Community Conversation > Significant Others talk

Terrifying issues with loving a spouse who is MTF

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Devlyn:
We also see plenty of topics about people who lose their sex drive, illustrating how we're all so very unique. The road to your answer is open and honest communication between you two. So says the lifelong single person!  ;D

Hugs, Devlyn

Saha:
As someone who has spent some time in couples therapy, and individual therapy, it is so helpful.  For Trans folk, I would think it even more important, given dysphoria.

Jessica:
Hi Twoman 44,  try not to believe that your spouse has all these traits you abhor.  Have you asked?  Susan’s is a place where you find answers that bring up other questions sometimes.  Not all topics apply to all.  Consider therapy together to sort out these fears that may have no basis at all.  It can be enlightening. Fear is the mind killer.

Jessica

Mariah:
Therapy for yourself along with couples therapy will be very helpful for you. I can totally relate to how your being affected by your spouses anxiety and depression. My spouse's depression and anxiety literally drain me to a point where I have to get some rest and space. Which gets me to another thought, you need to make sure you give yourself some time for yourself where your not being affected by the depression an anxiety your spouse is having. Every time my spouse mentions something that clearly shows their is some kind of interest in men and turning them on it just curdles my stomach while at the same time worries me that they will stray away from loving and being interested in me. It's why I try not to think about what they are thinking because it leads to all sorts of painful thoughts that I really don't want to think about. I'm not sure I would call it anxiety that I have in regards to it, but the thought of it definitely makes me feel uneasy at this point in regards to sex in the bedroom. I suppose when I think about it yeah there are aspects that make me anxious about it.

BrianaJ:
What others said - ask.  Talk about it openly.  Be very direct and don't be shy.  And consider that counseling.  Regardless of our gender or sexual orientation, we ALL have desires and fantasies that range from "OMG" to very tame.  Spend that energy you are using on stressing and use it for conversation with your spouse.  :-) 

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