Author Topic: Grrr, why is this so complicated?  (Read 28855 times)

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gingerViktorKay

Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #460 on: October 16, 2018, 04:57:10 pm »
I personally believe that a job is a job. It does not define the person. Anyone who judges you by your job is a snob. Why try to live up to someone's standard.  Shame on them.

Maybe I'm just a simple person. As long as the bills are paid and you have someone special in your life, it really doesn't get much better.

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #461 on: October 16, 2018, 05:29:33 pm »
Yeah it's fun when you can barely pay your bills and sometimes not even

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #462 on: October 17, 2018, 08:07:35 am »
Don't mind me. Just not in a good mood. I know better than to lash out in public spaces. Sorry.

Offline TonyaW

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #463 on: October 17, 2018, 08:19:17 am »
Don't mind me. Just not in a good mood. I know better than to lash out in public spaces. Sorry.
Hey don't worry about it.  Not cool to lash at out at someone of course, but sometimes you need to vent publicly.  The rah-rah positive attitude "things will get better" stuff (while true and well meant) can just be the absolute wrong thing you need to hear at the moment.

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Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #464 on: October 17, 2018, 08:26:34 am »
Don't mind me. Just not in a good mood. I know better than to lash out in public spaces. Sorry.

@amberwaves
Dear Amber:
Absolutely no worries...  I can understand your frustration with all the is going on... or perhaps what is NOT going on in your life.  You are dealing with difficult issues on several fronts and I am so sorry that you are having troubles finding ways to find positive solutions that will bring back to your happy self.

Also feel very free to "vent" your feelings and emotional turmoil here among your like-minded friends... we are here to listen and to support you with caring thoughts and supportive comments. 
Please hang in there and continue to attempt to get a grip on what is going on... it may seem like that you are juggling many balls in the air, but just focus on one thing at a time... go first for the perceived easier ones.

We are your biggest fans here on the forums....
..... your followers love ya girl!!!

Hugs and many more hugs for you...
Danielle
***special note to my favorite redhead... PM me anytime about anything <3
 
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Allison S

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #465 on: October 17, 2018, 09:09:01 am »
I don't know anything about marriage so I have nothing to add there... But you don't suck. If anything, you're just like everyone else. Yes, some may have more self confidence and can appear to seamlessly manuever through life's problems...
I feel like we're so similar. We bear our troubles in a very unique way... I don't think there's been any problem in my life that's been an "easy" fix... Never. At least not the important ones close to my heart...
It's not just your red hair that's fiery

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Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #466 on: October 17, 2018, 10:29:02 am »
Thank you everyone for being understanding.  Everything hit me really hard yesterday.  I'm not a nice person when I'm wallowing in my own misery.

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #467 on: October 17, 2018, 11:00:01 am »
Thank you everyone for being understanding.  Everything hit me really hard yesterday.  I'm not a nice person when I'm wallowing in my own misery.

@amberwaves
Dear Amber:
                 
A tight hug for you...
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #468 on: October 17, 2018, 06:49:26 pm »
So we went Halloween costume shopping today.  One of my favorite things to do.  Just trying them on so I didn't do makeup or anything. Plus I can only seem to find one of my fishnet stockings so I don't have them on for the 2nd costume.  Obviously these costumes will look better when I wear them for real.  I will be wearing the first to the Renaissance faire the weekend before Halloween and the second will be for Halloween proper.




gingerViktorKay

Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #469 on: October 18, 2018, 05:56:15 pm »
Don't mind me. Just not in a good mood. I know better than to lash out in public spaces. Sorry.

Everyone gets upset and needs to vent.

Offline Sonja

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #470 on: October 18, 2018, 10:35:21 pm »
So we went Halloween costume shopping today.  One of my favorite things to do.  Just trying them on so I didn't do makeup or anything. Plus I can only seem to find one of my fishnet stockings so I don't have them on for the 2nd costume.  Obviously these costumes will look better when I wear them for real.  I will be wearing the first to the Renaissance faire the weekend before Halloween and the second will be for Halloween proper.




OO love it! Particularly the red and black gothic vampire look  -sexy!, fishnets and a pair of black/red heels/ankle boots? Also try a devilish smile for the final selfie, not a big smile obviously, just a slight one like you do.....perfect!

Sonja.

