Author Topic: Will male ego go away  (Read 1381 times)

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Offline coldHeart

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #20 on: August 02, 2017, 06:41:21 pm »
I hate my male ego, in the past I would go psycho when ever I was in a conflict with another male to the point where people would not go near me, now I realize it was just the pure anger & frustration of being a trans person & trying to hide it.
Slowly & surely I am teaching myself just to walk away from these things because it is not me.

Online Dena

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #21 on: August 02, 2017, 06:47:20 pm »
While I never had a huge male ego, what takes the edge off it is being treated like a second class citizen. You quickly learn to let the guy with the ego have is way while you silently get the job done. Sooner or latter the guy with the ego trips up and because there was so much ego to contend with, they start looking for somebody who can get the job done without the ego. This is why I am the last employee of our drastically downsized company.
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Offline judithlynn

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #22 on: September 14, 2017, 03:38:51 am »
 I agree with what Robyn said.

Over the last four years I too have changed considerably. In my working life I was always highly competitive with an enormous drive to succeed. That drive and competitiveness has almost gone. I haven't tried not too be so, but these days I find it much easier being the submissive one in working and business relationships.  In fact I never these days butt in on conversations and always seem to seek out other's opinions. Interestingly in the rare occasion I have to present in male mode,  most people that knew the "old" me find it very disconcerting. In fact they tell me I can by quite  different in negotiating contracts. Like Robyn, I am much less worried about possessiveness and I am no longer the slightest bit worried about not having power and being in control. In fact I revel now in the position where others (especially men) can take the lead in general day to day conversations and decisions.  These days I love being driven by a man (or another woman) and being in a daydream whilst the world slips by. Sometimes though it can catch me out, like recently I was flying in Business Class on a long haul BA flight and the woman sitting next to me (I was in male mode!) said that she was amazed that I was the first man she had ever met that was interested in Womans magazines and that I seemed to be "devouring the fashion and make-up pages in Vogue and Elle magazines. I almost blurted out - but I am a woman!
« Last Edit: September 15, 2017, 02:08:20 am by judithlynn »
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Offline JMJW

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #23 on: September 14, 2017, 06:09:47 am »
I recently lost an arm wrestling match to a cis dude and I was hell annoyed! I doubt the ego will ever go!

Offline Viktor

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #24 on: September 14, 2017, 07:13:19 am »
Male ego isn't the problem.  Male privilege is the problem.  Those raised male have been socialized in different ways than those raised female.  Talking out of turn, taking credit for the ideas of others, talking down to women, "mansplaining", etc are behaviors that, regardless of the level of ego, people raised as male have been encouraged to adopt.

I've seen women doing these exact same things. It's people - regardless of their sex - running roughshod over others because they can and because they feel nothing negative when they do. My own mother is most egotistical and overbearing person I know and the men (and women) around her in her professional life walk on eggshells with her because they don't want an earful. She openly mocks who she sees as stupid and 'beneath her' and has recently decided her lack of empathy is a fact for which she is not responsible. The idea this is some specifically male privilege or ego problem is incorrect.

Anyone who spends time with groups of women will soon spot the female equivalent of this in their midst.

If someone has a problem with an overbearing ego, whatever gender they are, that is something they are going to have to deal with themselves. Hormones alone aren't going to completely remove a personality trait or habit that has grown in someone. The mental "reward" pathways of such behavior may well be altered by hormones though, resulting in a reduced inclination to do it. It really depends on the reason for doing it. Some people get pleasure from dominating others. Some do it for the material rewards it might bring. Others do it because if they don't someone else will do it to them. Some people do it to create conflict just so they can feel something, anything.

