Author Topic: feeling stuck  (Read 426 times)

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Offline bexxyab

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feeling stuck
« on: January 02, 2018, 05:17:24 pm »
Hi all,
Don't know if anyone else has felt like this before but I just feel stuck in terms of my transition, like I have got so far but can't move on. I dress in androgynous female clothes and go by Rebecca at work and socially but just feel stuck, I feel like I want to keep going, start wearing makeup, dressing more openly and continuing my journey but I can't seem to get the traction to move on, anyone else felt like this and if so how did you move on and continue on your journey.
Thanks to all of you in advance.
Rebecca

Online KathyLauren

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Re: feeling stuck
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2018, 05:38:25 pm »
If you want to move on, then something is stopping you.  Any idea what it is?  Is it the sheer volume of stuff you have to do to transition?  Because the way to tackle that is one step at a time.  A 1000 mile walk sounds impossible, but it really is just one step at a time (repeat).

Or is there some aspect of the transition that you feel you are not ready for?  If that is too hard to identify, break it down to steps again.  First step: what's preventing you from doing that?  Nothing?  Well then, second step: what's preventing you from doing that?  Sooner or later, you'll figure out what it is that's blocking you and then you can tackle it.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly, beginning full-time; 2017-07-10 Legal name change

Online Megan.

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Re: feeling stuck
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2018, 05:41:07 pm »
Hi Rebecca,

Is it your own motivation that you feel is preventing moving further with things, or an external factor?

If the former maybe you've just reached a pause in your journey while you take stock of changes to-date,  and rebuild energy to make another move forward if and when ready.

There is already a load of info on the site for physical/medical changes that can be made.
Socially integrating with female groups and communities may also help you settle into the female role and find comfort.

Good luck! X

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Offline josie76

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Re: feeling stuck
« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2018, 05:43:40 pm »
It helps to have some trans friends or a group to go to that you can meet others at. This site is great for support but long distance and text makes building friendships hard. For me anyway, being able to go to a group support makes these steps so much easier. Others who feel similar and are moving their lives in a similar direction. I find the sort of understanding and real friendship that we need for socialization.
04/26/2018 bi-lateral orchiectomy

A lifetime of depression and repressed emotions is nothing more than existence. I for one want to live now not just exist!




Offline bexxyab

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Re: feeling stuck
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2018, 05:49:22 pm »
I think what is stopping me is I feel like at the moment I am at a pivoting point and I think my fear is that I will mess up or make a mistake,also I  think my living circumstances, small town with parents who are mildly supportive but still refuse to use my name and keep enforcing the word son every second sentence is holding me back as well. Thanks for the advice of breaking it down that has helped. Also going to GIC on the tenth so might be able to find a group from their, I do feel like finding a group would help a lot, thanks for the advice:)

Offline Yakayla

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Re: feeling stuck
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2018, 06:06:04 pm »
For me, things became much easier to do everything by becoming the center of attention. I used to get embarrassed easily. But the more afraid I felt about doing something, the more I knew I had to do it. It's all about taking baby steps. Just do once thing to feminize yourself a little more each day. If it takes you awhile to get used to the idea of wearing makeup. You don't have to go all out and wear eye shadow, lipstick, blush. Just pick something small that's not very noticeable. Like girlier perfume or scented chap stick or nail polish that has a very soft color or light amount of mascara. Once you get comfy wearing that, move onto adding something else. Most people don't really notice a difference when you wear girls jeans. Move onto a more vibrant color shirts or something that's a little shear. Wear a bracelet only meant for woman. There are a ton of different things that you can do. And even if it's not something people can't normally see, just knowing it's there and your in public can help build up your confidence tremendously. I went from never being able to sing in front of a single person. To being able to sing at the top of my lungs for all my coworkers as I dance around and wearing makeup. Only reason I don't wear girlier clothes right now is that I can't afford them.
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Offline Tamika Olivia

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Re: feeling stuck
« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2018, 06:42:29 pm »
I think what is stopping me is I feel like at the moment I am at a pivoting point and I think my fear is that I will mess up or make a mistake,also I  think my living circumstances, small town with parents who are mildly supportive but still refuse to use my name and keep enforcing the word son every second sentence is holding me back as well. Thanks for the advice of breaking it down that has helped. Also going to GIC on the tenth so might be able to find a group from their, I do feel like finding a group would help a lot, thanks for the advice:)
That doesn't sound even mildly supportive. It sounds obstructive and dismissive. I'm not sure what your living situation is, but if you can, try to set boundaries around your name and other gendered terms with your parents. And create distance if those boundaries are violated.

