Author Topic: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness  (Read 5900 times)

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Offline Myranda

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #80 on: May 28, 2020, 02:02:32 pm »
Just a quick update, as I mentioned previously, back in March I made the switch from Sublingual Estrogen to IM injections.  After a few months on the initial injection dosage and schedule, I had my first follow-up blood work done yesterday:  Here is a comparison of my Estrogen & Testosterone levels for the last 15 months or so...

My Doctor has stated that the desired ranges are:  Testosterone: <55ng/dL  and Estrogen be between 100-200pg/mL

Date:                     Testosterone (ng/dL)        Estrogen  (pg/mL)
March 1, 2019              291                               282  (I think this was high because I had my blood drawn too
                                                                        soon after taking my morning dose of Estrogen (less than 6hrs)
April 10, 2019               92                                116
June 26, 2019               65                                unavailable   (lab results show that this was the only test done)
March 6, 2020              411                                105
May 27, 2020               148                                51


Note:  We have no explanation as to why my Testosterone jumped to over 400 previously, or while it fell back down.  Prior to starting MtF HRT, my Testosterone was normally in the low 200 range.    For the b etter part of  the last 9 months to a year, I have stopped taking Spironolactone, but with these results, I might add it back in....

Other changes in Medication include switch from cycling Progesterone to taking every day occur last March or April (2019) and switching to IM injections this past March (2020).



Offline Myranda

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #81 on: June 09, 2020, 11:18:42 am »
Just met with my doctor this morning.  And we are both at a loss as to why my Testosterone was so high last time, with no explanation other than a lab error.
My doctor and I discussed changing my dose of IM Estrogen injections, and they increased it, but have kept it on the same every two week schedule.  I did not press on keeping the same dose, but switching to weekly.  THey mentioned that for many of their patients the initial dose I was on was enough and for some it had to b e dialed down a bit.  Oh well, YMMV.  Next labs in 12 weeks.



Offline Myranda

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #82 on: June 18, 2020, 12:33:33 pm »
Just a quick update.  Yesterday was my first injection on my new prescription/dose.



Offline Myranda

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #83 on: July 22, 2020, 09:53:01 pm »
Wow, I just realized that I missed my 3 year HRTversary.

Change has been too slow, but it is happening, and I am a bit "self-conscious" at the pond or the beach without a shirt on.  But I really don't mind.



Offline Myranda

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #84 on: August 20, 2020, 01:26:50 pm »
Just wanted to share that I uploaded an avatar.  It's almost me, and what I am aspiring to.



Offline Myranda

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #85 on: August 20, 2020, 06:00:02 pm »
OMG, how could I forget to mention.  After thinking about it for several weeks, I emailed my doctor, that I was ready to give Spironolactone another try.  My T had been steady (for the most part, see a few posts back) at my old low male levels for a while, and I was stating to really regret the help the low T (target range) was providing my transition.  I think I had stopped because I part of me was really scared and unsure about what I wanted, but I could not and didn't want to stop my Estrogen.  Anyway, I had been feeling like I wasn't being fair to myself, perhaps it was the new dose of IM Estrogen starting to work and strengthen the rewiring of my brain or something, and getting me back on track to the real me.

MY doctor agreed that it was a good idea and quickly put my prescription in and it was ready before I knew it.  But when I picked it up and had it at home ready to start taking, a part of me froze, and I didn't take it.  That was the end of July.  Well, the other day, I just reached for it and took it before I really thought about it. 

Is this another small, but very important win for me?  Is posting an avatar of myself (based on the current me) another small but important and symbolic win for the Real Me, Myranda?

Next labs in 4 weeks.



Offline Susannah

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #86 on: August 20, 2020, 09:11:27 pm »
Small steps and small victory.  Congratulations.  It looks like you know what you really want but still having doubts.  Seems very natural.  Your avatar looks very nice, btw.

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #87 on: August 20, 2020, 10:19:55 pm »
Just wanted to share that I uploaded an avatar.  It's almost me, and what I am aspiring to.
@Myranda
Dear Myranda:
Yes, your new Avatar....  it is the first thing I noticed when I do my daily run through the recent posts here on the forums....
.... "almost you" looks very nice and it is always good to have a positive aspiration to look forward to.

You just passed your 3 year HRT anniversary so your journey is maturing for sure....   as you and your doctor fine-tune your HRT and you can continue to fine tune the things that you have control of.   