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #471 on: October 19, 2018, 05:28:40 am »
OO love it! Particularly the red and black gothic vampire look  -sexy!, fishnets and a pair of black/red heels/ankle boots? Also try a devilish smile for the final selfie, not a big smile obviously, just a slight one like you do.....perfect!

Sonja.
Thank you Sonja. The final look will be so much sexier.  I have all that I need to go full Gothic on the look.  I plan on whiting out my face and going for some dramatic contouring and sexy eyes.  I finally found my fishnets.  I don't have any red heels but that's nothing a trip to the store won't fix.  I even got fangs and blood to go with it.  I'll be sure to snap a bunch of photos including one with that small smirk/smile that I do so well.  Needless to say, I'm excited.  I also have a corset that goes amazingly well with that dress to make my figure look even better.

Edit: a very amusing and dirty typo
« Last Edit: October 19, 2018, 10:47:04 am by amberwaves »

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #472 on: October 31, 2018, 08:34:08 am »
It's Halloween so it's time for a spooky update.  Really it's just an update, but I feel like I've been a ghost so semi-spooky

The house issues have been solved and we aren't going to lose the house.  Finances are going to be tight because of it, but at least it's solved.  I have a few ideas on possible income streams, we will see what pans out.  I applied for the supervisor position for the 2nd shift of my current job.  I should find out in the next week or two.  Not tooting my own horn, but I am the most qualified candidate that I am aware of.  Unfortunately, I have my doubts as to getting it because of favoritism.  I have never been much of a suck up and that does seem to factor into managements decisions in these areas.  I know of two candidates that if they get it, I'm out.  I'm hoping because I feel the change in hours would be beneficial and the pay raise would be substantial.

We went to the Renaissance faire on Saturday. I managed to get one picture in when it wasn't raining.  Unfortunately it was cold and rainy all day and we called it early due to the children.  It's a shame because it's usually such a good time but this outing was just nothing but stress and it was the last weekend so we won't be getting there again this year.  I had to borrow money if my father just to make this happen in the first place. I ran into to friends there that I haven't seen in about 4 years.  They are aware of my transition but hadn't seen me.  That was really nice to reconnect.




The stress of everything and just some bad interpersonal interactions set me off on a nasty depression spell.  I haven't had one that lasted for 3 days in quite a while.  I recovered eventually, but the timing was not great.  I was on a roll getting things done and fixing my life and that just dialed all the progress right back.  I have a lot yet that I need to fix.  My house has gone to quite the state of disrepair, my side projects left unattended, and just things in general aren't great.

I have unfortunately come to the conclusion that my family life is one of the major things bringing me down.  I am mostly out of options as to how to fix it.  The reality is that I was never cut it to be a "family man".  I never wanted kids in the first place and I did it for my wife.  I love my kids, but ultimately this lifestyle is anathema to me and who I am.  In reality my marriage died years ago.  It's not miserable, per se, but it's more like living with your best friend than anything else.  Over the past few months I have come to accept that deep down things won't last. I don't know when things will end, but at some point things will reach a breaking point. I have discussed my feelings at length with my wife and it seems like she knows it too, just didn't want to aknowleged it.  In the mean time I search for the is that causes the least amount of pain for all parties.

Sorry to end this on a downer, but not much else is going on worthy of mentioning.  Happy Halloween folks. Expect pictures of my in my costume all done up at a later point.

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #473 on: November 01, 2018, 03:06:07 am »
@amberwaves
My dear Amber  (my favorite redhead)
Thank you for taking the time to update your thread, 12 days is a long time between updates... your followers are a curious bunch and we want to follow!!!

I am glad to hear that your house situation is solved... difficult times ahead but you can't loose your house, your biggest investment.   Oh, and good news about how you are working on getting your finances in order...  I trust that you will get that supervisor position, obviously that means a pay raise.... plus you mentioned other income streams that you are working on....  we discussed some of that when we exchanged PMs... or is there more???

Sorry to hear that the Renaissance Faire got rained out, I know that you enjoy those activities... and you got to reconnect with old friends that had not seen you for 4 years.   What did they say when they saw the "new you" ???

Hmmm, depression is not good, I am glad to hear that your were able to come out of that....  and of course the issues with your wife and marriage are not helping in that regard.   I am wishing your well as you try to handle that the best way that you know how.

Again, thank you for your long awaited update, I was going to bug you about updated but I didn't want to be a pain in your side about it.

