Author Topic: Faith's Progress  (Read 58136 times)

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Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1860 on: March 21, 2019, 07:44:39 am »
I'd like to recount part of a conversation from yesterday. It was with another employee, one I knew to say Hi to not to interact with. I had been wanting to ask him questions regarding perceptions of me for some time .. he's gay. Call this stereotyping if you wish, it was my thought process. I thought that if anyone at work would be honest with me, he would. So, him being gay has no bearing other than making me feel more comfortable talking to him .. yeah, probably something I have to work on. Truth is, he's just a likable guy.

I'll keep this short, too much to type (even Sarah got an abbreviated verbal version).

---------------------------------------------
I got the opportunity to ask so I prefaced with, "I'd like to ask you something and get an honest answer" .. "What do you see when you look at me?"

He was all confused, it was written all over his face and he was like, "I don't understand what your are asking"

I shuffled around a bit and tried to clarify, then his eyes widened a bit.

He goes, "You mean, Do I see John?" "no" stated firmly as he shook his head. "I only see Faith"

I clarified a bit more including fear of looking like a 'guy in a dress' and all the while he's shaking his head no. He said that the changes in the past year, physical and personality, were dramatic. No John there.

He went on to comment about our workplace. He said it was amazing. He's heard no negative comments about me whatsoever. In fact, he said that it was like one day John was gone and the next Faith was there .. NO ONE used the wrong name or pronoun for me even talking amongst themselves. All of a sudden it was 'Faith this' and 'Faith that'.
-------------------------------------

I got more affirmation and confirmation than I was looking for. I knew people were using the correct name when talking to me, some simply out of politeness I thought. Now I find that it's full support, even when I'm not around. It's a good feeling. I fully believe that new hires know nothing about 'John' at all. Of course, I can't ask :P

We easily spoke for about 45 minutes, comparing notes on our 'coming out' scenarios (he came out gay at 18). Both of us recounting the overwhelming positive support we'd received. With trepidation at times, still supportive.

The conversation was tainted a bit by the loss of a recent employee. Life issues were interfering with work and he was let go a few weeks ago. I found out during this conversation that he died from an overdose. He was 33. Very sad. I had talked to him a lot, nice guy, polite. I had no inkling that he was struggling in his personal life at all.  :icon_cry:
I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


Offline steph2.0

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1861 on: March 21, 2019, 08:02:10 am »
That was a pretty brave thing to do, in light of how you may have felt if it had turned out negatively. The answers you got were the best possible, though. That is so cool! You are doing so much better in that regard than I am in my little world. If you consider my neighborhood the closest I have to your workplace, my results are pretty much the flip side of yours, at least among the alpha males here. Even among the women, misgendering is rampant, and it’s a known fact that the guys talk about me behind my back. Nobody is directly malicious, and are generally supportive, but I’d be overjoyed with the kind of support and respect you’re getting from your coworkers. Congratulations!

BTW, your friend is correct. Comparing the pics from when we got together last year to the spontaneous, unposed ones I saw on your friend’s Facebook feed, the changes in the last year have been stunning.

You’re not just on your way, you’ve already arrived. You just don’t realize it yet.


Stephanie


Assigned male at birth 1958 * Began envying sister 1963 * Knew unquestioningly that I was female 1968 * Acted the male part for 50 years * Meltdown and first therapist session May 2017 * Began HRT 6/21/17 * Out to the world 10/13/17 * Name Change 12/7/2017 (Girl Harbor Day) * FFS With FacialTeam 12/4/2018 * GCS with Marci Bowers 9/25/2019

Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1862 on: March 21, 2019, 08:49:13 am »
That was a pretty brave thing to do, in light of how you may have felt if it had turned out negatively.