You are doing the right thing by following your doctor's HRT guidance as you have frequent and regular blood tests and exams.   On the forums as you know we use the term YMMV meaning that your journey is unique to you....   your body makeup and your genes determine what the results will be.  Patience is definitely required.

Thank you for sharing, and I was very glad to see your new Avatar.  Feel free to change it or update it as you feel so inclined.

Now that you are wearing and filling a 36A bra I am thinking that very soon I imagine that you won't be able to go to the pond or beach without a shirt and being topless without drawing a lot of attention to yourself....

One of the best moments for me several years ago is that after a summer in the sun, I proudly had the female tan lines that clearly showed that I wore tank tops, sports bras and bikini tops and bottoms.   It was a greatly affirming moment in my transition journey..

Please continue to share and keep me and the rest of your followers updated as you feel comfortable doing.

HUGS and best wishes to you as you continue on.
Danielle

***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline Myranda

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #88 on: August 21, 2020, 04:40:23 pm »
Small steps and small victory.  Congratulations.  It looks like you know what you really want but still having doubts.  Seems very natural.  Your avatar looks very nice, btw.

Susannah, thank you.  I am trying to stop and appreciate the victories as they come


@Myranda
Dear Myranda:
Yes, your new Avatar....  it is the first thing I noticed when I do my daily run through the recent posts here on the forums....
.... "almost you" looks very nice and it is always good to have a positive aspiration to look forward to.

You just passed your 3 year HRT anniversary so your journey is maturing for sure....   as you and your doctor fine-tune your HRT and you can continue to fine tune the things that you have control of.   

You are doing the right thing by following your doctor's HRT guidance as you have frequent and regular blood tests and exams.   On the forums as you know we use the term YMMV meaning that your journey is unique to you....   your body makeup and your genes determine what the results will be.  Patience is definitely required.

Thank you for sharing, and I was very glad to see your new Avatar.  Feel free to change it or update it as you feel so inclined.

Now that you are wearing and filling a 36A bra I am thinking that very soon I imagine that you won't be able to go to the pond or beach without a shirt and being topless without drawing a lot of attention to yourself....

One of the best moments for me several years ago is that after a summer in the sun, I proudly had the female tan lines that clearly showed that I wore tank tops, sports bras and bikini tops and bottoms.   It was a greatly affirming moment in my transition journey..

Please continue to share and keep me and the rest of your followers updated as you feel comfortable doing.

HUGS and best wishes to you as you continue on.
Danielle

Danielle,  thank you for the kind words and inspirations.

Most of the Bras I have gotten from AdoreMe  are actually 36Bs, and I am filling those quite nicely, though after a little while the empty out somewhat. But when I put them on and make sure everything is in the right place they are definitely full, without any really noticeable gaps at the top.

My current measurements are 40.5 inches under and 43 inches over, for a 2.3 inch difference, which most online size calculators are coming back as a 40B.  I think I'm more in line with either the 36B or a 38A based upon my own personal experiences.  Soma's Innofit comes back with a C or even D cup bras as recommended, which definitely wrong.

As for the Beach and pond, well when I look in the bathroom mirror, they seem quite obvious to me.  But if I stand up straighter, they are little bit less obvious.  Thankfully, I haven't felt overly awkward at the beach and pond just yet. Nor have I felt like anyone was staring or whispering behind my back, so it is still easy in that sense.  If this keeps up though, next summer...?




Offline Myranda

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #89 on: September 18, 2020, 06:23:13 pm »
So I yesterday I had routine labs done to check on my Hormone levels and monitors effects on my body, basic metabolic panel and such.

At the end of May my after approximately 2 months on Estrogen Injections (switched my sublingual) my doctor increased my  prescription to twice what it was initially because my Estradial levels were far below the target levels, even though they were fine will I was taking it Sublingually.  So after a couple of months on the new dosage and a month or so after restarting Spirnolactone, my T is right where it should be, but my Estradiol levels have increase by 9 times

Date          Hormone                    Result         Target
5/27/20      Estradiol                    51 pg/mL     100-200 pg/ml
5/27/20      Testosterone, Total     148ng/dL      <50 pg/dL
9/17/20      Estradiol                    468 pg/mL     100-200 pg/ml
9/17/20      Testosterone, Total     18ng/dL      <50 pg/dL

And I feel great.  In the last week or so, I have noticed a lot of "itching" and soreness in my chest, and that my breasts are very noticable, with a regular t-shirt on.  They really struck me as obvious, especially to me, when I was wearing a half-button t-shirt, as if the half-button vee-part accentuated the protrusions.  And ever since I cannot help but notice that thre is a "noticeable" "crease" across the shirt connecting my nipples.

