Author Topic: My dog got ran over at 11 pm on 11/23/17  (Read 897 times)

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Offline PeterSteele

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My dog got ran over at 11 pm on 11/23/17
« on: November 24, 2017, 04:54:58 am »
I saw it all...
I feel terrible...I treated him poorly before it happened. I was angry at him for rolling into dog poop and mud everyday. I didn't even get to pet him..
I hate myself so much. The pain of never getting to pet him when he was alive..I was too afraid to on his last moments too..I cant sleep..Its already 4 am. The image keeps flashing through my head, the cries and screams, and the smell.. It wont go away. I tried to keep my mind off of it.. I just can't. My eyes are playing tricks on me and doors are opening by themselves. I just feel the vibe of negativity lingering. I saw my mom cry and my sick grandfather eyes widen and him asking if its true and rocking himself back and forth. I feel like its my fault..
I said something terrible and it jinx me. I'm so scared..after what I saw tonight..I just..fear death so much even though its a part a life and some life's are ended too quickly.. I just hate myself for not being nicer.. not being there for him..not petting him..I should've pet him when he was barely breathing. I should've comforted him. I was too afraid.. I was in shock...he deserved to be comforted before his agonizing death.. Now I can't look at people anymore without the fear of them going too.. I can't look at highways the same.. R.I.P Cookie October 30, 2004- November 23rd 2017.
I had him since I was 2 years old..
I wish I could take back everything cruel or rude I've ever done..
I feel like he hates me..
I'm scared of being alone like his last minutes
I'm scared of dying
I'm scared of an painful long death
I'm scared of everything
Peter Steele Θ

Offline Devlyn

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Re: My dog got ran over at 11 pm on 11/23/17
« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2017, 07:55:30 am »
Big hug! I'm sorry about Cookie. Dogs give us their whole lives, and then they leave us, and we're left to go on with a piece missing. Farewell, Cookie.

Hugs, Devlyn
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Re: My dog got ran over at 11 pm on 11/23/17
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2017, 10:14:35 am »
I am so sorry.  When the family pets died it affected me more than the deaths of my parents, although I loved my parents.  Pets are like children, especially if we can't have biological children.  I know how you must feel, having spoken harshly to your dog before it died, but you have nothing to blame yourself for, as you did everything you could for your dog and its death was an accident. 

I really do know how you feel.  When I was nearly 16, when the family went on holiday, I was given the task of putting one of our dogs in a cage at the local kennels.  It resisted and I spoke harshly to it.  While on our journey, in the car, my parents said that the dog had been put down because of its behaviour.  I was shocked and said nothing but later cried myself to sleep.  The last words I spoke to it were harsh ones, then it was murdered by strangers into whose "care" I had dragged it.  I am nearly 62 and thinking about it still makes me cry.  It was worse, though.  Many years later, my father confessed that the dog had actually not been put down until we returned from holiday.  The fact that they hadn't seen me cry made them decide that it would be okay to go through with it.  I failed the dog in three ways, by dragging it to its death, by speaking harshly to it and by not crying in front of my parents.  I can never forgive myself and it is the only thing for which I can't forgive my parents.  If they wanted it dead, they shouldn't have given me the task of dragging it away.

I still talk to my mother's last dog, though it died on the afternoon of August 18th, 2010 (yes, we do remember these things).  I find it comforting to do so.  All I can suggest is that in private, you talk to your dog and tell it how you feel.  It may give you comfort, and for all we know its spirit will hear you.

Offline Faith

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Re: My dog got ran over at 11 pm on 11/23/17
« Reply #3 on: November 24, 2017, 10:55:51 am »
What a horrible thing to experience. I feel so bad for you right now. It will ease, I remember because we had a family pet that would escape every chance that he got. One day he escaped dragging the leash. He ran in front of my car and I'm the one that ran over him :(. I felt horrible every day for months before it eased up. It still bothers me when I think about it but it's tolerable now.

Hang in there, you'll make it. Remember, memories keeps things with you, pain & loss just happens to be part of it.