Sometimes the drive to know outweighs the risk involved. I had to know. Yes, It could have ruined my day, week, month. Yet it didn't :)

Quote
The answers you got were the best possible, though. That is so cool! You are doing so much better in that regard than I am in my little world. If you consider my neighborhood the closest I have to your workplace, my results are pretty much the flip side of yours, at least among the alpha males here. Even among the women, misgendering is rampant, and it’s a known fact that the guys talk about me behind my back. Nobody is directly malicious, and are generally supportive, but I’d be overjoyed with the kind of support and respect you’re getting from your coworkers.

Except I envy the easy 'out in the world' responses that you enjoy. For example. We were eating at Pizza hut last night (I remember now why we don't eat at that particular location, very poor food experience .. blech!) The waitress would call Lori ma'am during conversation. With me you could literally hear the gaps where she left out any reference at all when talking to me. Lori claims it's because she heard me be referred to as Papa (granddaughter was with us). I'm not so sure. Still, even with that, my presentation should have demanded proper honorifics and pronouns

Quote
BTW, your friend is correct. Comparing the pics from when we got together last year to the spontaneous, unposed ones I saw on your friend’s Facebook feed, the changes in the last year have been stunning.

You’re not just on your way, you’ve already arrived. You just don’t realize it yet.

Thank you Steph.  Unfortunately, while I can see it in my before/after, I still cannot look at my photos or in mirrors, including unposed photos, except on rare occasions.
I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


Offline sarah1972

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1863 on: March 21, 2019, 01:32:22 pm »
So sorry to hear about your former employee.

I am amazed how quick your work changed to Faith. This is such an amazing sign of acceptance. Glad you found another good person to talk to and his honesty is great.

Very happy for you Faith!

Hugs,

Sarah

I'd like to recount part of a conversation from yesterday. It was with another employee, one I knew to say Hi to not to interact with. I had been wanting to ask him questions regarding perceptions of me for some time .. he's gay. Call this stereotyping if you wish, it was my thought process. I thought that if anyone at work would be honest with me, he would. So, him being gay has no bearing other than making me feel more comfortable talking to him .. yeah, probably something I have to work on. Truth is, he's just a likable guy.

I'll keep this short, too much to type (even Sarah got an abbreviated verbal version).

---------------------------------------------
I got the opportunity to ask so I prefaced with, "I'd like to ask you something and get an honest answer" .. "What do you see when you look at me?"

He was all confused, it was written all over his face and he was like, "I don't understand what your are asking"

I shuffled around a bit and tried to clarify, then his eyes widened a bit.

He goes, "You mean, Do I see John?" "no" stated firmly as he shook his head. "I only see Faith"

I clarified a bit more including fear of looking like a 'guy in a dress' and all the while he's shaking his head no. He said that the changes in the past year, physical and personality, were dramatic. No John there.

He went on to comment about our workplace. He said it was amazing. He's heard no negative comments about me whatsoever. In fact, he said that it was like one day John was gone and the next Faith was there .. NO ONE used the wrong name or pronoun for me even talking amongst themselves. All of a sudden it was 'Faith this' and 'Faith that'.
-------------------------------------

I got more affirmation and confirmation than I was looking for. I knew people were using the correct name when talking to me, some simply out of politeness I thought. Now I find that it's full support, even when I'm not around. It's a good feeling. I fully believe that new hires know nothing about 'John' at all. Of course, I can't ask :P

We easily spoke for about 45 minutes, comparing notes on our 'coming out' scenarios (he came out gay at 18). Both of us recounting the overwhelming positive support we'd received. With trepidation at times, still supportive.

The conversation was tainted a bit by the loss of a recent employee. Life issues were interfering with work and he was let go a few weeks ago. I found out during this conversation that he died from an overdose. He was 33. Very sad. I had talked to him a lot, nice guy, polite. I had no inkling that he was struggling in his personal life at all.  :icon_cry:


Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1864 on: March 21, 2019, 10:07:01 pm »
Today spiraled down from one incident, then another, then another. I tried, I really did, to keep my mood up. Self-image kicked in and it was all over.