Of course too, the temperatures have dropped quit a bit here too, and it mild whether we have been experiencing is quite chilly and I haven';t changed how I'm dressing due to the changes in the weather yet.

And OMG the sensitivity in my nipples and the tenderness of my breasts!  Heaven (in a pleasant masochistic sort of way)!  you know, it great to feel things really starting to work and develop, and the pain & sensations are just confirmations kind of way!



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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #90 on: September 18, 2020, 07:38:50 pm »
@Myranda
Dear Myranda:
WOW....thank you for posting.... that is quite a big change and a big improvement regarding your hormone levels being changed in the right direction.

As you have already noticed changes and increases in your breast size and sensitivity, I think that you can now expect more dramatic changes more quickly.    I am so very, very happy for you.

Thank you for sharing and posting your monthly HRT update.   You know of course that you do not have to wait an entire month to tell us about your body changes and other things that you would feel comfortable sharing regarding your HRT and transition journey.

HUGS and HUGS
,  I am wishing you well and rooting for your success and happiness.
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline Rakel

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #91 on: September 19, 2020, 06:00:17 am »
...And OMG the sensitivity in my nipples and the tenderness of my breasts!  Heaven (in a pleasant masochistic sort of way)!  you know, it great to feel things really starting to work and develop, and the pain & sensations are just confirmations kind of way!

It is truly amazing that once your blood levels are in the proper range, the changes really begin to happen.  :o ;)




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Offline Myranda

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #92 on: September 20, 2020, 01:53:24 pm »
@Myranda
Dear Myranda:
WOW....thank you for posting.... that is quite a big change and a big improvement regarding your hormone levels being changed in the right direction.

As you have already noticed changes and increases in your breast size and sensitivity, I think that you can now expect more dramatic changes more quickly.    I am so very, very happy for you.

Thank you for sharing and posting your monthly HRT update.   You know of course that you do not have to wait an entire month to tell us about your body changes and other things that you would feel comfortable sharing regarding your HRT and transition journey.

HUGS and HUGS
,  I am wishing you well and rooting for your success and happiness.
Danielle

Thanks Danielle!  Yeah, though I don't have much else to report right now, and, I think my overall mood and outlook have readjusted to my normal, and I feel less depressed since starting the Spironolactone again.

One of the reasons I switched, is that after a couple of years on sublingual estrogen, progress had been slow at best, and that is in part to some of my own choices, but even before adding spiro back into the mix, I had noticed positive changes.  Now that it is  back in the mix, I feel like I am busting through a plataeu of change and development.

As for size and such, it is kind of weird.  My breasts seem a bit bigger, but not much, and there is a but of space between them, so without a shirt on, they lok kind of like man boobs in a way, but when I'm wearing a shirt, depending on how tight the shirt it, they stretch it out and there is that nice crease in the shirt.  But they still don't look all that noticeible to others.  But if I press the shirt betweeen then down to my sternum, the "elevation" seem rather significant.



Offline Myranda

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #93 on: September 20, 2020, 01:53:48 pm »
It is truly amazing that once your blood levels are in the proper range, the changes really begin to happen.  :o ;)

Yes, yes it really is!



Offline Myranda

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #94 on: September 20, 2020, 01:55:49 pm »
Now that you are wearing and filling a 36A bra I am thinking that very soon I imagine that you won't be able to go to the pond or beach without a shirt and being topless without drawing a lot of attention to yourself....
Danielle[/size]

I think this is oh so true, and next summer may look entirely different for sure.  And this is both amazing and "terrifyingly real"!



Offline Susannah

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #95 on: September 20, 2020, 09:36:21 pm »
Sounds like you are really enjoying increased progress.  Your hormone levels look very nice especially suppressed testosterone level.  You sound very happy now that you are now hormonally female. Congratulations.