Offline rmaddy

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #25 on: September 14, 2017, 11:28:52 am »
I've seen women doing these exact same things. It's people - regardless of their sex - running roughshod over others because they can and because they feel nothing negative when they do. My own mother is most egotistical and overbearing person I know and the men (and women) around her in her professional life walk on eggshells with her because they don't want an earful. She openly mocks who she sees as stupid and 'beneath her' and has recently decided her lack of empathy is a fact for which she is not responsible. The idea this is some specifically male privilege or ego problem is incorrect.

Anyone who spends time with groups of women will soon spot the female equivalent of this in their midst.

Analogue?  Sure.  Equivalent?  No.  Men and women exist on spectra of social aggressiveness/passivity or dominance/submission, but if you think the distribution along those spectra is identical or even similar, I don't think you're paying attention.
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Offline Jessica

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #26 on: September 14, 2017, 05:52:40 pm »
For me it isn't ego, it being competitive.  This has been evident when my wife and I do 10K races.  She says her boobs and butt slow her up.  I'm equaling out the odds with my transition.
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Offline Jessica Lynne

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #27 on: September 14, 2017, 07:18:07 pm »
I've found that since it's neither part of female culture nor is it expected or welcome, it was quite easy and quite the pleasure to set it aside. If you plan on investing yourself in female culture and building friendships, macho nonsense, brinkmanship and alpha behavior is probably not going to be too welcome in most of your social circles.

Offline Viktor

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #28 on: September 14, 2017, 08:59:10 pm »
Analogue?  Sure.  Equivalent?  No.  Men and women exist on spectra of social aggressiveness/passivity or dominance/submission, but if you think the distribution along those spectra is identical or even similar, I don't think you're paying attention.

By equivalent I mean female equivalent of "alpha behavior" within their own group. Obviously not absolutely identical to male behavior.

Although I've seen violent women. Lived with them. Safe to say those ones were not behaving normally and had mental problems. Even so, I'm inclined to think there's ego and then there's pathological ego or pathological dominance, and that can occur in either sex.

Offline rmaddy

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #29 on: September 14, 2017, 10:18:11 pm »
By equivalent I mean female equivalent of "alpha behavior" within their own group. Obviously not absolutely identical to male behavior.

Although I've seen violent women. Lived with them. Safe to say those ones were not behaving normally and had mental problems. Even so, I'm inclined to think there's ego and then there's pathological ego or pathological dominance, and that can occur in either sex.

Of course.  The difference is that even the sweetest, most-lovable teddy bear of a guy was raised in a society which rewarded him for speaking out, paid him 42% more than his female counterparts, thought him more capable as a potential employee, could imagine him as President, went to a high school that had a "soccer" team and a "women's soccer" team, and decided that his spouse should take his name.  This is why I made the distinction that male ego wasn't the problem--you are correct in saying that women can have big egos too--male privilege is the problem.  Our otherwise huggable, amiable mensch doesn't even realize that he has it most of the time, let alone understand how it affects those around him.
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Offline Viktor

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #30 on: September 15, 2017, 10:40:26 am »
By that same token there exists female privilege many women don't realize they have, and believe it or not certain kinds of toxic femininity a person can exert on others as well.


Offline tsukiyoarts

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #31 on: September 15, 2017, 12:55:39 pm »
Good afternoon,

No, because your soul did not changed. You may become more caring though, but not a huge change. I have not changed much.

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Tsukiyoarts
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Offline rmaddy

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #32 on: September 16, 2017, 11:36:58 am »
I'm sorry, my what?
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Offline Jessica Lynne

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #33 on: September 16, 2017, 12:24:22 pm »
I'm sorry, my what?

English isn't tsuki's first language.

