Author Topic: On life's bumpy road  (Read 3452 times)

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Online Sarah_P

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Re: On life's bumpy road
« Reply #100 on: January 10, 2018, 01:36:40 pm »
LOL, a woman came in today at work and commented about my longer hair, and asked if I wanted her to teach me how to braid it.  :icon_hahano:
It would have been a nice offer if it wasn't from this particular person. About a year and a half ago she flat out blamed our director for the death of an ex-employee (she died 2 weeks after she was fired), which upset the entire staff, and I had to seriously fight my anger not to punch her in the face (back when I was still pre-transition and incredibly angry).
--Sarah P



There's a world out there, just waiting
If you only let go what's inside
Live every moment, give it your all, enjoy the ride
- Stan Bush, The Journey

Online Laurie

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Re: On life's bumpy road
« Reply #101 on: January 10, 2018, 07:03:08 pm »
Hi Sarah,

   Good to see the interview but will hope for the other job with you.

 I guess you will have to have someone else teach you to braid.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Hi, I'm Laurie
“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,

Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol




Online Sarah_P

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Re: On life's bumpy road
« Reply #102 on: January 13, 2018, 10:44:38 pm »
Sigh... 3 day weekend and nothing to do. I could go somewhere, but all my friends are busy. I guess I'll do my taxes and finish up my latest coding project. Yay.....

I've been feeling really lonely lately, and wanting to start dating again, but it feels kind of awkward right now. Living with friends, being in a small town, likely having to drive at least 30 minutes to an hour or more just to meet up with someone. After talking it over with a couple of my lady friends, they both seem to think I should wait until I get out on my own again first. I know they're probably right, but it's hard.

Even getting out of town, I feel lonely. I drive all the way to the city and back, by myself. I go around doing whatever and/or shopping, by myself. Both my lady friends have families, so they can't get away that easily (nor do they very often have the money to do anything). I love the occasional trips with my mom, and I love her dearly, but it's just not the same.

I'd also like to make more friends, but that's not all that easy for me, either. I've been a social hermit for so long I often just don't know what to say. One of my friends is the same way, and when we hang out occasionally she & I will
both just be staring at our phones because neither can come up with something to talk about. I didn't use to be this way! I vaguely remember people enjoying hanging out with me, so I must have been at least marginally socially skilled at some point.

I know I'm probably just itching to get away from here & truly start my new life, but that also means seeing my current friends even less than I do now.
--Sarah P



There's a world out there, just waiting
If you only let go what's inside
Live every moment, give it your all, enjoy the ride
- Stan Bush, The Journey

Offline Roll

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Re: On life's bumpy road
« Reply #103 on: January 13, 2018, 11:59:42 pm »
You now have Don't Stop Believin' stuck in my head because of mentioning being in a small town and going to the city. But I don't consider that a bad thing, because it's a pretty good song to be stuck in your head if ones going to be.

But yeah, I'm pretty much right there with you.  :-X I sit around with nowhere to go and no one to go with even if I did. Even family has been absurdly busy lately and I'm just kind of sitting around zoning out pretending to do school work alone. I almost went to see Insidious 4 by myself the other day, but that just seemed lame even for me and I talked myself out of it. I just sort of hung around in the grocery store for no reason.

I mean... how do you even make friends? Like... where do people meet each other nowadays? I had friends as a kid, where did they come from? Is there some sort of app to make friends that doesn't end in sex/murder/murdersex?



Just a small town girl... :eusa_whistle: :eusa_whistle:
- Ellie

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12/17/17 through 1/1/18 - Out to essentially all family!

Look what I found! https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/life ... Sorry, that was stupid, even for me.


Online Sarah_P

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Re: On life's bumpy road
« Reply #104 on: January 14, 2018, 09:56:37 am »
You now have Don't Stop Believin' stuck in my head because of mentioning being in a small town and going to the city. But I don't consider that a bad thing, because it's a pretty good song to be stuck in your head if ones going to be.

But yeah, I'm pretty much right there with you.  :-X I sit around with nowhere to go and no one to go with even if I did. Even family has been absurdly busy lately and I'm just kind of sitting around zoning out pretending to do school work alone. I almost went to see Insidious 4 by myself the other day, but that just seemed lame even for me and I talked myself out of it. I just sort of hung around in the grocery store for no reason.

I mean... how do you even make friends? Like... where do people meet each other nowadays? I had friends as a kid, where did they come from? Is there some sort of app to make friends that doesn't end in sex/murder/murdersex?

Just a small town girl... :eusa_whistle: :eusa_whistle:

LOL! I hadn't even thought of that, but now it's stuck in my head, too.