Transition is difficult, and having people who claim to be supportive, but who actually undermine, can be a real spoke in the wheel.

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Offline linda troung vu

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Re: feeling stuck
« Reply #7 on: January 02, 2018, 08:18:19 pm »
Yes girls I am feeling stuck with trying to look a little bit more feminine each day i just wanted to explode inside my head and  really wanted to wearing female clothes full-time but it's going to destroy my family and friends and my work so I just have to be happy with what I can do like wearing female undies and nail polish on my feet and wearing a bra every day. I would love to increase my female side a lot more but as I mentioned before that it would cause problems for me. wishing I could find a way to be able to go full time as a female and never have to wear male clothes anymore.

Offline krobinson103

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Re: feeling stuck
« Reply #8 on: January 03, 2018, 12:02:39 am »
Yes girls I am feeling stuck with trying to look a little bit more feminine each day i just wanted to explode inside my head and  really wanted to wearing female clothes full-time but it's going to destroy my family and friends and my work so I just have to be happy with what I can do like wearing female undies and nail polish on my feet and wearing a bra every day. I would love to increase my female side a lot more but as I mentioned before that it would cause problems for me. wishing I could find a way to be able to go full time as a female and never have to wear male clothes anymore.

I can relate to that. Kinda stuck at the bright colours, skinny jeans, subtle makeup stage due to wife being a bit of a barrier. I think its a matter of deciding what is more important, relationships with unsupportive people, or your inner goals. I've slowed up the clothes etc to make her a bit happier, but I won't hide anything or slow down the physical changes. Even that seems a bit much for her, but the alternative is a return to inner conflict. Even this pace chaffs...
Where am I going today? I don't 100% know. Will I enjoy the ride there? Absolutely.

Offline CarlyMcx

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Re: feeling stuck
« Reply #9 on: January 03, 2018, 02:27:35 am »
Hi Rebecca!

First, try to find a support group in your area.  Even if you have to drive some distance and can only go once every few months, it makes a difference.

Second, make a trip to the nearest large city and go to MAC or Sephora or Ulta and ask one of the SA’s to show you how to do your makeup.

Third, get your ears pierced.

Fourth, get some necklaces or bracelets or feminine watches that resonate with you.  I always feel better and more feminine when I wear jewelry.

Hugs, Carly.

Offline jessica95

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Re: feeling stuck
« Reply #10 on: January 03, 2018, 03:28:30 am »
Hi all,
Don't know if anyone else has felt like this before but I just feel stuck in terms of my transition, like I have got so far but can't move on. I dress in androgynous female clothes and go by Rebecca at work and socially but just feel stuck, I feel like I want to keep going, start wearing makeup, dressing more openly and continuing my journey but I can't seem to get the traction to move on, anyone else felt like this and if so how did you move on and continue on your journey.
Thanks to all of you in advance.
Rebecca
I am having the opposite effect, i am transitioning more and more, i know for example come out more with longer nails recentely. (always wanted to) Dont give up, but the people here have given you the best answers imaginable !

Offline bexxyab

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Re: feeling stuck
« Reply #11 on: January 03, 2018, 11:40:26 am »
Hi thanks you all so much for all the advice, really helping me to build up that confidence to take that next step, now starting to break it down into baby steps, and yes does not seem that supportive but I am on apprentice wages so can't leave so it is better than before where I felt I was going to get kicked out so I am working on them to be more supportive but having to do baby steps to avoid being booted onto the street. Have got a little store in my town which shoud be nice and discreet and allow me to learn the 101's. I wish all of you going through this process the best of luck and hope you manage to get the traction to move on too  :)

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