Author Topic: Confused Need Advice!  (Read 861 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline 0_Facade

  • Visitor
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Confused Need Advice!
« on: August 05, 2017, 11:03:35 am »
Hi, I'm an 18 year old 'female' and I think I may be non-binary or transgender but I'm still confused about it.
I don't feel uncomfortable in my body, but I fantasise about having the body of a male. Occasionally I want a flat chest and/or penis and I feel uncomfortable. I feel more comfortable with identifying as male and using he/him pronouns. Being called a female doesn't make me uncomfortable but I don't know if it's because I'm so used to it.
Also when I look at my future and think about having a partner I think of a relationship between two men, not a man and woman, the idea of being with a male as a female makes me uncomfortable, but it doesn't disgust me.
In terms of clothes I dress what is seen as masculine or tomboy, but I come off quite feminie to everyone, I don't hate looking feminie and wearing dresses, but I feel more comfortable in baggy clothes in which you can't see the shape of my body aka boobs. I want short hair and I want to look masculine in terms of my face, and I wouldn't mind having a masculine body.
It confuses me because for the most part I feel male and want to show that on the outside, but I'm not uncomfortable as a female. I know labels aren't important but they help me come to terms with things internally and make everything less confusing.

Offline Devlyn

  • The Forum Administrator
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 31,484
  • Reputation: +242/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • devlynmarie@susans.org
Re: Confused Need Advice!
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2017, 11:15:16 am »
Hi 0_Facade, welcome to Susan's Place! You don't sound confused at all to me. It does sound like you want someone to say "It's fine, you are you, and that's label enough" so consider it said!  :)  See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn
Veteran, US Army

Offline JoanneB

  • *****
  • *
  • Posts: 3,702
  • Reputation: +60/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • Third times a charm?
Re: Confused Need Advice!
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2017, 11:19:22 am »
Hi, I'm an 18 year old 'female' and I think I may be non-binary or transgender but I'm still confused about it.
I don't feel uncomfortable in my body, but I fantasise about having the body of a male. Occasionally I want a flat chest and/or penis and I feel uncomfortable. I feel more comfortable with identifying as male and using he/him pronouns. Being called a female doesn't make me uncomfortable but I don't know if it's because I'm so used to it.
Also when I look at my future and think about having a partner I think of a relationship between two men, not a man and woman, the idea of being with a male as a female makes me uncomfortable, but it doesn't disgust me.
In terms of clothes I dress what is seen as masculine or tomboy, but I come off quite feminie to everyone, I don't hate looking feminie and wearing dresses, but I feel more comfortable in baggy clothes in which you can't see the shape of my body aka boobs. I want short hair and I want to look masculine in terms of my face, and I wouldn't mind having a masculine body.
It confuses me because for the most part I feel male and want to show that on the outside, but I'm not uncomfortable as a female. I know labels aren't important but they help me come to terms with things internally and make everything less confusing.
I never hated having a male body. Yet I always knew I should have been born female.
.          (Pile Driver)  
                    |
                    |
                    ^
(ROCK) ---> ME <--- (HARD PLACE)

Offline 0_Facade

  • Visitor
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: Confused Need Advice!
« Reply #3 on: August 05, 2017, 11:36:00 am »
I never hated having a male body. Yet I always knew I should have been born female.

I've never heard of a transgender person not experiencing dysphoria, that does help though, thank you.

Offline OblivionLight

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 24
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Demiguy
Re: Confused Need Advice!
« Reply #4 on: August 05, 2017, 01:56:28 pm »
People experience dysphoria in different ways - it's not always about discomfort or feeling wrong, sometimes the 'desire' is dysphoria on its own. Honestly though, I relate to quite a bit of what you've written - I just feel discomfort at being called female and dresses etc are not my thing and haven't been since I was a kid (and they weren't when I was really little, either).

Anyway! Sounds like you could easily be somewhere on the trans spectrum, so don't be afraid to try how some labels sound for you! Sometimes it takes time to get there, I'm still figuring it out myself  ;) welcome here though, never be afraid to ask any questions.
don't let it break your heart.
Alex. They/them & he/him

Offline 0_Facade

  • Visitor
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Reputation: +1/-0
Re: Confused Need Advice!
« Reply #5 on: August 06, 2017, 12:29:50 am »
People experience dysphoria in different ways - it's not always about discomfort or feeling wrong, sometimes the 'desire' is dysphoria on its own. Honestly though, I relate to quite a bit of what you've written - I just feel discomfort at being called female and dresses etc are not my thing and haven't been since I was a kid (and they weren't when I was really little, either).

Anyway! Sounds like you could easily be somewhere on the trans spectrum, so don't be afraid to try how some labels sound for you! Sometimes it takes time to get there, I'm still figuring it out myself  ;) welcome here though, never be afraid to ask any questions.

I still have a lot to learn about the transgender community so I'll figure out myself as I gain knowledge. Transitioning in the country I live in is a nightmare but I really want to get a binder, so I'll probably do that.
It's nice to know that other people don't feel so uncomfortable in the body their born with. I think that's what was throwing me off the most.

Offline OblivionLight

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 24
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Demiguy
Re: Confused Need Advice!
« Reply #6 on: August 06, 2017, 01:54:16 pm »
I still have a lot to learn about the transgender community so I'll figure out myself as I gain knowledge. Transitioning in the country I live in is a nightmare but I really want to get a binder, so I'll probably do that.
It's nice to know that other people don't feel so uncomfortable in the body their born with. I think that's what was throwing me off the most.

If you're looking to get a binder, either Underworks or gc2b are your best place to look. I personally only have experience with gc2b, but they're miracle wonders and - at least in my experience - really comfortable too because they're designed to be very breathable, so they don't feel very tight or restrictive. They're easy to put on as well (unless your hair is wet) because you put 'em on like any regular tank top. Plus, they're very decently priced, too! So that's my top recommendation there  :)

It's true that body dysphoria is a common sign, but it's not always the case, and for some of us (esp NB folks) it can be worse depending on the day, or get worse through the years. That's what's been happening to me, started out pretty all right aside from chest dysphoria, and these days it's pretty much always present and about my entire body. I don't seem to suffer too much from genital dysphoria, though, but that's kind of a no-preference feeling.
don't let it break your heart.
Alex. They/them & he/him

Offline widdershins

  • Friend
  • ****
  • Posts: 160
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Gender: Queer
Re: Confused Need Advice!
« Reply #7 on: August 06, 2017, 04:53:11 pm »
Another thing to consider is that you don't always notice how bad your dysphoria is until you get some relief and notice how much better you feel. For example, I had no idea how much my birth name and assigned pronouns bothered me until I had a supportive group of friends regularly calling me by the name I chose myself. Only then did I start to notice the small twinge of wrongness and invalidation I felt each and every time my family or co-workers called me by my birth name (even though they had no idea I was trans and had no intention to be invalidating.)

A binder is a relatively cheap and non-permanent way to test the waters, so I also recommend trying one if you can. If you have friends who you feel safe talking about gender stuff with, you could also try asking them to try out a different name or different pronouns.