Author Topic: Surgery consultations for meta  (Read 1445 times)

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Offline SeptagonScars

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Surgery consultations for meta
« on: June 05, 2017, 06:23:19 am »
So, I've made up my mind that I want to have meta done and have been researching it a lot before even getting to the point of talking to surgeons about it. I'm a Swede so the health care system is a bit different here compared to US (and beyond my own comprehension, apparently) but I did get to have a consultation last Wednesday with the same surgeon who did my mastectomy 3 years ago whom I had gotten a good impression of back then and I'm satisfied with the result of that operation, but I knew nothing about how he does any kind of bottom surgery (internet didn't help me out either). However, at that consultation I really got the feeling he was dismissive or at least rushing it through which made me even more nervous than I already was, and I couldn't really tell if we understood each other or not. But we did agree I should go to another surgeon in another city because of very long waiting lists for meta specifically where he works.

Now I realise I didn't handle that consultation as well as I should have, due to that nervousness and him rushing me, but since I'll see another surgeon anyway, which I don't know when yet (but I do know who and I've heard his name around before), I just wanted to ask you guys if there's some stuff I should keep in mind, second try kinda? Except from try to be a bit more persistent on getting to ask my questions before getting rushed out of the office, maybe. One thing that I wonder about, is that he did not ask to take a look at me, only asked how long I've been on testosterone (almost 4 years now), and I wonder should I push for that if the other surgeon won't bring it up either? I can't imagine that would be country-specific really, so it doesn't make sense to me that he didn't bring it up.

Anyone wanting to help me out here would be awesome, I'm terrible at social skills and my brain becomes mush under stress. Also, if any other Swede might be reading this (although I get it's probably not that many of us here), I would really appreciate some input on how to even understand how things work in my own country when it comes to bottom surgery... I used to have Swedish friends who's also trans whom I could discuss that kind of stuff with, but we've been out of touch for years and now I can't think of anyone specific that I could turn to. I do have friends, it's not that, but the remaining ones are all cis and don't know this kind of stuff...

Sorry if I'm ranting, I've messed up my sleeping pattern significantly (that happens a lot though) and now at 1 pm I've been up for around 18 hours but of course I can't sleep, but I can't exactly think clearly or write coherently either. I hope it makes some sense, but if not, I'll try my best to clarify the potential mess.
Mar. 2009 - came out as ftm
Nov. 2009 - changed my name to John
Mar. 2010 - diagnosed with GID
Aug. 2010 - started T, then stopped after 1 year
Aug. 2013 - started T again, kept taking it since
Mar. 2014 - top surgery
Dec. 2014 - legal gender marker changed to male
*
Jul. 2018 - came out as cis woman and began detransition
Sep. 2018 - stopped taking T and changed my name to Laura
Oct. 2018 - got new ID-card

Medical Detransition plans: breast reconstruction surgery, change legal gender back to female.

Offline Elis

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Re: Surgery consultations for meta
« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2017, 09:41:52 am »
Haven't had any surgery before (although I have my top surgery consult tomorrow) so I probably won't be much help. But I think when choosing a surgeon it should be the same as choosing a GP. You need to look at any reviews online of that person to see what their personality is like. You need someone who's empathetic, willing to find solutions individual to your case and who is willing to listen. And if you find no mention of that person online or they don't follow the above criteria then unfortunately you have to keep searching for someone else.

I get extremely nervous in medical type/one to one sessions myself so in order to prepare myself for my consultation I've looked at YouTube videos of guys who've gone to the same surgeon to see what type of experiences they've had after surgery to get an idea of what questions I should ask at the consultation. I've also looked at their after healing videos to see if the surgeon is able to give me an aesthetically good looking chest. Plus I've looked nline blogs from guys who've gone to him as well and they all say he's a nice guy and easy to talk too.

It sounds like you dodged a bullet regarding your first choose of surgeon.  Every type of surgery is a specialist field and there's no way you can be good at every type. Plus doing the procedure correctly is only half the work; there's also the aesthetics in regard to surgery as well to consider. And examining you is one of the number one things all surgeons need to do at a consultation. They need to know what they have to work with. Yes the surgeon will know your general size being 4 years on T but he needs to know exactly the length.
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Offline CMD042414

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Re: Surgery consultations for meta
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2017, 04:24:55 pm »
No need to be nervous they are medical professionals, not Gods though some try to come off as such. Make a list of questions and write them down. Bring a pen. I always think its better than being in your phone. No fumbling around with apps and a stylus. Be assertive but not aggressive. Its your body. If a surgeon says something you don't like or you need clarification speak up immediately. Don't let the conversation proceed until it is addressed. You're shopping around. There is no settling with this. And ask why. If they can'tdo x, y, or z ask why. If you feel rushed say something like, "would it be best to reschedule for a time that you aren't as busy? I have a lot of questions and I would like the chance to get answers." Let's them know you feel rushed without having to say it.