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #96 on: September 25, 2020, 12:36:07 pm »
So, I was recently encouraged by one of the ladies who I really admire here on Susan's to keep more of a blog/journal here, and quite frankly I don't feel like starting a new thread, since we decided to move my thread to it new home here in the Member's blog section.  Or maybe I'm just lazy, but I like think of it as I strategically pick and choose my engagements and placement of my efforts in the crazy busy life I have.

This post will be a bit of a recap, and hopefully provide some more details about my thoughts along this crazy journey that I am on.  Know that I am generally a very private person not prone to sharing, though oddly enough, I find it easier to share with relative strangers, even here on the internet where things live forever, than I do with people close to me.

2005 – I took a job overseas and I was caught up in some work nonsense that resulted in me loosing my job.  A job that I absolutely loved and up until that point had been the focus of my career aspirations for as long as I could remember.  This incident and how it transpired, and how unfairly I was treated rocked me to very core of my being.  It dragged on for the better part of two years, and came to a complete and final resolution in 2010.  This incident also happened shortly I had met a woman, that I completely and unexpected fell in love with just before I left to move overseas.  While half-way around the world, we grew even closer and more in love, despite the distance.  Near the beginning of this trial, When I was alone in my bed, I remember thinking, that I had let her down, and that I was a failure.  After many years of therapy since my divorce, I have identified that moment as being the being of everything ever since.  It caused me to question everything about myself, who I am and my role and expectations of me as a man.

2006 – At the end of 2006, I moved back home to the US
2007 – I moved in with my girlfriend and continued to spiral deeper and deeper into the doubt and questions I had about who I was and what I wanted and more importantly what was expected of me and my place and identity in the world around me.  Like I said, the Incident, rocked me to my core. In the fall of 2007, we became engaged.

2008 – I continued to keep all of this bottled up and engaged in very unhealthy ways.  But rest assured, some part of me would not let myself turn to drugs or other more directly harmful means of coping and escaping the deep-seated doubt about who I was.  The Important thing I have taken away from this time, is that I didn’t open up to my fiancé or anyone about my troubles at all.  And as I struggled to find a new direction in life and a new “real” job and career direction, I continued to feel further emasculated by my financial dependency on my fiancé.  I was supposed to be the provider or at least an equal in our relationship as we worked to start building out life together.  Eventually, just a couple of months before our wedding, I was stupid and blew things up between us.  It was then, I accepted the possibility I may be transgender and began to explore that, and at times in unhealthy ways.  This knowledge of possibility, would not cease to haunt me.

Around the time I was supposed to get married, in fact I think it was only a day or two before the almost big day, I had my first date with a woman I would end up marrying.

2010 – I got engaged once more.  But this time I was aware of the deep-rooted question about my own identity, and it continued to eat away at me and I continued to explore it on and off while we were dating, living together and throughout our marriage.
2011 – After our wedding, I found myself traveling quite a bit for work, and used that time away from home to really explore my gender identity more and more.  One time between week long trips, I had left some of my accessories and such in one of my bags in the trunk of my car, when my wife found them.  When she confronted me about them, she was shocked and embarrassed and scared.  I was completely and utterly embarrassed myself, and scared that I would lose her if I admitted that they were mine.  So, I lied and lied big and worked to make that lie believable.  But we managed to somehow get through it, even though it was tense for a little while, but she wanted to believe me no matter what.

2012 – I found out that I was infertile.  I had low Testosterone, a low sperm count and low motility.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, the genetic testing we had done as we sort fertility treatment, show no genetic abnormalities with me and offered no possible answers as to why.  Looking back now for a while, I think that if my genetic tests had shown that I had some kind of genetic abnormality, that would explain the questions I now had about my gender, that I would have felt immense relief and acceptance and some peace.  At least I would have had answers and some way to explain this confusion, at least to myself. Even worse, thee lab tests only served to reinforce the fact that I wasn’t really a man.

2013 – My daughter was born, and while she was a welcome distraction from my problems, she was just that, a distraction.  That is not to say that I resented her or felt obligated in a way that made me feel bad.  I loved her just a fiercely then and I do to this day and every day in between.  But as is often the case the stresses of adulthood, marriage and family continued to weigh on me and I grew distant from my wife.  And she did the same. And I continued to, in spurts, explore what I was beginning to accept more and more as my proper gender identity and role.