I don't know! I'm not going to go hang out in bars, that's for sure (especially since I really don't drink). I'm going to an anime convention in March, mainly to sell my collection - a dealer that's an old friend of mine is going to be there,  though he's in for a surprise unless I mention my new name before hand. Maybe I can try to be social there. There's also a 'comic' con (really more a media con) coming up in February, but there's not really much of a reason to go, there's only 1 guest so far I'd like to see & entry is pretty expensive.

I've gone to see movies by myself - it's no fun. Same with eating out.
--Sarah P



There's a world out there, just waiting
If you only let go what's inside
Live every moment, give it your all, enjoy the ride
- Stan Bush, The Journey

Online Sarah_P

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Re: On life's bumpy road
« Reply #105 on: Yesterday at 05:06:24 pm »
Well..... crud. Got turned down for the job I interviewed for. Which is actually OK, since it was only part time (20 hours, with a possibility of more).

Now, the job I really wanted, they did want to hire me. There's just the major problem of the starting salary being significantly less than I'm making now. I just couldn't possibly get by with the higher cost of living in that area. Not to mention never being able to save anything for SRS. The job included full medical insurance, but it won't cover it.

So I'm a upset, but not depressed. I've still got an application in for an IT job that I have hopes for, but I've now got plans if that falls through, too. I've come to the conclusion that I may have judged this town I live in too harshly. I still want to get out of here, since I'm tired of living so far from civilization, but I can deal with it for now.

I was already leaning this direction, but coming out to the last of my coworkers today, and having them being happy & accepting of me, has made me realize how much I have here. I have people that care for me, I have a good stable job where I'm needed, trusted (I have a key!), and appreciated. I even make enough to squirrel away a small chunk of change every month, especially if I cut out unnecessary expenses (still not enough to afford SRS anytime in the next 7 years though). We even got a decent raise this year, which is our first raise in over 5 years.

So next week I'm talking to our library board, and letting them know about my transition. Like my coworkers today, I wouldn't be surprised if a few of them already figured it out. Then, maybe even the very next day, I will start living as Sarah full time. Is it a risk? Yeah, but isn't that true anywhere? There was a trans woman living here a few years ago, and she never came to harm. Was she mocked behind her back? Oh, yes. If that's the worst thing I face, I'm OK with it.

The only catch is my current living situation. As I said before, my friends I live with are fine with me being Sarah except around the grandkids. This could result in my either having to disguise myself only when they're around, or just avoid them. Neither of those options are good or sustainable. So, I'll have to move out. Hopefully I can find some place to move that's not too expensive & not in a bad area. My hope is that they'll still let me live there long enough to get the legal name/gender marker change (or at least try...). It'll be so much easier finding a place (& job hunting, for that  matter) with that done. Of course, it's highly likely that once I'm full-time those grandkids are going to see me as Sarah anyway, whether I move out or not, so they'll have to deal with it then. Plus moving out means I (should) have my own kitchen again, and I can use my desk (it's solid wood, and way to heavy to lug upstairs where I'm staying) and my couch (no room even if we could get it up the stairs) again!

So... yeah. I'm not letting this get me down. I'm moving forward however I can. I'm working on my coding skills (and really need to double-down on the time I'm spending on this!), and maybe I can eventually find a web development job or something in the next year. Meanwhile I'll still keep my eyes open for opportunities.
--Sarah P



There's a world out there, just waiting
If you only let go what's inside
Live every moment, give it your all, enjoy the ride
- Stan Bush, The Journey

Offline Jayne01

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Re: On life's bumpy road
« Reply #106 on: Yesterday at 05:15:39 pm »
I’m sorry the job hunting is hitting obstacles along the way. You do, however have a really good attitude and backup plans. I’m sure you will end up where you need to be. Good luck with the continued job seeking and the coming out process with your current job.

Jayne



Online Sarah_P

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Re: On life's bumpy road
« Reply #107 on: Yesterday at 05:27:14 pm »
I’m sorry the job hunting is hitting obstacles along the way. You do, however have a really good attitude and backup plans. I’m sure you will end up where you need to be. Good luck with the continued job seeking and the coming out process with your current job.

Jayne

Thanks Jayne! Yes, I'm trying to keep my spirits up. If I let myself get down I'll just fall into my old habits of feeling sorry for myself & getting nothing done. I've got too much to do, so I can't let that happen!!  :D
--Sarah P



There's a world out there, just waiting
If you only let go what's inside
Live every moment, give it your all, enjoy the ride
- Stan Bush, The Journey

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