Author Topic: Grrr, why is this so complicated?  (Read 29235 times)

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Offline Jenntrans

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #260 on: April 03, 2018, 02:33:58 pm »
Thank you.  I finally feel pretty good about how I look most of the time.

You should because that pick in the dress was bad ass. Hell I like your avatar pick because I like bangs myself. No need to eat your own hair. ;) I tried growing mine out once and it sucked. Plus never underestimate the femininity of bangs or a fringe.

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #261 on: April 03, 2018, 05:38:45 pm »
Thank you.  I finally feel pretty good about how I look most of the time.

@ amberwaves:  Well, there is no question in my mind why you would not feel pretty good ... and pretty... about how you appear to others.   
Your hair does it for me !!!!   Perhaps I will become a redhead one of these days.

You should please post with how your transitioning is progressing... you look terrific for sure.

Hugs,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #262 on: April 03, 2018, 06:32:50 pm »
@ amberwaves:  Well, there is no question in my mind why you would not feel pretty good ... and pretty... about how you appear to others.   
Your hair does it for me !!!!   Perhaps I will become a redhead one of these days.

You should be please with how your transitioning is progressing... you look terrific for sure.

Hugs,
Danielle
Well the whole liking what I look like thing is still pretty new to me after thirty-odd years of hating my appearance.

With your complexion I think you would do better with some red highlights rather than full red if you were so inclined.  I got lucky to be able to pull off such bold shades. I wish this were my natural color, but alas we can't have everything.

Offline Sonja

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #263 on: April 03, 2018, 07:38:45 pm »


Amber - you look beautiful in this dress!!

Sonja.

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #264 on: April 04, 2018, 10:15:53 am »
Amber - you look beautiful in this dress!!

Sonja.
Aww thank you.  You can't see it but I had white stockings on with it and it just makes it look adorable.

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #265 on: April 07, 2018, 11:43:18 am »
Quick update.  It's been a decent past few days.  Had some down spells, but nothing too terrible.  Over been exhausted the last few days, not really sure why though. Hopefully that passed soon.  I seen to have gained back about 5 pounds which is not a good thing.  I still have about 20 to lose by the August so I'll have to actually get off my butt and exercise.  Mostly the gain is due to really pre eating habits lately.  I find I've been binging a bit lately due to stress.  It's not the end of the world, but I need to be better about things.

Offline Roll

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #266 on: April 07, 2018, 02:16:38 pm »
Quick update.  It's been a decent past few days.  Had some down spells, but nothing too terrible.  Over been exhausted the last few days, not really sure why though. Hopefully that passed soon.  I seen to have gained back about 5 pounds which is not a good thing.  I still have about 20 to lose by the August so I'll have to actually get off my butt and exercise.  Mostly the gain is due to really pre eating habits lately.  I find I've been binging a bit lately due to stress.  It's not the end of the world, but I need to be better about things.

I'm starting to feel like weight loss is harder than transitioning. ;X I have been just completely plateaued for a while now, I dropped down once weighing but I've decided that was water weight after starting HRT and peeing so much. I don't think I've lost a pound on balance in months, might have to shift to trying something new like Keto but I realllllllllllly don't want to. ;D
~ Ellie
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(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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6/08/18 - 2,250 Hair Grafts
6/23/18 - FIRST PRIDE!
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Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #267 on: April 07, 2018, 02:54:54 pm »
I'm starting to feel like weight loss is harder than transitioning. ;X I have been just completely plateaued for a while now, I dropped down once weighing but I've decided that was water weight after starting HRT and peeing so much. I don't think I've lost a pound on balance in months, might have to shift to trying something new like Keto but I realllllllllllly don't want to. ;D
Honestly, it IS harder.  I was on a roll for a few months there shedding about 45 pounds over a few months.  I've always been heavier than I should be.  Luckily I carry the weight really well, but the Dr isn't going to care about that fact if I want surgery.  I'll get there, just have to knuckle down.  You'll get there too girl.  I believe in you

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #268 on: April 10, 2018, 03:05:59 pm »
Quick update.  It's been a decent past few days.  Had some down spells, but nothing too terrible.  Over been exhausted the last few days, not really sure why though. Hopefully that passed soon.  I seen to have gained back about 5 pounds which is not a good thing.  I still have about 20 to lose by the August so I'll have to actually get off my butt and exercise.  Mostly the gain is due to really pre eating habits lately.  I find I've been binging a bit lately due to stress.  It's not the end of the world, but I need to be better about things.

@ Amber: 
You have been somewhat more silent on here than usual...
I have been waiting most impatiently for your latest updates and I miss following your most recent happenings in your life about everything going on in your transition progress and with other matters that you have mentioned from time to time in various postings.
Curious minds want to know.   Oh, and pictures are ALWAYS welcomed.

Hugs,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #269 on: April 10, 2018, 03:14:00 pm »
@ Amber: 
You have been somewhat more silent on here than usual...
I have been waiting most impatiently for your latest updates and I miss following your most recent happenings in your life about everything going on in your transition progress and with other matters that you have mentioned from time to time in various postings.
Curious minds want to know.   Oh, and pictures are ALWAYS welcomed.