I don't think I'll ever get over what the previous 57 years have done to me. I'll have to learn to settle for being less.
I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


Offline steph2.0

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Faith's Progress
« Reply #1865 on: March 22, 2019, 06:08:15 pm »
Sometimes the drive to know outweighs the risk involved. I had to know. Yes, It could have ruined my day, week, month. Yet it didn't :)

Except I envy the easy 'out in the world' responses that you enjoy.

I admit that it’s easier than it used to be, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my constant low-level doubts. I have the same “need-to-know” that you, and I suspect, most others here do. While I haven’t been misgendered (by strangers) in quite a while, it doesn’t mean that I don’t still wonder, “do they see a woman, or are they just being nice?” Especially in a situation like you described, where pronouns are used for others, but not for me. It happens. Was it just normal conversation, or am I being paranoid?

And sometimes my craving for recognition overwhelms my intellect, and I do something stupid. When the following happened, I swore I wouldn’t tell any other soul except my soul-mate, but the sting has receded to where I’m willing to share it.

As I mentioned in my thread, I had taken a month-long “introduction to yoga” class. I was a bit nervous about going to a class alone and practicing yoga with a roomful of ciswomen, but it turned out to be an awesome experience. By the fourth class the other ladies and I would welcome each other into the class, and banter afterward. The instructor repeatedly affirmed that there were only women in the room, making reference to our periods and childbirth, and telling stories that she assured us weren’t appropriate for a class that had men in it. Pretty cool, so I still wonder to this day why I did what I did at the end of the last class.

I still don’t know whether I was fishing to see if she knew I was trans, or I wanted to see an amazed reaction when she learned of it. But I hung around after the last class and chatted with the instructor until everyone else left, and then I released my inner idiot. I thanked her for treating me just like all the other women. She looked slightly puzzled and asked why I’d say that? I replied, “Oh... you didn’t know? I’m trans.”

I’m still not sure what reaction I was looking for, but it was probably something like a shocked expression, and “What?! No way! Are you serious? You look fantastic!!” followed by a big hug.

Instead, I got a reaction that’s probably even better, but didn’t feel that way at the time.

She waved it off and said, “Oh, I don’t care about that! I wondered once, but it wasn’t important. Do you think you’ll be coming to the followup classes?”

I’m pretty sure I was looking for affirmation and attention, which is a bit sad, really. What I got was someone acting the way we all wish everyone would act. I was presenting female, and that was good enough. That’s the way she treated me. Imagine if the whole world worked that way.

I did sign up for those followup classes and continued to be welcomed as another woman in the room.

I’m still mortified that I felt compelled to out myself. It was a lesson learned and a mistake I won’t make again. I does prove, though, that wherever you are on the transition journey, there are always doubts and a need for affirmation. That shouldn’t stop us from getting out there and living our lives. It takes courage every day to do that, despite our worries, but that’s how we’ll change the world.

Sorry for the rambling. We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.

Stephanie
« Last Edit: March 22, 2019, 10:55:10 pm by Steph2.0 »


Assigned male at birth 1958 * Began envying sister 1963 * Knew unquestioningly that I was female 1968 * Acted the male part for 50 years * Meltdown and first therapist session May 2017 * Began HRT 6/21/17 * Out to the world 10/13/17 * Name Change 12/7/2017 (Girl Harbor Day) * FFS With FacialTeam 12/4/2018 * GCS with Marci Bowers 9/25/2019

Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1866 on: March 22, 2019, 08:21:28 pm »
I've been down that road a few times. The "Eh, whatever" response when we're looking for affirmation. It is a bit of a letdown because we built ourselves up to get all those supportive positive comments that we hear so often. It's not an 'us' flaw, it's a human flaw :)

I am always tempted to tell people just to find out. Yet if you tell them and they didn't know, now they do.