If you get flustered keep to your list. Go in with the goal of having all of your questions answered.
Started T: April 2014
Top Surgery: June 2014
Hysterectomy: August 2015
Phalloplasty: Stage 1-August 2018

Offline SeptagonScars

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Re: Surgery consultations for meta
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2017, 06:45:34 am »
Thanks for the answers. Elis, as far as my research has gone, no matter what I have not been able to find information about specific surgeons in Sweden, other than very general such as which hospitals they work at and if they do or don't do transgender surgeries without even specifying which ones. I don't know if that's because I haven't known where to look for it, or if it's just not available to the public for whatever reason. I've been looking for years with no luck. This surgeon that I saw now was simply offered to me by my gender therapist, probably because I've been operated on by him before. Sure I'd like to be able to find reviews and such on different surgeons to better know how to navigate, but as my options with that seem limited, I'm trying to do the best I can with the options I do have, if that makes sense.

Thought he was a nice guy cause that was my impression of him for my top surgery 3 years ago. Either he's gotten bitter with the years, or maybe he was just extra stressed out that day last week or what do I know.

That's what I thought as well, that they need to know what they have to work with. Well, the surgeon would kinda know my general size after 4 years on testo, but very generally then, cause everyone gets a different size outcome not only cause of taking testo, but with one's genes and such too. Some get quite a lot of growth while others never do, so there's that to consider as well. And I'm pretty sure I did not end up in the large category, which I think would be an important factor for a surgeon to consider as well as it has been for me.

CMD042414: I know they're not gods, but I often get nervous even over a lot less nerve-wrecking situations like asking for help to find food items at a grocery store, or anything. I did have a list of questions in a writing pad and a pen with me, but I could barely even focus on my own writing. Perhaps it would help if I kept the list more clean and organised though, that was certainly adding to the stress. That's a good tip, although I would really have to hope they wouldn't suggest rescheduling then, cause I have far to travel (it takes an entire day, cause I need to take a ferry from the island I live on over to the main land and that one only goes early in the morning and late in the evening, and also those ferries need to be booked way in advance, like weeks) but I guess that's more of a minor problem.

It might be silly, but would it be okay to perhaps bring my mother with me to the meeting with the surgeon? I don't know if that would actually help or not, but just thinking that maybe having some extra support could be helpful, or if it would give the surgeon the wrong impression completely or something. Like a 28 year old guy bringing his mother to the meeting might make him wonder if I'm really up for this then? I don't know, I'm prone to over-thinking stuff. I'm very open with her about this kind of stuff though, she's accepting, and she'll be my traveling guide anyways. But at the same time I tend to feel like I should be able to manage this on my own, I don't know.
Mar. 2009 - came out as ftm
Nov. 2009 - changed my name to John
Mar. 2010 - diagnosed with GID
Aug. 2010 - started T, then stopped after 1 year
Aug. 2013 - started T again, kept taking it since
Mar. 2014 - top surgery
Dec. 2014 - legal gender marker changed to male
*
Jul. 2018 - came out as cis woman and began detransition
Sep. 2018 - stopped taking T and changed my name to Laura
Oct. 2018 - got new ID-card

Medical Detransition plans: breast reconstruction surgery, change legal gender back to female.

Offline CMD042414

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Re: Surgery consultations for meta
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2017, 08:00:35 am »
Thanks for the answers. Elis, as far as my research has gone, no matter what I have not been able to find information about specific surgeons in Sweden, other than very general such as which hospitals they work at and if they do or don't do transgender surgeries without even specifying which ones. I don't know if that's because I haven't known where to look for it, or if it's just not available to the public for whatever reason. I've been looking for years with no luck. This surgeon that I saw now was simply offered to me by my gender therapist, probably because I've been operated on by him before. Sure I'd like to be able to find reviews and such on different surgeons to better know how to navigate, but as my options with that seem limited, I'm trying to do the best I can with the options I do have, if that makes sense.

Thought he was a nice guy cause that was my impression of him for my top surgery 3 years ago. Either he's gotten bitter with the years, or maybe he was just extra stressed out that day last week or what do I know.