Hugs,
Danielle
No picture but update soon.  Have a lot to sort out in my brain first.  Also, not sure what I wish to share vs not. Thanks for checking in

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #270 on: April 11, 2018, 05:00:33 pm »
Full update coming later for now here's a selfie.  I know I've down this outfit before, but it's really cute and I actually have cleavage

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #271 on: April 11, 2018, 05:38:59 pm »
Full update coming later for now here's a selfie.  I know I've down this outfit before, but it's really cute and I actually have cleavage


@ Amber:
  Not only a very cute outfit but you look very pretty in it!   Your hair and details like your necklace and makeup... and a very nice and inviting smile....   VERY VERY NICE and you are a pretty young woman for sure.
Thank you for treating all of us to your selfie.... and I, for one, will be waiting quite impatiently for you full update.
Hugs, and more Hugs,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #272 on: April 11, 2018, 05:41:09 pm »

@ Amber:
  Not only a very cute outfit but you look very pretty in it!   Your hair and details like your necklace and makeup... and a very nice and inviting smile....   VERY VERY NICE and you are a pretty young woman for sure.
Thank you for treating all of us to your selfie.... and I, for one, will be waiting quite impatiently for you full update.
Hugs, and more Hugs,
Danielle
I think this may be the first time any of you have seen my teeth lol

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #273 on: April 11, 2018, 05:49:48 pm »
I think this may be the first time any of you have seen my teeth lol

.... and very nice teeth they are....     if one is comfortable with thier teeth showing them in a big and beautiful smile is very alluring and contributes to one's self-assurance and self-confidence.

Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #274 on: April 11, 2018, 06:00:13 pm »
.... and very nice teeth they are....     if one is comfortable with thier teeth showing them in a big and beautiful smile is very alluring and contributes to one's self-assurance and self-confidence.

Danielle
Well I do smile that way in real life but just never seem to catch it in a photo because it always looked forced. Even the big smiles are a relatively new thing over the past two years.

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #275 on: April 12, 2018, 09:43:05 am »
Okay so I guess it's time to sit down and actually write this update.  It's been a really interesting last few days.  Amazingly the last week at work has been really good and almost completely stress free.  I'm not entirely sure how or why, but I can't complain.

The thought that I will be having GCS is starting to become more real to me.  Before, my consult was so darn far away that I it was more of an "oh yeah, that will happen eventually" thing.  Now, it suddenly doesn't seem that far a way and it's become more of an "oh <poo>, that's totally going to happen" sort of thing.  I did the math and realized that I have 16 weeks until my consult.  This all comes about because I realized next week is my first session having the hair on my nads zapped.  I am not particularly looking forward to this.  I will be fine and, god knows, I've put myself into plenty of uncomfortable situations before, but that doesn't mean I have to like it  :D.  At least this session I'll be able to talk with my technician without having to mumble and keep my lips still.  Surprisingly, the sheer act of having to shave the region 5 days before is very annoying to me.  I did that once in the past and it's so darn tooting hard to do, plus i have incredibly sensitive skin so i expect tons of irritation.

Unfortunately, I still have 25 lbs to lose.  While, I do not have to be under the BMI requirement in order to have my consult it will delay scheduling of the surgery.  Therefore, I fully intend to be at or under that weight.  I have been incredibly poor with my eating habits and procrastinating on exercising for the last 2 or 3 months.  I haven't really put much back on (~5 pounds), but it was time that i could have used more productively.  Like most other things in life I procrastinate and then put forth herculean effort to make it happen.

I do have a plan that will be fairly uncomfortable and likely not the rational way to deal with things, but it will work.  As of Monday I am now on a ketogenic diet.  I have done keto before and it is effective, but I don't particularly care for it because it requires so much food prep to do in a healthy way and I am <poor> with planning and preparation.  I do miss some of the food options, but it's not that bad and I enjoy 90% of the things I can eat.  The last time I went keto was back in 2014.  I managed to lose 30 pounds with a combination of diet and exercise over the course of 4 months.  So I know what I am getting into.  That being said the first few days have some new curve balls.  I did not get the "keto flu" before and I doubt I will this time either.  At the begining the body sheds tons of water as it depletes glycogen stores.  This is why people who do keto typically lose lots of weight in the first week or two.  Since Monday I am down 6 pounds (all water weight).  Unfortunately, I am also on a diuretic (Spiro) this time around.  Knowing this I have been ensuring to maintain proper hydration.  This has meant that I have been waking up to pee 4ish times per night.  That is amazingly annoying and I have some newfound respect for my wife when she was pregnant  ;D

The other aspect of this involves exercise.  I will be doing P90x again.  I've done the program before.  This time however my goals are much more on weight loss and toning so the resistance will be lower than I historically opted for.  In addition to p90x I'll be doubling up on the cardio and adding a good bit of stretching and some pilates (still working on figuring out what will be done each day).  It sounds intense, and I suppose it is, but it's also not unual for me to go all in in and make results happen.  I don't intend to stop once I acheive my BMI requirement.  I would love to drop an additional 30 beyond that and get down to my weight when I left boot camp.  In the photo I have from that I almost looked emaciated because my face was so skinny, but this time with hormones I don't think that will be quite as drastic.  I absolutely hate that photo, but I will dig it up sometime and post it.

