Author Topic: positive coping methods  (Read 337 times)

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Online Bari Jo

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positive coping methods
« on: December 11, 2017, 11:37:30 pm »
We all know how difficult the trans struggle can be.  Some of us have methods that help the journey be less painful even enjoyable sometimes.  I'll start off, but hoping this thread continues with positive things all of us do.

1.  Always be doing something.  The quote idol hands are the devils play things is very true.  I'm not religious, but found if I  keep busy, my mind doesn't engage in circular thought of pity, or GD, or worse.  I design, or do art mostly, but walks count, playing with the dog counts.

2. Always be learning.  This is probably the one thing that makes me happier more than anything.  Learning can be any subject, but I tell you I feel younger, and more attractive just by learning something new.  My latest is knitting.  I had no idea how to do that before, now I'm just a novice, not an outsider.  I don't know for sure, but firmly believe that if you exercise your brain regularly, you will keep Alzheimers away too.

3.  Be kind to animals.  There is understanding and shared empathy with animals that I don't get from people.

4.  Get a hobby.  Don't have one?  Research a few and try one on for size.

What are some of yours?

Bari Jo
My Avatar is from faceapp.  I believe this can be achieved based on my starting point, and it's pretty.  It's a guide for the girl I feel I am inside.

11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different

Online sarah1972

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positive coping methods
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2017, 12:15:32 am »
For me it is my 21 month baby girl... she can already sense when I am not feeling well and comes for extra cuddles... when things get really rough I just look at pictures of her and know I never want to leave her... saved my life a few times recently...

Online Gertrude

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Re: positive coping methods
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2017, 06:35:03 am »
I think being busy can be a diversion, just like an addiction. Filling the time to avoid dealing with things isn’t positive. I did it for decades.


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Offline josie76

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Re: positive coping methods
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2017, 06:44:28 am »
I think being busy can be a diversion, just like an addiction. Filling the time to avoid dealing with things isn’t positive. I did it for decades.


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I'll second that.

I know many trans people who used alcohol or drugs. Seems alcohol was common for many my age other than pot. I never did either but I never quit finding work to do, always.
Trying to find myself in this life.

A lifetime of depression and repressed emotions is nothing more than existence. I for one want to live now not just exist!




Offline KathyLauren

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Re: positive coping methods
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2017, 06:55:03 am »
Keeping busy can be a distraction, keeping you away from dealing with real issues.  But it can also be a way of keeping purpose in your life and socializing in your new role.

I joined a theatre group.  I am active in several groups, but this is the first one that I joined after transition.  No one there even knows my dead name!  And theatre people are legendary for being tolerant and accepting.  Straight people are in the minority, I think, in that group.  I'm not on stage (It will be a long time, if ever, before I do that), but I do lights and sound and help with set construction.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change

Online Gertrude

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positive coping methods
« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2017, 08:14:41 am »
I'll second that.

I know many trans people who used alcohol or drugs. Seems alcohol was common for many my age other than pot. I never did either but I never quit finding work to do, always.
It was food for me.


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Offline bobbisue

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Re: positive coping methods
« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2017, 08:27:20 am »
Distraction is like many things a double edged sword it is great as long as it doesnt keep you from attending the issues that must be dealt with it keeps you from over thinking and dwelling on things you cannot resolve at this time  for me I have joined the newly formed GSA in my home town it keeps me busy and helping others is a real boost to ones self esteem

    bobbisue :)
[ gotta be me everyone else is taken ]
started HRT june 16 2017              
Out to all my family Oct 21 2017 no rejections
Fulltime Dec 9 2017 ahead of schedule
First pass Dec 11 2017

Online Bari Jo

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Re: positive coping methods
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2017, 08:31:53 am »
I think being busy can be a diversion, just like an addiction. Filling the time to avoid dealing with things isn’t positive. I did it for decades.

I also did this for decades, but it did make me the woman I am today.  I have interests and skills I would never considered if it wasn't for this.    Yes, I see your point on the addiction part, but I do think it's a healthy addiction.

Bari Jo
My Avatar is from faceapp.  I believe this can be achieved based on my starting point, and it's pretty.  It's a guide for the girl I feel I am inside.

11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different

Online Roll

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Re: positive coping methods
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2017, 10:14:21 am »
Not specific to dealing with the trans issue, I've always tried to maintain an optimistic outlook even in the worst of times, despite depression. I don't always succeed, but I try. I think of myself as the happiest depressed person around. ;D (Seriously, I'll be super depressed and without really even putting on a facade for the sake of others, people will still think I'm happy and content. It's a bit of cognitive dissonance, but it's kept me sane and not suicidal.)