2016 – My wife again found some of my private belongings and confronted me about.  But at this point we had been having some significant problems in our marriage. We had “tried” marriage counselling earlier in the year, but she gave up on it after 3 maybe 4 sessions, saying “We were just rehashing old stuff.  Looking back, I feel like it was just her checking a box so she could feel better about herself when the time came to file for divorce.  Looking back, I can point to very specific incidents where I am almost certain that she had an affair, staying out super late at night, to the point of coming home so late that my alarm would be going off in less than 2 hours for work.  At that point, I broke down and admitted everything.  It did not go well, but there was no way for me to get out of it.  I felt completely humiliated and deflated.  I know that she felt betrayed and lied to. 

2017 – Just after New Years she filed for divorce, and things continued to get worse and worse between us.  She, her legal team and her family wielded the legal system as a weapon in efforts to hurt me.  When our divorce proceedings took a turn that she didn’t like, she would create an incident to make me look bad and escalate the legal situation between us.  On one occasion she alleged that I attempted to strike her, after she tired to get a rise out of me.  She used that situation to try and get a temporary restraining order.  She failed.  A few months later, when we were finishing pack up our home to sell it, she created a situation where she was able to successfully accuse me of assaulting her with a deadly weapon, when I closed the door and it allegedly “struck” her foot and arm.  The police came when I was home alone that night and questioned mee, without reading me my Miranda Rights.  I was summoned to court to face these assault charges.  Note State law does not provide a real definition of what constitutes a “deadly weapon” here.  She also thought another temporary restraining order, and saw a different judge who was not familiar with our divorce, who granted it to her, so I was summoned to court again for that, to appear in front of the judge handling our divorce.  He declined to continue the order.  As for the assault charges, they were ultimately dismissed before I was arraigned and officially charged, through the use of a 1-time use “pre-arraignment” probation process available to me.

My soon to be ex-wife further weaponized all of this to try and get full legal and physical custody of our daughter.  She did not succeed. Our divorce proceeded to a three-day trial that spanned 3 months in 2018.  Throughout the whole divorce process, I continued to try and de-escalate and be reasonable and fair.  As you can see, she did not and was not.

2019 – After a relatively calm post-divorce period, I had agreed to keep my daughter a bit longer for her and watch her dog ( it was our dog when we were married but she took the dog when she left and refused to consider asking me for help with it when she could not find an apartment) for a weekend when she and her live in boyfriend decided to go up north for a long weekend.  But she could not give me definitive answers to when she would be back and I had other plans for that weekend.  So, while, my daughter was in my custody and care, I made arraignments for her to go see he cousins (her mom’s nieces).  At the end of the afternoon, when I was about to head home form my plans, I called my ex-wife, assuming that she was already on her way to get out daughter from her sister’s house, if she had not already done so), to let her know when I would be home so she could come get the dog.  Well she lied to me about not being able to get a hole of me due to the lack of cell signal where she was, as she told me that she made plans to have our daughter who was now allegedly sick, skip school on Monday so she could spend the day with her cousins who did not have school.  I calmly told her that was not ok with me, since our daughter was in my custody, when she left, and the fact that I was able to take my daughter to the doctor in the morning, because her mom was out of state, that I would proceed to her sister’s house to get my daughter.  I even called and spoke to her sister and let her know that I was coming and when I would be there.  When I got there, they refused to give me my daughter and threatened to call the police, but eventually let me take her home.  The next day, when her mom showed up at her house, hours after I was expecting her to be there, and after my daughter’s bed time, her boyfriend came back to the door after she left, and proceeded to threaten me with physical harm over the incident.

less than a month later, I reluctantly agreed to let my ex have my daughter for a couple of hours after school on one of my days/nights provided  that she have her back to me by 6pm.  She abused that agreement and it was almost 8pm when she returned my daughter to my home.

2020 – Our custody agreement/judgement said that my ex-wife will have our daughter for winter school vacation, but it was extremely unclear as to when it started.  In fact, it was so unclear that we had a serious disagreement about the start and end of school vacations the yar before, but at the last minute came to an understanding as it concerned that year and that year alone.  On February 15th, she showed up at my home completely unexpectedly and demanded my daughter.  I respectfully disagreed, stating my understanding of the plain language in the custody judgement.  When she didn’t get her way, her boyfriend got out of the car and began to interject himself into the disagreement, and after I repeatedly asked him to mind his own business her continued onto my property and stepped up onto my deck and after standing my ground and asking him to leave once more, he assaulted me.  My daughter was just inside the house, mere feet away, and could hear the yelling and screaming as he continued to beat me and calling me a “Transgender POS” and such.  Unfortunately, my Ring Door bell camera only recorded snippets of my disagreement with my ex-wife and me standing on my deck repeatedly after the boyfriend to get off my property and did not catch any of the assault.