Had a bit of a blah day. I did manage to keep my mood even, even raised it a bit after I got home. And that's in spite of wearing jeans to work *gasp* !!
I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1867 on: March 23, 2019, 10:03:03 am »
I have a few things going on this weekend. I don't have much update that I can think of right now. I'm posting because I want to share something that my wife related to me.

Our entire marriage people have envied how Lori and I interact, get along, love showing through. All those feel-good things you see in romance movies. Well, I won't deny it, it's true. For 36 years that's how it was (despite the anger and depression on my part!!). Bad situations, money issues, all the normal curves life throws at you. Still, that same 'obvious love' interaction pervaded and people noticed. This is our 37th year (in June) and I threw in the biggest curve of all.

My wife told me yesterday that my younger daughter (30ish) asked her, "How do you do it? Nothing has changed for the two of you. You still act the same way" I'll have to paraphrase .. you still relate and care, affection .. closeness. How do you do it? My wifes response? "It's simple, we still love each other."

Love conquers all? No it doesn't. Love with mutual respect, that's what conquers all.

This is how we get through this new chapter in our lives. Love & Respect

Have a great weekend everyone
« Last Edit: March 23, 2019, 11:19:56 am by Faith »
I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1868 on: March 24, 2019, 08:15:22 am »
X-post from the 'made you happy" topic. Since I need it here for .. um .. posterity ? :D

We went over to my nieces last night. I'll confess, one reason for me was to get my hair colored again. I'd specifically asked about it .. to which they agreed. Rather quickly I might add. The evening dragged later and we got ready to leave, I figured too much was going on to get it done. Well, before we could leave my daughter comes running out telling me they were commenting "I guess we're not doing hair" Well, I couldn't disappoint so I went back in.

As it turned out, my nieces did not do it. One niece had a friend who, according to my niece, spends too much time home alone and needed to 'get out'. Very pleasant gal, she should get out more.

Anyways, long story short, I got my hair purpled.  The goal was purple under that would come through at times. Instead I think I have purple hair with silver shining through at times!  Ah well, Lori likes it. So do I for that matter.

Oh, for Steph, the 'pics or it didn't happen' The color is much deeper than what shows in the photos, at least on my screen.



(too early in the AM for a full face shot!!!!)


I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1869 on: March 24, 2019, 09:42:28 am »
Very groovy, Faith! :)
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS

Offline sarah1972

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1870 on: March 24, 2019, 12:44:23 pm »
Wow-Whee!!!

You rock that purple Faith!!!

Hugs,

Sarah


Offline Laurie

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1871 on: March 24, 2019, 04:34:29 pm »
  Hair is something women use to shake up their worlds. Besides having fun with it drastic changes really do a number on their male partners/friends. I think that is one of the primary goals of these radical changes. It works and you are enjoying it, aren't you, lady?
Hi, I'm Laurie

“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,

May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone




Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1872 on: March 24, 2019, 05:25:59 pm »
Very groovy, Faith! :)

Wow-Whee!!!

You rock that purple Faith!!!

Hugs,

Sarah

 :) :) :)

  Hair is something women use to shake up their worlds. Besides having fun with it drastic changes really do a number on their male partners/friends. I think that is one of the primary goals of these radical changes. It works and you are enjoying it, aren't you, lady?


I am lovin' it. I don't know that I'm doing for any guys though. I'm pretty sure that I'm doing it for me :)

I already got one random compliment from a stranger, a gal said she loved my hair as we passed her in the Walmart parking lot. The guy that was with her said nothing. I wasn't surprised by his lack of response.

PS, Laurie, I love your profile picture!!
I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


Offline LizK

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1873 on: March 24, 2019, 06:10:25 pm »
Hi Faith love the”do” that colour suits you...I am boring with my choice of hair colour but it covers the greys ... not all of us can rock it like you


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Offline Rachel

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1874 on: March 24, 2019, 07:01:13 pm »
Very cool hair Faith. I love the purple.

