Author Topic: Dilation before intercourse?  (Read 721 times)

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Offline Aibhilín

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Dilation before intercourse?
« on: September 21, 2017, 05:35:51 pm »

Just wondering how the you other MTF women have intercourse with men? Do you dilate first or can you just go straight for it? Wondering because I seem to be extraordinarily tight at the start of dilation and I don't feel like i'd be able to have spontaneous or 'smooth' intercourse without dilating or something prior to the event, as it were.

Any thoughts/opinions and/or experience would be greatly appreciated.

Offline ClaudiaPitCar

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Re: Dilation before intercourse?
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2017, 12:33:42 pm »
I dont get why nobody's answering, it's an interesting question I often wonder about now that im every close to try vaginal sex with my boyfriend (as soon as I feel more comfortable with n°4 dilator)! I suppose and hope that as time and healing passes by you'll become more spontaneuos about sex but I want to hear real experience

Offline meganjames2

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Re: Dilation before intercourse?
« Reply #2 on: October 12, 2017, 01:10:10 pm »
I'm pre-surgery, but I imagine this is a very individual thing.
Getting yourself mentally relaxed and the muscles relaxed is key. That might involve a decent amount of foreplay/toys,  or yes you could dilate beforehand if that makes things better. Sorry if this isn't much use!

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Offline Roll

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Re: Dilation before intercourse?
« Reply #3 on: October 12, 2017, 03:32:54 pm »
I dont get why nobody's answering, it's an interesting question

It seems pretty easy for topics to get a bit lost in many of the sub forums.
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Online Dena

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Re: Dilation before intercourse?
« Reply #4 on: October 12, 2017, 05:11:28 pm »
I haven't had sex yet. I would think if I where with somebody impatient, I might plan a dilation first however if they are willing to take a minute or two with the initial insertion, there would be plenty of room.
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Offline Aibhilín

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Re: Dilation before intercourse?
« Reply #5 on: October 12, 2017, 05:52:02 pm »
I dont get why nobody's answering, it's an interesting question I often wonder about now that im every close to try vaginal sex with my boyfriend (as soon as I feel more comfortable with n°4 dilator)! I suppose and hope that as time and healing passes by you'll become more spontaneuos about sex but I want to hear real experience

Yeah, I thought i'd get plenty of responses as intercourse i'd imagine is on a lot of post-ops or soon-to-be post-ops minds.

I'm pre-surgery, but I imagine this is a very individual thing.
Getting yourself mentally relaxed and the muscles relaxed is key. That might involve a decent amount of foreplay/toys,  or yes you could dilate beforehand if that makes things better. Sorry if this isn't much use!

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Any reply is better than no reply. Thanks. :)


I haven't had sex yet. I would think if I where with somebody impatient, I might plan a dilation first however if they are willing to take a minute or two with the initial insertion, there would be plenty of room.

Sounds like I need to get a bigger dilator then, because if a dude came at me (pardon the pun) with a dick, slowly or not I doubt he'd be able to enter whatsoever.

Offline Roll

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Re: Dilation before intercourse?
« Reply #6 on: October 12, 2017, 06:06:34 pm »

Sounds like I need to get a bigger dilator then

I think we all remember that quote from Jaws.
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Offline Charlie Nicki

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Re: Dilation before intercourse?
« Reply #7 on: October 12, 2017, 10:49:37 pm »
Why don't you tell him to do with his dick what you would do with the dilator? Sex might take longer but it will be more fun :P

Offline Aibhilín

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Re: Dilation before intercourse?
« Reply #8 on: October 13, 2017, 12:23:41 am »
Why don't you tell him to do with his dick what you would do with the dilator? Sex might take longer but it will be more fun :P

Ask him to shrink in girth by an inch or so, and gain a tapered tip? xD

I have to start small. :)

Offline Charlie Nicki

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Re: Dilation before intercourse?
« Reply #9 on: October 13, 2017, 04:02:42 am »
Ask him to shrink in girth by an inch or so, and gain a tapered tip? xD

I have to start small. :)

Ah ok lol! Maybe he can be the one inserting the dildo


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Offline Rachel

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Re: Dilation before intercourse?
« Reply #10 on: October 15, 2017, 11:05:38 am »
I have not had sex yet so I cannot help with the question. It is a great question though and I am interested in the answer.
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Offline JenJen

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Re: Dilation before intercourse?
« Reply #11 on: October 17, 2017, 11:06:19 am »
I have limited experience but the few times I've tried post op I did require dilation leading up to intercourse, even then it was tight and painful for me. I realize now I need to relax more, so maybe with the right partner it will be better. My partner was very patient, but I think I needed an emotional connection that wasn't there. I still have much to learn about what works for me going forward.

Offline SadieBlake

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Re: Dilation before intercourse?
« Reply #12 on: October 17, 2017, 12:30:59 pm »
I've posted a similar question but aimed at longer term -- can we ever get past the need for a tapered dilator as necessary foreplay?

I've had silicone-IV sex a few time now, the first time was at 5 months post op and while it's definitely getting better (I can now accommodate what I think of as a nice medium size toy) still I absolutely need to warm up with a tapered dilator. I'm making that part of foreplay for now but I'd really rather get to a place where it's optional.

I / we may get to a male-attached penis in the next couple of months and I absolutely expect to get with a male of some sort at a sex party in January.

My experience on the pushing side of PIV and PIA intercourse and with toys suggests to me that an intuitive lover can really use the combination of softness and stiffness of a penis to make penetration go easier than it usually does with silicone. At the very least it's very sensitive anatomy and the user can feel their way past tightness or resistance better than is possible with a toy (I've used strapons for thrusting a lot when I was still male equipped when dysphoria dictated). Also an erection can be made somewhat stiffer or less rigid at will by flexing so again, a caring lover can nearly always do a better job with a penis.

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