Author Topic: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne  (Read 29965 times)

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Online Laurie

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #860 on: May 12, 2018, 09:41:53 am »
Nice new avatar Girlfriend.

  I liked what you wrote to Chelsea about  going back to male mode.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Offline Alyssa Bree

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #861 on: May 13, 2018, 01:40:14 pm »
I agree! The new avatar is sweet!


xoxoxo
Alyssa
Your NEEDS drive your WANTS which drive your ACTIONS. To not take action is to not meet your needs.

I am like an archaeological excavation - being uncovered piece by piece, slowly...methodically... until all of the real ME stands proud in the light of day.

Online Jayne01

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #862 on: May 13, 2018, 03:03:00 pm »
I agree! The new avatar is sweet!


xoxoxo
Alyssa
Awwww, thanks.

I was just having a bit of fun with a makeup app on my phone during some down time at work. I think my hi visibility work vest completes the look.

Jayne



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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #863 on: May 17, 2018, 02:47:36 pm »
A quick update, not much going on. Had another electrolysis session on Wednesday. We barely made it past 2 hours before she ran out of things to zap. I am really pleased with how well the hair removal is coming along. I am at a little over 73 hours total time. I am taking a 1 month break now due to work and other commitments. There should be some new growth coming through by then so there should be enough hair for a couple more longer sessions, but after that, my electrologist said I should cut back to every two weeks instead of weekly so there is enough for her to do each time. Yay!!!

I am seeing my therapist again this afternoon. That means a day out in the city for Jayne. It’s like a double edged sword when I have a day out in girl mode because the day always comes to an end and Jayne has to go back into the closet. It is becoming very difficult to keep doing that. I will worry about that tomorrow, today Jayne gets to go out and play. Yay, again!!!

Jayne



Offline Sno

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #864 on: May 17, 2018, 04:59:56 pm »
Be fabulous hon, and have an awesome day :)

Rowan

Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #865 on: May 17, 2018, 05:10:51 pm »
A quick update, not much going on. Had another electrolysis session on Wednesday. We barely made it past 2 hours before she ran out of things to zap. I am really pleased with how well the hair removal is coming along. I am at a little over 73 hours total time. I am taking a 1 month break now due to work and other commitments. There should be some new growth coming through by then so there should be enough hair for a couple more longer sessions, but after that, my electrologist said I should cut back to every two weeks instead of weekly so there is enough for her to do each time. Yay!!!

I am seeing my therapist again this afternoon. That means a day out in the city for Jayne. It’s like a double edged sword when I have a day out in girl mode because the day always comes to an end and Jayne has to go back into the closet. It is becoming very difficult to keep doing that. I will worry about that tomorrow, today Jayne gets to go out and play. Yay, again!!!

Jayne
That's the spirit!  Enjoy the good days.

Running out of hairs for the electrocutioner to zap is a good problem to have.  Lucky you.  I must be somewhere around the same number of hours (a year and a half of one hour a week), but, while the density is thinning out, there is no shortage of stuff to zap.  Next week, it's my upper lip again.  Yay!  I like getting that done, because I have my dentist freeze it and I don't feel a thing.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change

Online Jayne01

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #866 on: May 17, 2018, 05:23:01 pm »
Be fabulous hon, and have an awesome day :)

Rowan
Thanks Rowan. It’s a beautiful Autumn (Fall) day today. I love being outdoors on such nice days. I might even post a selfie in front of our giant coat hanger!

Jayne



Online Jayne01

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #867 on: May 17, 2018, 05:23:25 pm »
That's the spirit!  Enjoy the good days.

Running out of hairs for the electrocutioner to zap is a good problem to have.  Lucky you.  I must be somewhere around the same number of hours (a year and a half of one hour a week), but, while the density is thinning out, there is no shortage of stuff to zap.  Next week, it's my upper lip again.  Yay!  I like getting that done, because I have my dentist freeze it and I don't feel a thing.
There is still plenty of stuff to zap, but because of the longer session times, my skin reaches its limit of trauma. If she continues, the is a risk of some scarring. Early on, because of having much more hair, there was enough hair all round to fill a 4 hour session. Now my cheek areas are mostly clear so the sessions are concentrated into smaller areas, hence my skin reaching its zap limit. She estimates another 30-40 hours until I am completely clear and finished. That will be something worth celebrating.

I haven’t yet had to resort to a dentist freezing my face. Thankfully my pain tolerance is still quite high. I was a little worried after I started HRT and especially after I got my implant, which delivers a much higher dose of E than pills do.

Jayne



Online Jayne01

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #868 on: May 17, 2018, 11:29:40 pm »
I had a bit of a shopping spree this morning. I bought myself a pair of ankle boots, a new pair of jeans, a neck scarf, a handbag and some makeup.

It is such a beautiful day today. I only wish I didn’t have to spend it alone. My wife had to work today. At least I got to spoil myself a little.




Online Laurie

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #869 on: May 18, 2018, 01:22:28 am »
hmmmmm I can't see any stores in the picture.... no jayne either... Verrrrry interesting.

Glad you had a good day Jayne

Hugs,
  Laurie

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #870 on: May 18, 2018, 01:38:57 am »
hmmmmm I can't see any stores in the picture.... no jayne either... Verrrrry interesting.

Glad you had a good day Jayne

Hugs,
  Laurie
Check my profile pic. That was taken in the same spot, today.



