Author Topic: Grrr, why is this so complicated?  (Read 28168 times)

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Offline Roll

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #340 on: May 25, 2018, 08:14:33 am »
Even the with the few chats we had directly, I feel like I've missed an eternity catching up on your thread, I have no idea how I fell so far behind. I have been really self absorbed the past week apparently.  :-X

It makes perfect sense to me why you attracting all the young bi girls! ;D

I'm mad I missed the boat on the outpouring of support though! You know I <3 ya! :)

~ Ellie
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I ALWAYS WELCOME PMs!
(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/21/18 - FIRST DAY OUT AS ME!!!!!!!!!
6/08/18 - 2,250 Hair Grafts
6/23/18 - FIRST PRIDE!
8/06/18 - 100%, completely out!
9/08/18 - I'M IN LOVE!!!!
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Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #341 on: May 25, 2018, 09:37:45 am »
snipped:
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I want to say a big heartfelt thank you to all my lurkers who popped in to remind me that my experiences matter.  For quite a while I just felt like my stories and trails are just unimportant to others since they usually aren't transition related directly. I truly appreciate that so many of you bother to keep up with my doings.  I just wish the rest of my life could be as successful as my transition has been.  Honestly I've put forth so little effort towards becoming me, it all really seems like luck, that it is frustrating that things like career and stability and the like are so elusive for me. Life seems to keep promising me some measure of success in these areas only to instead give me a swift kick to the groin when my guard is down.  I'm not going to lie about it.  That aspect of my life just cuts me to the core.

Dear Amber:   Thank you for your detailed updates about your life journey.  Oh yeah, there is a lot more going on with all of us besides all of our emotional roller coasters with HRT and transitioning... and living as a female.   
Your job situation is certainly something that would be nice to be something that is satisfying and enjoyable for you... keep working on that.

Ewe... and I understand about the private area hair removal....... ouchie

So, anyway, Amber.... try to keep your emotions and your feelings aimed at end goals and not let these temporary life challenges detour you.   Stay mentally focused on the more happy goals that you have already achieved are going to achieve in the future.

Thank you from ME and your readers, and your faithful followers, and lurkers for keeping your thread up to date with the latest news about the goings on in your life journey.   WE WANT TO KNOW.   
What you have to say helps us with our journeys too!!!
Keep your updates comings.... and some more pictures too, but only as you feel so led.

Hugs, and more hugs,
Danielle

***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #342 on: May 26, 2018, 08:04:32 am »
Even the with the few chats we had directly, I feel like I've missed an eternity catching up on your thread, I have no idea how I fell so far behind. I have been really self absorbed the past week apparently.  :-X

It makes perfect sense to me why you attracting all the young bi girls! ;D

I'm mad I missed the boat on the outpouring of support though! You know I <3 ya! :)
Don't feel bad for missing the"outpouring of support".  You've been having a lot of life going on right now, plus I kind of figured you were still keeping up with things.

I wish I understood what it is about me that draws the young ladies.

Things are going well.  My daughter had her birthday Wednesday. She got an electric guitar with a tiny little amp.  I swear she hasn't put it down since she got it.  I can't wait until we can get her lessons and I hope she sticks with it.

Offline Cassandra B

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #343 on: May 27, 2018, 11:56:49 pm »
You think that's bad, I've been trying to get ahold of Medicaid to ask about what they do and do not cover regarding gender issues and it's just an endless cycle between two automated numbers, I can't even get to the point they don't call me back. :D Literally I call the number on my card, it has no menu options that go to a person, then says "for all other issues call 1-888-whatever" super quickly and hangs up. So I had to go back through it, being quick to grab the number. I call that number, it goes through a few other menu options that don't lead to a person and then does the same thing for the first number! I then called social security and they said they can't answer any questions about medicaid, and the only numbers they had were the ones I already tried. At this point if I could just get through to an overseas call center I'd be happy. :D

Medicaid follows the Fed AHA and covers Endocrinologist, Hormones, testsing, therapy, and SRS.
Of all the things you can be, being yourself is the most important.

Offline Roll

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #344 on: May 28, 2018, 09:13:15 am »
Medicaid follows the Fed AHA and covers Endocrinologist, Hormones, testsing, therapy, and SRS.