That's what I thought as well, that they need to know what they have to work with. Well, the surgeon would kinda know my general size after 4 years on testo, but very generally then, cause everyone gets a different size outcome not only cause of taking testo, but with one's genes and such too. Some get quite a lot of growth while others never do, so there's that to consider as well. And I'm pretty sure I did not end up in the large category, which I think would be an important factor for a surgeon to consider as well as it has been for me.

CMD042414: I know they're not gods, but I often get nervous even over a lot less nerve-wrecking situations like asking for help to find food items at a grocery store, or anything. I did have a list of questions in a writing pad and a pen with me, but I could barely even focus on my own writing. Perhaps it would help if I kept the list more clean and organised though, that was certainly adding to the stress. That's a good tip, although I would really have to hope they wouldn't suggest rescheduling then, cause I have far to travel (it takes an entire day, cause I need to take a ferry from the island I live on over to the main land and that one only goes early in the morning and late in the evening, and also those ferries need to be booked way in advance, like weeks) but I guess that's more of a minor problem.

It might be silly, but would it be okay to perhaps bring my mother with me to the meeting with the surgeon? I don't know if that would actually help or not, but just thinking that maybe having some extra support could be helpful, or if it would give the surgeon the wrong impression completely or something. Like a 28 year old guy bringing his mother to the meeting might make him wonder if I'm really up for this then? I don't know, I'm prone to over-thinking stuff. I'm very open with her about this kind of stuff though, she's accepting, and she'll be my traveling guide anyways. But at the same time I tend to feel like I should be able to manage this on my own, I don't know.

Do what works for you. How someone else sees it is inconsequential. The only thing that would make a surgeon think you aren't ready for the procedure would be not meeting medical criteria. That's it. If it helps go ahead and bring mom. I don't get anxious in the least bit but I tend to forget or overlook details so bringing another set of ears always works for me.
Started T: April 2014
Top Surgery: June 2014
Hysterectomy: August 2015
Phalloplasty: Stage 1-August 2018

Offline Elis

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Re: Surgery consultations for meta
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2017, 08:38:04 am »
Thanks for the answers. Elis, as far as my research has gone, no matter what I have not been able to find information about specific surgeons in Sweden, other than very general such as which hospitals they work at and if they do or don't do transgender surgeries without even specifying which ones. I don't know if that's because I haven't known where to look for it, or if it's just not available to the public for whatever reason. I've been looking for years with no luck. This surgeon that I saw now was simply offered to me by my gender therapist, probably because I've been operated on by him before. Sure I'd like to be able to find reviews and such on different surgeons to better know how to navigate, but as my options with that seem limited, I'm trying to do the best I can with the options I do have, if that makes sense.

Thought he was a nice guy cause that was my impression of him for my top surgery 3 years ago. Either he's gotten bitter with the years, or maybe he was just extra stressed out that day last week or what do I know.

That's what I thought as well, that they need to know what they have to work with. Well, the surgeon would kinda know my general size after 4 years on testo, but very generally then, cause everyone gets a different size outcome not only cause of taking testo, but with one's genes and such too. Some get quite a lot of growth while others never do, so there's that to consider as well. And I'm pretty sure I did not end up in the large category, which I think would be an important factor for a surgeon to consider as well as it has been for me.

CMD042414: I know they're not gods, but I often get nervous even over a lot less nerve-wrecking situations like asking for help to find food items at a grocery store, or anything. I did have a list of questions in a writing pad and a pen with me, but I could barely even focus on my own writing. Perhaps it would help if I kept the list more clean and organised though, that was certainly adding to the stress. That's a good tip, although I would really have to hope they wouldn't suggest rescheduling then, cause I have far to travel (it takes an entire day, cause I need to take a ferry from the island I live on over to the main land and that one only goes early in the morning and late in the evening, and also those ferries need to be booked way in advance, like weeks) but I guess that's more of a minor problem.

It might be silly, but would it be okay to perhaps bring my mother with me to the meeting with the surgeon? I don't know if that would actually help or not, but just thinking that maybe having some extra support could be helpful, or if it would give the surgeon the wrong impression completely or something. Like a 28 year old guy bringing his mother to the meeting might make him wonder if I'm really up for this then? I don't know, I'm prone to over-thinking stuff. I'm very open with her about this kind of stuff though, she's accepting, and she'll be my traveling guide anyways. But at the same time I tend to feel like I should be able to manage this on my own, I don't know.

Have you tried searching Trans bucket?  There's a slim chance you may be able to get information about surgeons on there. You could also ask around trans support groups.

And the surgeon shouldn't really judge you for bringing your mum if that makes you less anxious. It won't give the wrong impression and he'll understand.
They/them pronouns preferred.