Online Laurie

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #871 on: May 18, 2018, 02:17:18 am »
  I knew that girlfriend. But in today's pic you were MIA (Missing In Action).  No Jayne in sight. poof nada gone!

Offline rosinstraya

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #872 on: May 18, 2018, 04:38:45 am »
Finger Wharf at Woolloomooloo.........deep meaning? 🙂

Glad to see you are out and about, and enjoying yourself, Jayne.





Online Lynne

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #873 on: May 18, 2018, 11:30:40 am »
Thank you Laurie. I just don’t want her to suffer anymore.

My grandmother, now, and my uncle earlier this year got me thinking that I don’t want to reach the end of my life and still be a man. I feel so guilty and selfish that these thoughts entered my head when I should be thinking of my grandmother and uncle instead of myself. I really need to become Jayne permanently.

Jayne

These were my exact thoughts when my mother died last year, including the guilt.
I am out to my parents but not full-time and I attended the funeral as the only son of my mother. I was also angry at myself for not being able to muster the strength to discuss my deepest feelings with my mother before she passed away so in the end we never had the true mother-daughter relationship.

Online Jayne01

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #874 on: May 18, 2018, 02:04:43 pm »
  I knew that girlfriend. But in today's pic you were MIA (Missing In Action).  No Jayne in sight. poof nada gone!
I meant my profile pic is a new one that I took about 3 minutes before I took the other photo where I am MIA, which also happens to be the same location as my previous profile pic. It was such a beautiful day that I thought I would take a quick snap of my surroundings at that moment.

Finger Wharf at Woolloomooloo.........deep meaning?

Glad to see you are out and about, and enjoying yourself, Jayne.
Hi Ros,
Is this the first time we meet again since I have returned from previously deleting my account? If it is, welcome to my personal thread.

No deep meaning with the location. I pass by there every time I go see my therapist. There is a much closer train station, only a 10 minute walk away, but I usually get off at St James station and walk through the park, even when it is raining. I enjoy walking.

These were my exact thoughts when my mother died last year, including the guilt.
I am out to my parents but not full-time and I attended the funeral as the only son of my mother. I was also angry at myself for not being able to muster the strength to discuss my deepest feelings with my mother before she passed away so in the end we never had the true mother-daughter relationship.
Hi Lynne,
Is this also your first time visiting my thread? Forgive me for my not remembering, in my defence it is 5 am and would love to go back to bed, but I have to go to work. Welcome.

I am sorry for your mother’s passing and sorry you did not get the chance to fully come out to your mother. I have never been very close with my parents, most likely due to me spending so much energy trying to fit in as a boy/man. Maybe I can get closer to them when I do come out.

Jayne



Online Jayne01

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #875 on: May 19, 2018, 01:26:11 am »
The Butterfly Effect

I have been thinking. Yes I know, that is dangerous...... One of the things that made it difficult for me, early on, to accept being trans was because I never disliked male me. I even liked being male me. It created a lot of confusion for me. When I finally did accept being trans, it still took some time for me to really believe it.

This morning during my hour drive to work, I was partaking in that dangerous thinking activity. I came up with an analogy that seemed to fit my circumstances quite well.

I am like a butterfly. I started life as a caterpillar (John) and through a period of transformation in a cocoon (transition), I am becoming a butterfly (Jayne). A butterfly cannot exist without first being a caterpillar, and if a caterpillar does not transform into a butterfly it will perish only having lived half of its life. The complete life cycle of this animal is a life in two forms. That is how I see my life cycle. I was meant to exist in two genders. Jayne could never exist without first being John, and if John exists without ever becoming Jayne, then I will only ever get to live half of my life. It doesn’t feel like John needs to step aside for Jayne to live. Like the caterpillar becomes the butterfly, John becomes Jayne. One and the same organism (person), in a different form.

I am growing my butterfly wings and I am almost ready to fly. I am not into tattoos, but if was ever to get one, I think it would have to be a butterfly.

The more I think about this butterfly theory, the more I can relate to it. It also helps me come to terms with no longer being John. As I said, I never disliked John, it’s just that his job is done and it’s time for Jayne to take over. I tried to prevent John from becoming Jayne and I very nearly perished in the process. Like the caterpillar, John was never meant to be forever, and neither was Jayne.

Jayne



Offline Nicole70

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #876 on: May 19, 2018, 01:32:31 am »
Nicely put Jayne, I totally get what you are saying, I’ve been following your posts and it looks like you wings are already showing and they suit you very much

Online Jayne01

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #877 on: May 19, 2018, 01:36:32 am »
Nicely put Jayne, I totally get what you are saying, I’ve been following your posts and it looks like you wings are already showing and they suit you very much
Thanks Nicole. It’s a very hard road to travel, but once in a while I get one of those “a-ha!” moments and another piece of my life puzzle falls into place. It’s a really nice feeling when that happens.

Jayne



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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #878 on: May 19, 2018, 06:46:33 am »
Very sweet thinking Jayne! Very nice analogy you found.

And yes, we can all see the cracked caterpillar shell of yours and some carefully spread wings!

Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Life is Better as Me, by Jayne
« Reply #879 on: May 19, 2018, 07:00:33 am »
Jayne, I think your analogy is an excellent one.  Our support group uses a butterfly as its logo for that exact reason.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change

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