Wow, that's a bit of a throwback to an old complaint from last Oct, but sadly one still relevant! Not to hijack Amber's thread, but are you thinking of Medicare perhaps? Medicaid varies by state heavily. For Georgia, the only site I found to talk about it at all directly lists they have explicit exclusions on transgender care, and they still refuse to answer questions directly about it to this day. I've been able to sneak lab work past them but nothing else.
~ Ellie
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
I ALWAYS WELCOME PMs!
(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/21/18 - FIRST DAY OUT AS ME!!!!!!!!!
6/08/18 - 2,250 Hair Grafts
6/23/18 - FIRST PRIDE!
8/06/18 - 100%, completely out!
9/08/18 - I'M IN LOVE!!!!
2/27/19 - Name Change!


Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #345 on: May 28, 2018, 09:14:57 am »
Yes it is a throwback.  Medicaid does not have the same guarantees on coverage that Medicare has.

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #346 on: June 05, 2018, 07:45:59 am »
I don't have time for a full update, but wanted to post something pretty awesome.  So long time readers of my thread will remember that way back in October I went to a wedding and bought a dress and was kind of freaked out about my appearance and the fact that I may be attractive.  Well a friend's of mine was looking through my photos and saw that one and I made an off-hand mention about having not work that dress since then.  Well I decided to put it on yesterday and omg the difference 7ish months can make.  It was pretty tight before, but now it's nice and loose.  I can't believe how much muscle I've lost in my upper body (in addition to fat ).



Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #347 on: June 05, 2018, 08:56:43 am »
I don't have time for a full update, but wanted to post something pretty awesome.  So long time readers of my thread will remember that way back in October I went to a wedding and bought a dress and was kind of freaked out about my appearance and the fact that I may be attractive.  Well a friend's of mine was looking through my photos and saw that one and I made an off-hand mention about having not work that dress since then.  Well I decided to put it on yesterday and omg the difference 7ish months can make.  It was pretty tight before, but now it's nice and loose.  I can't believe how much muscle I've lost in my upper body (in addition to fat ).



Dear Amber:   Wow-whee.......  yes, the difference is amazing for sure.   HRT appears to not do things quickly but given some time as you have shown in your photos, the changes can be very dramatic, apparent and very positive. 
You are one beautiful woman
....  thank you for posting your long belated progress post. 
I had been impatiently waiting for you to update again on your thread.
Hugs and SQUEEEE !!!
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #348 on: June 05, 2018, 12:37:08 pm »


Quote from: Alaskan Danielle link=topic=228875.msg2143005#msg2143005  date=1528207003
 
You are one beautiful woman
....  thank you for posting your long belated progress post. 

Hugs and SQUEEEE !!!
Danielle


Thanks for the compliment.  Looking at that photo makes me feel like I'm looking at a weight watchers ad or something.

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #349 on: June 15, 2018, 11:08:18 am »
Okay so a long over due update.  I probably won't remember to put everything in here or have the time because so much is happening.

I just had my third session of clearing on my genitals and ouch is it swollen and sore this time.  I do enjoy getting the time to talk with my technician though and keep her apprised on the happenings in my life.  She claims it's better than a soap opera.  I'm not sure it's quite that dramatic, but yeah it is interesting.  I haven't been posting about a fairly major thing going on lately, though I have messaged a few of you about it.

I have been spending an incredible large amount of time with my friend Amber (yes we share a name so be prepared for confusion).  At first it was just fun and casual drinking, but I kept getting signals that she was attracted to me.  I didn't do anything with that information at first.  Eventually when she was drunk one night she admitted that she was incredibly attracted to me.  I had to admit that I was attracted to her as well.  This signed a conversation with my wife about the status of our marriage and what the rules on other people were.  Surprisingly, she was amenable to the idea of a very limited open marriage. 

I discussed that with Amber and neither of us have done anything to forward because quite frankly we don't believe her.  In the interim we have hung out a lot.  She came over and helped us clean our house.  She had babysat the kids for us (she is so good with them). The kids are smitten and always asking if she is coming over or if we can go to her house.

