Author Topic: The Rambles of Shambles  (Read 1573 times)

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Online Jessica

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Re: The Rambles of Shambles
« Reply #80 on: January 16, 2018, 08:43:56 am »
Hi Joanne 🙋‍♀️ After 6 months of HT I still am on a roller coaster and still experience denial for fleeting moments.  I just keep putting one foot forward and continue, knowing that my goal is for a fulfilled self.
Laurie is correct that showing your wife she is important to you can help in saving your relationship.  It doesn’t work every time, but it did for me.

 Good luck and hugs, Jessica 💁‍♀️

Wherever you go....there you are!

Offline Shambles

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Re: The Rambles of Shambles
« Reply #81 on: January 16, 2018, 09:04:02 am »
That's great, what a huge percentage.  Are you near your goal now?

Bari Jo

Im about 20- 25% of the way there. I might be a bit too ambitous with the goal but want to loose a total of 8 to 10 stone
- Jo / Joanne

 16th Nov 17 - Came out to myself
 7th Jan 18 - Came out to wife

Offline Shambles

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Re: The Rambles of Shambles
« Reply #82 on: January 16, 2018, 09:07:21 am »
Hi Joanne,
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings.  I am going through a very similar stage and the denial is really kicking in with me and I had exactly the same thoughts as you posted so you are not alone and I'm sure there are others.  I have to have 'that' conversation with my wife tonight and tell her everything.  I don't know if our marriages can survive this but it seems that if we bottle everything up and try to supress it, it will come back even stronger next time until the demons are faced head on. 
I thought just today that life would be so much easier as 'dave' (not my male name either) then I got really angry for about half an hour trying to be 'dave'.  It's such an emotional rollercoaster that it makes your head spin.

Vicky xx

Good luck my friend, i dont know how this wil go but for me i knew if we have any chance of staying together i need to be honest and tell her, no matter how hard that is. It might not be a good day for you but keep your chin up, know your doing the right thing and be understanding. Itll be all new to her.

All the best xx
- Jo / Joanne

 16th Nov 17 - Came out to myself
 7th Jan 18 - Came out to wife

Offline VickyS

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Re: The Rambles of Shambles
« Reply #83 on: January 16, 2018, 10:52:09 am »
Best wishes for tonight, Vicky.
Thank you Stephanie. xx

Good luck my friend, i dont know how this wil go but for me i knew if we have any chance of staying together i need to be honest and tell her, no matter how hard that is. It might not be a good day for you but keep your chin up, know your doing the right thing and be understanding. Itll be all new to her.
All the best xx

Hi again Joanne,
You are absolutely right.  Honesty is the best policy.  When I read your posts my heart sank when you said it did not go well and you were hiding under the duvet!  That and when your wife flat refused some of your efforts to become more feminine.  You will get there because I think you are determined when you put your mind to it as can be seen with your amazing weight loss!  I'm very impressed.   ;D ;D
Vicky xx

Offline Shambles

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Re: The Rambles of Shambles
« Reply #84 on: January 17, 2018, 05:37:44 am »
Its ramble time!

Its not nice how all i can think about now is things to do with transitioning, i over think everything anyway but this is on another level, for instance you should never think - if you could donate one or both of your balls to someone who couldnt have kids, when they do have kids whos the dad? Me or him??.

I keep wearing a jacket with a hood so i can cover my head, touch it as if it was hair. No one has caught on yet.
Sneaking some of wifes bodt spray but she cant tell as it smells the same as her

Ive definatly got more vocal around singing when on my own.

Thinking about the differences of transitioning with a so around or on own. If with an So then might not allow self to develop fully? Might still hold some of dave in place.


Starting to feel a bit trapped in the situation.. but hay ho!

Hopefully can loose another 14 pounds before the weather getts better, might try getting into running after work but its too cold for that atm

Looking through the threads where people post there before and after pics and the one with the swimsuits is very inspiring, it deffinatly turns some internal negitives into positives.

Peace x x
- Jo / Joanne

 16th Nov 17 - Came out to myself
 7th Jan 18 - Came out to wife

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Re: The Rambles of Shambles
« Reply #85 on: January 17, 2018, 09:46:45 am »
The girls in the swimsuit one have me beyond jealous. ;D
- Ellie

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12/17/17 through 1/1/18 - Out to essentially all family!

Look what I found! https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/life ... Sorry, that was stupid, even for me.


