Author Topic: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?  (Read 2166 times)

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Offline Gertrude

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #20 on: June 03, 2017, 05:56:50 pm »
I'd like to meet people locally, but I haven't yet. My wife runs into trans people all the time when food shopping, yet I have no such luck. :) you'd think Frys markets to our community.


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Offline amberwaves

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #21 on: June 04, 2017, 08:42:49 am »
I have yet to meet any in my area.  I did however see a transwoman jogging by my house about a week ago.  It was an OMG I'm not the only one here.  It's so easy to think you are alone in this land that time forgot area.

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #22 on: June 04, 2017, 07:39:16 pm »
In my opinion, joining a support group, or just making a friend when you run into another trans that you've never met, could only help. Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on. So unless you meet a real lemon, you should be fine. I'm doing what I can to get a support group going here where I live. It's going ok, but kinda slow.

Good luck!
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Online Anne Blake

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #23 on: June 04, 2017, 09:22:42 pm »
I am fairly new to the transgender world, two and a half years now. When my wife and I started we sought out transgender individuals and groups to help us avoid the pitfalls that are so easy for newbies to stumble into. The folks that we found fit into a wide and diverse mix, one in particular was a true winner and we have become very close. This person is gender fluid and not following my path at all but they understand my path and have committed to walk with me. They told me that I could not/should not attempt such changes alone and that they wouldn't let me go it alone. As time proved her true, she has talked me back from the edge twice and I am convinced that I would not have survived this journey with out her insistence and dogged commitment. I owe her my life. So yes, in my humble opinion and true life story, having face to face friends that share our world are not only helpful but at time critically needed. - Anne

Offline DawnOday

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #24 on: June 05, 2017, 10:13:43 am »
I just wish I could find a group local to me (UK) but in a void where I live and being of an age where I don't want to go to strip clubs/ gay bars on my own (listed as local meets)  . I do know there are a few trans folk around but don't know where, Dr told me they have a trans patient beside me.
Love I found this list and it appears to cover the whole UK. hope there is something on the list you can use. http://gendertrust.org.uk/directory/support-organisations
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Offline anne_indy

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #25 on: June 05, 2017, 01:34:23 pm »
To follow on from Anne's comments, I can firmly assert the importance of face to face relationships. Anne and her wife were absolutely critical in my emergence. She and her wife were among the first people to ever meet my female self and facilitated my first venture into the world as myself. They were strategically positioned in my emergence, a God-given gift.

Anne also


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Offline laurenb

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #26 on: June 06, 2017, 06:27:13 am »
I would so love to have face to face trans friend or friends.  :(
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Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #27 on: June 06, 2017, 09:47:22 am »
I joined a trans support group even before I found a gender therapist.  It is hardly local, being an hour and a half drive away from my home, but I find it helpful enough to make it worth my time to drive there almost every week.

Some of the people are annoying, just as you would find in any group, but most are warm compassionate people.  It really helped me to realize that being trans is not nearly as uncommon as I had believed, if they can fill a room with 10-20 people every week in a relatively small city.  The feeling of being all alone had been one of my biggest obstacles to getting past my denial.

Having some real life trans friends helped when, due to weather this winter, I had to spend a night unexpectedly in the city.  I stayed at a hotel, but, rather than watch crappy TV all evening, I posted on Facebook that I was there and looking to hang out.  One of my friends met me and took me to a trans-friendly pub where some of my other friends were also hanging out.  We had a great evening over a couple of beers, which beat the heck out of staying alone in my hotel room.
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Offline Shy

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #28 on: June 06, 2017, 10:35:11 am »
You'll soon find out that most trans groups are just like any other group of people with all it's diversity a society can rally.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Offline Daisy Jane

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #29 on: June 06, 2017, 12:05:11 pm »
YES! YES! YES! YES! I'm not close friend with any other trans folks, but going to a support group was extremely helpful. I got the chance to hear the joys and pitfalls of others going through the same things as well as get the answers to questions I didn't even know I might have.

