Author Topic: Grrr, why is this so complicated?  (Read 18521 times)

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Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #360 on: June 26, 2018, 10:21:26 am »
I feel like such a bad daughter

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #361 on: June 27, 2018, 08:57:29 am »
Okay so I'm a bit late (I got busy last night), but here's the long awaited update.

There hasn't been a while lot of excitement in my life this last week or so.  Mostly just lots of time to myself and introspection.  Everyone had either been to busy, or just bad timing, or not in the mood to hang out or talk with me much.  I've discovered that now days I don't care for being by myself for long stretches.  I used to just isolate myself and spend lots of time doing my own thing.  Now I find that if I am left alone with no projects or other distractions that my brain seems to want to focus on all the perceived negatives and bring me down.  That is why I said I've been feeling isolated and lonely.

There are no real updates on the other Amber front.  She got into a very antisocial mood and basically just avoided everyone for a few days.  She said this is pretty normal for her.  Despite knowing it's normal for her it's still very hard not to overthink it and wonder if I said or did something to upset her.  I have a habit of being clingy and it tends to push people away so I struggled with that.  That being said, we hung out yesterday and everything is back to normal and she is out of her funk.

During my time to myself I confronted a few thoughts I had been avoiding for quite some time.  Basically there are some underlying problems in my marriage.  They have nothing to do with my transition.  Basically, over the past few years the spark between us died out.  We are best friends, rather than partners.  It's nothing either of us have actively done.  Just a fading of the intimacy.  I've spoken with her about it and we are working to fix things.

Money remains a problem.  I've been investigating solutions.  I've cool me up with a few ideas, but we will find out if anything pans out.  I haven't really been keeping up with Susan's lately.  To much on my mind I suppose.  I will have to catch up with how all of you fine ladies are doing.

For now I will leave you with a swimsuit selfie


Offline Roll

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #362 on: June 27, 2018, 09:37:56 am »
I demand more swimsuit selfies.  :-*   >:-)  ;D
~ Ellie
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
I ALWAYS WELCOME PMs!
(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/21/18 - FIRST DAY OUT AS ME!!!!!!!!!
6/08/18 - 2,250 Hair Grafts
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9/08/18 - I'M IN LOVE!!!!


Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #363 on: June 27, 2018, 10:57:25 am »
I demand more swimsuit selfies.  :-*   >:-)  ;D
How much you willing to pay for em?  Maybe this is a new money making method

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #364 on: June 27, 2018, 02:56:15 pm »
Just to vent. I hate my family.  Not my wife and kids but those selfish jerks I was unfortunate enough to be related to.
« Last Edit: June 27, 2018, 03:35:33 pm by Laurie »

Offline Roll

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #365 on: June 27, 2018, 04:04:44 pm »
How much you willing to pay for em?  Maybe this is a new money making method

I spent all my money at pride, I have nothing left for the swimsuit selfies now.  :icon_ashamed:
~ Ellie
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
I ALWAYS WELCOME PMs!
(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/21/18 - FIRST DAY OUT AS ME!!!!!!!!!
6/08/18 - 2,250 Hair Grafts
6/23/18 - FIRST PRIDE!
8/06/18 - 100%, completely out!
9/08/18 - I'M IN LOVE!!!!


Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #366 on: June 28, 2018, 09:14:58 am »
I'm done. I won't be posting for a good long while.  Things suck and I'm still a terrible human being.  Thank you all for your support over the last two years. I'm going back to being a hermit.

Online Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #367 on: June 28, 2018, 09:31:50 am »
I'm done. I won't be posting for a good long while.  Things suck and I'm still a terrible human being.  Thank you all for your support over the last two years. I'm going back to being a hermit.

@amberwaves:   
Dear Amber...........   WHAT???     If you leave how am I going to handle the forums without my favorite red-head to follow around...    and also what about more swimsuit photos as @Roll Elie mentioned and that all of your readers and followers are looking forward to seeing?

If you must take some time off that is very understandable that you may require some "me time"  and can be a necessary thing to do for your own peace of mind but don't be gone forever... occasionally popping in and letting us know that you are OK would be comforting for the rest of us that care for you and have been following you.   Also, if you don't want to post on the forums for all to see, you can send me a brief PM as you have done previously to let me know that you are OK.