Offline SeptagonScars

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Re: Surgery consultations for meta
« Reply #6 on: September 30, 2017, 06:01:31 pm »
It was a while ago but I'd thought I'd still post an update here now that I've got new information.
I did get another consultation with another surgeon that I was at on Tuesday last week. And it went really well. The surgeon gave me a very good impression, lots of information, answered all of my questions well, did examine/look at me, and was also very considerate and made me feel relaxed and safe. I did bring my mother which was only a positive addition. His surgical technique sounded good/reasonable. We seemed to understand each other well.

I did search Trans bucket (I was already a member there since before but I tend to forget about it from time to time, so thanks for the reminder) and I actually found one meta result by this particular surgeon there and damn it looks good (yes, I'm jealous) but it's a few years old and he had a different technique back then according the beholder of that one result on trans bucket. I did however still shoot a short message to him about his experience, in case I might get an answer.

Again, thank you both for the advice, it's been of great help. Now I just need to find out if I can get to have my hysto at the same time or if I'm gonna need to do that separately, as that only depends on what the part of the country that I live in says about it (Swedish bureaucracy, I guess...) but it should be sorted out within a few days or so. Either way though, the surgeon said I'll get to have my meta in around 5 months from now, which I'm super excited about!
Mar. 2009 - came out as ftm
Nov. 2009 - changed my name to John
Mar. 2010 - diagnosed with GID
Aug. 2010 - started T, then stopped after 1 year
Aug. 2013 - started T again, kept taking it since
Mar. 2014 - top surgery
Dec. 2014 - legal gender marker changed to male
*
Jul. 2018 - came out as cis woman and began detransition
Sep. 2018 - stopped taking T and changed my name to Laura
Oct. 2018 - got new ID-card

Medical Detransition plans: breast reconstruction surgery, change legal gender back to female.

Offline MeTony

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Re: Surgery consultations for meta
« Reply #7 on: October 01, 2017, 07:05:50 am »
Cool that you got a nice doctor.

I'm also in Sweden. Waiting for my first appointment in the Capital city. I'd love to hear the result when you are done. I have not decided yet what to aim for. But there is still time for that.

My pic is photoshopped so ppl won't recognize me at once. But I wanted a pic of me there. Hence the beard.

Tony

Offline SeptagonScars

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Re: Surgery consultations for meta
« Reply #8 on: October 01, 2017, 02:18:21 pm »
Cool that you got a nice doctor.

I'm also in Sweden. Waiting for my first appointment in the Capital city. I'd love to hear the result when you are done. I have not decided yet what to aim for. But there is still time for that.

My pic is photoshopped so ppl won't recognize me at once. But I wanted a pic of me there. Hence the beard.

Tony

I will surely make a new thread here and share my surgery experience once that gets a bit closer in time. I hope my experience can be valuable information for you and others here, whether you'll opt for something similar or not. No need to stress about decision making, I'm sure you'll know what's best for you when the time is right.
I live on Gotland so I'm not all that familiar with the capital city, although I did use to live in Uppsala some years ago. It's not certain we would recognise each other. But I understand wanting to be anonymous. I'll probably upload a picture of my real face for my profile eventually, I was just too lazy to do it now. So if not else, you might recognise me, I mean.
Mar. 2009 - came out as ftm
Nov. 2009 - changed my name to John
Mar. 2010 - diagnosed with GID
Aug. 2010 - started T, then stopped after 1 year
Aug. 2013 - started T again, kept taking it since
Mar. 2014 - top surgery
Dec. 2014 - legal gender marker changed to male
*
Jul. 2018 - came out as cis woman and began detransition
Sep. 2018 - stopped taking T and changed my name to Laura
Oct. 2018 - got new ID-card

Medical Detransition plans: breast reconstruction surgery, change legal gender back to female.

Offline MeTony

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Re: Surgery consultations for meta
« Reply #9 on: October 02, 2017, 10:26:43 am »
Cool hair! :D

Offline SeptagonScars

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Re: Surgery consultations for meta
« Reply #10 on: October 02, 2017, 03:59:37 pm »
Mar. 2009 - came out as ftm
Nov. 2009 - changed my name to John
Mar. 2010 - diagnosed with GID
Aug. 2010 - started T, then stopped after 1 year
Aug. 2013 - started T again, kept taking it since
Mar. 2014 - top surgery
Dec. 2014 - legal gender marker changed to male
*
Jul. 2018 - came out as cis woman and began detransition
Sep. 2018 - stopped taking T and changed my name to Laura
Oct. 2018 - got new ID-card

Medical Detransition plans: breast reconstruction surgery, change legal gender back to female.