Author Topic: All time new low  (Read 1032 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

JJ_BLOSSOM

All time new low
« on: August 08, 2017, 01:18:53 am »
So I will admit I'm a meth addict who has been clean for 1 yr, relapsed and it's going on 2 months with me still unable to get that syringe out of me....now with things already bad enough & me already down on myself I did heroin for the first time ...I guess honestly I can say I won't ever do it again because I found after injecting meth smoking heroin then injecting more meth it leaves one feelin quite sick..  I know in my posts I seem strong confident and proud but the truth is I'm scared to accept my fate...destiny has given me so many signs that I'm not being true to myself by presenting male it's unreal. This happens every time I start building my life as a male and  BAM lose my job lose my home lose my car pose my f

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


Offline Dena

  • Family
  • *****
  • *
  • Posts: 16,185
  • Reputation: +122/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: All time new low
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2017, 02:18:19 am »
While a family member did drugs, I never did because I understood if I found the magic drug that made the pain go away, it could greatly delay my transition. There is a lot to fear in the transition. For me, I think there were three points in my transition that were terrifying. They were coming out to my parents, the first time I left my apartment as myself and GCS. I kept my life simple so I avoided coming out to a wife and loss of my job didn't result in much pressure because I didn't have others relying on me for support.

You are in a difficult position because you need to face all these things to find happiness but the drugs are keeping you from doing so. I am not sure how you were able to get off drugs before but if you were in a treatment program, you need to return to it and while there you need to face this truth as well. I don't know if you are strong enough to face this by your self but therapy and possible the others in your life can help.

The one good bit of news I can give you is after you face each obstacle, you will discover that they were not as difficult as you expected. When I told my parents, my stomach was knotted for three days but I was done with it and I still had a family. Leaving my apartment became easer each time I did it. With surgery, all the fear was gone as soon as I woke up from surgery. I have lived many years free of fear, discomfort with myself and as myself. That can be your future as well but you have to decide that it's the most important thing in the world for you to have.
Rebirth Date 1982 - My Transition

Online Devlyn

  • The Forum Administrator
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 30,808
  • Reputation: +237/-0
  • Gender: Female
  • devlynmarie@susans.org
Re: All time new low
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2017, 05:55:38 am »
Big hug! You were clean for a year, you need to get back in that groove again and make it stick! The drugs won't let you do that, you need to wrestle control of your life back from them. It comes down to looking yourself in the mirror and saying "I don't want to do this anymore. I want to make the decisions in my life."

Hugs, Devlyn
Veteran, US Army

Offline Dani Rae

  • Newbie
  • **
  • Posts: 35
  • Reputation: +1/-0
  • Genderqueer Riot Grrl
Re: All time new low
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2017, 03:44:02 pm »
It can get better. I have been clean for five years. It wasn't until after I got clean that I started to question my gender. I got to a point where I couldn't deny or ignore it any more. I actually decided to start HRT because shooting heroin was seeming like a really good idea. Both staying clean and being trans are hard. Both can be scary. For me it got to a point where I knew I couldn't stay clean if I wasn't true to myself. Things aren't always easy but I don't want to get high or kill myself anymore. We can recover. I hope for the best for you.

-Dani Rae

Tags: