Author Topic: The Stephanie Chronicles  (Read 32768 times)

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Online Steph2.0

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Re: The Stephanie Chronicles
« Reply #1460 on: April 22, 2018, 09:07:51 pm »
Hey! I know those women! I even know that place. Looking good, girls, all of you.

  Really ((St)(eph)(an)i)e? You, who posted half of the derailing posts, are going to call the rest of us "hooligans"? Really?
Pot...

  Have you been told today? (ask Jayne, Liz, or Cindy) Hmmmmmph!!!

Hugs,
  Laurie

Oh, don’t misunderstand me, Ms. Kettle. I don’t mind... at... all. I am quite proud to count myself as one of the hooligans. It was just a little hot here in Florida today, and I was trying not to get too steamy. Whew!


 - Stephanie


Assigned male at birth 1958 * Began envying sister 1963 * Knew unquestioningly that I was female 1968 * Acted the male part for 50 years * Meltdown and first therapist session May 2017 * Began HRT 6/21/17 * Out to the world 10/13/17 * Name Change 12/11/2017 * GCS Consultation at Mt. Sinai 3/16/2018

Online Laurie

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Re: The Stephanie Chronicles
« Reply #1461 on: April 22, 2018, 09:15:33 pm »
Hey! I know those women! I even know that place. Looking good, girls, all of you.

  Really ((St)(eph)(an)i)e? You, who posted half of the derailing posts, are going to call the rest of us "hooligans"? Really?
Pot...

  Have you been told today? (ask Jayne, Liz, or Cindy) Hmmmmmph!!!

Hugs,
  Laurie

 
Oh, don’t misunderstand me, Ms. Kettle. I don’t mind... at... all. I am quite proud to count myself as one of the hooligans. It was just a little hot here in Florida today, and I was trying not to get too steamy. Whew!


 - Stephanie

   Oh okay I guess. I was all those "don't stops" that you kept posting that kept me from putting on my moderator's bonnet earlier and suggesting we let you have your thread back. What I'm trying to say young lady is that it's all your fault. Besides I just got home last night and I'm not ready to go back to work yet.

Hugs,
  Laurie
Hi, I'm Laurie
“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,

Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol




Offline Michelle_P

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Re: The Stephanie Chronicles
« Reply #1462 on: April 22, 2018, 09:41:47 pm »
Hmmmm?

Did someone say.... Steamy???

Well...  <TOS Violation - contents redacted>



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Online Steph2.0

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Re: The Stephanie Chronicles
« Reply #1463 on: Yesterday at 07:00:40 am »
What I'm trying to say young lady is that it's all your fault.

While some of what was posted did hit me like an earthquake, it is not my fault.


 - Stephanie


Assigned male at birth 1958 * Began envying sister 1963 * Knew unquestioningly that I was female 1968 * Acted the male part for 50 years * Meltdown and first therapist session May 2017 * Began HRT 6/21/17 * Out to the world 10/13/17 * Name Change 12/11/2017 * GCS Consultation at Mt. Sinai 3/16/2018

Online Steph2.0

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Re: The Stephanie Chronicles
« Reply #1464 on: Yesterday at 08:44:09 am »
Be Yourself. The World Worships the Original
- Ingrid Bergman

I do not ever remember a time in my former tiresome existence when I felt like anything other than a poor copy of someone else. I clearly recall the thought, while in high school, that I had no personality of my own. I was simply an amalgam of everyone I'd met, adopting what I admired from those around me, incorporating those traits into the veneer painted over the me that I could not allow anyone to glimpse. My mannerisms, the types of jokes I'd tell, my style of writing, my hobbies, my style of dress, my entire being was a conglomerate, pieces chipped from and clandestinely spirited away from others. The only things that remained uniquely mine were my fears.

The illusion was not seamless. Despite my best efforts to hide my terrible secret and to be liked, I spent a large part of my earlier life in fear of even my friends. The veneer was indeed micron thin back then. While it seems that no one realized the full extent of my true self, there was no blocking the occasional shadows projected from within onto the screen of my personality. There were always people - even those I called "friend," for lack of a better word - who were ready to pounce any time such vulnerabilities were evident. "Sissy." "Crybaby." "Man up." Family members asked - with the best intentions, and taken with no offense - "Are you gay?" Despite my best efforts, the shell was leak-resistant, but certainly not leak-proof.

It wasn't until my late 30s or 40s that I started to "perfect" my role. I realized that if I was very careful, I could allow very precisely selected portions of my true self into the world while keeping the rest safely locked down and sandboxed. A slice of creativity to replace the too-quiet, plodding robot. A dollop of self-deprecating humor to replace the belligerent defensiveness. People professed to like me. They seemed to enjoy my jokes, especially when I put myself down. I got by. But still, I was seldom invited when others were doing fun things - unless they detected an opportunity for amusement and entertainment. "Let's see how drunk we can get him."

Pretty dark, right? Well...

Almost a year ago the veneer finally suffocated me. I couldn't breathe - almost literally. I spent a night burning in my misery - and the veneer charred and fell off. I felt the light on my face for the first time. My joyful tears washed away the last of the char. The scratchy conglomerate, the sticky amalgam of others, dried up and was wafted away on the cool breeze of self-realization.

It is glorious. It is terrifying. It is freedom.

People around me report seeing a happy person who smiles all the time. There are invitations to join in gatherings from which I would have been excluded before. And bits of me are being borrowed to help others complete their own personalities.

Actualization; Authenticity; Truth: they have unexpected benefits. The world consists of a new conglomerate, a new amalgam. It now shows respect. It now offers gentleness, kindness, and empathy. And it now allows love, both received and given.