Offline DawnOday

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #30 on: June 06, 2017, 01:16:03 pm »
I would so love to have face to face trans friend or friends.  :(

Where do you live? I have been updating the links for support groups. I have more researched but have not turned them in yet.  I might be able to find a group in your area.
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Offline DawnOday

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #31 on: June 06, 2017, 01:28:04 pm »
I'd like to meet people locally, but I haven't yet. My wife runs into trans people all the time when food shopping, yet I have no such luck. :) you'd think Frys markets to our community.


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I have located four support groups in AZ as that is the only place that has Fry's grocery stores. Most everywhere else it is Smiths or Kroger. I believe there are some Fry's in Albuquerque. But unfortunately only one group. Use the links above to find the support group near you.
Dawn Oday

It just feels right   :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss:

First indication I was different- 1956 kindergarten
First crossdress - Asked mother to dress me in sisters costumes  Age 7
First revelation - 1982 to my present wife
First time telling the truth in therapy June 15, 2016
Start HRT Aug 2016
First public appearance 5/15/17




devon14

Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #32 on: June 06, 2017, 04:13:21 pm »
I recommend being careful with who you meet. You have the opportunity to meet a bunch of really supportive people and make life long relationships if you play your cards right. This applies meeting with random people in general but I've noticed that if you are not careful, there are people (trans people included) that may try to take advantage of your vulnerable situation when transitioning. I've learned this the hard way and have been burned by too many people and have had some nightmarish experiences.

Offline Lisa_K

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #33 on: June 25, 2017, 05:36:47 pm »
I dealt with all this business as a kid and was transitioned by the time I was 18. I never met another trans person until I was 22 and checked into the hospital to have SRS. I was pen pals for a few years with someone I met there but she was old enough to be my mother and then she passed away suddenly.

After I was divorced from my husband when I was in my early forties, I managed to meet and get to know three or four others thinking I might embrace my transness. It was less than a positive experience because they had all gone the more traditional route with lives as men, wives, kids, military service, careers,  etc., and really weren't very much like me at all. It made me feel weird, different, like an outsider and in a way I felt they maybe fetishized or idolized me or didn't think I was trans enough because I'd never been a man and had to struggle as hard as they did? Not sure but it was but it was something? I gave up having anything to do with trans everything.

Fast forward nearly two decades later... About two years ago, in a totally unrelated and generally conservative news, current events and politics forum, I witnessed a young 20 year old member there open up about her life when the topic turned to trans issues. She was diagnosed at six and lived a dual live until she was 12 when she went on blockers, then HRT and had SRS at 17. The stories she told, the experiences she had and her attitudes and outlook were so strikingly familiar and similar to my own that I messaged her, shared my own story and we began a friendship that in a strange way, helped me get in touch with my own transness and history. She gave me the courage to talk about it and how I eventually ended up here and on one other forum. This is the first time in my life I've done something like this and I'm not on any other type of social media or out at all in real life.

What I've found so far is that I still am different from the majority and in a way, it's kind of isolating. There's a few here I can relate to, Julia1996 comes to mind as one but that's just creepy considering I'm two generations ahead and more than old enough to be her grandmother so it is weird for me. I figure most of the trans kids from my era probably didn't make it or are buried deep in the woodwork as my life has been.

As to the topic of this thread, does it help to meet others face to face going through this struggle, I would say it probably does because I think it's only human nature to seek commonality in others but what do you do when you went through these struggles fifty years ago? It almost seems the more I read, the more different it makes me feel. I'm even reluctant to offer advice here because what do I know about the things people are going though because I haven't had many of the experiences most seem to be dealing with.

In my own case and where I'm at in my life, I have no need or desire to meet others face-to-face. I do enjoy reading all the stories and experiences shared here and it's kind of eye-opening in many ways. That's good enough fo me.