HRT  5-28-2013
FT   11-13-2015
FFS   9-16-2016 -Spiegel
GCS 11-15-2016 - McGinn
Hair Grafts 3-20-2017 - Cooley
Voice therapy start 3-2017 - Reene Blaker
Labiaplasty 5-15-2017 - McGinn
BA 7-12-2017 - McGinn
Hair grafts 9-25-2017 Dr.Cooley
Sataloff Cricothyroid subluxation and trachea shave12-11-2017
Dr. McGinn labiaplasty, hood repair, scar removal, graph repair and bottom of  vagina finished. urethra repositioned. 4-4-2018
Dr. Sataloff Glottoplasty 5-14-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal in office procedure 10-22-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal revision 2 4-3-2019 Bottom of vagina closed off, fat injected into the labia and urethra repositioned.

Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1875 on: March 24, 2019, 08:12:55 pm »
Hi Faith love the”do” that colour suits you...I am boring with my choice of hair colour but it covers the greys ... not all of us can rock it like you

Liz, you should totally try fiery red!!

Very cool hair Faith. I love the purple.

Thanks Rachel!

I debated these other photos, the unmadeup face bothers me. Lori says they look good. Eh ..

Quote


I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


Offline Laurie

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1876 on: March 24, 2019, 08:18:54 pm »
Quote
Quote from: Laurie on Today at 02:34:29 pm

 
Quote
     Hair is something women use to shake up their worlds. Besides having fun with it drastic changes really do a number on their male partners/friends. I think that is one of the primary goals of these radical changes. It works and you are enjoying it, aren't you, lady?


I am lovin' it. I don't know that I'm doing for any guys though. I'm pretty sure that I'm doing it for me :)

I already got one random compliment from a stranger, a gal said she loved my hair as we passed her in the Walmart parking lot. The guy that was with her said nothing. I wasn't surprised by his lack of response.

  Faith,
  To put it simply I personally believe shocking the male of the species is a favorite pastime of the females of the species regardless of their relationships. A female only guilty pleasure if you will. And then, yes, of course it is just fun to do such things just because we can. Clothes, hair, makeup etc. Girls just wanna have fuuhun...

 Thanks for the avatar compliment.
Hi, I'm Laurie

“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,

May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone




Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1877 on: March 25, 2019, 06:16:52 am »
  Faith,
  To put it simply I personally believe shocking the male of the species is a favorite pastime of the females of the species regardless of their relationships. A female only guilty pleasure if you will. And then, yes, of course it is just fun to do such things just because we can. Clothes, hair, makeup etc. Girls just wanna have fuuhun...

I must admit that right now I like shaking things up .. must be the hormonal teenager coming through. The outfits I tend to gravitate to when not at work do appear to support that self-diagnosis. Lori gets exasperated at times, still, she goes along with them. At least she really likes the purple hair. Which is saying something because she was against any color at all because she loves my silvery-white.

Quote
Thanks for the avatar compliment.

It was an easy one to give, you are very pretty in that photo. Looking much different than the live version I saw many moons ago. I think I need a live update!! :D


1st day at work with my new color. I got up late so didn't get to pick a proper outfit. I already got one jaw-drop. She's a bit conservative about appearance. Which is odd because I've seen some of her evening 'going-out' dresses :O
I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


Offline TonyaW

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1878 on: March 25, 2019, 06:55:33 am »
Liz, you should totally try fiery red!!

Thanks Rachel!

I debated these other photos, the unmadeup face bothers me. Lori says they look good. Eh ..
So did you buy that top to match your hair or dye your hair to match the top?

Either way, they both look great. 

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Offline Faith

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Re: Faith's Progress
« Reply #1879 on: March 25, 2019, 07:13:52 am »
So did you buy that top to match your hair or dye your hair to match the top?

Either way, they both look great. 

I've had the top for some time. It was one of the first tops that purchased. It didn't have anything to do with the hair color, I just like violet/purple :D
I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.


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