She and my wife have had multiple opportunities to hang out, just the two of them.  She really likes her and enjoys her company.  After probing a good bit I finally got my wife to admit that yes she is jealous and really wishes she could hate her, but she can't.  The only reason she agreed to anything was because she felt like I would do something behind her back anyway.  She's not entirely wrong.  I've been known for being impulsive and making really poor decisions in the past.

Nothing really had happened between the two of us yet.  We did kiss twice and I did admit this to my wife.  Just wow, I haven't been kissed like that in years.  We have slept in the same bed on a few occasions and cuddled a bit, but that's it.  My wife knows about that too.  In fact the one night the whole family slept over at her place and she flat out told me to go sleep in her bed rather than wake the baby up at some good forsaken hot when I decided to come to bed.

This is where a snag comes up.  Amber has a twin sister, who is kind of a bitch.  She walked by and saw us in the same bed (we were both clothed and just sleeping) and there a conniption.  Seriously like a huge to hour argument complete with misgendering and lots of personal attacks.  Amber was completely mortified.  Personally, I don't care what her sister thinks of me and want only really concerned about how upset Amber was over it.  Sara and I went back out after her sister went to work.  The whole family was extremely upset with her sister.  We managed to lift her spirits, though she can't understand how I want upset.

The honest truth is I do have feelings for her being just attraction.  She is an incredible sweetheart.  My wife likes her too.  Unfortunately, I don't know how anything will play out.  Right now I'm not doing anything and just keeping all these balls juggling in the air until I know how things will settle.  It's not an eventually, but a very strong probability that something will happen eventually.

It's so if because we are so close to a polyamory situation, but not quite.  This just leaves everything complicated.  It doesn't help that this girl is only 21 and incredibly attractive to boot.  That can't be helping the jealousy issue.  Fwiw I continually easier my wife that I love her and will be with her forever no matter what.  It's so amusing that when I was a single guy I had horrible luck with ladies, but now I can't seem to about this kind of situation.  I guess I am muscling in on Danielle's monopoly on the relationship drama

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #350 on: June 15, 2018, 12:27:06 pm »
Dear Amber:   Thank you for posting your latest UPDATE.   As one of your followers and frequent readers I have been curious about how things have been going for you.

My oh my.....  it is interesting hearing about your "relationship drama"  ...  please don't worry about  "muscling in on Danielle's monopoly on the relationship drama"   ...  there are plenty of interesting things on the forums for all of us to be wondering about and following.

It sounds to me that you have a lot going on in your relationships drama...  first and on top of the list is obviously staying on good terms with your wife....  then of course your scenario with Amber#2 is something that in my opinion you might want to continue to handle very carefully... then the twin sister, sleeping arrangements, etc, etc ... exciting stuff that could be volatile if not careful.  It sounds to me like there is "thin ice" under your feet that you need to try to avoid at all costs... but the good news is that so far you are doing a successful balancing act between your wife and Amber#2.    Please be careful and try to keep those hormones under control as you continue.

I am sure that I now speak for your other followers and readers >>> you have us all riveted to your thread, impatiently waiting to read your very next chapter.
Thank you for posting your report.

Hugs and well wishes to you,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #351 on: June 15, 2018, 12:52:01 pm »


It sounds to me that you have a lot going on in your relationships drama...  first and on top of the list is obviously staying on good terms with your wife....  then of course your scenario with Amber#2 is something that in my opinion you might want to continue to handle very carefully... then the twin sister, sleeping arrangements, etc, etc ... exciting stuff that could be volatile if not careful.  It sounds to me like there is "thin ice" under your feet that you need to try to avoid at all costs... but the good news is that so far you are doing a successful balancing act between your wife and Amber#2.


Yeah I can't seem to avoid complicating my life.  I seriously had no idea or intentions of things turning it as anything other than just a fun casual friendship with the girl.

I wouldn't worry to much about the twin.  Mostly she is just being jealous because I am taking up so much of her sister's time.  The two of them have a rocky relationship to begin with and are prone to fighting.  Fwiw, angry totally went to bat for me I'm that argument.  Unfortunately for her, she really cares about both my wife and I.  I have already apologized numerous times for complicating her life, but she is having none if it.  Seriously the whole family is mad at her twin for blowing up and making a scene and insulting us.  Her mom even texted me to apologize and make sure we knew we were always welcome over there.