Hugs and hugs, and more hugs...
 
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #474 on: November 01, 2018, 04:40:47 am »
Quick update. Halloween happened and here is the costume.



Offline amberwaves

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #475 on: November 05, 2018, 12:28:09 pm »
I'm just flat out done.  I'm sick of being the bad guy in every situation.  Its pointless to try to be a nice good person when inevitably my inner jerk is going to take over and piss everyone off anyway.  I'm done talking. I'm done caring about people.  Its inevitable that Im going get hurt and hurt someone.  It's not worth it when life has already decided that you are the one who is wrong in every situation. Amber is merely a facade to make me feel better about myself.  No matter what Abraham has to show up and wreck things.

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #476 on: November 05, 2018, 12:53:35 pm »
I'm just flat out done.  I'm sick of being the bad guy in every situation.  Its pointless to try to be a nice good person when inevitably my inner jerk is going to take over and piss everyone off anyway.  I'm done talking. I'm done caring about people.  Its inevitable that Im going get hurt and hurt someone.  It's not worth it when life has already decided that you are the one who is wrong in every situation. Amber is merely a facade to make me feel better about myself.  No matter what Abraham has to show up and wreck things.

@amberwaves
Dear Amber: (my favorite redhead)
Whoa girl.... slow way down...   
What is going on that caused this sudden burst???   

If are up to it, tell me more, or perhaps we need to PM ?
Don't give up on yourself, you have many supporters and fans here.

Keep on keeping on....
Hugs and many more hugs...
Danielle
***SEE MY LINKS BELOW
The Ramblings of a Northern*Star Girl
A New Chapter: ALASKAN DANIELLE's Chronicles
I am the HUNTED PREY: Danielle’s Chronicles
Things change re: ALASKAN DANIELLE
Positive Mindset... put away negativity

Started HRT:   March 2015
Went Full-Time    December 2016
Quit my male-mode job and relocated to a very small town in Alaska in January 2017
I'm a blonde, blue eyed woman, Age 41

Offline Renee.D

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #477 on: November 05, 2018, 01:04:45 pm »
I'm just flat out done.  I'm sick of being the bad guy in every situation.  Its pointless to try to be a nice good person when inevitably my inner jerk is going to take over and piss everyone off anyway.  I'm done talking. I'm done caring about people.  Its inevitable that Im going get hurt and hurt someone.  It's not worth it when life has already decided that you are the one who is wrong in every situation. Amber is merely a facade to make me feel better about myself.  No matter what Abraham has to show up and wreck things.

Amber,
I am sorry to read that you are in a difficult place. If there is any truth about transitioning, it is that the good days are good and the bad days are BAD. Or in some cases bad weeks, months etc.

You are strong, Amber is strong! If you feel like you want to talk more or need someone to vent to, please PM. Your life and happiness is worth all the work you have put into it and continue to put into it.

Here if you need to talk,
Lacy
She believed she could so she did!




gingerViktorKay

Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #478 on: November 05, 2018, 03:14:14 pm »
I'm just flat out done.  I'm sick of being the bad guy in every situation.  Its pointless to try to be a nice good person when inevitably my inner jerk is going to take over and piss everyone off anyway.  I'm done talking. I'm done caring about people.  Its inevitable that Im going get hurt and hurt someone.  It's not worth it when life has already decided that you are the one who is wrong in every situation. Amber is merely a facade to make me feel better about myself.  No matter what Abraham has to show up and wreck things.

The last time I felt this way I was in a bad relationship.

Offline Sonja

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Re: Grrr, why is this so complicated?
« Reply #479 on: November 05, 2018, 03:54:39 pm »
I'm just flat out done.  I'm sick of being the bad guy in every situation.  Its pointless to try to be a nice good person when inevitably my inner jerk is going to take over and piss everyone off anyway.  I'm done talking. I'm done caring about people.  Its inevitable that Im going get hurt and hurt someone.  It's not worth it when life has already decided that you are the one who is wrong in every situation. Amber is merely a facade to make me feel better about myself.  No matter what Abraham has to show up and wreck things.
@amberwaves

Hi Amber - I'm sorry you're having such a hard time atm, but it does look and sound like Amber has a much brighter future than that other guy.  But I don't have to live your life, so I can't tell you what you should do, but I can say that I will miss you if I don't see you around again.

Take care,

Sonja.

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