Needless to say I immediately called 911 and 2 officers and an ambulance showed up to investigate.  My daughter saw my bloody, bruised and swelling face as I got the phone and the EMTs checked me out.  Ultimately, I was taken to the hospital via ambulance, as my neck really hurt, and my back hurt quite a bit and was stiffening up, and a had a couple of good-sized contusions and lumps growing on my head and face.  My daughter had to ride in the ambulance with me because I couldn’t find anyone who.  To make matters worse, one of the EMTs was the father of one of the boys in my daughter’s class and we knew who each other were, so when he had to ask me about any medications I was on. I was terrified of being outed and extremely embarrassed.

This has turned into another legal battle over custody and the Police refused to press charges against the boyfriend as they viewed it as an incident with no witnesses, though they did not even attempt to canvas my neighbors to see if they heard or saw anything.  I went to court to as soon as possible (it was a holiday weekend) for an ex parte hearing and to file an emergency motion to get custody of my daughter to keep her out of what was not clear to me an unsafe and unstable environment.  It was naturally continued to the next day so that my ex wife could appear before the judge, and the judge was not overly sympathetic to her argument against her the boyfriend being kept away from my daughter for the short term because he lived with her.  After that hearing they both ran to their district court and he filed for and received a Temporary restraining order against me.   But he failed to show up in court for the hearing on it a week later.



Offline Myranda

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #97 on: September 25, 2020, 12:53:32 pm »
Wow, that took a lot out of me.  I have tried to sit down and write that and to discuss how I was feeling through all of this and how it really shaped my thoughts and feelings about my gender and identity.  But I didn't know where to start and it kept growing and it was just exhausting emotionally, bringing up a lot of negative feelings.

The recent legal issues have been weighing on me a lot over the past 6 weeks or so.  It forced me to kind of relive the assault all over again, and I bullied bullied and pressured into accepting things that I do not want, all because I tried ot fight for what I thought was best for my daughter AFTER I WAS assaulted.

So to the beautiful inspiring person who has encouraged me, I thank you and I will take and use that encouragement and continue my journal.



Online Northern Star Girl

  • Previously Alaskan Danielle
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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #98 on: September 25, 2020, 01:18:46 pm »
@Myranda
Dear Myranda:

I much enjoyed reading your "Re-Cap" covering 15 years from 2005 to 2020 !

While I am convinced that it is important for you to write out and have a written journal of your personal experiences regarding the past events in your life, I am also convinced that it is good personal therapy that allows you to ponder positive personal steps you can take in the future......

.....plus,  along with the rest of your followers I am very happy to come along for the ride in your life journey.... 
and we will rejoice with you when you have successes, and we will lend you our ears and our shoulders when we can provide encouragement and support.

Thank your for your continued sharing....

HUGS and more HUGS.
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline Myranda

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Re: Myranda's HRT Journey to Self Discovery & Happiness
« Reply #99 on: September 25, 2020, 01:32:17 pm »
@Northern Star Girl
Danielle,

Yes, it was quite therapeutic to discuss a lot of that out in the open.

What I forgot to mention in there is how my ex's mom and dad have "tried" to out me to not only my parents, but to others in my family and the community at large.

My ex mother in law used to gt her done done at the salon where my cousin's wife worked.  Once when my parents were visiting my aunt told my parents how they heard from my cousin's wife how my ex-mother in law as going on and on at the salon about the reason for the divorce was that I was gay.

During the Divorce trial my  ex father in law made comments directly to my mother about my sexuality and gender.  And then again later on started to verbally attack me in front my dad and blurted out something about me taking female hormones.  To say nothing of how he verbally threatened to ruin me in front of and in ear shot of my father the day my ex-wife accused me of assaulting her and then proceeded to lie about it in court.

Sadly with all of this going on over the last few years, and some other relationship trial and tribulations and out right struggles, I've either not had the time or emotional energy to deal with my gender issues, or have possibly subconsciously avoided doing so.

But, I also feel so much better being on Estrogen, even with my T in it's normalish range.



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