Author Topic: Grrr, why is this so complicated?  (Read 28955 times)

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Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #420 on: September 02, 2018, 05:54:05 am »


@amberwaves
Dear Amber.... 
I am quite concerned for you based on your latest postings....
You are in my thoughts often as I go through the various threads and posts here on the Forums.

I trust that you can find ways to overcome your most pressing difficulties...  please know that your are an endeared member here and the members here always want the best for you.

Please try to stay positive as you work hard to get out of your dark place.

Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle

Thank you for your concern Danielle.  I'm not going to sugar coat things.  I have been pretty down and under a ton of pressure lately just holding everything together.  I assure you it takes more than this to break me.  I hope everything turns out good, but I'll manage with whatever comes my way. 

One of my better traits is remarkable resilience.  Typically, I'll be down for a day or two then be back to normal, until the next event.  I don't typically talk about that part.  I'm not much for popping in just to say, "hey I'm okay and nothing is happening". Perhaps I should from time to time.  I realize that you are all getting a rather one-sided narrative without that.

A bit of good news is that I am done prepping the walls in that room I'm remodeling.  Just need to do the trim and then paint.

I had a very abusing evening the other night.  Amber #2's twin sister wanted to go to the sex shop since she's never been to one and wanted a new vibrator.  I agreed to go with her. It was so funny because she was like a kid in a candy store.  Then we hung out the rest of the night.  It was nice to get to know her a lot better.  It was also nice to hear some of my current complaints about Amber#2's recent behavior coming out of someone else's mouth than my wife and I.

You can always message me just to check in if you want.  I'm usually around, just busy doing stuff.

Offline Faith

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #421 on: September 02, 2018, 06:29:16 am »
...<snip>... I had a very abusing evening the other night.  Amber #2's twin sister wanted to go to the sex shop since she's never been to one and wanted a new vibrator.  I agreed to go with her. It was so funny because she was like a kid in a candy store.  Then we hung out the rest of the night.  It was nice to get to know her a lot better.  It was also nice to hear some of my current complaints about Amber#2's recent behavior coming out of someone else's mouth than my wife and I ...<snip>...

Amber, I never responded to any posts by you, I have read them all though. I think you're doing amazingly. I've been where you are, dark cloud about to lose everything. I don't have advice, just a comment .. hold your head up, take it one day at a time (not like the TV show :-\). You'll get through this.

I'm curious what abuse you took from "Ambers#2's twin sister" at a sex shop? That's OK, you can keep the details to yourself .... I suppose .... the mods would likely edit it out anyways :D

ps
I taint most of my posts with a side of humor, it's a defense mechanism I've built up to avoid seriousness.

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #422 on: September 02, 2018, 07:12:45 am »


Amber, I never responded to any posts by you, I have read them all though.

I'm curious what abuse you took from "Ambers#2's twin sister" at a sex shop? That's OK, you can keep the details to yourself .... I suppose .... the mods would likely edit it out anyways :D

Hi Faith.  Thank you for chiming in.  You misunderstood my post (or I wasn't very clear, idk).  I didn't take any abuse from the twin sister at the sex shop.  We had a really fun time.  She was busy playing with all the display models and laughing at the giant dildos and stuff. It was a lot of fun.

Later that evening while we were hanging out there was a period where we were discussing her twin, Amber#2.  During that time she brought up a number of things she has done, or behaviors that she has, that are quite annoying or frustrating.  It was quite validating to hear that it wasn't just me be annoyed by those behaviors lately.

Sorry to disappoint but I wasn't assaulted by dildos or anything like that

Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #423 on: September 02, 2018, 08:01:52 am »
@Faith, I tripped on this too, until I realized that it was probably a typo.  In context, an M made more sense than a B.

I had a very abusing evening the other night.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2019-10-18 Phone consultation for GRS; 2020-03-11 GRS!; 2020-09-30 New birth certificate




Offline Faith

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #424 on: September 02, 2018, 08:06:16 am »
Oh I knew it was a typo, but where's the fun in that?

@Faith, I tripped on this too, until I realized that it was probably a typo.  In context, an M made more sense than a B.


Hi Faith.  Thank you for chiming in.  You misunderstood my post (or I wasn't very clear, idk).  I didn't take any abuse from the twin sister at the sex shop.  We had a really fun time.  She was busy playing with all the display models and laughing at the giant dildos and stuff. It was a lot of fun.

Later that evening while we were hanging out there was a period where we were discussing her twin, Amber#2.  During that time she brought up a number of things she has done, or behaviors that she has, that are quite annoying or frustrating.  It was quite validating to hear that it wasn't just me be annoyed by those behaviors lately.

Sorry to disappoint but I wasn't assaulted by dildos or anything like that

Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #425 on: September 02, 2018, 08:44:27 am »
Oh I knew it was a typo, but where's the fun in that?
LOL  :D
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2019-10-18 Phone consultation for GRS; 2020-03-11 GRS!; 2020-09-30 New birth certificate




Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #426 on: September 02, 2018, 08:48:33 am »
LOL  :D
I could fix it, but I'm not gonna

Offline Allison S

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #427 on: September 02, 2018, 02:36:36 pm »
Lol

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #428 on: September 02, 2018, 05:56:43 pm »
I could fix it, but I'm not gonna

@amberwaves
Dear Amber
YES, indeed ,  do not fix it.    Anyway, it is not even close to a MOD issue...  it is in reality a "FUN" issue!!!

Thank you for providing a good chuckle for all that have read your comment with your "typo"... or rather I am thinking it was your spell checker that you can blame.

