Author Topic: Calming an 11 year old's fears  (Read 291 times)

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Offline krobinson103

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Calming an 11 year old's fears
« on: December 11, 2017, 08:58:08 am »
As discussed elsewhere significant progress with my family has been made. My wife has come to saying "Its all right with me." with some conviction. However, my eldest daughter is not so convinced. She has said She would rather Mum and Dad divorce than see me become a female. Its all still early days yet, but this of course puts a dent in my wife's mindset,  as well. She is well into puberty now and I suspect this also has something to do with it.

External changes are small as yet , but will become more noticeable. Any experience on calming her fears? I really love both my girls and don't want to lose the relationship I have with them, or cause them problems later on.

Thank you.
Every day is a totally awesome day
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Offline PidgeTPN

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Re: Calming an 11 year old's fears
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2017, 11:26:51 am »
I would personally suggest just giving her some time. It's a big change, and at 11 we all seemed to think we had everything figured out. She's in a generation where it's now far more common for people to come out and live as their true selves, so hopefully time to adjust and let it sink in is all she needs.

Offline KathyLauren

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Re: Calming an 11 year old's fears
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2017, 11:58:15 am »
Disclaimer: I know nothing about raising kids, having none myself.  But I did learn a bit about mediation, some of which applies here.

You might want to try finding out why your daughter feels as she does.  She'd rather see you divorce than become female, but why?  She might say, "because it's weird".  Dig a little deeper: why is it weird?  Because it's not what "normal" people do.  Aha: peer pressure!  Are you worried that other kids will think you're weird and tease you?  Probably yes.

I'm not suggesting this is what is going on for her, and of course, you know better than I do how to talk to her.  But the point is that there is some fear that is real for her, and she may not be able to articulate it without help.  You may have to dig down a few levels with careful questions to discover what it is.

Once you understand what is going on for her, you can start to address those fear.  If the scenario above turns out to be close to the truth, there are bully-proofing programs available for kids.  Or maybe there is something you can do to manage your transition in a way that will not cause her problems.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change

Offline bobbisue

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Re: Calming an 11 year old's fears
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2017, 12:06:14 pm »
    Most of all let her know that you love her no matter what and always will as well as what Pidge and KathyLauren said    Hugs

     bobbisue :)
[ gotta be me everyone else is taken ]
started HRT june 16 2017              
Out to all my family Oct 21 2017 no rejections
Fulltime Dec 9 2017 ahead of schedule
First pass Dec 11 2017