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #34 on: June 25, 2017, 06:23:26 pm »
It was extremely helpful to know others when I transitioned as lacked nearly all knowledge about transitioning. I couldn't look it up on the internet, my family wasn't any help and books about this didn't exist. Seeing others that were a little ahead of me told me what to do and how to do it making my transition possible. Between about age 13 and age 27 I was looking for and failing to find resources. Ages 27 to 30 started and completed my transition.

Through my contact with others, I learned about wigs, makeup, speech therapy, surgeries and how to adjust to the new life. All of this information was word of mouth and I couldn't get it from another source as close CIS contacts were non existent. I didn't have female (or male) friends that I could ask about any of this. I more or less lived in total isolation in one of the largest population centers of the world.

It's a good deal different today with the internet where any question can be answered with a few keystrokes but at one time, contact with others made a huge difference.
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Offline Gertrude

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #35 on: June 25, 2017, 08:43:25 pm »
I have located four support groups in AZ as that is the only place that has Fry's grocery stores. Most everywhere else it is Smiths or Kroger. I believe there are some Fry's in Albuquerque. But unfortunately only one group. Use the links above to find the support group near you.

It's just bizarre my wife runs into trans folks there and funny thing is they've approached her to ask questions about where to find stuff.


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Offline Janes Groove

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #36 on: June 26, 2017, 12:32:03 am »
It was less than a positive experience because they had all gone the more traditional route with lives as men, wives, kids, military service, careers,  etc., and really weren't very much like me at all. It made me feel weird, different, like an outsider and in a way I felt they maybe fetishized or idolized me or didn't think I was trans enough because I'd never been a man and had to struggle as hard as they did? Not sure but it was but it was something? I gave up having anything to do with trans everything.

I'm sorry to hear about that but unfortunately I've seen it happen.  It's unfortunate because, as someone who has so much lived experience being transgender during a period when it was even more taboo than it is now, you have much to offer the transgender community. Personally I feel strengthened by ALL transgender stories.  I find the entire transgender community infinitely varied and endlessly fascinating.  Support groups are a great way to discover this.

But you are not alone. Feeling "weird, different, and like an outsider" is in itself very trans IMO.





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Offline Michelle_P

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #37 on: June 26, 2017, 01:13:13 am »
Lisa_K, some people in the world are just messed up. "Not trans enough" because you had "never lived as a man?" Oh, good grief...

We don't earn valuable trans points for living in hiding, trying to pass as our assigned birth gender.  We earn ever-increasing dysphoria, anxiety, and depression.  We earn corrosion of our very souls with internalized self-loathing and transphobia.   We earn years of therapy just to try and straighten our heads out enough to rejoin the human race.

That would be "not trans enough" as in "you are just living as your authentic self, and we're a hot mess."  What I would call jealously and internalized transphobia.

I've spent quite a while in therapy now, trying my darnedest to make it work and being brutally honest with myself and my therapist, and I think I'm finally getting my head straight.  Many other trans folks I know of are sort of stuck at 'hot mess' and in denial of their own issues, and they are the ones I see trying desperately to redefine the bounds of 'being trans'. They're the ones who truly feel "weird, different, like an outsider" and rather than deal with their issues they seek to redefine themselves as the new standard and define others as The Outsiders.

I'm maybe a little jealous of you, but I honestly think that it is wonderful that you skipped out on the whole 'decades as an adult trying to live in your assigned gender', and just got to enter adulthood as yourself.  It makes it a little harder to seek our commonality and community to support your experience, and I know that can be hard.  At the same time, I'm so happy another member of our larger community was able to transition early and avoid all that many of us had to endure.

You're definitely "trans enough".  ;)  We all are, each in our own way and on our own path through life.
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Offline Lisa_K

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #38 on: June 26, 2017, 04:47:14 am »
...
But you are not alone. Feeling "weird, different, and like an outsider" is in itself very trans IMO.

Yeah, I understand  that and in the "normal" world my only perceptions of this are internalized as I'm the only one that knows I had an unusual upbringing. It is around other trans people that know my story where I should find a sense of commonality or solidarity that I feel the odd one out. It's not really a big deal but my being here now is kind of an experiment to gauge if these attitudes still exist.