Love ya girl, 
Hugs and as always, well wishes,
Danielle
Check out my Personal Threads that have more details about myself (click Links):
   "I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle's Chronicles"
               "Positive Mindset... put away negativity"
                            "Susans Writers and Book Readers"

Started HRT March 2015, it's been an exciting journey
>>> I've been Full Time since December 2016 :icon_chick:
I am 38 years old, Single, and Self Employed in a small town up in the COLD North.
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Online sarah1972

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #368 on: June 28, 2018, 10:20:52 am »
Nooo Amber! Please do not go back into hiding. And do not leave the forums. I know from my own experience how much support and hope this place can offer. You are not a terrible human being. You are a beautiful, strong and determined woman!

If you do not want to share in public, feel free to reach out via PM and share what is bothering you.

Stay strong!

Hugs,

Sarah

I'm done. I won't be posting for a good long while.  Things suck and I'm still a terrible human being.  Thank you all for your support over the last two years. I'm going back to being a hermit.


Offline JudiBlueEyes

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #369 on: June 28, 2018, 01:06:40 pm »
Amber look how far you've come in those two years.  Retreating will not make you feel better.  Any PM's would be welcome.
Judi

Offline Sonja

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #370 on: July 03, 2018, 06:17:23 pm »
@Amberwaves HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!   

I do hope you have a great day ( in one of your favourite dresses!! )

Thinking of you today,

Sonja X

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #371 on: July 04, 2018, 09:33:19 am »
@Amberwaves HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!   

I do hope you have a great day ( in one of your favourite dresses!! )

Thinking of you today,

Sonja X
It's too hot for dresses.  Thank you for the birthday wishes.

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #372 on: July 04, 2018, 06:59:00 pm »
Okay so it cooled off a bit and I decided to pretty up for the party.  I'm still mostly avoiding being social, but I figured I would let everyone know I'm alive and happy on my birthday. Clearly, turned 29...again


Offline JudiBlueEyes

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #373 on: July 04, 2018, 11:16:13 pm »
Amber you look great!  Happy Birthday, no matter the number! 
Judi

Online Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #374 on: July 10, 2018, 09:49:54 am »
@amberwaves
Dear Amber:     
   How is my favorite redhead doing??? 
        No updates or posts in almost a week!!! 

   I, along with your readers and followers will soon be having withdrawal pains if we don't see an update posting from you on here soon.

   Considering some of the things that you have stated in your past postings, I trust that things are going well for you with your job, friends, family, relationships, etc... and of course with your status as a trans-woman.   

        Hugs and continued well wishes,
          Danielle

Check out my Personal Threads that have more details about myself (click Links):
   "I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle's Chronicles"
               "Positive Mindset... put away negativity"
                            "Susans Writers and Book Readers"

Started HRT March 2015, it's been an exciting journey
>>> I've been Full Time since December 2016 :icon_chick:
I am 38 years old, Single, and Self Employed in a small town up in the COLD North.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #375 on: July 11, 2018, 12:04:06 pm »
The long and the short of it it's life sucks, I'm busy screwing everything up, and I don't want to talk to people.  Just an FYI Friday will be my 2 year anniversary of starting hrt.

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #376 on: July 13, 2018, 08:09:32 pm »
Well since people are curious here's an update.  Today marks 2 years on hormones.  It's been a wild and awesome ride.  I had my 4th session on my genitals today and it's going amazingly well.  I've invested in a few side projects to make some extra cash and one has at least yielded back my initial investment.  I got some new makeup on my birthday. So some things are going alright.

My wife had hernia surgery a week ago.  Therefore she has been mostly unable to take care of the kids, or the house, or much of anything.  I've been stuck dealing with all of that on top of working full time, trying to get side projects going, cooking dinner, any laundry, etc.  I'm stressed and honestly lonely because I am always doing something and I don't get to see my wife or any of my friends.  The summer weather doesn't help.  I am not built for warm weather and it makes me grouchy.  There are definitely unaddressed problems in my marriage that I just don't have time to deal with.  There are also unresolved issues in my friendship with Amber #2.  Unfortunately she has had a ton going on so none of that is getting addressed either.  I'm feeling very much like my feelings are just secondary to everyone and everything else lately and that is huge trigger for me.  So yeah life does kind of suck lately.  I'm trudging forward, but it's not very pleasant.  That's why I don't feel like talking much lately.  That and a complete lack of time.

