do you?  :P

tink :icon_chick:

curiosity is human nature tink.  i think it's cute though.  honestly! :)

I guess.  I agree.  Curiosity is human nature but not a fascination.

tink :icon_chick:

Offline cindybc

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Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #35 on: November 25, 2007, 05:15:19 pm »
Hi Julie
I do so agree with what you have posted, I thought I was reading my soul mates own words. Well I guess I was lucky I met my mate in this very Message board 5 years ago. We love each other very much and I just don't think there would be much of a life ahead of me without her. I just pray that will not happen for many years yet. I do not really have any desires to look for another partner.

Cindy

Wing Walker

Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #36 on: November 25, 2007, 05:28:21 pm »
Hi Julie
I do so agree with what you have posted, I thought I was reading my soul mates own words. Well I guess I was lucky I met my mate in this very Message board 5 years ago. We love each other very much and I just don't think there would be much of a life ahead of me without her. I just pray that will not happen for many years yet. I do not really have any desires to look for another partner.

Cindy

And I so agree with what Cindy has written.  I want no one but her, ever.

Regardless of whether one is a genetic woman or a post-op transsexual woman, dating is dangerous  Men are often violent mysogynists.  Those who kill sex workers aren't often doing it because the women they kill are TS.  Yes, we do lose sisters to violence but I believe that it is seldom because they were post-op.

Dating is a dangerous endeavour.  When I was a teenager I heard the older guys bragging about "put out or get out" and leave the girl to walk home from lover's lane.  Date rape happened, but drugs weren't usually involved

Just know that dating hasn't gotten any less dangerous and govern yourself accordingly.  I would tell no one anything.  I'm old enough to have vaginal dryness and that's why I would carry lube.  Are there any further questions?

My dance card is full, from here to hereafter and I am grateful to My Creator and Cindy for that.

Wing Walker


Offline Shana A

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Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #37 on: November 25, 2007, 08:27:40 pm »
Hi Julie
I do so agree with what you have posted, I thought I was reading my soul mates own words. Well I guess I was lucky I met my mate in this very Message board 5 years ago. We love each other very much and I just don't think there would be much of a life ahead of me without her. I just pray that will not happen for many years yet. I do not really have any desires to look for another partner.

Cindy

Cindy, I didn't know that you and Wing Walker met here. That's wonderful!

zythyra
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Offline cindybc

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Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #38 on: November 25, 2007, 08:40:12 pm »
Hi y2gender, Thank you much, yep I can be greatful to Susan's for that part of my life.
Hey I made it to the other board hon.  ;D

Cindy

katia

Re: Dating: Be Open or Stealth?
« Reply #39 on: November 25, 2007, 09:02:16 pm »

Cindy, I didn't know that you and Wing Walker met here. That's wonderful!

zythyra

oh? i didnt know that either.  another couple that meets at susan's.  terrific! :)

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