These are the benefits of being yourself. Life is too damned short. Don't wait any longer. The world is waiting to love the real you.

Stephanie


Assigned male at birth 1958 * Began envying sister 1963 * Knew unquestioningly that I was female 1968 * Acted the male part for 50 years * Meltdown and first therapist session May 2017 * Began HRT 6/21/17 * Out to the world 10/13/17 * Name Change 12/11/2017 * GCS Consultation at Mt. Sinai 3/16/2018

Offline SassyCassie

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Re: The Stephanie Chronicles
« Reply #1465 on: Yesterday at 12:29:13 pm »
Wow! Simply wow.

So much of this resembles a lot of my own self-analysis over the years. It got mostly filed away as what other people normally did but they were better at it than me.

You're absolutely right. Life is too damned short, though I can't help but feel for the people who still aren't living theirs.

As part of the greetings co-workers give each other in the morning, the question is often asked, "How are you?"
I so much wanted to respond to this with, "I'm finally living the best part of my life right now!"
Accepted the truth about myself: June 2016
Started HRT: November 2016
Went full-time: July 3, 2017 (My Independence Day)
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Online Steph2.0

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Re: The Stephanie Chronicles
« Reply #1466 on: Yesterday at 12:56:30 pm »
As part of the greetings co-workers give each other in the morning, the question is often asked, "How are you?"
I so much wanted to respond to this with, "I'm finally living the best part of my life right now!"

You should. It’s true, after all.

I used to reply to the question, “How are you doing?” with a mock belligerent, “How am I doing what?!”  Now I answer, “The best ever.”


Assigned male at birth 1958 * Began envying sister 1963 * Knew unquestioningly that I was female 1968 * Acted the male part for 50 years * Meltdown and first therapist session May 2017 * Began HRT 6/21/17 * Out to the world 10/13/17 * Name Change 12/11/2017 * GCS Consultation at Mt. Sinai 3/16/2018

Online Jayne01

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Re: The Stephanie Chronicles
« Reply #1467 on: Yesterday at 03:50:21 pm »
Be Yourself. The World Worships the Original
- Ingrid Bergman

I do not ever remember a time in my former tiresome existence when I felt like anything other than a poor copy of someone else. I clearly recall the thought, while in high school, that I had no personality of my own. I was simply an amalgam of everyone I'd met, adopting what I admired from those around me, incorporating those traits into the veneer painted over the me that I could not allow anyone to glimpse. My mannerisms, the types of jokes I'd tell, my style of writing, my hobbies, my style of dress, my entire being was a conglomerate, pieces chipped from and clandestinely spirited away from others. The only things that remained uniquely mine were my fears.

The illusion was not seamless. Despite my best efforts to hide my terrible secret and to be liked, I spent a large part of my earlier life in fear of even my friends. The veneer was indeed micron thin back then. While it seems that no one realized the full extent of my true self, there was no blocking the occasional shadows projected from within onto the screen of my personality. There were always people - even those I called "friend," for lack of a better word - who were ready to pounce any time such vulnerabilities were evident. "Sissy." "Crybaby." "Man up." Family members asked - with the best intentions, and taken with no offense - "Are you gay?" Despite my best efforts, the shell was leak-resistant, but certainly not leak-proof.

It wasn't until my late 30s or 40s that I started to "perfect" my role. I realized that if I was very careful, I could allow very precisely selected portions of my true self into the world while keeping the rest safely locked down and sandboxed. A slice of creativity to replace the too-quiet, plodding robot. A dollop of self-deprecating humor to replace the belligerent defensiveness. People professed to like me. They seemed to enjoy my jokes, especially when I put myself down. I got by. But still, I was seldom invited when others were doing fun things - unless they detected an opportunity for amusement and entertainment. "Let's see how drunk we can get him."

Pretty dark, right? Well...

Almost a year ago the veneer finally suffocated me. I couldn't breathe - almost literally. I spent a night burning in my misery - and the veneer charred and fell off. I felt the light on my face for the first time. My joyful tears washed away the last of the char. The scratchy conglomerate, the sticky amalgam of others, dried up and was wafted away on the cool breeze of self-realization.

It is glorious. It is terrifying. It is freedom.

People around me report seeing a happy person who smiles all the time. There are invitations to join in gatherings from which I would have been excluded before. And bits of me are being borrowed to help others complete their own personalities.

Actualization; Authenticity; Truth: they have unexpected benefits. The world consists of a new conglomerate, a new amalgam. It now shows respect. It now offers gentleness, kindness, and empathy. And it now allows love, both received and given.

These are the benefits of being yourself. Life is too damned short. Don't wait any longer. The world is waiting to love the real you.

Stephanie
Steph, what a lovely story. You have described my own childhood with words I could never find. Thank you for that. I am so happy that you have found yourself and are free to show the real you to the world.

Jayne



Online Steph2.0

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Re: The Stephanie Chronicles
« Reply #1468 on: Yesterday at 04:55:42 pm »
Steph, what a lovely story. You have described my own childhood with words I could never find. Thank you for that. I am so happy that you have found yourself and are free to show the real you to the world.

You'd best put on your shades, Jayne. The future is bright for you, too!


Assigned male at birth 1958 * Began envying sister 1963 * Knew unquestioningly that I was female 1968 * Acted the male part for 50 years * Meltdown and first therapist session May 2017 * Began HRT 6/21/17 * Out to the world 10/13/17 * Name Change 12/11/2017 * GCS Consultation at Mt. Sinai 3/16/2018

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