Offline Katie Again

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #34 on: September 16, 2017, 01:14:57 pm »
Something happened and I lost my reply but Ill try again..;'

This is a fascinating discussion, and there have been many good reasoned responses so ill change that with my wittering's  ;D

I've never had an issue with my male Ego as I don't think I have ever had much of one, with Alpha type brothers and father I never got the chance to develop one. I have always been more collaborative than competitive, and even now I'm not really changing my general out look on things. I do stuff and sometimes get rewarded, I don't have to be first or the best, but often are, as my judgements are more thought out and solid rather than quick actions and decisions done in order to improve my standing somewhere.
I have never got a buzz out of making someone feel worse than me, and actually prefer to help people achieve what they are truly capable of.
However, the subject is will it ever go. I think not completely, but possibly the best thing you could do is find a way to recognise when it starts to ramp up, and take actions, maybe walk away, or divert the conversation etc. Mind you I do have a female ego, especially when I have done my makeup well (I have a cataract in one eye they wont operate on yet so it generally goes wonky) and can look at myself as I see myself in my minds eye, if you know what I mean. Other than that I do get a boost out of helping, and advising where necessary.
None of us are perfect, but step back from yourself some time and look at how you are interacting with people around you, and if you see something that doesn't sit well with you, do something about it. If your Ego is causing others  issues, you maybe need to recognise this and do something about it.
Anyway that's my meanderings, not exactly to point but maybe helpful.
p.s. I stand back from myself and usually howl in laughter at the messes and mistakes I make but don't see at the time...
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Offline tsukiyoarts

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #35 on: September 16, 2017, 03:44:51 pm »
I'm sorry, my what?

Haha sorry. English indeed is not my first language. Although I do not have a specific religion anymore, I did said soul. I could also had used essence, personality, individuality, etc. You body may change, your personality may change to a small degree; but basing on me and some others (I do not have more data about it), someone who is negative towards life, will remain mostly negative; who is positive regarding life, will remain mostly positive, and so on.

If my writing is still flawed enough to not be understood, just call me, and I will try saying with other words. I do need to pratice this, and shifting my learning to japanese from english due to needs is not helping haha.

Humorously,
Tsukiyoarts
Do your thoughts control you, or you control them?

Offline pretty pauline

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #36 on: September 16, 2017, 03:50:30 pm »
I'm not sure it is ego, being stereotypical or what, but i have changed considerably. Less competitive but not completely so, less worried about possessiveness,  less fear of not having power and being in control, more willing to let others lead in some situations etc.
Great post, I'm not sure it's ego ether, I see it in my hubby, he just likes being in control, but not in a ''bad way'' he likes making decisions and ''showing leadership'' and being the ''man of the house'' I just let him at it, and it takes the pressure off me, we'll sit down and discuss everything, but the final decision will be made by him, if I was still a guy maybe I would be that way, but I'm not, I'm less stressed, I much prefer being a relaxed woman than a stressed out guy.
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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #37 on: September 16, 2017, 04:17:30 pm »
Great post, I'm not sure it's ego ether, I see it in my hubby, he just likes being in control, but not in a ''bad way'' he likes making decisions and ''showing leadership'' and being the ''man of the house'' I just let him at it, and it takes the pressure off me, we'll sit down and discuss everything, but the final decision will be made by him, if I was still a guy maybe I would be that way, but I'm not, I'm less stressed, I much prefer being a relaxed woman than a stressed out guy.
I relate to this post even though my partner is female. It used to be I wanted control over everything. I only now know how annoying I must have been. Now, she makes 90 % of the decisions and I am more comfortable with this. It took a while for her to get used to it. She likes it though.
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Offline Katie Again

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #38 on: September 16, 2017, 05:56:02 pm »
Pretty- I so agree , part of me ejects cis male authority in my relationship but I wont be walked over ever . Its our life so make sure ty make the best of it,
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Offline DawnOday

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Re: Will male ego go away
« Reply #39 on: September 16, 2017, 06:34:18 pm »
While leading Boeing Engineers in DCAC, I learned dealing with egos is the biggest obstacle for success. Mostly it was males who said. "We never did that before" It turned a two year project in to five years and then we more or less abandoned the Billion dollar project. because each facility wanted their piece of the pie. If I could have worked exclusively with women it would have been a lot smoother.
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