Offline Shambles

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Re: The Rambles of Shambles
« Reply #86 on: January 18, 2018, 01:16:05 pm »
I know ellie right ! :D

So ive got a plan, in my head its well thought out and allows wife to have more time while having the effect of not being so trapped for me. Would like another opinion though as this could be important. Bit of background wife dont want me chaning any more than already have at this point ie shaving, prrsonallity and a couple of other things. Shes scared that shes going to walk in on me in womans clothes or ill go get a wig etc.

What if i purpose that i wont do anything for 2 months? I wont bring anything up unless its brought up by hemarrage. Its the same time ive had since i came out to myself.

I figure it will give her time to come to terms, show its not just a phase. Or on the other hand its 2 months to say goodbye and leave on good terms.

Basically if i still feel the same and she wants to be with me fantastic but otherwise split on good terms. I want to save / keep the marrage but i cant be left hanging for years. Itll allow me to see a way foward and give her time. I can wait a few months but dont want to leave it any longer than that.

Last thing i want to do is give an altermatum but its a rubbish situation for all and might bring some clarity to both of us.

Is this a good idea????
- Jo / Joanne

 16th Nov 17 - Came out to myself
 7th Jan 18 - Came out to wife

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Re: The Rambles of Shambles
« Reply #87 on: January 18, 2018, 01:59:41 pm »
I wish I had good answers or experience with marriage, but if nothing else I will say without hesitation giving her some time is definitely a good move. Though it id occur to me that not bringing it up at all may also not force her to confront it. Doesn't do any good unfortunately if she spends the two months not actually dealing with the issue, and I think we all know long denial can lead us on. You know your wife better than anyone though, so I think mostly just trusting your judgment is the important thing.
- Ellie

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12/17/17 through 1/1/18 - Out to essentially all family!

Look what I found! https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/life ... Sorry, that was stupid, even for me.


Offline Shambles

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Re: The Rambles of Shambles
« Reply #88 on: January 20, 2018, 07:39:05 am »
Plans off. Been asking some leading questions the last few days testing the water but its clear now that soon we'll have to have a talk and ill have to choose. Marrage and kids or trans. I know ill always have access to kids but wont see them every day. Its not a desision i want to make but its not a choice at all. Its just a loney time while i find myself. I either need support or space and she wont support this at all.

I know we dont choose to be like this, its who we are. Its a do or die thing but i keep trying to say i choose to do this, i choose to do that as it feels like im more in control than i really am i suppose. If i say to myself i need to do this, you must do that then theres no control there even though its the same thing with the same outcome. Alteast this way theres an illusion of control.

I think i need to choose to end the marrage and i think that choice is sooner than i might realise.


Ive been holding back since opening up to her and at this level she can tollerate it, the thing is i cant. In her words i married the shy intelligent dave. But she cant be with me if im not, well just not. Dave is just a front to my soul, thats not who i am.

Would i take the blue pill right now, i dont know but its temping. However tempting that is ive got the red pill in one hand and a glass of water in the other.
- Jo / Joanne

 16th Nov 17 - Came out to myself
 7th Jan 18 - Came out to wife

Offline Bari Jo

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Re: The Rambles of Shambles
« Reply #89 on: January 20, 2018, 07:49:01 am »
Relationships are very hard.  I think it might be good to go to therapy together.  At least she will get a better idea about being trans isn't something we choose.  I wish the best for you.

Bari Jo
My Avatar is from faceapp.  I believe this can be achieved based on my starting point, and it's pretty.  It's a guide for the girl I feel I am inside.

11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different

Offline Shambles

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Re: The Rambles of Shambles
« Reply #90 on: January 20, 2018, 08:01:20 am »
Relationships are very hard.  I think it might be good to go to therapy together.  At least she will get a better idea about being trans isn't something we choose.  I wish the best for you.

Bari Jo

Thanks bari, therapy wouldnt work. Its more fundermental for her, its just a its not going to happen viewpoint
- Jo / Joanne

 16th Nov 17 - Came out to myself
 7th Jan 18 - Came out to wife

Offline krobinson103

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Re: The Rambles of Shambles
« Reply #91 on: January 20, 2018, 01:59:54 pm »
My wife is a bit more accepting, but that's because I gave her no choice. At some point HRT won't be enough and I'll get an orchie so I don't need to be on Spiro. At that point I suspect the marriage will be over. As much as I want to keep it going, I can't be happy living as a man or gender neutral and my wife has made it clear She won't stay married to a Women. I suppose we have 1-2 years more before the changes are too much for her.

Its sad that it comes down to choices like this, but I think at the end of the day we have to choose the path that in the long run has the better outcome. Hopefully your wife will come around given more time.
Where am I going today? I don't 100% know. Will I enjoy the ride there? Absolutely.

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