I also try to find joy and a sense of fulfillment in little things. I think of even finishing a TV series or a video game as an accomplishment, not just another distraction. (This is actually born out of a bit of cynical realism turned into a positive in my head, as ultimately most of what we do that we think is so important doesn't amount to a whole lot. For instance, people often find meaning in their work... but ultimately, very few of us have jobs that will make any sort of long term impact, even if society at large still holds they offer meaning. So why should I hold entertainment to a different standard? Essentially... I think meaning is a relative measurement. By accepting that certain things are less meaningful, it gives more relative meaning to those things that were previously considered to be of lesser value.)
- Ellie

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12/17/17 through 1/1/18 - Out to essentially all family!

Look what I found! https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/life ... Sorry, that was stupid, even for me.


Online Gertrude

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Re: positive coping methods
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2017, 10:22:22 am »
I also did this for decades, but it did make me the woman I am today.  I have interests and skills I would never considered if it wasn't for this.    Yes, I see your point on the addiction part, but I do think it's a healthy addiction.

Bari Jo
I don’t believe in healthy addictions. Some have different consequences and aren’t as bad.


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Offline Faith

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Re: positive coping methods
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2017, 10:26:34 am »
I live mostly in the country-side. If I start feeling muddled, while at home, I go for a walk. Not only is it good for me but the fresh nature air helps me clear my head. It's best if the wife is home and we go together, that way we've both escaped household distractions and can just talk about whatever comes up.

it doesn't always work when I'm alone :( ... it always works when we're together :)
Aug 2017 - After Years of General Depression, I started to figure out the why.
Sept 2017 - Lots of online research to educate myself, Susans kept popping up
Oct 2017 - Changed my diet to improve my health and aid in the direction I wanted to go. At the same time, I informed my wife of my suspicions so we could work it out together.
Oct 25th 2017 - Officially made an account On Susans to introduce myself - namelessly
Nov 11 2017 - Found out my True Name, Faith Nicole - thanks Devlyn!
Dec 23 2017 - Officially, verbally, admitted to myself and my Wife about being Transgender
Dec 26 2017 - First trip to Therapy .. who needs therapy ? ? ? ? ? ?
2018 - where will I go from here .......

Offline Megan.

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Re: positive coping methods
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2017, 10:41:09 am »
Totally agree with the 'always learning' thing,  luckily working in IT, there is always something new to learn. The downside is that this gets harder over time; one of reasons for finally facing my monster I that I couldn't keep it up any longer.

Running has been my real saviour. When I separated from my Ex, and went through some hard times, I was running at least once a day, no music, just focus on breathing and technique; I dumped alot of anger into the soles of my poor trainers!

The running has expanded into any physical exercise, swimming is great,  and cycling out into the countryside really clears and focuses the mind.

Mindfulness and meditation are also great tools for rebalancing my emotions.

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"Life is a traveling to the edge of knowledge, then a leap taken." ― D.H. Lawrence

Offline FinallyMichelle

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Re: positive coping methods
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2017, 11:26:25 am »
This will probably sound stupid, but I try to help someone else.
I guess that I feel that if I didn't have my focus turned inward so much the misery wouldn't be that bad.
I don't have family or children but I do have a retirement community and small part ot the hospital just for children that I volunteer at. My boyfriend, he calls it mothering, or anyone at all just to get me to stop thinking about myself for a while.

The other thing is cooking. It could be anything I suppose but I love cooking. Not cleaning though, even though I don't mind cleaning, I use cleaning when I am angry so...

Offline Toni

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Re: positive coping methods
« Reply #13 on: December 14, 2017, 09:03:39 am »
I have always tried to turn negative energy into positive energy by doing something useful and thereby stopping the self pity merry go round.  It is a habit, not an addiction, and has been a very important and helpful way I look at things for decades.  And yeah, Michelle, I too, at some of the times I feel the worst, find that doing something nice for someone else yields lots of good energy.  Toni

Offline Allison S

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Re: positive coping methods
« Reply #14 on: December 14, 2017, 11:50:02 am »
It's good to distract ourselves. People mentioned addictions but drinking alcohol and smoking isn't always just done by addicts. I was never a smoker and I don't smoke but I do like alcohol from time to time. So yeah at times alcohol is my distraction and escape. I never drink alone and enjoy the social part of it maybe once a week or every 2 weeks.

I find accomplishing things that I need helps me. Sometimes I take a while but when I finally get around to finishing something I feel okay.

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