Online Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #377 on: July 14, 2018, 12:54:26 am »
Well since people are curious here's an update.  Today marks 2 years on hormones.  It's been a wild and awesome ride.  I had my 4th session on my genitals today and it's going amazingly well.  I've invested in a few side projects to make some extra cash and one has at least yielded back my initial investment.  I got some new makeup on my birthday. So some things are going alright.

My wife had hernia surgery a week ago.  Therefore she has been mostly unable to take care of the kids, or the house, or much of anything.  I've been stuck dealing with all of that on top of working full time, trying to get side projects going, cooking dinner, any laundry, etc.  I'm stressed and honestly lonely because I am always doing something and I don't get to see my wife or any of my friends.  The summer weather doesn't help.  I am not built for warm weather and it makes me grouchy.  There are definitely unaddressed problems in my marriage that I just don't have time to deal with.  There are also unresolved issues in my friendship with Amber #2.  Unfortunately she has had a ton going on so none of that is getting addressed either.  I'm feeling very much like my feelings are just secondary to everyone and everything else lately and that is huge trigger for me.  So yeah life does kind of suck lately.  I'm trudging forward, but it's not very pleasant.  That's why I don't feel like talking much lately.  That and a complete lack of time.

@amberwaves
Dear Amber:
Certainly very good news about your 2 year HRT anniversary... Congratulations for hanging in there.  I personally know that it has taken willpower and determination... and much patience... to make it that far.  For sure it is a wild and awesome ride.

Good news about your side projects and making some extra money....  and your birthday present of new makeup.

So sorry to hear about your wife's surgery, hopefully she is on the mend now....  with her recovering from her hernia surgery you are definitely stretched dealing with work and with taking care of the home tasks.

Please continue to handle the Amber#2 situation very carefully... that could be like nitro glycerine if that issue is agitated too much.

Keep "trudging forward" and hopefully you will be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel soon enough.

Thank you for your update, I know that you probably did not want to write it... but your followers appreciate hearing about your life events as you feel free to share them.

Hugs, and hugs, and hugs again.
Danielle
Check out my Personal Threads that have more details about myself (click Links):
   "I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle's Chronicles"
               "Positive Mindset... put away negativity"
                            "Susans Writers and Book Readers"

Started HRT March 2015, it's been an exciting journey
>>> I've been Full Time since December 2016 :icon_chick:
I am 38 years old, Single, and Self Employed in a small town up in the COLD North.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #378 on: July 14, 2018, 09:13:03 am »
You are reading way to much into the Amber #2 situation.  Things are very copacetic amongst all 3 of us.  There just happen to be a few matters that need addressed that seemingly there is never a time to do.  Nothing is going to blow up.  Nobody is sleeping with anybody else.  Hell, my wife and I even went and had keys made for her and are seriously discussing having her move in once we finish remodeling one of the bedrooms.  It's more an annoyance thing than a tread lightly thing.

Online Alaskan Danielle

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #379 on: July 14, 2018, 09:29:44 am »
You are reading way to much into the Amber #2 situation.  Things are very copacetic amongst all 3 of us.  There just happen to be a few matters that need addressed that seemingly there is never a time to do.  Nothing is going to blow up.  Nobody is sleeping with anybody else.  Hell, my wife and I even went and had keys made for her and are seriously discussing having her move in once we finish remodeling one of the bedrooms.  It's more an annoyance thing than a tread lightly thing.

@amberwaves
Dear Amber:   OK, I am glad to hear that you feel that the Amber#2 thing is on the right track with you and your wife....   I stand corrected and wish all of you the best.

Thank you for your updates.  I rejoice with you regarding the good things that you report and I support you when hearing about some of the not so good things that you report.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Check out my Personal Threads that have more details about myself (click Links):
   "I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle's Chronicles"
               "Positive Mindset... put away negativity"
                            "Susans Writers and Book Readers"

Started HRT March 2015, it's been an exciting journey
>>> I've been Full Time since December 2016 :icon_chick:
I am 38 years old, Single, and Self Employed in a small town up in the COLD North.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

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