Author Topic: So think I have decided to come out to immediate family Jan 1st.  (Read 345 times)

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Offline Pao

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So think I have decided to come out to immediate family Jan 1st.
« on: December 22, 2017, 10:47:51 pm »
So I think I am going to come out to my Family on January 1st. I am scared shitless. I am sure it is time, but...

My husband is supportive.

I have signs my family may be sorta trans accepting. My dad (a physician) has treated trans patients. My brother has had trans friends in the past. And I am hoping like crazy my mom will be understanding due to my long history of suicidal issues. But planning for the worst. I wish I had more money saved up. I rent from my dad, but I think we have enough safes for a first and last months rent if shit goes pearshaped.

I bought my nephew this book for Christmas: https://books.google.com/books/about/Red.html?id=SRDioAEACAAJ&hl=en

I am thinking of coming out in an email and have several other books and a ted talk I am going to give my family on the first. My family tend to be readers.

I'd love anyone that has any reassuring words, or suggestions on letters or pamphlets.

I don't care what religion or absence of you have, but good prayers, spells, rituals, thoughts etc you feel you can spare would be flipping awesome.

Offline MeTony

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Re: So think I have decided to come out to immediate family Jan 1st.
« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2017, 01:07:05 am »
Good luck Pao.

It is scary as hell. I know. But it gets easier every time you do it.

Someone on here told me it’s like skydiving. First times you have poop in your pants but then it gets easier and not as terrifying.

I was scared telling my not-gay-husband since 19 years. He said ”Do you still love me? Good. Then we go from here.” He did not kick me out. He did not hate me. We will still be best friends.

Miracles do happen.

If telling your family by books feels right, it’s the right way for you. Everyone is different. I tell people face by face.



Tony

Offline LJH24

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Re: So think I have decided to come out to immediate family Jan 1st.
« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2017, 01:14:58 am »
Good luck, Pao. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Offline Pao

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Re: So think I have decided to come out to immediate family Jan 1st.
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2017, 04:35:57 am »
Thanks for the replies.

If I will tell some of them face to face, it largely depends on if they are in town and I can get together with them. The books are resources for them to hopefully get us all on the same page. I have heard the comment that 'Trans people need help, not transition" from my SiL. I need to let them know in a non-confrontational way that this is what is recommended by mental health professionals. Also I need to tell them separately but as close together as possible, because I am unsure they will not tell each other before I get a chance even if I ask.

I am slightly bummed out, because I asked my brother about his former band mate that is trans and he ignored the text.

I spent the night at their house yesterday/today. It has me nearly chickening out. I am currently curled up in bed with my niece and nephew. I held my other niece for hours while she slept yesterday evening. I love these kids so much. I am so afraid they will take them away from me.

On a slightly funnier note, my brother made a joke about me being my husbands "beard". 

Offline Pao

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Re: So think I have decided to come out to family Jan 1st. Update
« Reply #4 on: January 03, 2018, 01:15:28 pm »
So I came out to my mom a little before the first. I made another post about it.

I came out to my brother and sister-in-law via text. I know it isn't ideal, but my mom said they had spoken about it before, and I figured I didn't need to launch into a huge thing. Well it turns out I got the opposite reactions to what I thought would happen. My brother said that unless I was willing to wait for 10 years 'until all his kids were past (his idea of when) gender is finished developing' than I can't be around his kids. And my SIL thinks he is wrong.

He did however continue talking with me via text. He told me he loves me. He at least tried to understand and take into account what I said. He is at the point now where he will allow me to be around the kids,  but I can't tell them what is going on. He said if the ask he will tell them "Aunt Polli takes a medicine that makes her grow facial hair and get a deep voice." I can't say I think this is the wisest  course of action, but it is improvement.

I have not told my dad yet. My plan is to send him an email. After seeing how my mom seemed to be battling her reaction, when I told her face to face. I feel like it is important to give others the time and space to react without me being right there. My dad is a physician and I am going to try to be as clinical and rational as I can inorder to hopefully put him in that mindset over a purely emotional one. I am pretty scared about this one.

The problem with the email thing is that I don't currently have email access. I could try to write it through my phone like I do these posts, but I just don't think they can do it justice.

Tags: ftm coming out