Author Topic: Jess’s mess  (Read 32573 times)

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Offline Jessica

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Jess’s mess
« on: January 15, 2018, 09:25:05 pm »
Hi friends 🙋‍♀️  It’s been suggested that I start a thread to chronicle my transition on my gender fluid road that I’m on. 
It’s been 6 months since I’ve started HT, but it’s been 44 years since wondering who I am.  My desire to have a more feminine demeanor and appearance has kept me going through mental ups and downs.  Support from many friends here at Susan’s has been an unmeasurable help, just from having their views of their experiences to reflect on.
There has been mental and physical changes I’ve experienced.  Nothing that is so dramatic that it has changed who I am.  I have lived my life knowing that some of my mannerisms are not what typical males do, but I never really cared.  So the mental change is more of not caring and just feel more at ease.  The physical changes are an 1” of breast and hip dimensions each.  My boobs are starting to show, but I’m not very concerned about it.  The hips (butt) really doesn’t show much.
Recently, after doubling my dosage, I’ve experienced more ups and downs with my fluid nature.  I have never hated my male self, but I am more on the female end of the spectrum.  So I am still on the road to becoming who I am.

Thanks for listening, love you all, Jessica 💁‍♀️

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Offline Laurie

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #1 on: January 15, 2018, 09:34:25 pm »
Hi Jess,

  Well! It's about time little sister. I thought I was going to have to come down that way to personally slap you up the side of the head. I know you are in the bay area and I have lived down that way so I also know you are not that far from Michelle's. So I can do that you know.... There will be a visit with Michelle and we damn well better get together then too. I'm going to be counting the numbers of slap I need to deliver to you.
  Anyway girl, we may have started out a little rough but our friendship is still growing. I am glad you started this saga and look forward to reading of your journey's adventures.

((Hugs)),
   Laurie
Hi, I'm Laurie

“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,

May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone




Offline Jessica

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2018, 09:53:05 pm »
Thank you Laurie.  If it wasn’t for you and a number of other girls here, it wouldn’t have been as easy.  As if easy is a term we can put to it.  I don’t think of our start rough at all, but that little dust up of mine got us closer didn’t it!  I think when you visit Michelle, it would be nice to meet face to face.  Hopefully Michelle will be up to me being there though.

Smiles and hugs, Jess

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Offline Laurie

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #3 on: January 15, 2018, 09:54:59 pm »
Who are you calling a hag, girl?  (That's one)
Hi, I'm Laurie

“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,

May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone




Offline Jessica

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #4 on: January 15, 2018, 09:56:18 pm »
Who are you calling a hag, girl?  (That's one)

I fixed that typo, damn autocorrect

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Offline tgirlamg

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #5 on: January 15, 2018, 10:28:01 pm »
Hey Jessica!!!

🎉🎉🎉🍾Congrats and Kudos for the launch of your thread!!!🍾🎉🎉🎉... I am jumping on board so I can have bragging rights when they make the thread based movie, and I can say I got in on the ground floor!!!

Onward we go my friend!!!

Yer Sista'😀❤️🌻

PS... When they make the movie, I would like Nicole Kidman to play me 💁
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” ... Ralph Waldo Emerson 🌸

“The individual has always had to struggle from being overwhelmed by the tribe... But, no price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself” ... Rudyard Kipling 🌸

Let go of the things that no longer serve you... Let go of the pretense of the false persona, it is not you... Let go of the armor that you have worn for a lifetime, to serve the expectations of others and, to protect the woman inside... She needs protection no longer.... She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know... Let her prove that to you....Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face.... amg🌸
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,210798.1520.html

Offline Jessica

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #6 on: January 15, 2018, 11:14:06 pm »
Hey Jessica!!!

🎉🎉🎉🍾Congrats and Kudos for the launch of your thread!!!🍾🎉🎉🎉... I am jumping on board so I can have bragging rights when they make the thread based movie, and I can say I got in on the ground floor!!!

Onward we go my friend!!!

Yer Sista'😀❤️🌻

PS... When they make the movie, I would like Nicole Kidman to play me 💁

Sounds like fun Ashley!  Nicole would do you justice!  Too bad Inger Stevens (The Farmer’s Daughter), has passed.  She was the first female I viewed as akin to myself and I would love her to be me.  Would Laurie be “Sweet Sue” (Beanstalk!) from “Some like it Hot”?  But of course we can’t time travel. 