In the meantime here is an old picture of me from before.  Please excuse my complexion in the photo, I was so absolutely massively sunburned from the day before.


Now on Tuesday I was in a really weird and overly emotional mood.  I finally pinned down why around lunchtime.  On Sunday I bought a <poo> tons of groceries after work.  I ended up having an encounter with a girl that I used to be friends with.  Some of you long time followers may remember this girl.  I went back through this thread and was shocked to find it took going back to reply #20 ( late October) to find where that situation was brought up.  We had the chance to talk for longer than a minute or two.  For the first time in months since things fell apart It was pleasant and nice and we got to catch up a little bit.  My brain had been using all of it's spare cycles dwelling on this and how much I've missed her.  I legitimately thought about her almost every single day.  I finally broke down and sent her a message asking if we could be friends again and that I've really missed her.  To my amazement she responded that she has missed our friendship as well and would be willing to give it another shot.  I got to spend the rest of the day feeling terrible because as if everything bad had already happened and our friendship broke again.  It took me until yesterday morning to get out of that rut.  I had therapy yesterday and it was fun to bring that subject up.  I can't say my therapist is not concerned, but is definitely looking to use this opportunity for me to implement a lot of the skills and growth that I have undergone over the past few months.  I don't know if it will be a good thing or a bad thing to reengage our friendship, but a thing it is and we shall see how things play out.

So now eveyone can be up to date on whats been going on in my life lately.  Now I'm going to go back to camping Danielle's thread because her love life is way, way more interesting than mine.

Offline Roll

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #276 on: April 12, 2018, 10:07:55 am »
Glad to hear an update! :) With your friend just remember: Your happiness and sanity come first.

I might be joining you on that grudging keto diet soon, my current plateau is really annoying me.
~ Ellie
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
I ALWAYS WELCOME PMs!
(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/21/18 - FIRST DAY OUT AS ME!!!!!!!!!
6/08/18 - 2,250 Hair Grafts
6/23/18 - FIRST PRIDE!
8/06/18 - 100%, completely out!
9/08/18 - I'M IN LOVE!!!!
2/27/19 - Name Change!


Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #277 on: April 12, 2018, 10:12:24 am »
Glad to hear an update! :) With your friend just remember: Your happiness and sanity come first.

I might be joining you on that grudging keto diet soon, my current plateau is really annoying me.
Yeah my therapist and I had a long talk about it.  I may be a glutton for punishment, but I really miss her and talking with her the other day just felt right.  Staying away had been painful, so might as well see if the third time's a charm and we can make it work out.  I told my wife and she just said that if it ends badly again and I get that urge she will gladly smack my patties for me.

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #278 on: April 12, 2018, 10:46:25 am »
@ Amber:  Thank you for posting your much awaited update....  you covered a lot of ground with what has been going on in your life....  it was not only an interesting update for all of us to read but it was also good therapy for you to put all those feelings down on paper.... oh, I mean on the Forum. 
I have mentioned before that I like to write things out so I can sort them out in my life...  for my personal use, I like the pen and paper journal that I keep.... kind of an extension of the Diary concept.   At times, good or bad times, it is nice to be able to sit down and read some of the entrees and see where I have been and consider where I am going with my life.

Oh, your "before" photo that you posted....  it is absolutely unbelievable it was you as a male.... you look so very feminine and pretty as a woman now...  especially when you smile.

Regarding your "old" friend that you were upset about... I am glad that you talked to your therapist about it and got out of the emotional rut that you were in....   it is better to put bad things behind us and to have good things begin to happen in our life and set positive goals.   

OH, and your new diet and weight loss..... wishing you well with that, it takes willpower and determination to achieve things like that....

Again, Amber, thank you for your update.
Hugs,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #279 on: April 14, 2018, 11:36:51 am »
Well the diet isn't really hard to stick to.  Laziness is my friend on this one.  Everything requires preparation so I can't just snack mindlessly.  As expected there has been no"keto flu" though my energy levels are down a bit until my body adjusts.

The weather is absolutely gorgeous here and I wish I had the time to take a walk.  Unfortunately I have so much to get done for tomorrow.  I need to invest in some sunblock particularly for my face.  If you think my complexion is reddish now, well you haven't seen nothing.

So I have had a couple encounters with my friend and things seem pretty copacetic so far.  I'm waiting to get the opportunity to talk for more than 5 minutes with her.  Honestly, it's nice to not feel like I have to guard my feelings around her and to see her smile a genuine smile to see me rather than that forced fake one I've seen the last few months.  I don't know how this story will play it, but so far, so good.

As for my before picture it is rather staggering to see who I used to be.  I was so unhappy all the time.  From the age of 5 ish I don't think I have seen a single photo where a smile reached my eyes.  Do you understand now why I say I'm in disguise in my own life and people who knew me just walk past and don't recognize me.

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