Offline DawnOday

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Re: My dog got ran over at 11 pm on 11/23/17
« Reply #4 on: November 24, 2017, 10:58:52 am »
Peter. You are still young and will have many opportunities ahead of you to make up for past deeds. I'm on my 7th dog. My dog Pokey was poisoned by a neighbor. As devastating as that was I have had three more doggies. Reilly my Brittany Spaniel died last year. He was only 12 years old. I have since gotten a Husky and a long hair Dachshund. To watch Reilly be put down was really traumatic but he was out of pain. It hurts at any age. But now you know how not to treat your friends and you have a chance to make amends with your next one. One suggestion is to make sure your next dog is a rescue from the pound.

I get knocked down, but I get up again
You are never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You are never gonna keep me down

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Offline Julia1996

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Re: My dog got ran over at 11 pm on 11/23/17
« Reply #5 on: November 24, 2017, 08:43:55 pm »
I'm so sorry. Losing a pet is devastating. I had a lot of guilt over my poodle. He was 13 and he was having trouble walking and he was in a lot of pain. I was taking him to the vet all the time and giving him painkillers daily. I finally realized he wasn't happy anymore and he was tired. The vet made a housecall for me. She gave him 2 shots. One was a cocktail of painkillers and tranquilizers.  He fell asleep slowly but not in pain any more. I held him for about 15 minutes and then she gave him the second shot. He was sleeping deeply when she gave him the final shot so he didn't know and wasn't scared. It was the most horrible experience of my life. I didn't even know I could cry that long and that hard. I also felt really bad for not having done it sooner. I felt like I made him suffer longer than he should have because I couldn't let him go.

Some people believe animals don't have a soul and that when they die they just cease. I don't believe that at all. Anything capable of giving such pure and unconditional love as animals give has to have a soul.

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Re: My dog got ran over at 11 pm on 11/23/17
« Reply #6 on: November 25, 2017, 09:07:27 am »
Because your loss reawakened my pain, I didn't make enough effort to try to ease yours, Peter.

You feel guilty for two reasons, i.e. your last words to Cookie were harsh and you failed to comfort him while he was dying. 

Few, if any, pet owners or parents are going to get through life without speaking harshly to their pets or children.  Often, harsh words are necessary to get a point across, and are more often than not for the wellbeing of the pet or child.  For example, although an instinctive way of joining a pack, rolling in poo is unhygienic and a way of picking up diseases from other dogs.  You were right to try to discourage Cookie from that.  The fact that he died before you could say something nice to him was just very bad luck and no fault of yours.

Yes, with hindsight, perhaps it would have been good to comfort Cookie while he was dying.  However, you were in shock yourself.  Although as a teenager you may feel that you are an adult, one day you will realise that right now, you are still a child.  Even adults rarely do the best thing while they are in shock and/or grieving, and you are still both.  You are a victim of the accident, just like Cookie, and are not to blame.

Nothing I have written may change how you feel, and I can't promise that the event will not be painful whenever you remember it.  Remember, though, that unlike yours, Cookie's pain is now over.  It would have been better if his last moments had been as happy as the life he had with you, but the fact remains that he did have a happy life with you.  His happy life lasted far longer than his sad death, so spend more time thinking about the happy times.  And, like I said, telling him how you feel may help, even though he has passed on.  Your emotional wound will heal, even if leaves a scar.

Offline Sbernaeyge

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Re: My dog got ran over at 11 pm on 11/23/17
« Reply #7 on: October 03, 2019, 10:02:02 pm »
I’m sorry about that your pup knew you loved them.

Both of mine are older and are the only reason I am still here. I figure my corgi has maybe 10 years at most my lab less. I know that at least present. Once they are both gone. I am finished. Most likely off myself right after and see if I can have my corgi buried with me so we can spend eternity with her in my arms.

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Fall 2016 CHAOS diagnosed with stage 3 testicular cancer. Progress stopped completely
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Early 2019 SUCCESS get clearance for HRT...kinda...Had to be cleared by both oncologist and cardiologist.
May 2019 started hormones my drive restored
Jan 2020  CHAOS... again list my mind for a while several attempted and failed suicides
March 2020 freedom no more hospitals
August 2020 despite covid name finally changed