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Offline tgirlamg

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #7 on: January 15, 2018, 11:57:44 pm »
Sounds like fun Ashley!  Nicole would do you justice!  Too bad Inger Stevens (The Farmer’s Daughter), has passed.  She was the first female I viewed as akin to myself and I would love her to be me.  Would Laurie be “Sweet Sue” (Beanstalk!) from “Some like it Hot”?  But of course we can’t time travel.

If we go all time machine on this deal, I may need Brigitte Bardot or maybe even Barbara Eden in the role....😀
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” ... Ralph Waldo Emerson 🌸

“The individual has always had to struggle from being overwhelmed by the tribe... But, no price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself” ... Rudyard Kipling 🌸

Let go of the things that no longer serve you... Let go of the pretense of the false persona, it is not you... Let go of the armor that you have worn for a lifetime, to serve the expectations of others and, to protect the woman inside... She needs protection no longer.... She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know... Let her prove that to you....Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face.... amg🌸
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,210798.1520.html

Offline Jessica

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #8 on: January 16, 2018, 09:09:16 am »
Hi girls 🙋‍♀️  I am writing this thread to highlight events during my transition.  While at Susan’s there have been periodic highlights, waiting 5 weeks to be welcomed was actually a lowlight, but it showed me how important the first greeting can be.  One of my highlights has been asked to be an official greeter here and I just noticed I have that title under my name.  I don’t go looking for props, but it does make me feel cared for.

Smiles, Jessica 💁‍♀️

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Offline Julia1996

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #9 on: January 16, 2018, 12:17:30 pm »
Talking to people here has been a huge help for me too. Some people think because I transitioned young and have good support from my family, that I don't or shouldn't have any problems. That's totally not true at all. I look forward to following your thread.😊
Julia


Born 1998
Started hrt 2015
SRS done 5/21/2018

Offline Jessica

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #10 on: January 17, 2018, 08:23:29 am »
Another highlight I’ve had was achieving, through FaceApp, an avatar that looks so like me it made me cry.  I know others haven’t had success with that app, but it worked for me.  It does have a lot to do with the original picture.  With me it showed I only needed fat redistribution in my cheeks.

Smiles, Jessica

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Offline HappyMoni

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #11 on: January 17, 2018, 08:40:10 am »
Jess,
   You waited 5 weeks to be welcomed? I don't understand. Well, I'll welcome you now if that's okay? I might even go as far as to greet you, not officially, of course. You got to be someone special to be official you know. I will now duck and cover like we did back in school since Laurie will probably come after me and tell you I need to be caught with a butterfly net. (How appropriate that would be.) Anyway, congrats on the thread.
Monica
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A

]

Offline tgirlamg

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #12 on: January 17, 2018, 10:29:15 am »
Jess,
   You waited 5 weeks to be welcomed? I don't understand. Well, I'll welcome you now if that's okay? I might even go as far as to greet you, not officially, of course. You got to be someone special to be official you know. I will now duck and cover like we did back in school since Laurie will probably come after me and tell you I need to be caught with a butterfly net. (How appropriate that would be.) Anyway, congrats on the thread.
Monica

Moni...

I am glad you recognize that “official” greeting is something best left to the licensed, well seasoned professional.... I have born grim witness to the devastation that can occur when amateurs think they can wing it” because their mother always told them they were talented and maybe they could be an official greeter some day... Not only is it not a pretty sight but, it is also the 3rd most common cause of death in Ecuador right after llama trampling...

After the “5 weeks” incident... Jessica had a dream that no one else would ever go officially ungreeted!

Jessica studied long and hard to get where she is... Not just graduating greeting school but graduating first in her class without her parents paying for a new wing on the administration building... She did it with guts and determination!  On the heels of the years of long study came the post grad work... the internships... the residency program... the list goes on

I, for one, will sleep better with the knowledge we have a professional at the helm!


Jessica... I officially welcome you to the position of official greeter!!!

(I hope I don’t get in trouble for welcoming without a license but my mother always said I had a talent for welcoming)

Hugs!!!

A 😀❤️🌻




“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” ... Ralph Waldo Emerson 🌸

“The individual has always had to struggle from being overwhelmed by the tribe... But, no price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself” ... Rudyard Kipling 🌸

Let go of the things that no longer serve you... Let go of the pretense of the false persona, it is not you... Let go of the armor that you have worn for a lifetime, to serve the expectations of others and, to protect the woman inside... She needs protection no longer.... She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know... Let her prove that to you....Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face.... amg🌸
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,210798.1520.html

Offline Jessica

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #13 on: January 17, 2018, 10:35:13 am »
Moni...

