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I would like so advice please.

I am 5 years transgender post op and yesterday I joined a dating site. On my profile I put I am transgender post op, but all I kept getting was countless messages from weirdos like men aged 60 and 70. I am only 39.

Since I removed the transgender part from my profile I am now getting nice guys around my age message me.

I am taking to one at the moment (he messaged me this morning). So far it's going well and thinks I look lovely.

My question is, when do I tell him I am transgender post op? On first date or over website?

Thanks for any advice you can give me.

Personally, I have no time for people who may (read probably) not want to date a transgender person. My OKCupid starts with "I'm transgender. If that hasn't sent you packing, feel free to write." I've never got a negative reply. Good luck!

Hugs, Devlyn

Hi Bethany. Long time, no see! Welcome back. :)

There are no hard & fast rules about how & when you should disclose your trans status. Like Devlyn, I'm upfront about it on my profile because I don't want to risk meeting guys who are intolerant or aggressive. You'll find that some sites/apps are better than others: some are full of <admirers> who seek out pre-op trans women for very specific (and homophobic) reasons. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find that one prince! ;)

If you choose not to disclose on your profile, it's a good idea to go on a first date to see whether you like the guy before you disclose. If the first date goes well and you decide to go on a second date, disclose on the second date.

You ought to disclose before anything sexual occurs: sadly, there have been cases in the UK where people have been prosecuted for having 'sex by deception' because they didn't disclose before sex & the other party found out later and reported them to the police. It's a massive injustice but this is the society in which we find ourselves, so better safe than sorry!

Thanks for replies. It has been a long time. But I am back now.

Like I said I did have it on my profile but I got more than 15 (yes 15) people who were like 50, 60, and 70 and they just looked like dirty old men. 

Sophia Sage:
There's also the option of non-disclosure.  Ever.

I've never told my lovers.  Including my longest relationship, which lasted six years. 

Now, whether that works for you or not will depend on what your personal truth is.  Do you believe you're simply a woman, and that transition was just a temporary journey of medical correction -- that "trans" is transitory, defined by the existence of dysphoria rather than being the essence of who you are?  Then the practice of non-disclosure (which really does have to be a practice exercised in every aspect of your life) may very well work for you, assuming you no longer suffer dysphoria. 


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