We don't earn valuable trans points for living in hiding, trying to pass as our assigned birth gender.  We earn ever-increasing dysphoria, anxiety, and depression.  We earn corrosion of our very souls with internalized self-loathing and transphobia.   We earn years of therapy just to try and straighten our heads out enough to rejoin the human race...

... You're definitely "trans enough".  ;)  We all are, each in our own way and on our own path through life.

I think for some, there is a points scale? Not going through all these years of hardship like most do seems to somehow diminish my trans credibility and some have definitely expressed, even if only subtly,  the sentiment that I didn't have it as hard as they have. Either that or it's almost like some have perceived this as me thinking that I think I'm better somehow? I have enough of my own without trying to deal with other people's insecurities.

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I'm maybe a little jealous of you, but I honestly think that it is wonderful that you skipped out on the whole decades as an adult trying to live in your assigned gender', and just got to enter adulthood as yourself.

That's almost what I'm getting at. Jealousy tends to lead to resentment or idolization. People seem to think that growing up trans and transitioning young is some magical life full of rainbows and glitter they wish they could have had. It wasn't, believe me. I had nothing but social problems in school because of the way I was and it wasn't until the 7th grade that I started and finished a whole grade at the same school as I kept getting shuffled around because the bullying was so bad or because my very existence was disruptive. Then there was all the ignorant doctors my folks took me to starting when I was ten and how I was attacked and nearly killed when I was fifteen and then was effectively grounded for the next three years "for my safety". I could go on about the things I did have to deal with but it isn't a competition. We each have our struggles and in many ways, perhaps getting all this out of the way as a kid before entering adulthood was advantageous but it doesn't make me any less or more trans than anyone else.

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It makes it a little harder to seek our commonality and community to support your experience, and I know that can be hard.

It is. Trans youth weren't even recognized in the 1960's and I was kind of in the initial wave in the early 70's when teenagers were first actually able transition. At least that's what I've read but I've never met any. I have chatted with one woman about three years behind me with a similar experience and she thinks most of us were lost to suicide or AIDS. I like to think there are others of my generation that have just been hiding in the woodwork all these years like I have because that's what we were expected to do back then. Trans youth of today live in a different world so there's little connection there either.

I also won't deny that some of my own feelings aren't involved and that I in fact may be the one othering myself? It is hard to put myself in the shoes of someone going through transition later in life. While I can comprehend the difficulties intellectually and understand the motivations that drive people to do this, it is all just so foreign to my experience that is hard to relate and share that common knowledge of what it is really like. I've had a good and happy life but being trans sucks no matter how old you are so at least there's that.

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Offline Michelle_P

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Re: Does it help to meet face to face others going through this struggle?
« Reply #39 on: June 26, 2017, 10:27:27 am »
Quote
It is. Trans youth weren't even recognized in the 1960's and I was kind of in the initial wave in the early 70's when teenagers were first actually able transition. At least that's what I've read but I've never met any.

Wow, that puts you among the first to be treated under the Benjamin Protocols.  Unfortunately, there really aren't many peers for you to find support with. 

I am probably just a few years older than you.  I had the strong urge to be feminine in my youth, and expressed it a few times.  Not a good move in a private religious school in the early 1960s, this led to a childhood that was fairly abusive even by 1960s standards.  I eventually 'got caught' at age 15, and was 'treated' and 'cured' by hormone therapy and counseling. 

Not what you think, kids.  I got testosterone, and was counseled by a local religious authority who eventually declared that I was no longer a 'pervert' and would be 'safe' as long as I avoided those evil ways. (The cure didn't stick more than about 10 years.). This seemed to be the standard of treatment for us for a few years past when I got it.

I think that it is absolutely wonderful that the younger folks have been able to have decent, full lives as themselves.  It does read like you and I had generally similar childhood experiences, but you finally got the treatment you needed.  I got the treatment our culture thought I needed.

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