I am glad you recognize that “official” greeting is something best left to the licensed, well seasoned professional.... I have born grim witness to the devastation that can occur when amateurs think they can wing it” because their mother always told them they were talented and maybe they could be an official greeter some day... Not only is it not a pretty sight but, it is also the 3rd most common cause of death in Ecuador right after llama trampling...

After the “5 weeks” incident... Jessica had a dream that no one else would ever go officially ungreeted!

Jessica studied long and hard to get where she is... Not just graduating greeting school but graduating first in her class without her parents paying for a new wing on the administration building... She did it with guts and determination!  On the heels of the years of long study came the post grad work... the internships... the residency program... the list goes on

I, for one will sleep better with the knowledge we have a professional at the helm!


Jessica... I officially welcome you to the position of official greeter!!!

(I hope I don’t get in trouble for welcoming without a license but my mother always said I had a talent for welcoming)

Hugs!!!

A 😀❤️🌻

Ashley thank you for the welcome!  You made me smile, and for sure with a number of giggles.
If you need tutelage, I recommend Professor Laurie.  She is aces!  Special shout out to Devlyn, Cindy, Mariah and Dena for tech support, and of course Susan!

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Offline Bari Jo

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #14 on: January 17, 2018, 07:57:03 pm »
If we go all time machine on this deal, I may need Brigitte Bardot or maybe even Barbara Eden in the role....😀

If we go all time machine, I say get Frances farmer.  She got the raw deal from Hollywood and for some reason I've always been fascinated by her.

Welcome back Jessica!

Bari Jo
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different

Offline Jessica

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #15 on: January 17, 2018, 08:10:49 pm »
Jess,
   You waited 5 weeks to be welcomed? I don't understand. Well, I'll welcome you now if that's okay? I might even go as far as to greet you, not officially, of course. You got to be someone special to be official you know. I will now duck and cover like we did back in school since Laurie will probably come after me and tell you I need to be caught with a butterfly net. (How appropriate that would be.) Anyway, congrats on the thread.
Monica

Honestly Monica, I didn’t feel put out at all.  I didn’t even realize I should have been greeted.  Afterwards I did make sure any newbie I came across I would say hi and welcome.  I recognized that when you are new and greeted warmly, you feel that you are cared for in a situation where you are the most vulnerable.  By the way, Laurie is my big sister.

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Offline JulieOnHerWay

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #16 on: January 17, 2018, 08:49:10 pm »
How BIG is she???

Offline Jessica

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #17 on: January 17, 2018, 09:02:58 pm »
How BIG is she???

Don’t mess with her “big”!  And she can give you such a pinch!

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Offline Jessica

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #18 on: January 20, 2018, 11:15:43 pm »
Hi friends 🙋‍♀️ I have increasingly become more comfortable in my transition.  I was once afraid of who I would become.  I was afraid that I would never feel natural as a woman.  That I could never have the thought process or the movements that projects femininity or pass 100%.  There are some dear sisters here that have encouraged me on my path.  Who have given advice on how to do the hard things and making it be easy.  I’ve been hard nosed in thinking I could never dress and be a woman in public unless I could pass.  I’ve been convinced to abandon that thought and embrace a day with girlfriends and feel the freedom.  I am so looking forward to it.

The happiness brings tears to my eyes, Jessica 💁‍♀️

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Offline Laurie

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Re: Jess’s mess
« Reply #19 on: January 20, 2018, 11:29:16 pm »
Hi Lil' Sis,

  That day is going to come. You can count on it, for Laurie has spoken! I am sure you will enjoy your time spent socializing with a couple other girls like yourself. If you are like me you will not even worry about being out in public and once you are with them you will not even think of being uncomfortable. You will just be one of the girls and that is all that will count. Trust me, I've been there about 9 times and went full time as a result. It is great to not worry about it all the time. Granted there are some situations that I still lack confidence but only a few. If I can do it you can too.

Hugs,
   Laurie
Hi, I'm Laurie

“Sit with me, and I'll not be alone. Hold my hand, and I'll not feel alone. Cry with me, and I'll no longer suffer alone.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich,

May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone