Author Topic: A day of mixed emotions  (Read 390 times)

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Offline 2.B.Dana

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A day of mixed emotions
« on: January 15, 2018, 12:22:45 pm »
I have not posted about myself in a long time. Much has been happening but it seems to be a duplication of so many other posts, why bother. Today I need to share though. So many times we read that transition is hard. I have been corresponding with a dear sister I met here about how that term can be taken so many ways.

I came out to my wife 11 month ago. We spent many months trying to find a way to stay together but over time it became clear to both of us that we needed to be apart in order to be healthy. My downward spiral has lasted years and it took a toll on us along with my wife's chronic illnesses. We support each other and remain the dearest of friends and still parent our youngest who is 14 but the time had come.

We cannot really move on until our little farm sells but I needed to be out in order to start RLE. About a month ago I bought a little trailer in a park and began the slow move to make it my new home. Yesterday I packed my final load in my truck and drove away from my wife and daughter as my heart broke into pieces. That experience has definitely made the hard list. After many years in the country to be back in the city made last night quite an experience. On top of that a foot of snow fell over night and I felt terrible leaving my family to handle that on their first day.

What I had looked forward to, being on my own, had a profound loneliness to it this morning. So much unpacking and set up yet to do and I am just mush in my head. After some appliance deliveries tomorrow its full time moving forward. One year from today is my scheduled SRS with Dr. Suporn. Lots of ground to cover before that can happen though.

I am self employed and am only out to my largest customer at the moment. They are notifying their employees today of my transition. A big step for me. I do have fear that other customers may not want to deal with me. This main one is staying with me, at least that is their initial intention. As they said, my skill set hasn't changed so they see no need to change their vendor.

This week still has more "firsts" within it but those will be for other posts I'm sure. Still gathering the gumption to make it all come to pass though.


Offline HappyMoni

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Re: A day of mixed emotions
« Reply #1 on: January 15, 2018, 02:34:51 pm »
Hi Dana,
   Wow, the logic of what you must do comes easier than the emotional cost of doing it.  I can only imagine how hard it is that first day of separation. I'm sorry you have to go through that pain. I know it isn't much consultation but time will help. You are in that place between the old reality ending and the new life beginning. Stay busy if you can until you have a chance to mentally adjust. Hugs to you.
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