Bottom line, do not correct it....  with all that is going on in your life right now, a little levity is good.
Hugs, and well wishes as always,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #429 on: September 06, 2018, 02:00:57 pm »
So according to my therapist I am incredibly quick to discount positive aspects of myself.  This is going to take a while to unlearn

Offline steph2.0

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #430 on: September 06, 2018, 02:06:35 pm »
So according to my therapist I am incredibly quick to discount positive aspects of myself.  This is going to take a while to unlearn

If you figure out how, let me know. I’m expert at that myself.

Stephanie
Assigned male at birth 1958 * Began envying sister 1963 * Knew unquestioningly that I was female 1968 * Acted the male part for 50 years * Meltdown and first therapist session May 2017 * Began HRT 6/21/17 * Out to the world 10/13/17 * Name Change 12/7/2017 (Girl Harbor Day) * FFS With FacialTeam 12/4/2018 * Facelift and Lipo Body Sculpting at Ocean Clinic 6/13-14/2019 * GCS with Marci Bowers 9/11/2019 * Name and Gender Change on Birth Certificate 11/21/2019 * Accepted Internally That Transition is Completed 11/28/2019

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #431 on: September 06, 2018, 02:08:55 pm »
If you figure out how, let me know. I’m expert at that myself.

Stephanie
Lol I sure will.  I doubt there is some magic secret to it though.

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #432 on: September 10, 2018, 01:30:26 pm »
So according to my therapist I am incredibly quick to discount positive aspects of myself.  This is going to take a while to unlearn

@amberwaves
Dear Amber:
Thinking positive about ourselves when things are going well usually is not a big issue, but when things are not going well the resultant personal view that we have of ourselves can be anything but positive.   We are our own biggest critics as we have heard many times in the past.

   Thinking positively and acting positively is definitely a personal mindset that may take practice and determination.   For some personalities it is a natural thing to be Optimistic, and to think and to act in positive ways. 
   For others (sometimes as a cumulative result of life experiences) it unfortunately can be a natural thing to be Pessimistic, and to think and act in negative ways.... and to always think of ourselves in negative terms.

I know that you are aware of my  "Positive Mindset... put away negativity" thread and you are probably tired of me telling your about it....   
It probably wouldn't hurt to go though that thread from beginning to end when you have some time.... lots of good information posted by many various Forums members there that just may help you....   it certainly won't hurt.

Yes, as your therapist hinted at, it would be best if you could "unlearn" your penchant to be "incredibly quick to discount positive aspects of yourself."   It will take practice, determination and willpower but you will have a lot less stress in your life if you can conquer (or at least improve) this life lesson.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #433 on: September 13, 2018, 09:25:18 am »
Well things have gone from bad to worse here.  It is increasingly likely we will lose our house.  The panic is palpable at this point.  I have been in a bit of a funk all week.  Sadly I'm almost out of options to save the situation.  I fear this may definitively be the end of this particular chapter in my life.  Not how I would choose to end it, but it looks like my poor decisions have forfeited less painful options. For the moment I'm amazingly detached from feeling much of anything.  I'm sure I'll pay in emotional turmoil twofold at some later point.

To be honest I kind of hate our house anyway.  It's been nothing but a drain on everything. The place just breeds stagnation.  Sadly I fear that my marriage will fall with the house anyway.  Once again, not what I would choose, but I suppose I'll just have to learn to live with the consequences of things.  I truly was not cut out for the traditional family life style anyway.

I miss the days when I had good new to post and talk about.  Perhaps that will happen again soon.  For now I'm just riding the rollercoaster that is life.  Sometimes that includes some pretty sharp drops.

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #434 on: September 24, 2018, 08:22:50 am »
Time for a not <poor> update.  We are still working to retain the house, I won't know more until Friday though.  I had a very long and difficult talk with my wife about our marriage.  That was seriously one of the hardest things I've ever done.  Things have been good since and seem like they might improve.  Time will tell.  All said and done not much else to report, which is a good thing.

Offline Faith

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #435 on: September 24, 2018, 08:31:00 am »
sending positive thoughts your way Amber

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #436 on: September 24, 2018, 08:36:37 am »
Time for a not <poor> update.  We are still working to retain the house, I won't know more until Friday though.  I had a very long and difficult talk with my wife about our marriage.  That was seriously one of the hardest things I've ever done.  Things have been good since and seem like they might improve.  Time will tell.  All said and done not much else to report, which is a good thing.
@amberwaves
Dear Amber
Well, I for one will consider your last update, very good news.   It appears that you may be seeing a little light at the end of the tunnel on both fronts of keeping your home, and coming to a amicable agreement with your marriage.

Please do the best that you can to continue to make all of this work in a favorable way.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #437 on: September 24, 2018, 09:38:23 am »
Yes I consider it to be a positive to not have to much going on at the moment.

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #438 on: September 28, 2018, 12:58:13 am »
Yes I consider it to be a positive to not have to much going on at the moment.

@amberwaves
Dear Amber:
How are you doing?   You have been on my mind this week as I have pondered the issues that you are going through.
What is the latest news about saving your house?  As you reported, I guess that Friday is the day that you will know more.
.... and your marriage situation, I trust that it is still improving as you mentioned in your previous posting.

I am thinking about you and wishing you well, as always,
Hugs,
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #439 on: September 28, 2018, 05:38:29 am »
Thank you for checking in.  I won't know more until later today unfortunately.  Things at home are quiet and good.  Trying to get a trip to the Renaissance Faire set up.  We haven't made it it this year and there's only a few more weekends left to do it.  If we go I'll be sure to snap some pics.

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