Author Topic: Is this the right place to ask?  (Read 600 times)

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Offline Juniper Autumn

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Is this the right place to ask?
« on: December 04, 2017, 12:42:39 am »
Hello, my name is Joe and I am a man, um... I've had fantasies about being a woman since I was about 16 years old (I am currently 21) and I've kept them secret except from two people, my ex boyfriend (we are still very close friends) and my current wonderful girlfriend (who is transitioning to a woman also at this moment, although almost finished if I remember correctly) both of whom live in America and me in England so sadly no physical contact with them yet, she has stated how she can see my female side and thinks I will be happier as a woman (not trying to force it in fact she said it once and offered to never bring it up again in case it made me upset) I think I agree with her, but I am petrified of how to tell my family and friends...
I have been cross dressing a little bit in secret all of these years and even got busted by my parents for some breast growth creams I had purchased but made up some excuse at the time, don't get me wrong I'm not afraid because my parents are mean or dangerous quite the opposite they are wonderful people who i love but I'm terrified that if I tell them that I am even stranger than predicted (born with Asperger's syndrome) then that would alienate them...
It probably won't but I'm too terrified to risk it, as I said to my girlfriend "I don't want to force everyone around me to change their lives for my sake" to which I was told to stop thinking like that but I just can't help it, what do I do??
I kind of want to curl up in a ball and cry whenever I think about this but I am forcing myself to post this here so at least someone else knows

Thanks in advance to anyone who responds, I've got a long work day so bear with me

Online Dena

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Re: Is this the right place to ask?
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2017, 01:08:23 am »
Welcome to Susan's Place. The only person who can answer that question is you. You are the only one who knows how much you want it and what you are willing to give up to get it. What I can tell you is life is change and adapting to those changes. Some people adjust to change quickly while others are slower. Those around you adjust to the change in their life everyday so you need to accept that they can change as you find the happiness that you desire.

Things that you should read

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Offline krobinson103

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Re: Is this the right place to ask?
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2017, 02:16:14 am »
Your parents will be surprised, but at the end of the day they will love you just as much. Don't expect the way to be easy, or predictable. However, if you truly feel in your heart that you are a Women then forcing yourself to be otherwise is going to make you miserable. I know, I did it for 33 years. On the other side of the coin, remember, you have time. You aren't even 18 yet, and as such will need your parents support much more. The day will come when you know with absolute clarity that the time is right. On that day, trust yourself and begin your journey.

Good luck, and remember its not the goal that counts, but the journey.
Every day is a totally awesome day
Every day provides opportunities and challenges
Every challenge leads to an opportunity
Every fear faced leads to one more strength
Every strength leads to greater success
Success leads to self esteem
Self Esteem leads to happiness.
Cherish every day.

Offline Juniper Autumn

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Re: Is this the right place to ask?
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2017, 10:28:49 pm »
Thank you very much for your responses! :) I'm going to keep thinking on it for a bit longer so I can decide how much I want this, keep an eye out for a later post from me, it might be me starting my transition, I'll need all the help I can get! XD

Offline Floof

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Re: Is this the right place to ask?
« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2017, 06:29:44 am »
Do NOT refrain from transitioning because you don't want to cause a hassle to others! Living with dysphoria can cause serious mental and physical harm, and that would be a far greater hassle in the long term! What is important is that you recognize the problems you have, and take steps to dealing with them.

You are still young, so take some time to work though these feelings. You are certainly 'on the trans spectrum' already, from the things you say, but it is important that you do not inflict upon yourself irreversible changes that you later regret. Transitioning can and usually is very tough mentally, and takes a very long time.. I don't mean to scare you away from it, if this is what you need to do then you should and I will certainly do my best to give you any advice I can!

You have already made the first step I tend to recommend, which is dressing as a woman in private. Its how I got started as a teenager, and it always made me feel so happy and excited -and often sad, that I couldn't do it all the time-.. Next step I think would be to try and seek out a gender therapist, or and existing therapist you have for other reasons that you are comfortable talking to. I also think starting to present as female online in certain settings is a good way to get used to the idea of people treating you as a woman. How does it feel?

Also, consider if you have any discomfort in your current body.. Do you often look at it and wish it was that of a woman? You already tried to grow breasts, so I imagine that to be true.. When it comes to Aspergers, I am clueless.. Sorry!

Also, welcome to Susans :)
Reisen er lang, hard og full av farer; vær modig mine brødre og søstre <3




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Offline Juniper Autumn

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Re: Is this the right place to ask?
« Reply #5 on: December 08, 2017, 09:37:35 am »
Just as a bit of an update for those who've read this:

Before I posted I was really worried and afraid of my thoughts and my girlfriend did her best to comfort me and suggesting things that I could do, however my thoughts were quite uncommon (every other day or so) so I kept putting it off and just resigning myself to privacy

After I posted (and received some wonderful responses that have really helped me feel better thank you all again for that) I haven't been able to stop thinking about it at all, it's been every hour or so my thoughts will drift back to the possibility and then lock onto it and it'll be hard to focus on other things (especially when my current task at work is to fix a database where the genders for the people in the database are wrong DX ) it's getting more concerning now and I'm not too sure what to do, I believe floof mentioned a gender therapist or something? Are there any you would recommend in the U.K.? Or just is there a reputable place where I could reach one?

Again, thank you to any and all who respond to this, sorry if my post is messy it's kinda reminiscent of my brain right now x3

Offline AutumnGlory

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Re: Is this the right place to ask?
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2017, 12:03:13 pm »
There will be other routes, but when I got to the stage you are at, I went to see my doctor, my GP.  It was very good to be able to simply tell her that this was going on, and I needed some help.  She straight away referred me to a gender therapist in a local hospital Gender Realignment Centre.

The therapist scared me stupid, it has to be admitted.  I ran away as fast as I could.  But I went back, still fighting.

There is much heart-searching ahead, but you have to be true to yourself.  Be selfish here, you cannot protect others from life.  How others will respond or cope is up to them, not you. 

Offline Megan.

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Re: Is this the right place to ask?
« Reply #7 on: December 08, 2017, 12:15:44 pm »
Hi Juniper Autumn (Joe). I'm a UK based MTF trans woman.
There are not many dedicated gender therapists in the UK,  but there are some options. The PinkTherapy list has details of LGBT friendly therapists who will be accepting and may well have trans* experience. I'm not sure where you're based in the UK, my therapist is in Hertfordshire and is excellent so PM me if you'd like their details. The GenderGP service also have very experienced therapists who can work with you over Skype.
I'm a member of the Cambridge Diamonds trans* support group who are also great if you'd like to reach out to others.

Megan. X

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Offline DawnOday

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Re: Is this the right place to ask?
« Reply #8 on: December 08, 2017, 02:47:01 pm »
Hello, my name is Joe and I am a man, um... I've had fantasies about being a woman since I was about 16 years old (I am currently 21) and I've kept them secret except from two people, my ex boyfriend (we are still very close friends) and my current wonderful girlfriend (who is transitioning to a woman also at this moment, although almost finished if I remember correctly) both of whom live in America and me in England so sadly no physical contact with them yet, she has stated how she can see my female side and thinks I will be happier as a woman (not trying to force it in fact she said it once and offered to never bring it up again in case it made me upset) I think I agree with her, but I am petrified of how to tell my family and friends...
I have been cross dressing a little bit in secret all of these years and even got busted by my parents for some breast growth creams I had purchased but made up some excuse at the time, don't get me wrong I'm not afraid because my parents are mean or dangerous quite the opposite they are wonderful people who i love but I'm terrified that if I tell them that I am even stranger than predicted (born with Asperger's syndrome) then that would alienate them...
It probably won't but I'm too terrified to risk it, as I said to my girlfriend "I don't want to force everyone around me to change their lives for my sake" to which I was told to stop thinking like that but I just can't help it, what do I do??
I kind of want to curl up in a ball and cry whenever I think about this but I am forcing myself to post this here so at least someone else knows

Thanks in advance to anyone who responds, I've got a long work day so bear with me

You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment and what if's. Engage a therapist. Visit with support groups and make an informed decision. Not one that you think they want. But one that is right for you. Keep in mind everyone else is living their life the way they feel they should. Why not do the same for yourself. Visit the links and wiki above to have your questions answered.
Dawn Oday

It just feels right   :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss:


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First indication I was different- 1956 kindergarten
First crossdress - Asked mother to dress me in sisters costumes  Age 7
First revelation - 1982 to my present wife
First time telling the truth in therapy June 15, 2016
Start HRT Aug 2016
First public appearance 5/15/17