I have been very careful to put my marriage first.  The  fact that neither of us (Amber and I) haven't done anything to forward is evidence that we both care very much about my wife and her feelings.  We are both very impulsive personalities. So it's very surprising we are in as much control as we are.

I am treading very lightly through this situation.  Ultimately, my wife and family come first.  I'm just trying to keep as many people from hurting as possible.  If everything falls apart I already know I'll suffer, but I am working on mitigating collateral damage.

I have yet to really figure it out, but I seem to have some quality about me that draws people in and makes them develop feels even if it is not in their best interests. 

Offline Allison S

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #352 on: June 15, 2018, 07:03:32 pm »
Wow that is a lot of drama. The twin sister isn't really fun drama though- just seems like an annoyance right now.
It's good to go with how you feel and sometimes it's attraction. Hmm I wish I had that. I'm very gaurded so I appreciate openness, I think it's great!

Danielle always the "hormone police" lol what's the policy on that anyway and how was it created?

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Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #353 on: June 23, 2018, 08:57:39 am »
Lots of stuff going on my life at the moment.  Not all of it pleasant.  Just popping in to let everyone know I'm still alive and kicking.  Definitely been feeling rather down and isolated lately.

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #354 on: June 23, 2018, 09:51:11 am »
Lots of stuff going on my life at the moment.  Not all of it pleasant.  Just popping in to let everyone know I'm still alive and kicking.  Definitely been feeling rather down and isolated lately.

@amberwaves
Dear Amber: 
Your "check-in" posting is very much appreciated by me, and your other followers, and your readers.   
Take all the time that you need to sort things out. 
If you need to vent, this is a good place to do it. 
All of us here are your biggest fans and supporters.
Also, as always, feel free to PM me any time.
Hugs,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #355 on: June 23, 2018, 09:56:04 am »
Sorry to hear you are feeling down.  I hope things get better for you soon.  Thanks for checking in.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2019-10-18 Phone consultation for GRS; 2020-03-11 GRS!; 2020-09-30 New birth certificate




Offline JudiBlueEyes

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #356 on: June 23, 2018, 11:51:19 am »
Yes to Danielle and Kathy's sentiments.  I hope things turn around soon for you.

Judi
Wind blew in, cloud was dispersed
Rainbows appearing, the pressures were burst
Breezes a-singing, now feeling good
The moment had passed like I knew that it should

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #357 on: June 26, 2018, 12:43:14 am »
@amberwaves
Dear Amber:   OK now, time is up.... you have been silent on your thread for way too long now..... 
Please come back and post your latest update, and perhaps another beautiful picture of you would be in order as well.

I trust that your time-out was helpful to you and that you were able to work things out.
I miss you .... and I am certain that your other followers and readers miss you too!!

Hugs and well wishes, as always,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 40

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #358 on: June 26, 2018, 08:57:57 am »
@amberwaves
Dear Amber:   OK now, time is up.... you have been silent on your thread for way too long now..... 
Please come back and post your latest update, and perhaps another beautiful picture of you would be in order as well.

I trust that your time-out was helpful to you and that you were able to work things out.
I miss you .... and I am certain that your other followers and readers miss you too!!

Hugs and well wishes, as always,
Danielle

Okay I'll write an update later today.  Apparently, some people just can't get enough of me

Offline steph2.0

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #359 on: June 26, 2018, 10:12:53 am »
Okay I'll write an update later today.  Apparently, some people just can't get enough of me

Oh Amber, you never call or write! You know how we worry!


Stephanie
Assigned male at birth 1958 * Began envying sister 1963 * Knew unquestioningly that I was female 1968 * Acted the male part for 50 years * Meltdown and first therapist session May 2017 * Began HRT 6/21/17 * Out to the world 10/13/17 * Name Change 12/7/2017 (Girl Harbor Day) * FFS With FacialTeam 12/4/2018 * Facelift and Lipo Body Sculpting at Ocean Clinic 6/13-14/2019 * GCS with Marci Bowers 9/11/2019 * Name and Gender Change on Birth Certificate 11/21/2019 * Accepted Internally That Transition is Completed 11/28/2019

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